Alone

[Eriana]

Have you ever felt like your really sad about something but you don't know why? I've been having that problem lately. I don't want to sound like I'm pouting but sometimes I feel like I'm just not good enough for myself or anybody else. My family is great but I sometimes just feel like curling into a ball and sobbing. I know its sounds exaggerative but sometimes I just can't help but feel this sort of pain. My parents often tell me it's because my age and hormones reaking havoc on my emotions but sometimes I feel like that's not the case, that something deeper is just underneath the surface. I don't know why I just feel so isolated, I feel like I cannot do anything right for God or for my family, I know that depression runs from my mom's side of the family and that maybe I also have that, but isn't being a teenager, juggling hormones and trying to be the best Christian I can enough without the constant torchure of depressed feelings.
I usually don't like talking about this because I feel like a crybaby when I do but I've reached the end of my rope.
Does anybody know how to cure this? Please.
I would never commit Harikari (suicide) but it makes me so mad and sad when I feel like God might be trying to tell me something and I just can't understand Him. Sometimes I feel like I'm miles away from everyone and that maybe it's for the better, and sometimes I feel like People think I'm more like a boy than a girl which also really hurts.
Am I inflicting my own wounds or these feelings really as damaging as they feel? Please help, I really need help on this.

[Yahshua]

Ah my dear Eriana as a fellow brother in Christ I can only say this you have nothing to prove to God that you are a good child of God. For God already knew your heart and desire. As for the depression ah just trust God our Heavenly Father and knows that he is always there to helps you through it. As always look up in His wonderful face. And May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of Heavenly Father, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit always be with you Eriana. So just give yourself to the Heavenly Father. And don't worry.
PS it is about to be 1 AM United States Pacific Standard Timezone so if I have anything to add I will add it again Eriana.

[Eriana]

I've already excepted Him into my heart and was baptised in His name, but sometimes I feel as though I've done something wrong because it seems like God doesn't want to speak to me anymore. I realize some of this could be more of an attack from Satan, but I've tried praying about it and I'm not sure what the Lord's saying. I appreciate your kind words more than I think you know Yahshua, but I feel like I give all the things I don't want to give up and my heart just continues to bleed waterfalls of blood and hurt. There is only so much that the human mind can take, and I realize that's why I have God here, so He can help me through my most difficult times and protect me from my enemies. The Lord has always wanted for His children to come to Him and to talk to Him instead of breaking prayer with I "I want this and I want that" I feel like my efforts are not really appreciated at all, that I'm just there for the ovasion of others. I love and cheer for them but whenever I turn they stab me in the back, and rip out my heart. I've always wanted friends, to be accepted as a good person and I've always wanted Yeshua to smile down upon me and love me. I know deep down that He does love me, more than words can say, but I feel like sometimes I'm just breaking Him instead of loving Him. I want to be wise, to have a clear and wonderful understanding of God, but I feel like I will never become what my heart truly desires. I feel like my head is up in the clouds and that I'm trying to run and get close to Him, but as I run, He just disappears more. I've never really had friends, all the people I've considered to be my friends have betrayed me and never liked me, only used me. It hurts me, I don't blame it on God but rather myself for being so blind to not see the truth. Afterall I have no right to blame others when I am truly in some ways a blemished lamb. I should not judge them but rather have the Father judge them for their sins and good deeds.I feel an emptiness that allows me no comfort, God is there but I cannot tell if He is telling me to do something or to stop doing something. Sometimes I wonder if He is screaming for me but I just am not hearing Him because I'm so focused on being selfish and jealous. I probably sound like a great Christian, but to tell you the absolute truth I know that all I've ever wanted was for me and the Lord to be with me no matter where I go. I hear amazing stories and wonder if I'll ever have one. I already have, but then why am I feeling so down and hurt? I've prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed about but feel like my brain is turning red and blue for no answers. Maybe God is telling my the answer everytime I'm praying about it but my head won't stop spinning.
I've lost track of what my purpose and destiny is all about. I wonder if I'll be another face in the crowd or will stand out to do wonders for others in need. I'm already doing this, so why am I hurting so badly?

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Jesus loves you,
this I know,
for the Bible tells me so...

I suffer from depression and severe anxiety also.
You have to realise spiritual maturity takes a long time and lots of pain and suffering is used by God to help you become more Christ-like!
Keep serving God and people and you will grow in your faith and feel more satisified with yourself. Going to see a Christian counsellor may help also. Please remember that God is with you always, even though you may not feel His presence all the time. Put on the Armour of God to combat Satan's lies.

The truth is that we are sinful beings and don't deserve eternal life in Heaven, but because God loved us, (that means YOU and me and everyone) so much that he sent his own Son to die and rise again with the burdens of all our sins on our shoulders. This is awesome news. That accepting what Jesus has done for you through Grace means you are saved.

The reason you feel a bit of an outcast is because Earth is not YOUR's and mine and other Christians real home, Heaven is. We aren't meant feel fully comfortable here because of that. But Jesus is with you every step of the way. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains!!!

I'll be praying for you mate!
God Bless,


Christian - Warrior 4 Jesus

[~Natsumi Lam~]

im going through all that right now! I will keep you in prayer!!! Those who suffer in the same chains will understand your burden and your pain more than those not in the same bondage.

God will use it to His advantage! Because He promises: "All things work together for those who love God and are called according to His will."

[B]"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not on your own understanding;.
In all your ways acknowledge him,. And he will make your paths straight."[/B]


Also:
[size=84]Joshua 1: 7-9. I dreampt about this last night and it is exactly what i needed... and i dont even read the Old Testiment that often. It just was in my dream.

[B]7 Only be strong and very courageous, that you may observe to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may prosper wherever you go. 8 This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. 9 Have I not commanded you?[U] [size=100]Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.â€

[Artist4Jesus89]

although i dont really know what you going through i will pray for you!

[Eriana]

Thanks everyone, I feel a little better now. I guess sometimes it just hurts more than any other wound when I cannot find anyone to talk to about it. I was afraid to go to my family members because I've done that before and I already seem like a problem enough. I hate having people know my troubles because I feel like all I will do is trouble them, but thank you, really, you guys are the greatest.
I really appreciate your help and caring and I will pray for those of you who are and aren't going through these depressional feelings.

[Yahshua]

Yeah read Paalms and see some of the stuff in there even King David has same type of feeling as you did but he always remember that God the Father is there to helps him through it all.

[agasfas]

I know how you feel Eriana. I had a lot happened to me younger, so I felt the same all the time when I was your age... occasionally I feel that every so often. But I know whatever I try to tell myself, there are always people who care for us and would always try to help. I'm sure if you ever have a problem, your family would be more then willing to listen because more then likely they may have been through some of the things you have. And of course, God will always be there for us to lean on.

I've always had people betray me too, but there are always one or two who really do care. I'll continue to pray for you. Anytimes you feeling down, or feel you have no one to talk to, we will always willing to listen; whether in the prayer forum or through PM or whatever. My AIM is always open too. For now, take care Eriana. Just remember, there are people who do care. I hope you feel much better soon

[Eriana]

Yeah read Paalms and see some of the stuff in there even King David has same type of feeling as you did but he always remember that God the Father is there to helps him through it all.

Yes I know Psalms is one of my favorite books of the Bible if not my favorite.

[quote="agasfas"]I know how you feel Eriana. I had a lot happened to me younger, so I felt the same all the time when I was your age... occasionally I feel that every so often. But I know whatever I try to tell myself, there are always people who care for us and would always try to help. I'm sure if you ever have a problem, your family would be more then willing to listen because more then likely they may have been through some of the things you have. And of course, God will always be there for us to lean on.

I've always had people betray me too, but there are always one or two who really do care. I'll continue to pray for you. Anytimes you feeling down, or feel you have no one to talk to, we will always willing to listen]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your offer. I think it will take time to heal from things that I still haven't gotten over from my childhood memories and just todays pains to heal. I have forgiven everyone who has hurten me, it takes longer for some than others. Most of the time my hardest trial has been forgiving myself. I appreciate everyone's help on this hurting matter though.

[Fsiphskilm]

Happi

[Syaoran]

Eriana I have a vers for you. this helps me to cope with the lonlyness and the pain that I have inside me.

Isaiah 40:28-31
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God. The Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; They will run and not grow weary, They will walk and not be faint.

As you can see in my Sig I am a fighter. I fight to live and stay with God. One day I will soar....You will do the same as well.....Just have hope and fath, and God will take all your pain away.

[meboeck]

I can say from experience that not talking about stuff like this makes things worse. It is great that you have been able to be open about this. That alone is a great step. Also, I agree with W4J that seeing a Chrisian counselor might be good. I see a Christian counselor, and he really helps me keep things in perspective spiritually. I will be praying for you.