Alright here are two poems I wrote. my English teacher say's I'm a poet but I'm not sure. Any way here they are. BTW Fatal Error is a tad morbid just so you know.
The Battle Within
As the black night sky falls,
the unkown power in me arises.
The need for clean air becomes overpowering.
The stink of the city is like a cloud of poison.
I retreat from my room, its walls a prison.
Upon the ground I run. I run as far as I can and yet the smell still lingers.
The river is there and I know it will help,
yet when I reach it, the sight it once beheld is now a withering wasteland.
I run ever farther out of the city and into the country.
The rich smell of earth is everywhere and the stink of the city lessens.
The night sky calls for me,
I am overcome and must obey.
When I run my last step I collapse on the ground,
withering in pain. I feel them growing on my back.
I lie there defeated, a blanket of white and black feathers over me.
The sun slowly rises and with it my strength.
I stand up and feel the gift, yet not a gift I was given.
The White Wing of Peace is to my left,
its soft and steady glow lends me my strength.
The Black Wing of Destruction is to my right,
its growing ebb of nothing beckons me to fight.
The battle within rages on.
Light and Dark.
Yet neither can win.
And still I fear not of being pulled to either side.
I walk in Twilight.
Fatal Error
The cool night air runs through my fur,
the soft earth under my pads.
The joy of the run is exhilarating.
My prey lies ahead,
quiet and unknowing.
I force myself to stop,
the joy of the run gone but replaced by adrenaline.
I circle in the trees,
wary of my footing.
My heart is pounding,
and all I hear is the blood pumping through me.
My prey stands up and looks around.
He is blinded by the dark and the sands of sleep.
I circle once more,
sure my prey won't escape.
I slowly begin to move forward,
eyes searching for irregular movement.
At last I'm there,
a single leap away.
My prey twists and turns,
looking for what he cannot see.
He knows he has trespassed,
and he knows the price I demand.
I leap at my prey,
sure my price will be paid in full.
A flash of silver shoots my way,
the slicing sound of the air rings out.
I jolt awake; my room is the same.
But when I peer into the shadows,
I see a great blonde wolf, blood matting its fur.
I look at my shoulder and see the gore that is on the wolf.
I realize the truth; it lies on my swords.
All drip blood, my blood.
My scent is all over the swords,
and I realize my fatal error.
I have slain myself.
Some poems I wrote.
33 posts •
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Some poems I wrote.
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
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Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
Would you editing comments?
I would like to hear your comments on The Battle Within.
As to the Fatal Erroe: how interesting. Very intresting indeed. I must admit, though, that I do not completely understand it.
I would like to hear your comments on The Battle Within.
As to the Fatal Erroe: how interesting. Very intresting indeed. I must admit, though, that I do not completely understand it.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
I like The Battle Within, and I would like to illustrate the creature someday!
the other one...was...slightly existensial...
the other one...was...slightly existensial...
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ChristianKitsune - Posts: 5420
- Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 12:00 pm
- Location: In my sketchbook of wonderment and puffy pink clouds! *\^o^/*
Anna Mae wrote:Would you editing comments?
I would like to hear your comments on The Battle Within.
As to the Fatal Erroe: how interesting. Very intresting indeed. I must admit, though, that I do not completely understand it.
For The Battle Within: I have alot of anger issues yet most of the time I keep them in check by acting well kinda normal. Any way I pictured my anger as Dark, as anger leads to destruction. The Light comes from my normal self as it helps keep it in check. Me walking in twilight was because I can not act normal all the time and I can't be angry all the time. I'm in between. In Twilight.
For Fatal Error: This is just kinda of a messed up dream I had a while ago. I like wolves alot so sometimes my dreams are me as a wolf. Well I added the stalking bit of the wolf into it. The wolf's prey is actually himself, only a human. The whole being a wolf is actually just a dream but when he wakes up he learns it wasn't a dream at all. It actaully happend, sorta.
and if you did see any mistakes could you tell me?
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
awesome poems Wolf wolf!!! I really like battle within...I can totally relate sometimes.
[color="Green"][font="Verdana"]There is no one you can't love once you know their story-Mary Lou Lawnacki[/font][/color]
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faithfighter - Posts: 806
- Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2005 9:05 pm
- Location: rattling the cages
^^ thanks FF! Ok I wrote two other poems. One, Free, is a tad confusing if you don't get it I'll explain it. The other, Sleep Deprivation, seems a bit out there. Just a heads up.
Sleep Deprivation
I lay here awake,
writing these words in the night.
The full moon has come and passed,
taking with it its all powerful might.
The luminous glow shines steady and firm,
the howl of the beasts rings out.
I stay here pacing back and forth,
The urge to be out in the streets is great.
The winged messenger doth not come.
I am forgotten, alone and yet not.
The beast is here, yet I cannot see.
I know it is there yet I remain powerless to accept its presence.
It lunges forward, attempting to tear down the barrier that is my mind.
I double over, the pain of ten billion needles protruding from my flesh,
the jaw of death rips from my face and the claws of destruction tear at my hands.
My bones twist and turn, shaping into Lore’s messenger of doom.
Where I stood, I stand no more.
A beast is there, resting from its Change.
Its eyelids open and my eyes are shown.
My deprivation lies not in my wandering mind yet it does lie there.
The dreams I bear are terrible and cruel.
It has come.
What I dream has come true.
I am neither man nor beast.
Neither Saint nor demon.
I am, A Lycan!
Free
I toss and turn where I sleep.
This cave holds me in.
The comforts of a civilized life are here,
yet, I will ignore them when possible.
This cave is not my only captor.
Society holds my key to freedom.
By society’s rule, I must live as a human.
My true self beckons me to release it,
However, I am afraid of what it might do once free.
I prowl around my cave, sulking at my imprisonment.
There are doors to freedom all along the walls but I must stay,
if I am found before I return to my cave,
I would be punished to the extreme severe,
becoming lone.
It is my brethrens greatest fear, even civilization fears it.
So I stay and think,
stuck in this state of mind and body.
But my true self grows nearer.
Soon . . . I will be free.
Sleep Deprivation
I lay here awake,
writing these words in the night.
The full moon has come and passed,
taking with it its all powerful might.
The luminous glow shines steady and firm,
the howl of the beasts rings out.
I stay here pacing back and forth,
The urge to be out in the streets is great.
The winged messenger doth not come.
I am forgotten, alone and yet not.
The beast is here, yet I cannot see.
I know it is there yet I remain powerless to accept its presence.
It lunges forward, attempting to tear down the barrier that is my mind.
I double over, the pain of ten billion needles protruding from my flesh,
the jaw of death rips from my face and the claws of destruction tear at my hands.
My bones twist and turn, shaping into Lore’s messenger of doom.
Where I stood, I stand no more.
A beast is there, resting from its Change.
Its eyelids open and my eyes are shown.
My deprivation lies not in my wandering mind yet it does lie there.
The dreams I bear are terrible and cruel.
It has come.
What I dream has come true.
I am neither man nor beast.
Neither Saint nor demon.
I am, A Lycan!
Free
I toss and turn where I sleep.
This cave holds me in.
The comforts of a civilized life are here,
yet, I will ignore them when possible.
This cave is not my only captor.
Society holds my key to freedom.
By society’s rule, I must live as a human.
My true self beckons me to release it,
However, I am afraid of what it might do once free.
I prowl around my cave, sulking at my imprisonment.
There are doors to freedom all along the walls but I must stay,
if I am found before I return to my cave,
I would be punished to the extreme severe,
becoming lone.
It is my brethrens greatest fear, even civilization fears it.
So I stay and think,
stuck in this state of mind and body.
But my true self grows nearer.
Soon . . . I will be free.
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
wow! thanks! ^^ here are some new ones and an old one. cookies to who can guess which is the old one. BTW one of these is not proof read nor are the two above.
Epitaph of Friendship
Friendship is the simplest thing.
It is as common as a doorbell's ring.
But just like life, it goes up and down.
It can bring forth a sensation that you will drown.
Most will say, "This is a lie."
But I assure you, friendship does die.
A friendship is made by a simple meeting.
And with the flow of time you will often be greeting.
The more you meet the more you know.
And in time, your friendship will grow.
As you friendship grows, you will be expected to know.
All the things that your friend has to show.
At this time, if you make a mistake,
the bonds you formed will begin to quake.
The jewel of friendship, which you have held dear,
soon begins to crack, which leads you to shed tears.
As time flows on, the jewel will break.
Leaving behind shards in memories' wake.
The memories left behind are broken and torn.
It is as if you have just been given a thorn.
If you try to mend it, the shards won't fit.
At this time, you will feel like a twit.
The friendship you've had is truly gone.
But fret not, as life goes on.
Time is like a river, it flows in one direction.
And later in time you shall feel a new affection.
[font=Verdana]Survive
I walk in this confined compound,
marching from cell to cell.
Within these cells are an average of thirty captives,
we all share the same fate here.
They tell us they are teaching us to behave,
to survive in the world.
They are wrong.
All we need to survive is common knowledge.
The jailors teach us math to help pay for our shelter and food.
They are wrong.
The trees and the earth can provide shelter and food for us.
They teach us science to understand the world better.
They are wrong.
To understand the world you have to be out in the world living in it.
They teach us history to learn of our forefathers’ accomplishments.
They are wrong.
They should be teaching their mistakes so the new generation does not repeat them.
They teach us English for etiquette and grammar.
They are wrong.
Simple speech will do; speaking like an English gentleman or lady is useless.
They teach us few things we need to know.
Geography, Foreign languages, Athletics.
Those are the classes that will help us survive.
Twelve years we go through this.
And the unlucky few get extra years taken from them.
The prisons are to teach us to survive.
[font=Verdana]But they are wrong.[/font]
[font=Verdana]Scarring Emotions
Emotions run deep,
scarring your psyche.
The effects of emotions are the most fearful of all things.
Happy. Happy fills you with a feeling of deep gratitude,
boundless love for others, a feeling of power.
Scared. Scared brings out cowardice,
mental capacity lessons as a feeling of doom spreads over you.
Courage. Courage brings out arrogance,
a feeling of pure hope, unable to be defeated.
Anger. Anger brings out pure power,
hatred courses through you, a feeling of immortality.
Love. Love brings out eternal loyalty,
a need to protect those you care for the most.
Laziness. Laziness brings out sluggish reactions,
minimal results, pathetic satisfaction in ones self.
Lust. Lust brings out a feral reaction in you,
unable to resist, a craving for the unattainable.
Envy. Envy leads to desire, a need for what others have,
hatred for them who seemingly mock you.
Sadness. Sadness brings out self pity,
knowing you could have done better but didn’t know how.
These are a few of the effects and the causers.
Many more lie out there,
All waiting for you.
Waiting, watching,
[font=Verdana]taking. [/font][/font][/font]
Epitaph of Friendship
Friendship is the simplest thing.
It is as common as a doorbell's ring.
But just like life, it goes up and down.
It can bring forth a sensation that you will drown.
Most will say, "This is a lie."
But I assure you, friendship does die.
A friendship is made by a simple meeting.
And with the flow of time you will often be greeting.
The more you meet the more you know.
And in time, your friendship will grow.
As you friendship grows, you will be expected to know.
All the things that your friend has to show.
At this time, if you make a mistake,
the bonds you formed will begin to quake.
The jewel of friendship, which you have held dear,
soon begins to crack, which leads you to shed tears.
As time flows on, the jewel will break.
Leaving behind shards in memories' wake.
The memories left behind are broken and torn.
It is as if you have just been given a thorn.
If you try to mend it, the shards won't fit.
At this time, you will feel like a twit.
The friendship you've had is truly gone.
But fret not, as life goes on.
Time is like a river, it flows in one direction.
And later in time you shall feel a new affection.
[font=Verdana]Survive
I walk in this confined compound,
marching from cell to cell.
Within these cells are an average of thirty captives,
we all share the same fate here.
They tell us they are teaching us to behave,
to survive in the world.
They are wrong.
All we need to survive is common knowledge.
The jailors teach us math to help pay for our shelter and food.
They are wrong.
The trees and the earth can provide shelter and food for us.
They teach us science to understand the world better.
They are wrong.
To understand the world you have to be out in the world living in it.
They teach us history to learn of our forefathers’ accomplishments.
They are wrong.
They should be teaching their mistakes so the new generation does not repeat them.
They teach us English for etiquette and grammar.
They are wrong.
Simple speech will do; speaking like an English gentleman or lady is useless.
They teach us few things we need to know.
Geography, Foreign languages, Athletics.
Those are the classes that will help us survive.
Twelve years we go through this.
And the unlucky few get extra years taken from them.
The prisons are to teach us to survive.
[font=Verdana]But they are wrong.[/font]
[font=Verdana]Scarring Emotions
Emotions run deep,
scarring your psyche.
The effects of emotions are the most fearful of all things.
Happy. Happy fills you with a feeling of deep gratitude,
boundless love for others, a feeling of power.
Scared. Scared brings out cowardice,
mental capacity lessons as a feeling of doom spreads over you.
Courage. Courage brings out arrogance,
a feeling of pure hope, unable to be defeated.
Anger. Anger brings out pure power,
hatred courses through you, a feeling of immortality.
Love. Love brings out eternal loyalty,
a need to protect those you care for the most.
Laziness. Laziness brings out sluggish reactions,
minimal results, pathetic satisfaction in ones self.
Lust. Lust brings out a feral reaction in you,
unable to resist, a craving for the unattainable.
Envy. Envy leads to desire, a need for what others have,
hatred for them who seemingly mock you.
Sadness. Sadness brings out self pity,
knowing you could have done better but didn’t know how.
These are a few of the effects and the causers.
Many more lie out there,
All waiting for you.
Waiting, watching,
[font=Verdana]taking. [/font][/font][/font]
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
Separation
This prison is to be a safe place to be,
meeting new friends and learning.
“Itâ€
This prison is to be a safe place to be,
meeting new friends and learning.
“Itâ€
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
alright here is one more that I've got. It's about a class that I really dont like.
Fading
I stay here in class,
writing and reading.
A slow, dull pain throbs through my hand and slowly to my mind.
Anger wells inside me,
begging to be released.
This temptation is oh so sweet,
but I must not listen.
A march sounds through my mind:
Read, Read, Read, Write.
Read, Read, Read, Write.
I cling to this marching in an attempt to escape.
The Fates are cruel mistresses indeed.
I am placed in the class I detest,
forced to listen to music from generations past.
I fear for my sanity,
what little is left.
And slowly, oh so slowly, I fade.
Fade into nothing.
Fading
I stay here in class,
writing and reading.
A slow, dull pain throbs through my hand and slowly to my mind.
Anger wells inside me,
begging to be released.
This temptation is oh so sweet,
but I must not listen.
A march sounds through my mind:
Read, Read, Read, Write.
Read, Read, Read, Write.
I cling to this marching in an attempt to escape.
The Fates are cruel mistresses indeed.
I am placed in the class I detest,
forced to listen to music from generations past.
I fear for my sanity,
what little is left.
And slowly, oh so slowly, I fade.
Fade into nothing.
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
wOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT
I do belive you have found your niche, Kiba kun
I read these at lunch, you know how much I loved Separation!
I do belive you have found your niche, Kiba kun
I read these at lunch, you know how much I loved Separation!
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ChristianKitsune - Posts: 5420
- Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 12:00 pm
- Location: In my sketchbook of wonderment and puffy pink clouds! *\^o^/*
Very good. I've felt the same about some classes as well
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
Of this I ask
The gentle beast of nature,
commonly misunderstood.
Their ranks dwindle as humans grow in number.
The mistakes made in the times of castles and chivalry,
is one of the main reasons for so few of them today.
The father of this killing came to power from the actions of Peter Stubbe,
A cannibalistic man and slaughterer of children.
Believed to be the first general in Lore's Messenger of Doom Army.
Stubbes actions brought forth fear in Europe,
Bringing forth the hangings of alleged lycans and the killing of wolves.
Though the idea of lycans is long since dismissed,
The fear of the wolf still lingers in the minds of the weak.
New laws are made,
Making it legal to begin this “humaneâ€
The gentle beast of nature,
commonly misunderstood.
Their ranks dwindle as humans grow in number.
The mistakes made in the times of castles and chivalry,
is one of the main reasons for so few of them today.
The father of this killing came to power from the actions of Peter Stubbe,
A cannibalistic man and slaughterer of children.
Believed to be the first general in Lore's Messenger of Doom Army.
Stubbes actions brought forth fear in Europe,
Bringing forth the hangings of alleged lycans and the killing of wolves.
Though the idea of lycans is long since dismissed,
The fear of the wolf still lingers in the minds of the weak.
New laws are made,
Making it legal to begin this “humaneâ€
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
Structure wise it is good, Are you talking about wolves
Tis No Fool to lose what he can not keep to gain what he can never lose.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
What does it profit a man to gain the World yet lose his soul.
Choose Life that you Might live.
- creed4
- Posts: 1162
- Joined: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:40 pm
- Location: Meridian
yeah. I'm thinking of making a petition against the legal hunting of wolves in MN but I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do. Get signetures and after that I'm lost.
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
I'm out of ideas!!!! T.t
Can someone give me an idea for a poem? Something I havn't done. *does a quick check* that would be no: wolves, lycans, being trapped, school, boring class's, petitions, dieing friendship, being alone, killing myself in a dream or being different. lol wow i didn't realize I was wrote that many. Pales in comparison to most others but *shrug* Sorry, lost my mind . . .
So can someone please give me an idea for a poem? I'll give you credit for helping me! *wolfy eyes*
Can someone give me an idea for a poem? Something I havn't done. *does a quick check* that would be no: wolves, lycans, being trapped, school, boring class's, petitions, dieing friendship, being alone, killing myself in a dream or being different. lol wow i didn't realize I was wrote that many. Pales in comparison to most others but *shrug* Sorry, lost my mind . . .
So can someone please give me an idea for a poem? I'll give you credit for helping me! *wolfy eyes*
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
The Battle Within
The river is there and I know it will help,
yet when I reach it, the sight it once beheld is now a withering wasteland.
The second line here doesn't quite make sense. I would suggest rephrasing it.
The sun slowly rises and with it my strenght.
Typo on the word strength
The BlackWing of Destruction is to my right,
Since you had a space in 'White Wing,' I wonder if you also intended to have a space between 'Black' and 'Wing.'
Yet neither can win.
And still I fear not of being pulled to either side.
I walk in Twilight.
Your second line here doesn't quite make sense. You have an incomplete comparison.
The river is there and I know it will help,
yet when I reach it, the sight it once beheld is now a withering wasteland.
The second line here doesn't quite make sense. I would suggest rephrasing it.
The sun slowly rises and with it my strenght.
Typo on the word strength
The BlackWing of Destruction is to my right,
Since you had a space in 'White Wing,' I wonder if you also intended to have a space between 'Black' and 'Wing.'
Yet neither can win.
And still I fear not of being pulled to either side.
I walk in Twilight.
Your second line here doesn't quite make sense. You have an incomplete comparison.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Fatal Error
The cool night air runs through my fur,
the soft earth under my pads. How pedantic would you like to be? The clause of this sentence is incomplete.
the joy of the run is exhilarating.This sentence should be capitalized.
My prey lies ahead,
quiet and unknowing.
I force myself to stop,
the joy of the run gone but replaced by adrenaline.
I circle in the trees,
wary of my footing.
My heart is pounding,
and all I hear is the blood pumping through me.
My prey stands up and looks around.
He is blinded by the dark and the sands of sleep.
I circle once more,
sure my prey won't escape.
I slowly being to move forward, Here you probably mean 'begin' instead of 'being.'
eyes searching for irregular movement.
At last I'm there,
a single leap away.
My prey twists and turns,
looking for what he cannot see.
He knows he has trespassed,
and he knows the price I demand.
I leap at my prey,
sure my price will be paid in full.
A flash of silver shoots my way,
the slicing sound of the air rings out.
I jolt awake; my room is the same.
But when I peer into the shadows,
I see a great blonde wolf, blood matting its fur.
I look at my shoulder and see the gore that is on the wolf.
I realize the truth; it lies on my swords.
All drip blood, my blood.
My scent is all over the swords,
and I realize my fatal error.
I have slain myself.
The cool night air runs through my fur,
the soft earth under my pads. How pedantic would you like to be? The clause of this sentence is incomplete.
the joy of the run is exhilarating.This sentence should be capitalized.
My prey lies ahead,
quiet and unknowing.
I force myself to stop,
the joy of the run gone but replaced by adrenaline.
I circle in the trees,
wary of my footing.
My heart is pounding,
and all I hear is the blood pumping through me.
My prey stands up and looks around.
He is blinded by the dark and the sands of sleep.
I circle once more,
sure my prey won't escape.
I slowly being to move forward, Here you probably mean 'begin' instead of 'being.'
eyes searching for irregular movement.
At last I'm there,
a single leap away.
My prey twists and turns,
looking for what he cannot see.
He knows he has trespassed,
and he knows the price I demand.
I leap at my prey,
sure my price will be paid in full.
A flash of silver shoots my way,
the slicing sound of the air rings out.
I jolt awake; my room is the same.
But when I peer into the shadows,
I see a great blonde wolf, blood matting its fur.
I look at my shoulder and see the gore that is on the wolf.
I realize the truth; it lies on my swords.
All drip blood, my blood.
My scent is all over the swords,
and I realize my fatal error.
I have slain myself.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Sleep Deprivation
I lay here awake,
writing these words in the night.
The full moon has come and past, 'Past' should be 'passed.'
taking with it its all-powerful might. The hyphen here is superflous.
The luminous glow shines steady and firm,
the howl of the beasts rings out.You have a subject-verb agreement problem in the second clause of this sentence. Question: If the moon has gone, why is it still shining in the sky?
I stay here pacing back and forth,
The urge to be out in the streets is great.
The winged messenger doth not come.You use 'doth' here, but in other places you use 'does' instead. Any particular reason for that?
I am forgotten, alone and yet not.
The beast is here, yet I cannot see.
I know it is there yet I remain powerless to accept.Powerless to accept what?
It lunges forward, attempting to tear down the barrier that is my mind.
I double over, the pain of ten billion needles protruding from my flesh,
the jaw of death rips form my face and the claws of destruction tear at my hands.Perchance you mean 'from' instead of 'form?'
My bones twist and turn, shaping into Lore’s messenger of doom.
Where I stood, I stand no more.
A beast is there, resting from its Change.
Its eyelids open and my eyes are shown.
My deprivation lies not in my wandering mind yet it does lie there.
The dreams I bear are terrible and cruel.
It has come.
What I dream has come true.
I am neither man nor beast.
Neither Saint nor demon.
I am, A Lycan!
So, you are basically saying that you are a wolf?
I lay here awake,
writing these words in the night.
The full moon has come and past, 'Past' should be 'passed.'
taking with it its all-powerful might. The hyphen here is superflous.
The luminous glow shines steady and firm,
the howl of the beasts rings out.You have a subject-verb agreement problem in the second clause of this sentence. Question: If the moon has gone, why is it still shining in the sky?
I stay here pacing back and forth,
The urge to be out in the streets is great.
The winged messenger doth not come.You use 'doth' here, but in other places you use 'does' instead. Any particular reason for that?
I am forgotten, alone and yet not.
The beast is here, yet I cannot see.
I know it is there yet I remain powerless to accept.Powerless to accept what?
It lunges forward, attempting to tear down the barrier that is my mind.
I double over, the pain of ten billion needles protruding from my flesh,
the jaw of death rips form my face and the claws of destruction tear at my hands.Perchance you mean 'from' instead of 'form?'
My bones twist and turn, shaping into Lore’s messenger of doom.
Where I stood, I stand no more.
A beast is there, resting from its Change.
Its eyelids open and my eyes are shown.
My deprivation lies not in my wandering mind yet it does lie there.
The dreams I bear are terrible and cruel.
It has come.
What I dream has come true.
I am neither man nor beast.
Neither Saint nor demon.
I am, A Lycan!
So, you are basically saying that you are a wolf?
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Free
I toss and turn where I sleep.
This cave holds me in.
The comforts of a civilized life are here,
yet, I will ignore them when possible.
This cave is not my only captor.
Society holds my key to freedom.
By society’s rule, I must live as a human.
My true self beckons me to release it,
However, I am afraid of what it might do once free.
I prowl around my cave, sulking at my imprisonment.
There are doors to freedom all along the walls but I must stay,
if I am found before I return to my cave,
I would be punished to the extreme severe,
becoming lone.
It is my brethrens greatest fear, even civilization fears it.
So I stay and think,
stuck in this state of mind and body.
But my true self grows nearer.
Soon . . . I will be free.
Interestingly written (in a good way).
Out of curiosity, how serious is your claim to lycanthropy?
I toss and turn where I sleep.
This cave holds me in.
The comforts of a civilized life are here,
yet, I will ignore them when possible.
This cave is not my only captor.
Society holds my key to freedom.
By society’s rule, I must live as a human.
My true self beckons me to release it,
However, I am afraid of what it might do once free.
I prowl around my cave, sulking at my imprisonment.
There are doors to freedom all along the walls but I must stay,
if I am found before I return to my cave,
I would be punished to the extreme severe,
becoming lone.
It is my brethrens greatest fear, even civilization fears it.
So I stay and think,
stuck in this state of mind and body.
But my true self grows nearer.
Soon . . . I will be free.
Interestingly written (in a good way).
Out of curiosity, how serious is your claim to lycanthropy?
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Epitaph of Friendship
Friendship is the simplest thing.
It is as common as a doorbell's ring.
But just like life, it has its ups and downs.I would suggest changing this line to 'But just like life, it goes up and down' so that your rhyme scheme will work better.
It can bring forth a sensation that you will drown.
Most will say, "This is a lie."
But I assure you, friendship does die.
A friendship is made by a simple meeting.
And with the flow of time you will often be greeting.
The more you meet the more you know.
And in time, your friendship will grow.
As you friendship grows, you will be expected to know.
All the things that your friend has to show.
At this time, if you make a mistake,
the bonds you formed will begin to quake.It seems here that you are saying that once a friendship has strengthened, it can still be easily broken. Nevertheless, your imagery with the jewel is nice.
The jewel of friendship, which you have held dear,
soon begins to crack, which leads you to shed tears.
As time flows on, the jewel will break.
Leaving behind shards in memories' wake.
The memories left behind are broken and torn.
It is as if you have just been given a thorn.
If you try to mend it, the shards won't fit.
At this time, you will feel like a twit.
The friendship you've had is truly gone.
But fret not, as life goes on.
Time is like a river, it flows in one direction.
And later in time you shall feel a new affection.
New affection for the person that you have had a falling out with? If not, I would challenge the quality of the friendship that was had. If it can be broken with just one error, perhaps it was not so strong in the first place. Strong friendships, once broken, are not painless. People don't just get over them easily because 'life goes on.' That said, I would guess that this is the older one. The writing style seems different from what I have been reading from you recently.
Survive
I walk in this confined compound,
marching from cell to cell.
Within these cells are an average of thirty captives,
we all share the same fate here.
They tell us they are teaching us to behave,
to survive in the world.
They are wrong.
All we need to survive is common knowledge.
The jailors teach us math to help pay for our shelter and food.
They are wrong.
The trees and the earth can provide shelter and food for us.
They teach us science to understand the world better.
They are wrong.
To understand the world you have to be out in the world living in it.
They teach us history to learn of our forefathers’ accomplishments.
They are wrong.
They should be teaching their mistakes so the new generation does not repeat them.
They teach us English for etiquette and grammar.
They are wrong.
Simple speech will do; speaking like an English gentleman or lady is useless.
They teach us few things we need to know.
Geography, Foreign languages, Athletics.
Those are the classes that will help us survive.
Twelve years we go through this.
And the unlucky few get extra years taken from them.
The prisons are to teach us to survive.
But they are wrong.
I take it that you don't particularly care for school? Anyway, the style is nice. The pattern of 'They teach us such and such./They are wrong./All we need is...' is good. I would make one suggestion to sharpen your point. You say that they do teach you a few helpful things such as geography or sports. Since you have been emphasizing how you don't need school and it is a waste of time, perhaps you should explain how you could acquire those skills and knowlwdge elsewhere.
Friendship is the simplest thing.
It is as common as a doorbell's ring.
But just like life, it has its ups and downs.I would suggest changing this line to 'But just like life, it goes up and down' so that your rhyme scheme will work better.
It can bring forth a sensation that you will drown.
Most will say, "This is a lie."
But I assure you, friendship does die.
A friendship is made by a simple meeting.
And with the flow of time you will often be greeting.
The more you meet the more you know.
And in time, your friendship will grow.
As you friendship grows, you will be expected to know.
All the things that your friend has to show.
At this time, if you make a mistake,
the bonds you formed will begin to quake.It seems here that you are saying that once a friendship has strengthened, it can still be easily broken. Nevertheless, your imagery with the jewel is nice.
The jewel of friendship, which you have held dear,
soon begins to crack, which leads you to shed tears.
As time flows on, the jewel will break.
Leaving behind shards in memories' wake.
The memories left behind are broken and torn.
It is as if you have just been given a thorn.
If you try to mend it, the shards won't fit.
At this time, you will feel like a twit.
The friendship you've had is truly gone.
But fret not, as life goes on.
Time is like a river, it flows in one direction.
And later in time you shall feel a new affection.
New affection for the person that you have had a falling out with? If not, I would challenge the quality of the friendship that was had. If it can be broken with just one error, perhaps it was not so strong in the first place. Strong friendships, once broken, are not painless. People don't just get over them easily because 'life goes on.' That said, I would guess that this is the older one. The writing style seems different from what I have been reading from you recently.
Survive
I walk in this confined compound,
marching from cell to cell.
Within these cells are an average of thirty captives,
we all share the same fate here.
They tell us they are teaching us to behave,
to survive in the world.
They are wrong.
All we need to survive is common knowledge.
The jailors teach us math to help pay for our shelter and food.
They are wrong.
The trees and the earth can provide shelter and food for us.
They teach us science to understand the world better.
They are wrong.
To understand the world you have to be out in the world living in it.
They teach us history to learn of our forefathers’ accomplishments.
They are wrong.
They should be teaching their mistakes so the new generation does not repeat them.
They teach us English for etiquette and grammar.
They are wrong.
Simple speech will do; speaking like an English gentleman or lady is useless.
They teach us few things we need to know.
Geography, Foreign languages, Athletics.
Those are the classes that will help us survive.
Twelve years we go through this.
And the unlucky few get extra years taken from them.
The prisons are to teach us to survive.
But they are wrong.
I take it that you don't particularly care for school? Anyway, the style is nice. The pattern of 'They teach us such and such./They are wrong./All we need is...' is good. I would make one suggestion to sharpen your point. You say that they do teach you a few helpful things such as geography or sports. Since you have been emphasizing how you don't need school and it is a waste of time, perhaps you should explain how you could acquire those skills and knowlwdge elsewhere.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
My my, you are quite the prolific writer. If you continue in this manner it will be difficult to keep up with you.
Scarring Emotions
Emotions run deep,
scarring your psyche.
The effects of emotions are the most fearful of all things.
Happy. Happy fills you with a feeling of deep gratitude,
boundless love for others, a feeling of power.
Scared. Scared brings out cowardice,
mental capacity lessons as a feeling of doom spreads over you.
Courage. Courage brings out arrogance,
a feeling pure hope, unable to be defeated.I would suggest inserting an 'of' between 'feeling' and 'pure.'
Anger. Anger brings out pure power,
hatred courses through you, a feeling of immortality.
Love. Love brings out eternal loyalty,
a need to protect those you care for the most.
Lazy. Lazy brings out sluggish reactions, I would change 'lazy' from an adjective to a noun (laziness).
minimal results, pathetic satisfaction in ones self.
Lust. Lust brings out a feral reaction in you,
unable to resist, a craving for the unattainable.
Envy. Envy leads to desire, a need for what others have,
hatred for them to seemingly mock you.Do you mean 'hatred for them who seemingly mock you?'
Sadness. Sadness brings out self pity,
knowing you could have done better but didn’t know how.
These are a few of the effects and the causers.Here instead of 'causers' you should use the word 'causes.'
Many more lie out there,
All waiting for you.
Waiting, watching,
taking.
What message were you trying to convey when you penned this poem?
Scarring Emotions
Emotions run deep,
scarring your psyche.
The effects of emotions are the most fearful of all things.
Happy. Happy fills you with a feeling of deep gratitude,
boundless love for others, a feeling of power.
Scared. Scared brings out cowardice,
mental capacity lessons as a feeling of doom spreads over you.
Courage. Courage brings out arrogance,
a feeling pure hope, unable to be defeated.I would suggest inserting an 'of' between 'feeling' and 'pure.'
Anger. Anger brings out pure power,
hatred courses through you, a feeling of immortality.
Love. Love brings out eternal loyalty,
a need to protect those you care for the most.
Lazy. Lazy brings out sluggish reactions, I would change 'lazy' from an adjective to a noun (laziness).
minimal results, pathetic satisfaction in ones self.
Lust. Lust brings out a feral reaction in you,
unable to resist, a craving for the unattainable.
Envy. Envy leads to desire, a need for what others have,
hatred for them to seemingly mock you.Do you mean 'hatred for them who seemingly mock you?'
Sadness. Sadness brings out self pity,
knowing you could have done better but didn’t know how.
These are a few of the effects and the causers.Here instead of 'causers' you should use the word 'causes.'
Many more lie out there,
All waiting for you.
Waiting, watching,
taking.
What message were you trying to convey when you penned this poem?
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Separation
This prison is to be a safe place to be,
meeting new friends and learning. Interesting line.[i]
“Itâ€
This prison is to be a safe place to be,
meeting new friends and learning. Interesting line.[i]
“Itâ€
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Fading
I stay here in class,
writing and reading.
A slow, dull pain throbs through my hand and slowly to my mind.
Anger wells inside me,
begging to be released.
This temptation is oh so sweet,
but I must not listen.
A march sounds through my mind:
Read, Read, Read, Write.
Read, Read, Read, Write.
I cling to this marching in an attempt to escape.
The Fates are cruel mistresses indeed.
I am placed in the class I detest,
forced to listen to music from generations past.
I fear for my sanity,
what little is left.
And slowly, oh so slowly, I fade.
Fade into nothing.
I am sensing a definate dislike of school. What were you studying at the time that you wrote this poem?
Of this I ask
The gentle beast of nature,
commonly misunderstood.Is the fragment intentional?
Their ranks dwindle as humans grow in number.
The mistakes made in the times of castles and chivalry,
is one of the main reasons for so few of them today.
The father of this killing came to power from the actions of Peter Stubbe,
A cannibalistic man and slaughterer of children.
Believed to be the first general in Lore's Messenger of Doom Army.
Stubbes actions brought forth fear in Europe,
Bringing forth the hangings of alleged lycans and the killing of wolves.By 'alleged lycans' do you mean those practicing witchcraft to obtain wolf-like qualities (allegedly)?
Though the idea of lycans is long sense dismissed,'Sense' should be 'since.'[i]
The fear of the wolf still lingers in the minds of the weak.
New laws are made,
Making it legal to begin this “humaneâ€
I stay here in class,
writing and reading.
A slow, dull pain throbs through my hand and slowly to my mind.
Anger wells inside me,
begging to be released.
This temptation is oh so sweet,
but I must not listen.
A march sounds through my mind:
Read, Read, Read, Write.
Read, Read, Read, Write.
I cling to this marching in an attempt to escape.
The Fates are cruel mistresses indeed.
I am placed in the class I detest,
forced to listen to music from generations past.
I fear for my sanity,
what little is left.
And slowly, oh so slowly, I fade.
Fade into nothing.
I am sensing a definate dislike of school. What were you studying at the time that you wrote this poem?
Of this I ask
The gentle beast of nature,
commonly misunderstood.Is the fragment intentional?
Their ranks dwindle as humans grow in number.
The mistakes made in the times of castles and chivalry,
is one of the main reasons for so few of them today.
The father of this killing came to power from the actions of Peter Stubbe,
A cannibalistic man and slaughterer of children.
Believed to be the first general in Lore's Messenger of Doom Army.
Stubbes actions brought forth fear in Europe,
Bringing forth the hangings of alleged lycans and the killing of wolves.By 'alleged lycans' do you mean those practicing witchcraft to obtain wolf-like qualities (allegedly)?
Though the idea of lycans is long sense dismissed,'Sense' should be 'since.'[i]
The fear of the wolf still lingers in the minds of the weak.
New laws are made,
Making it legal to begin this “humaneâ€
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Question: If the moon has gone, why is it still shining in the sky?
It's in my mind. It's gone but the effect is still there.
You use 'doth' here, but in other places you use 'does' instead. Any particular reason for that?
Nope. I just got bored so I threw it in.
So, you are basically saying that you are a wolf?
More or less.
Out of curiosity, how serious is your claim to lycanthropy?
After reading about cases of people claiming to be lycans I take no claim to this in a mental state. However, out of pure likeing of wolves and lycans I do claim it, just not to the extent of killing and eating your victim (If i recall right that was one case).
What message were you trying to convey when you penned this poem?
There isn't a message. I was in a slump so I asked my mother for a topic and she said emotions so I went with it.
If "It" is something bad to be cast out of your life, why would you be using something that it gave to you? "It" shouldn't have anything helpful to give it it is truely evil. So, what is "It"?
The foresight It has givin is determining a relationship. If you spend years of having friends only to have them betray and cast you aside you'll get a pretty good foresight of how a new relationship is going to come out. "It" is the title. Separation.
I am sensing a definate dislike of school. What were you studying at the time that you wrote this poem?
It was Biology. But I was in a differnt class room than normal and the teacher is a tad, umm . . . whats a nice word for psycho?
By 'alleged lycans' do you mean those practicing witchcraft to obtain wolf-like qualities (allegedly)?
In a maner of speaking, yeah.
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
Here's three more. I have another but without being in this rp, it won't make much sense.
RAGE
As the rage builds within,
a power takes me.
This area holds me back.
Keeping my from a far greater goal.
The stupidity of the inhabitants is a hindrance.
How can I excel when my peers hold me back?
This rage boils in my belly
to the point of breaking free.
The "Masters" even hold me back!
They demand specific point-to-point detail.
They obviously understand the work.
So if we understand it to the same degree,
why hold us back based on an inverted outcome?
The answer is different but the outcome is still the same.
I blame my peers.
I understand the material far better than any of them.
But low and behold!
The "Master" expects me to stoop to their level of brain function.
The fools fail to understand?
FINE!
My goals are set and my fate is clear.
There will be no more "Playing Dead" on my part.
They want us to be challenged?
I'll show them my challenge.
I'll show them my Rage!
Sorry
All the wrongs that I do;
a sorry doesn't seem like enough.
I went too far and my humor hurt you,
but sorry isn't enough.
What I thought was fun,
turned out wrong,
and sorry isn't enough.
I said I was sorry,
and you said your forgave me,
but my heart still hurts,
my sorry wasn't enough.
So I write out my love for you,
hoping you'll forgive me.
My sorry's doesn't seem like enough;
a thousand apologies won't make me stop hurting.
My love for you is endless,
and I've hurt your love for me.
Though it isn't enough,
though it will never be enough,
I'm sorry.
How Do You Know Me
How do you know me?
Some call me an oddity
Some call me insane.
However, how can you judge what you don’t know?
To understand me,
You need to fear me.
When the masses are scared,
They begin to assume the person's qualities.
Ignore those qualities and you have that person.
To be my friend,
You must hate me.
When you hate a person
You know what you don’t like about them.
Ignore that and build on what you don’t hate.
To know what I like,
You must find out what I hate.
When a person knows what a person hates,
Logic points to tem liking everything else.
A fraction of the masses would spend the time on this challenge.
Another fraction just want a shortcut to the answers.
However, only a true friend would go through it all.
RAGE
As the rage builds within,
a power takes me.
This area holds me back.
Keeping my from a far greater goal.
The stupidity of the inhabitants is a hindrance.
How can I excel when my peers hold me back?
This rage boils in my belly
to the point of breaking free.
The "Masters" even hold me back!
They demand specific point-to-point detail.
They obviously understand the work.
So if we understand it to the same degree,
why hold us back based on an inverted outcome?
The answer is different but the outcome is still the same.
I blame my peers.
I understand the material far better than any of them.
But low and behold!
The "Master" expects me to stoop to their level of brain function.
The fools fail to understand?
FINE!
My goals are set and my fate is clear.
There will be no more "Playing Dead" on my part.
They want us to be challenged?
I'll show them my challenge.
I'll show them my Rage!
Sorry
All the wrongs that I do;
a sorry doesn't seem like enough.
I went too far and my humor hurt you,
but sorry isn't enough.
What I thought was fun,
turned out wrong,
and sorry isn't enough.
I said I was sorry,
and you said your forgave me,
but my heart still hurts,
my sorry wasn't enough.
So I write out my love for you,
hoping you'll forgive me.
My sorry's doesn't seem like enough;
a thousand apologies won't make me stop hurting.
My love for you is endless,
and I've hurt your love for me.
Though it isn't enough,
though it will never be enough,
I'm sorry.
How Do You Know Me
How do you know me?
Some call me an oddity
Some call me insane.
However, how can you judge what you don’t know?
To understand me,
You need to fear me.
When the masses are scared,
They begin to assume the person's qualities.
Ignore those qualities and you have that person.
To be my friend,
You must hate me.
When you hate a person
You know what you don’t like about them.
Ignore that and build on what you don’t hate.
To know what I like,
You must find out what I hate.
When a person knows what a person hates,
Logic points to tem liking everything else.
A fraction of the masses would spend the time on this challenge.
Another fraction just want a shortcut to the answers.
However, only a true friend would go through it all.
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
RAGE
As the rage builds within This would flow a bit better if you ended this line with a comma.
a power takes me.
This area holds me back. Unless you want the next line to be a fragment, I would suggest ending this line with a comma.
Keeping my from a far greater goal. Your what?
The stupidity of the inhabitants is a hindrance. The inhabitants of the omitted word, I assume.
How can I excel when my peers hold me back? Or maybe not. At this point I feel like I start to identify with the poem.
This rage boils in my belly
to the point of breaking free.
The "Masters" even hold me back!
They demand specific point-to-point detail. Ah, you've got to love teachers. I hear you.
They obviously understand the work. This sentence came out of nowhere.
So if we understand it to the same degree, Are you sure?
why hold us back based on an inverted outcome? What do you mean by inverted outcome?
The answer is different but the outcome is still the same.
I blame my peers.
I understand the material far better than any of them.
But low and behold!
The "Master" expects me to stoop to their level of brain function. I understand exactly where you are coming from, and have felt some of the same feelings, but you are sounding rather prideful at this point. (And I understand the temptation of that. I've been there; and, I'm probably not entirely away from there even now.)
The fools fail to understand?
FINE!
My goals are set and my fate is clear.
There will be no more "Playing Dead" on my part. Playing Dead? I don't quite grasp your meaning (sorry to be one of those fools who fails to understand...).
They want us to be challenged?
I'll show them my challenge.
I'll show them my Rage! The place where you end up when the poem finishes has me somewhat baffled. Your conclusion does not seem logical to me.
As the rage builds within This would flow a bit better if you ended this line with a comma.
a power takes me.
This area holds me back. Unless you want the next line to be a fragment, I would suggest ending this line with a comma.
Keeping my from a far greater goal. Your what?
The stupidity of the inhabitants is a hindrance. The inhabitants of the omitted word, I assume.
How can I excel when my peers hold me back? Or maybe not. At this point I feel like I start to identify with the poem.
This rage boils in my belly
to the point of breaking free.
The "Masters" even hold me back!
They demand specific point-to-point detail. Ah, you've got to love teachers. I hear you.
They obviously understand the work. This sentence came out of nowhere.
So if we understand it to the same degree, Are you sure?
why hold us back based on an inverted outcome? What do you mean by inverted outcome?
The answer is different but the outcome is still the same.
I blame my peers.
I understand the material far better than any of them.
But low and behold!
The "Master" expects me to stoop to their level of brain function. I understand exactly where you are coming from, and have felt some of the same feelings, but you are sounding rather prideful at this point. (And I understand the temptation of that. I've been there; and, I'm probably not entirely away from there even now.)
The fools fail to understand?
FINE!
My goals are set and my fate is clear.
There will be no more "Playing Dead" on my part. Playing Dead? I don't quite grasp your meaning (sorry to be one of those fools who fails to understand...).
They want us to be challenged?
I'll show them my challenge.
I'll show them my Rage! The place where you end up when the poem finishes has me somewhat baffled. Your conclusion does not seem logical to me.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
Sorry
All the wrongs that I do, If you want these two lines to be one sentence, you should change this comma to a semicolon in order to eliminate the run-on.
a sorry doesn't seem like enough.
I went too far and my humor hurt you,
but sorry isn't enough.
What I thought was fun,
turned out wrong,
and sorry isn't enough.
I said I was sorry,
and you said your forgave me,
but my heart still hurts,
my sorry wasn't enough.
So I write out my love for you,
hoping you'll forgive me.
My sorry's doesn't seem like enough; Subject-verb agreement.
a thousand won't make me stop hurting. Depending on what you do with that subject-verb agreement, I might add a noun for that adjetive. A thousand apologies, a thousand forgivenesses...
My love for you is endless,
and I've hurt your love for me.
Though it isn't enough,
though it will never be enough,
I'm sorry. My goodness, but that sounds like a sad situation you've got there. It is true, though, that we often are harder on ourselves than others are.
All the wrongs that I do, If you want these two lines to be one sentence, you should change this comma to a semicolon in order to eliminate the run-on.
a sorry doesn't seem like enough.
I went too far and my humor hurt you,
but sorry isn't enough.
What I thought was fun,
turned out wrong,
and sorry isn't enough.
I said I was sorry,
and you said your forgave me,
but my heart still hurts,
my sorry wasn't enough.
So I write out my love for you,
hoping you'll forgive me.
My sorry's doesn't seem like enough; Subject-verb agreement.
a thousand won't make me stop hurting. Depending on what you do with that subject-verb agreement, I might add a noun for that adjetive. A thousand apologies, a thousand forgivenesses...
My love for you is endless,
and I've hurt your love for me.
Though it isn't enough,
though it will never be enough,
I'm sorry. My goodness, but that sounds like a sad situation you've got there. It is true, though, that we often are harder on ourselves than others are.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
How Do You Know Me
How do you know me?
Some call me an oddit Do you mean oddity?
Some call me insane.
However, how can you judge what you don’t know?
To understand me,
You need to fear me. Wait... why? I presume that you will answer that later in the poem.
When the masses are scared,
They begin to assume the persons qualities. You most likely need an apostrophe after the n in persons.
Ignore those qualities and you have that person. But what if the person really is, for example, imposing? To assume that the opposite of the front they put up would be incorrect.
To be my friend,
You must hate me. Can't say I agree with you at this point.
When you hate a person
You know what you don’t like about them.
Ignore that and build on what you don’t hate. Perhaps. The way I would put it is that to be a true friend, you must have been with the person through more than just peachy times.
To know what I like,
You must find out what I hate.
When a person knows what a person hates,
Logic points to them [Although this case, since it's just one person, you can use 'he' androgenously.] liking everything else. Aren't you lukewarm about anything?
A fraction of the masses would spend the time on this challenge.
Another fraction just want a shortcut to the answers. What about the majority (assuming that you are referring to small fractions)?
However, only a true friend would go through it all. Nice ending.
How do you know me?
Some call me an oddit Do you mean oddity?
Some call me insane.
However, how can you judge what you don’t know?
To understand me,
You need to fear me. Wait... why? I presume that you will answer that later in the poem.
When the masses are scared,
They begin to assume the persons qualities. You most likely need an apostrophe after the n in persons.
Ignore those qualities and you have that person. But what if the person really is, for example, imposing? To assume that the opposite of the front they put up would be incorrect.
To be my friend,
You must hate me. Can't say I agree with you at this point.
When you hate a person
You know what you don’t like about them.
Ignore that and build on what you don’t hate. Perhaps. The way I would put it is that to be a true friend, you must have been with the person through more than just peachy times.
To know what I like,
You must find out what I hate.
When a person knows what a person hates,
Logic points to them [Although this case, since it's just one person, you can use 'he' androgenously.] liking everything else. Aren't you lukewarm about anything?
A fraction of the masses would spend the time on this challenge.
Another fraction just want a shortcut to the answers. What about the majority (assuming that you are referring to small fractions)?
However, only a true friend would go through it all. Nice ending.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
-
Anna Mae - Posts: 1663
- Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
- Location: Brazil
What do you mean by inverted outcome?
This poem was basicly just for my Pre-Algebra class.
I understand exactly where you are coming from, and have felt some of the same feelings, but you are sounding rather prideful at this point. (And I understand the temptation of that. I've been there; and, I'm probably not entirely away from there even now.)
Perhaps so but my class mates are idiots and major suckups.
Playing Dead? I don't quite grasp your meaning (sorry to be one of those fools who fails to understand...).
Submitting to my teacher is what it means. Myself and another in the class are the only ones willing to stand up for ourselves and try to prove that the teachers way is not the best ((He counts our answers wrong if it isn't how he wants it. Even if the answer is right))
The place where you end up when the poem finishes has me somewhat baffled. Your conclusion does not seem logical to me.
Teachers like to challenge students, Correct? Well I thought it was time I gave them a challenge of mine. And what better challange than them putting up with the rage or someone near the brink of mental instability yet smart enough to by pass my peers in almost all subjects?
As for the Poem How do you know me, I started thinking about all the ways that people know one another. I took the most basic of ways and inverted them into challenges. If it doesn't make sense at all, I'm not surprissed. I honestly can't explain it myself.
FKA Mythmaster
Why must we be abandoned in times of need?
Do others not see when we yearn for their touch;
An insatiable hunger only they can feed.
Left alone with out their words – fallen into darkness.
Stumbling blindly without their light,
We fall and scream, knowing we've faced too much,
Knowing the only answer is flight.
Flight from the lives we once faced
And the joys and terrors others have brought.
Our time with them, a time of joy and life,
Wonder we all, was it for naught?
-
Kiba-kun - Posts: 561
- Joined: Wed May 04, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: At my job.
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