wow, i need some advice

[Jman]

well, theres this girl in my nebighorhood that i've liked since i first met her, i mean, we hangout alot and shes been there for me, i'm in 9th Grade now (( YAY FRESHMAN!! )) and with homecoming coming up i was wondering what to do, i mean i want to be more then just friends, but then again i dont want to sabatoge what we have right now, i was thinking of asking her to homecoming as just friends, but i dunno, what do you think. would it be a good idea?

[Radical Dreamer]

So it's not like I'm very well-versed in the ways of dating and such, but I can give the advice that if you're going to go with her, you should go as friends. It's not a good idea to start dating when you're so young. Heck, I've never had a date in all 17 of my years, and I consider myself better-off for it. Just my two cents.

[carneman]

dude, i know what you mean about not wanting to mess things up, but if you like her, then go for it man! i had the same thing happen to me (well, almost) and even after i asked her, she said no, we were still friends. just be careful about how you ask. and if you ask her to go as "just friends" then she may not pick up on the fact that you like her. i know it can be hard to ask a girl out, im really shy, but when you do, even if she says no, its a great feeling to get it off your chest, ya know? i think you should go for it, but to it tactfully, dont profess your undying love and creep her out. just say "hey ---, do you think you would want to go to homecoming with me?" if she says yes than yayness! if she says no, then at least you know weather she likes you or not... just go for it, and how it goes is how it goes. but if shes truly your friend, shell probably still be your friend.

[Destroyer2000]

If you feel ready, then go ahead. Age is a number, not a scale of your maturity. I know some 13 year olds more mature than a few 25 year olds. It's more of when you feel like you can take it, but as for that, I'm not sure. Yeah, I'm 17 and never had a date. Not necessarily for lack of effort, but many times, in the end, it's not worth it. You make the choice, man.

[Heart of Sword]

Is she a Christian? If so, knock yourself out, I guess... I don't know, I don't date, I court. (Before anyone asks, no, I am not courting right now and probably won't for a long time.)

[Puritan]

So long as your parents are OK with it (and most would be, but I have known some who feel otherwise) I'd say go for it, ask her to the dance. She probably would love to be able to go with a friend (or slightly more than friend, whatever), and, hopefully, you'll enjoy yourselves, I know I've liked the dances I've attended. And don't look on this type of thing too seriously, while this may be considered "dating" I think of it more as a good way of getting to know people of the opposite sex and a good social learning mechanism. Go and have fun, and don't worry about the "seriousness" of a relationship at this point, simply have fun and let that other stuff come later.

[Rei]

14 year old to 14 year old, I would say not move to fast with this. If you guys have only been friends then maybe she isn't ready for that..or dosn't feel the same.. or she could be shy, and kinda want you to ask..you might try taking a look at her personality, and thinking on your past. Has she ever given you a reason to suppose she might like you, or does she just love having you as a great friend..I can't really say whether or not to ask her, but you might wanna think a little more on it.^^

[Zeke]

dude, i know what you mean about not wanting to mess things up, but if you like her, then go for it man!

I completely agree, and if she turns you down, it doesnt mean that you two are done, well at least it shouldnt. I hope things go well for you, but it is unhealthy for any one to be in a close relationship without going any where. It just doesnt work, that just happened to my friend. He didnt want to ask her out, but he spends all his time with her, and it is getting to the point where she is looking for a husband, and my friend is about to get very hurt.

So just do it, it is the best way.

[Nate]

I disagree with the earlier statement that "age is just a number." I'm not saying it is impossible for a younger teenager to be mature; far from it. However, there is mental maturity and emotional maturity. I personally don't feel a teenager, any teenager, can be emotionally mature, no matter how mentally mature they may be.

Trust me, I was a teenager once too, and I can tell you that at 14, you are way too young to be dating. There's a lot of reasons, and not all of them are about your age, they're about other things too. I feel a Christian should only date to consider marriage. You're 14. Where are you going to college? Where is she going to college? Are you going to support her with a job while she goes to college, or are you both going to work? Are you going to buy a house or live in an apartment? That's assuming you both go to the same area to live after high school.

Serious questions like this, you certainly can't answer right now, and yet, they are necessary to have a working relationship/marriage. So you can see, it's not a matter of being "mature," it's a matter of looking at reality and knowing you don't know where you or this girl are going to be four years from now.

By the way, you don't need to have definitive, written in stone answers for those kinds of questions, but you need to at least have an idea...and at 14, you probably haven't even started planning for college, am I right?

Go as friends. It isn't going to hurt to go as friends, but if you try to go as something more, then it might hurt. I know I'm an "old man" and teenagers love to ignore the advice of those older than themselves, so feel free to ignore me, but I've said what I needed to say. :p

[indyrocker]

Women are troble I can tell you that from experence. Dating isn'nt all that necicary for the "highschool" experence. I was 18 befor I went on my first date its all a question of do you think you are mature enough for a relashinship at this point for most highschoolers I think the answer to that should be a no but for a few that it is a yes power to ya.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Going to a dance doesn't equal dating =D

Just go ask her. Don't have second thoughts. Just go up and ask her to the dance.

[Puguni]

If it's as friends, then I really don't see a problem. Hey, if you're both uncomfortable with slow dancing, that's ok too! You just want to have fun with your friend as a friend, and just because you're asking her to homecoming doesn't mean that you guys are all out dating. People who can't understand that going as friends is not dating are just ignorant. :[

[Ryupower]

I say you pray about it. ^^

[Artist4Jesus89]

yeah going as just friends i highly doubt it will ruin anything to be honest i mean just go up to her and be calm i am sure its difficult but you can do it!

[Jman]

Yeah, well i'm still debating weather or not to even ask her, i mean i want to, but i'm not the smoothest talker around the chickas, but i was hanging out with her today and we had fun, i mean girls are so flipping hard to read, so i don't know if she likes me, but, maybe?

but as for the relationship stance, it's not for me right now, i know that in my heart.

but thanks for all the advice everyone, i guess i'll have to let God respond on this one =/...somthing i havn't done in a while..

[Gypsy]

So ... what'd you end up doing? ^^

[Doubleshadow]

So ... what'd you end up doing? ^^

Ditto. Made a decision?

[Jman]

well, isn't Gypsy itching for an answerr ^_^


well, the dance isn't until like october 23rd, but, i'm planning on asking her in the next few days O.)

[That Dude]

I agree with Kea and Anon about not dating...And you yourself have said that you aren't ready for anything Jman. But I don't think that there's anything wrong with going as friends. As for how to ask her...Well all I gotta say is just do it. Don't overthink or anything because in the long run it really isn't that important at all.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

You better hurry and ask her before she already gets taken by someone else XD

[Nate]

just as kae said about the courtship thing, but more than that.

Er, I'm not sure what you're referring to, but I would like to say, I very much dislike this "courtship" fad (and yes, it IS a fad, and like all fads, will die one day) and wish for it to go away. I'm tired of Christians trying to turn "date" into a four letter word, all it does is cause division in the body of Christ for no good reason whatsoever.

Anyway, I'll stop now before this becomes a full-fledged rant... >.> And I didn't mean to call you out, anony. ^^;;

[Yumie]

[quote="kaemmerite"]Er, I'm not sure what you're referring to, but I would like to say, I very much dislike this "courtship" fad (and yes, it IS a fad, and like all fads, will die one day) and wish for it to go away. I'm tired of Christians trying to turn "date" into a four letter word, all it does is cause division in the body of Christ for no good reason whatsoever.

Anyway, I'll stop now before this becomes a full-fledged rant... >.> And I didn't mean to call you out, anony. ^^]

Ha ha, I know what you mean Kae, but I partly disagree, too. It's not that I don't like courting-- I think courting is an awesome thing. What I don't like is what Christians have turned courting into: dating under a different name. Courting and dating should be two very different things, not because of the terms we know them by, but because of what they are. It seems as Christians we've kind of decided that "courting" sounds holy, so whatever kind of more-than-friends relationships we have people of the opposite sex, we like to slap a "courting" label on it to make it sound good. But if anyone is interested in what real courting should look like, I'd suggest picking up a copy of "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris. It's a really good book.

Now, back on topic: I think it'd be fine for the two of you to go together, but I'm going to have to agree with all the people who have suggested that you not turn it into a serious relationship as of this point in your life. Because the likelyhood is that it wouldn't survive until marriage-- most early highschool relationships are just like that. And when you think about it, why waste your romance on a relationship that won't last? It'd be so much cooler to save it for that special person you're going to marry, everything you did together would be completely new to you, instead of repeats of events that occured between you and previous girlfriends.

And this coming from a girl: if you're nervous about asking her, just remember that no matter what happens she'll be flattered. If a guy that I didn't even like as more than a friend asked me to a dance, I would be honored that he would take the time to let me know that he would enjoy spending an evening with me enough to ask me to go with him. So it's not like this girl you're friends with is going to be like, "Oh great! He asked me to go somewhere with him-- now I hate him!" Even if she says no, I'm sure she'll think it was really sweet of you to ask. So just relax and ask her casually, and see what happens. (And I'm so sorry this post is so long! . .)

[Nate]

Courting and dating should be two very different things, not because of the terms we know them by, but because of what they are.

Sorry, I disagree. Looking under "Biblical courtship" in wikipedia, which quotes very heavily from the book mentioned by Joshua Harris, I see nothing in this "courtship" which should not be done in dating.

I realize that the world's standards of dating is different than a Christians. I also realize many Christians have fallen into the trap of dating like the world does. I don't deny this, but what I'm saying is from what I see about what "courtship" is, it's nothing more than dating by Christian principles.

And that's the major problem I have with this "courtship" thing. It just seems to set up these divisions within the church, so that the Christians who say they're "courting" look down upon the Christians that say they date. "Oh, you date, that's evil and of the world." That's crap. There's nothing evil and of the world about dating.

Even if you say "Well I don't use the courtship thing to think I'm better than a Christian who dates," well, that's fine, but how are you making other people feel? Let's say some 20 year old who is in a serious relationship with his girlfriend of two years comes and sees everyone talking about how "courtship" is so good and stuff, how's that going to make him feel? Wouldn't that make him feel like an inferior Christian, maybe make him feel like he's done something wrong, when in actuality he's done nothing wrong?

And that's why I don't buy into this "courtship" thing, because it IS just another name for Christian dating, and until you can provide solid evidence as to why it isn't, I will always hate it.

It's interesting to note, though, that "dating" in wikipedia redirects to the article on "courtship," whereas "courtship" itself is the article about how animals mate. I'm not implying anything, just found it a bit amusing. XD

[That Dude]

I'd have to agree with you Kea. Courting is no different from Christ centered dating. I also have the same frustration that you have with all the useless divisions and such that it causes.

[Jman]

And this coming from a girl: if you're nervous about asking her, just remember that no matter what happens she'll be flattered. If a guy that I didn't even like as more than a friend asked me to a dance, I would be honored that he would take the time to let me know that he would enjoy spending an evening with me enough to ask me to go with him. So it's not like this girl you're friends with is going to be like, "Oh great! He asked me to go somewhere with him-- now I hate him!" Even if she says no, I'm sure she'll think it was really sweet of you to ask. So just relax and ask her casually, and see what happens. (And I'm so sorry this post is so long! . .)

sorry it took so long to respond, i've been extremly busy lol,

in all honesty, i hope what you say is true, we've both decided to just go to the dance as nothing more then friends, and hangout, cause seemingly i suck at dancing :-p. but on the accord of dating, would she freak if i asked her out, i mean at my stage in life, theres no point in really dating in the essence of looking for marriage, and dating is to find the one you'll marry right? so then, would it be a little foolish of me to ask her out at this age?