My brother and I literally haven't had a real conversation with each other for about a year. Whenever he comes home he'll say hello to my parents and then walk past me like I'm not there. If I knock on his door, he won't respond when he realizes it's me. I ask him questions and he ignores me. He stomped away when my parents asked him to sing "Happy Birthday" for my birthday this year.
I realize that this can't just happen for no reason, so I ask him what I did wrong, but, oh yeah, he's ignoring me. I'm truly confused.
He's the only brother and sibling I've had, so I'm not sure, but aren't we supposed to at least be able to talk to each other? I asked my dad, and he said it's a guy thing and they don't want little sisters around, or something like that. I understand that the anime-style close brother/sister relationship doesn't exist, but it's a little hurtful when your own family member doesn't acknowledge you're there.
So I guess what I'm asking is, what do you guys think? Is this normal and I'm just making a big deal about this, or is it something I did?
Is this really a brother thing?
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Nia-chan - Posts: 362
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It's certainly a concern... Try talking to mom? But definintly pray about it. If he's the elder brother, he ought to be mature enough to handle things even if you did do something.
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Shao Feng-Li - Posts: 5187
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I am an older brother, and I didn't have any younger sisters but I had two younger brothers. Yeah, they irritated me, but what's going on with you, doesn't sound normal. Especially the birthday thing, no matter how irritated I was with my brothers, it was their BIRTHDAY. You don't do things like that on someone's birthday.
I'd say, there is a moderate cause for concern. I obviously can't tell you if you did something to tick him off, but I'll be praying that if it was something you did, he can forgive you and treat you like a sister again, or if you didn't do anything and he's being a jerk, that he'll stop.
I'd say, there is a moderate cause for concern. I obviously can't tell you if you did something to tick him off, but I'll be praying that if it was something you did, he can forgive you and treat you like a sister again, or if you didn't do anything and he's being a jerk, that he'll stop.
Ezekiel 23:20
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Nate - Posts: 10725
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pray to God about it and ask him for guidence. also, pray for your brother. he's probably going through some difficult times but he'll come through soon. i really find it hard to relate with you since my big brother is always there for me and i'd REALLY be sad if he stopped talking to me for half a year.
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- Westminister Confession of Faith (Chapter 5, Section 1)
"The wisdom of God has found a way for the love of God to deliver sinners from the wrath of God all the while upholding the righteousness of God!!"
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"Sometimes we don't present the Gospel well enough for the non-elect to reject it."
- John MacArthur
"In the total expanse of the human life, there is not a single square inch of which Christ, who alone is sovereign, does not declare, 'That is mine'."
- Abraham Kuyper
"God the great Creator of all things doth uphold, direct, dispose, and govern all creatures, actions, and things, from the greatest even to the least, by His most wise and holy providence, according to His infallible foreknowledge and the free and immutable counsel of His own will, to the praise of the glory of His wisdom, power, justice, goodness, and mercy."
- Westminister Confession of Faith (Chapter 5, Section 1)
"The wisdom of God has found a way for the love of God to deliver sinners from the wrath of God all the while upholding the righteousness of God!!"
- John Piper
"Grace is the pleasure of God to magnify the worth of God by giving sinners the right and power to delight in God without obscuring the glory of God!"
-John Piper
"The very One from Whom we need to be saved, is the One Who has saved us."
- R.C. Sproul
"All of Christian life is ceaseless worship of God the Father, through the mediatorship of God the Son, by the indwelling power of God the Spirit, doing what God commands in Scripture, not doing what God forbids in Scripture, in culturally contextualized ways, for the furtherance of the Gospel, when both gathered for adoration, and scattered for action, in joyous response to God's glorious grace."
- Mark Driscoll
"Believers do not pray with the view of informing God about things unknown to Him, or of exciting Him to do His duty, or of urging Him as though He were reluctant. On the contrary, they pray in order that they may arouse themselves to seek Him, that they may exercise their faith in meditating on His promises, that they may relieve themselves from their anxieties by pouring them into His bosom; in a word, that they may declare that from Him alone they hope and expect, both for themselves and for others, all good things."
- Martin Luther
"I have to tell you first that I am ready to die. I have put my affairs in order. Your supreme weapon is killing. My supreme weapon is dying, because when you kill me, people all over Romania will read my books and believe on the God that I preach - even more than they do now."
- Dr. Joseph Ton, the exiled Romanian pastor (quoted by James Montgomery Boice)
"The best prayer I ever prayed had enough sin in it to condemn the whole world."
- John Bunyan
"If the Christian has lost sight of Calvary, that shows that he has lost his way."
- J.I. Packer[/SIZE]
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jon_jinn - Posts: 3261
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just so you know...there IS such a thing as a close brother/sister relationship. Me and my brother are about a 1 and 1/2 apart (I'm the oldest), and we like a lot of the same things and tend to hang out alot. So, really, some siblings are closer than others....^^; It really depends on the siblings and their personalities.
What your brother is doing is definately not normal, though. x.x; I agree that you should ask your Mom about it and see what she thinks. Maybe she can also talk to your brother to figure out why he's acting that way.
What your brother is doing is definately not normal, though. x.x; I agree that you should ask your Mom about it and see what she thinks. Maybe she can also talk to your brother to figure out why he's acting that way.
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MorwenLaicoriel - Posts: 531
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Maybe you should confront him directly. Maybe sit on him when he's walking by and make him listen, because what you're going through is definitely not normal. :[
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Puguni - Posts: 1323
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No that's not normal. What's the age difference between you two? Could he be going through some kind of childish phase where relating to a younger sibling is "totally uncool"? (BTW, he could be 28 and going through a childish phase like that.) Or that he just thinks he doesn't have time to "waste" on a kid. (And it doesn't matter necessarily if you're 21 or so - you're still younger than him, and therefore he could see you as just a kid.)
Anyway, I would just talk to your mom and pray about it, at least for the time being. Maybe he IS going through something tough. Or maybe you did something that bothered him, that could've been really small and stupid, but a big deal to him. But he needs to open up and tell you that, not just hold it in and hurt both himself AND you. It could be any number of things, which is why I think prayer is the best route for now.
Anyway, I would just talk to your mom and pray about it, at least for the time being. Maybe he IS going through something tough. Or maybe you did something that bothered him, that could've been really small and stupid, but a big deal to him. But he needs to open up and tell you that, not just hold it in and hurt both himself AND you. It could be any number of things, which is why I think prayer is the best route for now.
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"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." - Colossians 3:23 NIV
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dyzzispell - Posts: 296
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My brother and I are about three years, apart, he's about twenty years old... which makes me realize that we're both going to go our own separate ways in a little bit, so maybe it doesn't really matter, I don't know.
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Nia-chan - Posts: 362
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Well, my older brother went through a phase where he didn't want much to do with me. We're about three years apart as well and while he was in High School, it definitely wasn't cool to have a little brother. Those issues went away once he graduated high school and we've become very close.
That your brother is 20 and behaving this way seems a tad immature. I can not picture, in my mind, a 20 year old refusing to sing Happy Birthday, but I'm no macho he-man type, either. If you did something to make him angry, he should just say so. That's the "guy thing" to do. Is he also withdrawing from the rest of the family?
Whatever the reason, you can't force him to talk to you. I would tell him how you feel. Knock on his door one day and let him know that his behavior is hurting you and that his little sister misses him and wants to be a part of his life.
That your brother is 20 and behaving this way seems a tad immature. I can not picture, in my mind, a 20 year old refusing to sing Happy Birthday, but I'm no macho he-man type, either. If you did something to make him angry, he should just say so. That's the "guy thing" to do. Is he also withdrawing from the rest of the family?
Whatever the reason, you can't force him to talk to you. I would tell him how you feel. Knock on his door one day and let him know that his behavior is hurting you and that his little sister misses him and wants to be a part of his life.
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termyt - Posts: 4289
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Unfortunately, I know exactly what you're going through. It's so frustrating to have to pursue a relationship with an older sibling. It feels like they should just understand your affections for them and give generously of themselves...but such is rarely the case.
My brother and I are almost 7 years apart. When I was in elementary and middle school, I can remember whole years going by without ever spending time with him or even speaking to each other. I didn't understand it at the time and I was so destroyed by it because I wanted a friendship with him more than anyone in the world. It was a very, very slow thing for me to decide to engage him. It started out with me just sitting with him and watching him play video games. Eventually he found out I had a knack for seeing things he didn't and he actually sulked when I wouldn't drop hints for him. That started us on other shared interests too. I started helping my mom buy his clothes for him and helped choose all his Christmas and birthday gifts (for which he was VERY grateful). I'd have friends burn cds for him that I knew he'd like. Now he confides in me like an actual friend. Don't be deceived, though. It took the better part of four years before he felt like he could tell me about his life troubles.
I eventually came to the realization that my brother never felt comfortable being my brother in my childhood because he was always in serious trouble with my parents and with the law and he just felt like he deserved to be ostracized from all the "good people" in his life. I explained to him that little sisters don't care what kind of mischief their older brothers fall into, we adore them endlessly just for being who they are. It's totally true. To this day I feel like out of all the people in my life that I love, I love him with the most pure kind of intensity.
Sometimes the people in our lives that know they're supposed to be role models feel horribly inadequate and because of that insecurity, they cut themselves off from us completely to keep from that feeling of failure. I don't know for certain that it's the same with your brother but it's certainly true in a lot of cases with me and my friends.
Maybe you could try to pursue your brother in a quiet kinda way like I did and just show that you care about him and want to be with him no matter what.
My brother and I are almost 7 years apart. When I was in elementary and middle school, I can remember whole years going by without ever spending time with him or even speaking to each other. I didn't understand it at the time and I was so destroyed by it because I wanted a friendship with him more than anyone in the world. It was a very, very slow thing for me to decide to engage him. It started out with me just sitting with him and watching him play video games. Eventually he found out I had a knack for seeing things he didn't and he actually sulked when I wouldn't drop hints for him. That started us on other shared interests too. I started helping my mom buy his clothes for him and helped choose all his Christmas and birthday gifts (for which he was VERY grateful). I'd have friends burn cds for him that I knew he'd like. Now he confides in me like an actual friend. Don't be deceived, though. It took the better part of four years before he felt like he could tell me about his life troubles.
I eventually came to the realization that my brother never felt comfortable being my brother in my childhood because he was always in serious trouble with my parents and with the law and he just felt like he deserved to be ostracized from all the "good people" in his life. I explained to him that little sisters don't care what kind of mischief their older brothers fall into, we adore them endlessly just for being who they are. It's totally true. To this day I feel like out of all the people in my life that I love, I love him with the most pure kind of intensity.
Sometimes the people in our lives that know they're supposed to be role models feel horribly inadequate and because of that insecurity, they cut themselves off from us completely to keep from that feeling of failure. I don't know for certain that it's the same with your brother but it's certainly true in a lot of cases with me and my friends.
Maybe you could try to pursue your brother in a quiet kinda way like I did and just show that you care about him and want to be with him no matter what.
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Bunny - Posts: 429
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The biggest thing you gotta do is let him know Let him know that you want to be noticed and loved by your brother =D Over time, change may occur.
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
Its not a brother thing.
It seems more to me like he's going through something, and hes keeing it quiet and distancing himself from family, maybe. I dont really know though. ^.^:; I dont really know If I can add on to what people have already said here. But its definately not a brother thing.
It seems more to me like he's going through something, and hes keeing it quiet and distancing himself from family, maybe. I dont really know though. ^.^:; I dont really know If I can add on to what people have already said here. But its definately not a brother thing.
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SigmaKnight - Posts: 152
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Jingo Jaden - Posts: 2175
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