What did I do!?!?

Postby **Sapphire225** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:04 pm

There is this boy who shares two of the same classes with me. He was being teased by a couple of sophmores in my class. I noticed he didn't have alot or any friends either and so I tried to aquaint myself with him. I only said four words to the guy: "Hi, how are you?" And he replies, "Don't you need to get to class or something?"

I was dumbfounded. But being a christian and disciplined enough to not start fights, I just ignore it and get to class.

In History class, we had to work together to build something. I was teamed with him and another boy, Me being the only girl of the group. I notice the boy had made a friend. Good, I'm happy for him. He finally makes a friend after about two weeks after the start of school. But I'm even more dumbfounded on what happend today.

As I'm working with him, he is talking with the other boy. And we all started talking. Only, the boy that had no friends at first said nothing to me. After we are done the project, I volunteered out of the three of us to throw away the trash. As I'm reaching for it, he snatches it and says, "I'm throwing away the trash."

I looked at the other boy, who had the same confused look as I did, and looked back at the boy with blond hair and light blue eyes. "Excuse me?" I asked.

"What is it?" He says, as if I had asked to much of him. That was the second question I ever asked him, besides How he is doing.

"By any chance, do you like me?" I ask. I can't believe this is what he says:

"I hate you. Why'd she partner you up with me?"

I was appalled. What the heck did I do!? I'm just trying to help! So I asked, "Why?"

And he answers, "Cuz' its losers like you that get on my (can't say the curse) nerves."

I'm like, What the heck!? I'm just being nice to him, trying to help him get a friend and he hates me. I didn't even do anything to him or say anything negative to him. Shoot, I don't even know him that well! Its like he only hates me for trying to help!

Instead of shouting back at him, I just pretend I didn't here it, even though he started to annoy me with "get that" and "do this" stuff. Why did the teacher make him leader!?

And to make it worse, the other boy was around to here it. Luckily, no one else heard it, I hope.

Man, What's with this guy?

Postby **Kiba-kun** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:12 pm

Some guys just are like that. Either they are just so into themselves that they make assumptions based on how a person looks and they build up on that, not bothering getting to know them or my thought is that he was neglected as a child and can only compensate by being mean to others. Or perhaps he's a sexist. It's impossible to say but I'd ignore this. If you try to find out why he said that by bringing it to the a teachers attention, they'll only pursue it and he'll hate you more (I've had the problem so I can tell you first hand that is normally how it works).

Postby **Mr. SmartyPants** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:18 pm

Sooner or later he'll maybe realize that he's being mean. (or maybe he simply has an anti-social disorder) You did nothing wrong. If he's unwilling to do anything that's a problem on his end.

I guess you can continue to show him Christ-like love. Who knows. Maybe he will change in the future.

Postby **Sapphire225** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:22 pm

Thanks, but I don't know if he's sexist. Usually, people who are sexist would barely stand being taught by a female teacher. The classes he's in with me both have female teachers. Plus, I had noticed was that another girl asked a question to him and he didn't say anything bad to her. (Or probably he did, but I couldn't hear.) And, of course, I'm not going to tell the teachers to increase his hate for me. And I don't really mind him hating me. Well...I do, but alot of people will hate you for no good reason. But, why the heck is he taking out his animosity in ME!? And what it seems like, but can't confirm, ME ONLY!?

I'll try my best to be nice and friendly to him, but I can't take but so much. Hopefully, he'll realize what he is doing is wrong.

Postby **dyzzispell** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:30 pm

I have a theory that I'm not sure makes any sense. Maybe people normally pick on him or something, so he's used to being an outsider. So much so that he refuses to let anyone even be nice to him, for fear he will get attached, and then let down/rejected. Maybe there really is something psychological going on, where he just pushes people away, and then wonders why no one talks to him. It's sort of a "what do YOU care, you could NEVER understand me" attitude. Something that would be extremely hard to break through. He's probably worse with people that he thinks are pitying him, and maybe he thought that's what you were doing, by being nice. Sort of a wall he just automatically puts up.
Point is, if you start to see him as a victim of his own attitude, that he is his own worst enemy, you can start to feel bad for him, and not automatically go on the offensive as soon as he's mean to you. Maybe try to see him through Christ's eyes, you know?
Or maybe he never outgrew his "I hate girls" phase that all boys go through. :lol:

But seriously, just my observations; I could be totally off here. Pray about it and see what God tells you.

Postby **Sapphire225** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:35 pm

I never thought of that. I'll pray for him to have his life set in order, but I wonder if that's the case. Hopefully, I'll try my best to have him become more social, make friends, and help him solve his problems.

Well, that is, if he'll let me try to get over to him. :lol:

But seriously, thanks for all the support you guys.

Postby **Esoteric** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:45 pm

It's always tough when someone hates you for no reason. Logically, it never makes sense, but then, there are many illogical people in this world. Try and stay as neutral and uneffected by it as possible. That's the only advice I can offer.
I wouldn't involve the teacher unless it gets worse or being in a group with him impacts your grade in a negative manner. If so, then ask for a reassingment on the grounds that you guys simply don't get along. Don't be accusing about it or anything. But again, I wouldn't do that unless he makes it impossible for you to work with him at all. Sadly, some people are just jerks.

Postby **QtheQreater** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 8:56 pm

dyzzispell wrote:I have a theory that I'm not sure makes any sense. Maybe people normally pick on him or something, so he's used to being an outsider. So much so that he refuses to let anyone even be nice to him, for fear he will get attached, and then let down/rejected. Maybe there really is something psychological going on, where he just pushes people away, and then wonders why no one talks to him. It's sort of a "what do YOU care, you could NEVER understand me" attitude. Something that would be extremely hard to break through. He's probably worse with people that he thinks are pitying him, and maybe he thought that's what you were doing, by being nice. Sort of a wall he just automatically puts up.

I would have to agree with this. It's not far fetched at all, because I've seen it in action. From the boys perspective. When anyone tries to be friendly with me, I tend to push them away, ESPECIALLY if I think they're pitying me. I've been rejected too much to try and be attached to people who only talk to me when they think it's their duty.

But here's the part that might help. If he really feels like this, he's probably testing you, to see if you'll still try to be friendly. That, unfortunately, is what I do. And since most people fail the test, I've gotten worse about shutting people out, and it sounds like this kid might be the same way. Keep at it. You never know whether this guy is really obnoxious or whether he's just hurting.

Postby **[GMOD]Vedicardi** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:39 pm

Sounds like some sort of Anime steryotype.

You know, the one with the mysterious past that always wants to be left alone.

In my opinion, try not to immideatly become friends with him or anything, but don't wait to long. If it's just because he's emotional, he'll have to open up to someone, but if he's just doing it because he feels like being mean, then you should just let him be.

You should be able to tell if he's one or the other after a week or so.

Postby **K. Ayato** » Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:58 pm

Could be he's an outsider, like some of you have already speculated. Then again, maybe he's in a sense jealous of you. I'll hope to explain this with an example. I was at an Army base for 7 weeks. During that time, the girls I shared rooms (or bays) with quickly noticed that I didn't smoke, do drugs, drink, party, and that I was still a virgin. I got picked on 'cause of that! They didn't like me! While trying to sort out any possible reason why, I finally concluded that I represent a person they could've been but decided to throw it away for the life they were living. Because of that, they took it out on me. Make any sense?

Anyway, that's what I'm seeing from your story of this guy. I don't think he "hates" you, but he's more along the lines of being disappointed that he can't be like you.

Then again, I could be wrong. Hope in time he lightens up. In the meantime, keep your distance, but don't give him the idea that he intimidates you.

Postby **Sammy Boy** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 6:48 am

Maybe he hates himself, without even knowing it. And he is transferring his hatred of himself onto you because in a sense you are trying to get him to see himself differently. I think your intention was to make him feel he belonged, but he might have misread you and thus treated you badly.

I'll pray for you. Have you any brothers / sisters at your school you could share this with? I think that will help because then you will know you are not bearing this burden alone.

Postby **Sapphire225** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 9:21 am

K. Ayato wrote:Could be he's an outsider, like some of you have already speculated. Then again, maybe he's in a sense jealous of you. I'll hope to explain this with an example. I was at an Army base for 7 weeks. During that time, the girls I shared rooms (or bays) with quickly noticed that I didn't smoke, do drugs, drink, party, and that I was still a virgin. I got picked on 'cause of that! They didn't like me! While trying to sort out any possible reason why, I finally concluded that I represent a person they could've been but decided to throw it away for the life they were living. Because of that, they took it out on me. Make any sense?

What!? Adults really do that!? I thought they would act a bit more mature about situations like that. At least, you're doing the right thing.

Postby **termyt** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:12 am

Adults are the same as teens, they just are less likely to suffer from mood swings or sudden personality shifts.

It's possible he's attracted to you. It's also possible that people he does hang around with don't like you for some reason and that dislike has been magnified into hate by him.

The challenge is to continue to be pleasent to him. If he doesn't like you, that's his choice. It's unfortunate and I feel bad for both you and him, but the best thing you can do is continue to be pleasant to him. Maybe he'll come around, maybe he won't, but as long as he isn't abusive, simple kindness is the best way to deal with him.

Postby **Ingemar** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 10:56 am

Sapphire225 wrote:"By any chance, do you like me?" I ask.

Maybe he is annoyed at how forward you're being.

Postby **Animus Seed** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 11:16 am

Sapphire225 wrote:"By any chance, do you like me?"

Ingemar wrote:Maybe he is annoyed at how forward you're being.

I *did* think it was odd, myself, that you'd ask him that.

Postby **K. Ayato** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 11:22 am

termyt wrote:Adults are the same as teens, they just are less likely to suffer from mood swings or sudden personality shifts. :.

Couldn't have said it better myself, termyt. I thought people going into the Army were more mature, and that I'd not have to face a lot of drama among the Soldiers. Boy was I wrong!

Postby **Dante** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 11:27 am

My impression is that his actions represent a strong defensive mechanism against socially negative effects. You might represent a threat for many reasons, but he probobly fears that if he let's you get closer as a friend that you will only initiate some form of social attack later, that will further psychological and emotional harm towards him. These inner feeling may be amplified by the social image you portray: for instance you may be socially outgoing (perhaps even with a few of his enemies?), or perhaps he sees you as a threat because of how you appear (you may remind him of the "type" of person he would expect an attack from via image). Further, he might hold athiest or foreign religious beliefs, and by observation of your walk with God concludes that you are one of those "preacher types", whose sole purpose in starting a relationship is to convert them and then go on with no deep desire for friendship. Leaving him stranded in a foreign world view confused spiritually as he was psychologically and emotionally.

As a whole when coupled with potential additional problems he may be experiencing, or going through, he may have no clue which way is up or down, and who is a friend and who is a foe. Of course, I might also ask, by any chance, do you like him?

Pascal

Postby **dyzzispell** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 1:39 pm

Pascal wrote:My impression is that his actions represent a strong defensive mechanism against socially negative effects. You might represent a threat for many reasons, but he probobly fears that if he let's you get closer as a friend that you will only initiate some form of social attack later, that will further psychological and emotional harm towards him. These inner feeling may be amplified by the social image you portray: for instance you may be socially outgoing (perhaps even with a few of his enemies?), or perhaps he sees you as a threat because of how you appear (you may remind him of the "type" of person he would expect an attack from via image). Further, he might hold athiest or foreign religious beliefs, and by observation of your walk with God concludes that you are one of those "preacher types", whose sole purpose in starting a relationship is to convert them and then go on with no deep desire for friendship. Leaving him stranded in a foreign world view confused spiritually as he was psychologically and emotionally.

As a whole when coupled with potential additional problems he may be experiencing, or going through, he may have no clue which way is up or down, and who is a friend and who is a foe. Of course, I might also ask, by any chance, do you like him?

Pascal

Truly, you have a dizzying intellect. :dizzy:

But seriously, it totally makes sense. I actually went through a similar phase at about 19-21 yrs old, after I got out of a bad relationship. I pushed people away, but Christians more than anything else. I just acted like "no one could ever understand me". Which is why I said all that stuff in my earlier post.

termyt wrote:Adults are the same as teens, they just are less likely to suffer from mood swings or sudden personality shifts.

Hehe, really? I'm an adult and I get pretty bad mood swings. But then, I AM a woman... :lol:

Postby **Puguni** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 3:06 pm

Ingemar wrote:Maybe he is annoyed at how forward you're being.

I'm not too fond of outgoing people, so I would understand this. Maybe he just wants to be left alone.

Also, I think others are taking this way too seriously. Freshmen throw around words like dirty laundry. I highly doubt that he truly hates you.

Try walking around in his shoes. People aren't nasty for no reason. Yes, you were trying to be nice and neighborly, but sometimes it comes back at you the wrong way. This you'll have to get used to; I think the point is to give out kindness and love willingly without expecting anything back, namely in your case, an immediate kindness.

Also there are just some types of people that just aren't fit to be friends. There is this girl that I highly respect, but I couldn't imagine being full friends. Nice acquaintances, maybe.

Only when he starts verbally or physically abusing you does that become a whole 'nother issue.

Postby **Sapphire225** » Fri Mar 16, 2007 8:37 pm

Well now, we get along. We became friends about a month later and got to know each other better. He's a bit sarcastic though, but I guess I just don't get sarcastic people.

Postby **IZ&Trigun4life** » Sat Mar 17, 2007 9:45 am

Another thing could be, that you remind him of someone who hurt him. So subconciously he never got to confrontt he person, so he's taking his feelings out on you. In some cases, there coudl be absolutely no reason. Some poeple LLIKE to pic fights. He saw that you were nice, so he immediately registered you as an easy target in his head. It coudl be nothing and everything. Just pray for him and keep being nice like everyone else said.

Postby **Anna Mae** » Mon Mar 19, 2007 5:26 pm

You have a very assertive attitude about this. Perhaps he is a bit put off by your problam-solver attitude. If you relate to him with the intention of "fixing his problems," that could be a deterrant to real friendship.

I am glad to hear that things seem to be going better. Keep working at having a loving attitude.

Postby **termyt** » Tue Mar 20, 2007 12:40 pm

I'm glad you get along now. Way to stick with him.

Sarcasm is a defense mechanism. You either get it or you don't. In his case, it would seem to be a defense against getting hurt be people being mean to him.

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