tell me what you think

[martinloyola]

heres one of my few poems, enjoy

action

Creakin masking tape
flowing along the side wall
spiders of weblength depried
interesting thoughts missing
counting tiles on the floor
lost in the moment woe
forgetting the future prize

sloth of a new invention
giving new definition
what meaning meant
none I suppose
they don't care enough
mind melted in molasses

mirror imaged completely
solid pillars of industry
chaos falls to order
and loss becomes gain
packing bags the spider
leaves her home plain

ambition of a higher level
letting soul set to travel
for a place of perfection
difficult tiring toil
leaving hearts dejection
for this profit loss' foil

[QtheQreater]

Interesting...it has good imagery, but like a lot of poetry, it's a bit hard for me to really understand...

[martinloyola]

actually I was describing what happened one time when I was putting tape up for painting a wall or window and I knocked loose a spider web and its owner, I ended up getting lost in thought about the actions of spiders and how they are so industrious, no matter what happens to one web, they will go and build another, chaos in this sense is defeated by the indefatigable spider's drive to build order
symbolic in some ways I suppose, in others very literal transcription of something that happened to me

[Anna Mae]

I love poems with origins like that. This is really a very good poem. Albeit confusing at times, but still good. Your imagery and mixes are pleasing in a way that is difficult to articulate. Your word choice is unusual in a good way. I really do like it.

[martinloyola]

thank you anna mae,

Your word choice is unusual in a good way.

generally that is for alliteration, consonance, and rhyming
and sometimes to play around with thematic material

alot of poetry today has moved away from these devices, in fact eschewing any kind of "classical" ordering, form, or taste
not to say that my poem is classical mind you, I just try to use sounds to my advantage, my poems are usually best when spoken aloud, though sometimes I go for full free wordy wacky writing because consoncance can make cool cats sing some soothing magic sounds