girl trouble

[lain]

how many of you have a girlfriend? It can be hard somtimes to balance girlfriend and God. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?



And before anyone asks, yes she is a christian and yes I do love her.

[Spencer]

Nah, not yet. Waiting for the right fish in the sea.

[WhiteÃ…ngel]

Well Lain... it is very hard to stand on the word being only 24, but I am old so I will refer to things I have read and
they are strctly standing on the views of the word.
Relationships and being a true Christian are very difficult and depend on your understanding of the bible.

so....

*** WARNING… It is extremely advisable to research to see if these individuals are REAL christians.
We can not be responsible for any misunderstanding that may lead to any complications.
* make sure you both understand the difference between religion and a relationship with God.
Is he guiding your decisions or are you?

The person that you date should be approved and led by the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:10-16
God should lead you to the mate that you are going to marry. This may take time to seek the Lord for his revelation.
Through earnestly seeking God, he can reveal the truth to you. He has promised us through his word that the Holy
Spirit will lead us into all truth.

Christian dating is NOT an intimate relationship.
INTIMATE means: a relationship where there is sexual (sensual) kissing, caressing, touching, groping,
feeling or intercourse of any kind.

It is not recommended to date someone who is not a genuine Christian. The bible says:
"Be ye not unequally YOKED together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness
with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14
By their fruits you shall know them.

I believe it should be for getting to KNOW someone who you might marry.

It is more like "friendship" while you are suppose to get to know each other.

Dating should be used for the selection of your mates.

It is like buying an automobile.
You are looking and investigating but you are not personally involved until marriage.

You should be friends while getting to know each other.

This should eliminate all fears or unreasonable expectations.
It should give you a platform to look at the relationship with a clear "spirit."

Avoid saying or doing romantic things.

This is not the relationship for this.
This may cause you to get "emotionally" involved too soon.

Avoid making future plans.

Don't move too fast to intimacy.

It may lead to future disasters like unwanted pregnancies, diseases, hurt or unnecessary pain.

Don't allow yourself or your friends to treat both of you as a couple.

*Caution*
"It is good for a man not to touch a woman [sexually, intimately]."1 Corinthians 7:1

I will tell you that there is a consequence for failing to follow this instruction.
They say women give sex to get love.

When the women give, does she get what she is looking for?
This again may bring you two to be "emotionally" attached too soon.
This is why I do not recommend an intimate "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship.
When you are involved in a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship you can be "emotionally" attached, therefore it will hurt when both are "broken up."
How many boyfriend/girlfriend have you had already or how many mates have you had sex with already?
How many will you have before MARRIAGE?
We may be going about it the wrong way by having girlfriend/boyfriend relationships.

"Guard your heart with all diligence." Proverbs 4:23


I would not recommend any intimate kissing, caressing, touching, groping or sex in this stage.

Living a life following all the rules is very difficult and I will pray for you, regardless what you decide, that God is glorified in that decision.

[madphilb]

There are mixed thoughts on this, but I would personally recommend the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris.

It's a worthwhile read in MHO, at least it should give you some things to think about.

Frankly at this point in my life I wish I would have read a book like that years (and years, and years ) ago... sadly I would have laughed at it back then... sigh.

Don't be fooled into thinking you have to live according to the world's system... much of WhiteAngel's advice follows what Joshua wrote in his book...

PHIL

[Mithrandir]

I recomend Finding the Love of Your Life and Fit to be Tied. I read them before I got married, and they seem to help me figure out women.

*Ducks.

Oh, and not to start any flame wars:
a) I don't believe in serious dating until one knows what to do with one's self.
b) I'm probably not the best person to ask for 'temptation aviodence' advice.

[Saint]

What are your specific problems lain?
i think that any details of life can come in and struggle for your time with God. We should have God at the top of our list, but often that is not the case. I am sure you desire both God and a relationship with your girlfriend. i would just say to pray and make a commitment to have quality time with God, study, pray, and maybe pray with your girlfriend.

As for dating, really i would say it can be a dangerous trap. not that it is "wrong," but it can put you in some hard places. Dating is just a part of our society now for finding a mate. the problem is wanting to make the your date the mate. even if you keep the relationship totally biblical there can be problems. the whole, "this is my girlfriend and i'm her guy... shes mine, i'm hers," kinda mentality is not good. it puts you into a false marriage of sorts and its like if they shouldn't talk to other guys or you to other girls cause that would be cheating. well there should be no ownership cause there is no commitment. Commitment comes at marriage. (Good luck not doing this, i too want to commit even in dating, its in our nature to want to find that relationship). still, save yourself some trouble, cause if you break up after this "commintment" it is almost like a psychological divorce and repeating it can affect your decisions later in life. do something enought times and it starts getting easier. if you are not biblical in the relationship and get involved phsycially and then break up... oh yes that is very much so like a divorce, and that would be such a heartbreaking exp.

as for what you really asked... maybe just commiting to have special times devoted to God and leading God into the relationship more. Life should be God centered.

(funny thing... so far everyone that has posted thier thoughts is at least 24... )

[EireWolf]

oldphilosopher must've done something right...

he married me!

[MillyFan]

LOL, I don't know anymore. I used to think that a relationship would be the best thing and I've been in two long-distance relationships, one that broke up because the guy was manipulative and threatening to kill himself all the time, one of which I'm kind of still in. . .but lately I've been thinking about it a lot and seriously considering living a celibate single life for God because of several things. . .problem is, I have no idea how everyone will react to this news.

My reasons are as follows:

I honestly don't feel "attracted" to many guys, and I honestly do not really have any attraction of any sort aside from friendship based on common interests for even my on again-off again boyfriend. I like him as a friend and because he was nice to me, but I deeply regret telling him that it was something deeper because I now strongly feel that it isn't-and I only want to be a friend.

(Also, when I found out he was a big Love Hina fan, my respect for him dropped through the floor, same for when he took a sales job with no consideration of some major fraud incidents-I'm talking about salesmen scamming old people of their last dime-involving the company he now works for.)

My other reason is that while I like kids (LOL, I cry every time those sponsor a child ads come on, have ever since several years ago), I honestly don't believe I could care for 3, 4, 5, even more of my own, nor be a particularly shining example of Christian perfection to them. . .in fact, I know too well that I'm an all-too-fallible person.

[shooraijin]

Eire and oldphilosopher, let's get John here to comment on this. Whaddya say?:evil:

[ShiroiHikari]

Well, I don't know what to say to this.

Except that I didn't have to do a lot of dating around...I've met the person I love. We're going to get married eventually...and before anyone says anything, I'm 20 years old, thank you ^_^

[shooraijin]

> I've met the person I love. We're going to get married eventually...

Then omedetoo gozaimasu in advance :-) and congrats on God leading you to him.

[ShiroiHikari]

Doumo arigatou. :]

[Straylight]

moved to general

[Gypsy]

MillyFan,
I'm very sure you've read the verse in Song of Solomon about not waking love until its time. It's perfectly ok if you don't feel attracted to any guys right now. More than likely, you don't yet know the guy that God made for you (and you for him), or it's just not the time for those feelings to awaken yet. You should be proud of the fact that you're not tossing your affections around. I wouldn't completely write off falling in love just yet, because if God wants you to, you're gonna have a hard time not falling in love. However, it may be that God has called you to lead a single life, but you just never know.
As far as the not wanting kids thing goes ... I know exactly what you mean. I have never had any desire to be a mother either. Let's just say ... we'd probably make great aunts. But again, that might change when you meet the guy.
But until then, take a tip from a Gypsy and just keep surfing through life, content to be single for now.

[EireWolf]

Originally posted by MillyFan
. . .but lately I've been thinking about it a lot and seriously considering living a celibate single life for God because of several things. . .problem is, I have no idea how everyone will react to this news.

Hi MillyFan. I couldn't help but respond to this. Does it really matter how everyone else will react to a decision you make for God? When all is said and done, God's opinion of you is all that will matter.

It sounds like you feel stuck in this relationship, possibly because of what you told him before. But it also seems like you know this is not the guy for you, and that staying in this relationship is... not to be heartless, but... a waste of time for both of you, since you know it won't last, and certainly is not healthy for you. Don't stay in a relationship just because you think this guy needs you, or because you feel you're the only good influence on him, etc. I made that mistake a few times in my life. You can pray for him, but let God be responsible for him; that's not your job. I don't know if this is your way of thinking about it, but it was mine a few times. It only leads to problems.

Geez, I hope I'm not preaching at you. I just hate to see anyone stuck in a relationship that's going nowhere. If you want to talk about or something, feel free to PM me.

~~EireWolf~~

[Solid Ronin]

hmmm I have no time for such things..and if you want my thoughts maybe you should just quit dating

[Twilly Spree]

"The more you know who you are and what you want the less you let things upset you"

I don't know if it applies but it seems to be something to think about.

[TheMelodyMaker]

*raises eyebrow* ...Girlfriend? What's that? Never heard of it.

[Htom Sirveaux]

The only girls that seem to dig me are ones that I have no interest in getting romantically involved with. And the girls that I dig are almost invariably either spoken for or just plain out of my league. Ah well. I figure, if it happens it happens. I prefer not to think of it as girl trouble. Frankly, it's one less thing to be troubled about.

[thorn1ofmany]

There are mixed thoughts on this, but I would personally recommend the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris.

I would also suggest reading Joshua Harris' second book "Boy Meets Girl." It gives many heart warming examples of how to pursue godly, pure, romantic relationships.

[cbwing0]

how many of you have a girlfriend?

I have had girlfriends in the past, but none of the relationships worked out.

I am glad that she is a Christian and that you love her. I wish you the best of luck and a lifetime of happiness if you decide to pursue marriage.

[Stephen]

Hmm...I have dated a few times...got semi serious both times....and also got really hurt...yup you guessed it, both times. The main reason was that I dated girls that though they went to church and went to a Christian school...they were far from Christian. The lesson learned there was that unless you are up for an emotional roller coaster...don't jump on that bandwagon. What ended up hurting me the most...was that in one case...I felt the Lord leading me to end the relationship...and I was selfish. I cared more at the time, about our relationship..then God. Needless to say the relationship ended, and I got hurt much worse then I would have. I have been single for a couple years now...for a few reasons. 1. Just don't have time...between a job and normal life things are already kinda thin. and 2. I am not going to just hurl myself into another relationship for the sake of it. Each time a relationship goes sour...you get a little bit emotionaly numb. A part of you kinda withers. If you just keep on dating and dating. By the time you meet the person that is right for you...your gonna be a cold person...and not too much fun to be around. *Laughs* or maybe thats just me.

[DrNic]

One thing I was told (by one of the adults at our church) is that its a good thing to talk with your girlfriend to see what sort of things you should and shouldn't do ( kissing, feeling etc), this way you will be able to monitor, better, how far you go so you dont end up doing something you regret. (Did you get all that?)
Thats just something you may find helpful...

[Saint Kevin]

I guess I'm kinda lucky in a way. I have never had a girlfriend so I guess I've been spared a lot of the trouble and possible heartache I would have felt had I dated when I was younger. Looking back now, I realize I just wasn't ready for that. When the time is right, I'll start looking for "the one," or maybe she'll find me first, who knows. In the meantime, I'm just gonna get my life together first, and really put God first in my life (easier said than done) and then I might start thinking about dating. I really agree with what oldphilosopher said

I don't believe in serious dating until one knows what to do with one's self.

Yep, totally agree.

[Azier the Swordsman]

You people and your 'love'. I'm STILL waiting for the right one...

[Fsiphskilm]

Well first Dunno what worl

[Orange Kitten]

Really. I'm proud that there are people like Millyfan...

I'm sure Shatterheart agrees with you on that one. (My first post since reading that tragic story, so I'll throw my 2cents in that I never liked Milly]
If I get married though I'm telling her straight up "We are not having kids right now" I have WAY TOO MUCH to work on for God...
[/quote]
You might want to actually tell her that BEFORE you marry her.

I honestly believe that you can have a relationship with a man/woman AND with God at the same time.
I speak from experience. I don't think it's THAT hard. Here's what you do, go to church together; pray together. I see no reason that your walk with God should decrease because you're with someone, unless you're dating someone who is of a different faith or an atheist (but we've had that discussion before).
I can not count how many girls I've dated, and I can honestly say I've never gone more than 6 months without dating someone since I was like 15.
Experience counts. People say, I won't date anyone until I meet "the one". Well, how can you really find the one unless you date? You ARE compatible with more than just one persion out of the billions here on earth. Date 'til you find the right one for you.
The more experience you have in with dating, the more comfortable you become and the more you learn about yourself AND with what you are looking for in a woman (or guy if you're a woman).

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="Orange Kitten"]I'm sure Shatterhe

[cbwing0]

Revelation states that after this earth there will be a new one (either created or this earth restored?) and that you'll be able to have a family.

Where is that in Revelation?

[YesIExist]

[quote="Orange Kitten"] (My first post since reading that tragic story, so I'll throw my 2cents in that I never liked Milly]

Was that really necessary? I know what she did and strongly believe it was wrong, but I don't think this should be said in public forums. Besides, it's off-topic.