Mai's poetry

[Anna Mae]

I'll see if I can get around to it then. (Probably after quickly approaching finals.)

[mai]

It's been awhile, thought I would add some new poems here.


Clouds

Halve melded sky, flowing greatly over the earth. White rising crown, grey dust falling to the bottom. Pulling together small and great blue spaces, floating off.




Silence

Is there no silence? Do we even know what that means. Hearing the wind and the light rumble of traffic. The sound of birds calling above the earth, and hearing the ambulance running against that place under the dirt. The sound of so many breathing, but not knowing one of these creatures that shares your heart. Silence, the thing never heard, is still out of touch with the world.




The Truth of life

Once I stood in the center of a crimson field.
I held a dove, let it go.
The sky fell down behind me, the stars became more doves then I have ever seen. Like a wave the velvet sky pulled at my shoulders, curling in my ear.
My dove disappeared over the horizon.
The sky smooth and almost not there.
Doves around me.
Once I stood in a white tower above the world.
I saw a crow, said it was beautiful.
The earth beneath me fell to pieces.
A blackness deeper then the crows void wings.
I felt the emptiness pulling at me.
The crow fell down into the hole, a small light, almost not there, so far away.
The emptiness was a lie,
the most beautiful thing was down there, the earth had been hiding it from me.
I step out into the emptiness, where the world used to be.





Starting Over

He took his motorbike out of the shed, rode quivering beneath the streetlights. No moth was ever so eager for the sun. He could hardly see, too much cold and sharp gas in the air. Nothing like summer. He couldn't stop riding until he reached the end of time, somewhere on the outskirts of acceptable society where no wind picks up the breath of thousands.
No where were there any signs, no directions to love, only bars and brothels lined the small darkly lit street. He was passing a girl in a little black when his heart fell out, rolling a little towards the gutter, slowing down. The future possibilities rose in his blood like adrenaline, that dizzying drug. Turning, he knew the girl was only secretly in pain.
She only wanted to get away.Another passenger flying in cold blazing darkness into the end of time. Yes they ran away, deserted, but they never were the same, the future and all it's possibility is too strong to dwell in darkness.




Painting Asleep

Sweeping tides of dreams, do not fall behind. Sleeping days forever lost to solid electricity. Never fading lights, never ending shadow clings nightmare.




Powerful Secret

There is a great mystery, an overpowering history, a secret I want to know. Who knows it? The power of it is speeding around the room. Dose any one know it? Changing the world with just one of it's words. Everything is so meaningful, is it only in my dreams? No one knows, no one can tell.





I
Is ominous
Pretentious
What else can I write about except
what I know and do and have believed.
I
don't mean to be self-centered
[I love] looking in mirrors.
I love
The way the garden looks tragic when it is overcast,
and the trees have crimson buds.
It's something beautiful to me.
I
am the queen of the place in the forest where no one goes.
Only push me if you want resistance.
I
am afraid of straying as I walk off the cliff.
I
am careful about what I let exist.
I
have some claim to the knowledge of sadness.
I
cry for hours in my dreams.
I
wake up, things are so much better then they were before.
I
am proud because I like being modest when I am [and later too]
In the middle of a tear, of a another downward swing,
I
thank the Lord that I am alive.





Recycle!

Once there was a beautiful palm tree, it's leaves so crisp and green, bouncing in the wind. It was such a beautiful tree. Progress cut it down. No, people did that. I owe my very existence to science. Progress and power are exciting things. Is it worth the price? Either way we will all die any way. The question is whether we will be an honor to God or a disgrace.







Man, you are a beautiful thing, don't let any one tell you otherwise. You have such a fragile soul. Even when you cry, drunk on the floor, man, you are a precious thing. I won't let myself or mine get hurt. Don't misunderstand me, you are a beautiful thing but I'll do what I can to protect the others I love. Even though my heart is as cracked and dry as the desert, I love you still.

[creed4]

nice

[Anna Mae]

Hey! It's good to see more of your poems.

Clouds

Halve melded sky, flowing greatly over the earth. White rising crown, grey dust falling to the bottom. Pulling together small and great blue spaces, floating off.

By 'halve' do you mean 'half'? This poem reminds me of a haiku. The... whispy manner in which you write this poem suits clouds well.

Silence

Is there no silence? Do we even know what that means. Hearing the wind and the light rumble of traffic. The sound of birds calling above the earth, and hearing the ambulance running against that place under the dirt. The sound of so many breathing, but not knowing one of these creatures that shares your heart. Silence, the thing never heard, is still out of touch with the world.

Do you mean the second sentence to be a question? Anyway, this is an interesting poem. Silence is an elusive and coveted topic among poets. It is a topic that I have tried to write poems about as well. That reminds me]The Truth of life

Once I stood in the center of a crimson field.
I held a dove, let it go.
The sky fell down behind me, the stars became more doves then I have ever seen.[/b]Because you are making a comparison, you should use 'than' instead of 'then.' Perhaps 'have' should be 'had' in order to complete the comparison correctly. Like a wave the velvet sky pulled at my shoulders, curling in my ear.
My dove disappeared over the horizon.
The sky smooth and almost not there. I would suggest adding verbs to this line and the next.
Doves around me.
Once I stood in a white tower above the world. I think that it would be good if you were to make this line start a new stanza.
I saw a crow, The poem would read easier if you inserted 'and' here.said it was beautiful.
The earth beneath me fell to pieces.
A blackness deeper then the crowThere should be an apostrophe here.s void wings.
I felt the emptiness pulling at me.
The crow fell down into the hole, a small light, almost not there, so far away.
The emptiness was a lie,
the most beautiful thing was down there, the earth had been hiding it from me.
I step out into the emptiness, where the world used to be.
Your meaning eludes me. Especially with a title like that, I just have to know what you mean.

Starting Over

He took his motorbike out of the shed, I would replace the comma with 'and'.rode quivering beneath the streetlights. No moth was ever so eager for the sun.Your metaphore took me off guard. He could hardly see, too much cold and sharp gas in the air I would change this fragment to a complete sentence. Nothing like summer. He couldn't stop riding until he reached the end of time, somewhere on the outskirts of acceptable society where no wind picks up the breath of thousands. Good line.
No where 'Nowhere' is one word. were there any signs, no directions to love, only bars and brothels lined the small darkly lit street. He was passing a girl in a little black Little black... car? when his heart fell out, rolling a little towards the gutter, slowing down. The future possibilities rose in his blood like adrenaline, that dizzying drug. Turning, he knew the girl was only secretly in pain.
She only wanted to get away.Another passenger flying in cold blazing darkness into the end of time. Yes they ran away, deserted They were the ones doing the deserting, or they were the deserted ones?, but they never were the same, the future and all it'sThis apostrophe shouldn't be here. possibility is too strong to dwell in darkness.
I confess that I do not understand your meaning here either.

Painting Asleep

Sweeping tides of dreams, do not fall behind. Sleeping days forever lost to solid electricity. Never fading lights, never ending shadow clings nightmare.

In the first sentence, are you warning the reader not to fall behind, or are you informing the reader that the sweepign tides of dreams do not fall behind? Your last sentence is interesting]Powerful Secret

There is a great mystery, an overpowering history, a secret I want to know. Who knows it? The power of it is speeding around the room. Dose any one know it? Changing the world with just one of it's words. Everything is so meaningful, is it only in my dreams? No one knows, no one can tell.[/quote] I assume that 'dose' is a typo for 'does.' Your first two questions in the poem strike me as redundant. You should replace "it's" with "its". As to your last sentence: No one can figure it out, or no one is able to speak it?

I
Is ominousI assume that you are referring to yourself and not the letter 'I'. If that is the case, you should change 'is' to 'am.'
Pretentious
What else can I write about except
what I know and do and have believed.
I
don't mean to be self-centered
[I love]Why is that in brackets? looking in mirrors.
I love
The way the garden looks tragic when it is overcast,
and the trees have crimson buds.
It's Use "its" instead. something beautiful to me.
I
am the queen of the place in the forest where no one goes.
Only push me if you want resistance.
I
am afraid of straying as I walk off the cliff.This could be taken in several different ways. Are you too concerned with little things and so you miss the peril you are in? Is off the cliff where you intend to go, and are afraid that you will not follow through?
I
am careful about what I let exist. In your world, or are you making a claim to deity?
I
have some claim to the knowledge of sadness.Good line.
I
cry for hours in my dreams.
I
wake up, things are so much better then they were before.
I
am proud because I like being modest Good phrase. when I am [and later too]This second part does not make sense. And, you should probably use parentheses instead of brakets.
In the middle of a tear As in, you are about to start crying?, of a another downward swing,
I
thank the Lord that I am alive.
Interesting. You have succeeded in creating a unique "I" poem.

Recycle!

Once there was a beautiful palm tree, it'sI would change "it's" to "with." leaves so I would replace the 'so' or finish the comparison. crisp and green, bouncing in the wind. It was such a beautiful tree. Progress cut it down. No, people did that. I owe my very existence to science. Where did this come from? Progress and power are exciting things. Is it worth the price? Either way we will all die any way. This sentence is redundant. I would reccomend removing the "either way" from the beginning.The question is whether we will be an honor to God or a disgrace.I like the way you focus on the little things. Hurrah for recycling!

Man, you are a beautiful thing, don't let any one tell you otherwise. You have such a fragile soul. Even when you cry, drunk on the floor, man, you are a precious thing. I won't let myself or mine get hurt. Don't misunderstand me, you are a beautiful thing but I'll do what I can to protect the others I love. Even though my heart is as cracked and dry as the desert, I love you still.

Your first sentence is a run-on. I would suggest changing 'fagile' to 'delicate' to give more of the sense of beauty. "I won't let myself or mine get hurt." Isn't lying drunk on the floor being hurt? "Don't misunderstand me, you are a beautiful thing but I'll do what I can to protect the others I love. " Insert a comma after thing. This line needs more explanation. The last line is good. You create a good image of God's unconditional love for us.