Girlfriend??

[Cloud Strife]

So I'm a guy and I am 15. I like the fact that I am the only guy in my school that doesn't date and has never had a girl friend... I want to keep myself from any relationships untill I'm ready... But I was curiouse to know what age would be suitable to start dating. I know dating is looking for someone your going to marry...but I also know it can take years. I'm in no rush... there is no pressure... Along the same lines to all you girls ou there, I have a girl who is a friend, and she is my bestest friend. Whenevr I see her i sometimes randomly tackle her... I know she knows i don't do the dating thing... But from your perspective what would you be thinking?

[Nate]

There is no "universal age" for when it's suitable to start dating. Some people are mature enough that they can be in a serious relationship as young as 16. Some people are so immature that even at 21 they're still not suitable for dating. It depends on the person.

I personally feel that around 17 is about the earliest people should start dating. I honestly think dating at 13-15 is an exceptionally bad idea.

As far as how long it takes to determine if it is compatible for marriage, that is also dependent. I know couples who knew each other for only 6 or 7 months and got married and it worked out wonderfully. I also know couples who dated for four years and got married and it ended in divorce. Really, it just takes a lot of prayer and discernment.

I think, you should have every intention of marrying the person you are dating, as that is the purpose of dating. However, you should probably be together for quite a while before you actually start planning to marry her (intentions and plans are different things, after all). A couple of years is probably a good span of time.

Of course, I've only been in one relationship, which ended in enormous failure, so what do I know? >.>;;

[Syreth]

Most people seem to get married after they're 20, but there are several exceptions to that. This won't help you much, but it just really depends. It depends on how spiritually mature you and the other person are. I just want to tell you that it shows a lot of maturity to make the decision not to date until you're ready to get married, so good job! Spend time in prayer and reading the word to get your own relationship with God set so that you'll not only be prepared when the time comes, but also will have a better insight as to when you are ready. I wouldn't worry about marriage too much now, since you're pretty young for it. As for your friend, you might have to ask someone who knows you guys pretty well for insight into that, since it depends so much on how you behave around each other.

[Heart of Sword]

I suggest waiting until you're able to get married, or very close to that. Anyway, don't go looking for someone; wait on God.

[ashfire]

OH MAN ! Im 51 and still looking. I had some that I dated but never worked out.

[fairyprincess90]

i think it depends on how mature you are and such... i've never dated b4 and im 16 ... im a girl... but that doesnt have anything to do with it... like one of my friends had a boyfriend at the age of 10 and has prob had like a million boyfriends... its depressing. but i know theres someone out there for me... and though its hard... im waiting...
but yeah...

[Phantom_Sorano]

Well, I am am around your age, so I can offer you some advice. First you must realize that this girl might only want to be your friend.....err....how would I do this....well, all I can say is to PM if interested. I just started dating my friend...if you want me to, I can give you his username here and you can talk to him....guy-to-guy....

[TurkishMonky]

I would agree with Kae. I've never 'dated' and am 19, but have several girls who are my friends. I feel that currently I am not pursuing any relationhip for some key reasons:

1. Because of my already tight schedule (im only on CAA for like 15 minutes a day if that gives you an idea) i feel that a realtionship might sqeeze my time with God more severely out of my schedule

2. I am going away to college in the fall, and don't want to try and keep a long distance realtionship

3. I lack the finaces for such an endeavor

4. I don't personally feel mature enough to take on the task of searching for a lifelong partner. Now, i may be ready to date and all that, but i'd rather have a little more life experience as an adult, so i'm giving it time.

5. It wouldn't be quite appropriate to invite a significant other to semi-frequent all-night lan parties... (part of the reason for # 4)

hope this helps.

[mitsuki lover]

Well it does sound like you and she are having fun just being friends so it doesn't seem like too big a deal.
Too bad our culture is over saturated with sex these days so that people automatically think the worse when they see a male and female just having fun together.
As far as dating goes,well that's up to whenever you feel right about taking any relationship further to a more serious,non-sexual,length.

[Linksquest]

There is no "universal age" for when it's suitable to start dating. Some people are mature enough that they can be in a serious relationship as young as 16. Some people are so immature that even at 21 they're still not suitable for dating. It depends on the person.

I couldn't agree more! (wow... Kae and I agreeing?!?! It's a miracle )

I haven't ever dated anyone in my life and I'm 19. I'm glad that you are proud of the fact and not feeling ashamed. So many people these days feel that they HAVE to have to date someone because it's what's expected. Along with a driver's license and fashionable clothing, a boyfriend/girlfriend has seemed to become the "necessity" of this modern culture.

I would say that a person should be able to be independent, or at least have a solid goal to become independent of their parents (financially stable) before seriously considering dating/marriage. If you can't take care of yourself what makes you think you can take care of another person?

Prayer is a key part of this. Keep asking God for guidance.

[Agent Anderson]

I'm not going to date a girl until after I marry her.


And I don't plan to start looking for a mate until I'm out of college with a stable job.

But my plans could potentially change; It's all up to what God wants.

[Chu-Chu]

I'm 15 too, and I have never dated before either. So whatever you do, don't feel bad or don't let others convince you that you are a loser just because you don't date anyone yet. It takes time. I guess there isn't really a certain dating age or anything. I believe you just start dating when you really like someone for who they are and they like you for the same reasons. Whenever you start dating, I'm sure that God will let you know when you're ready. It may be today, it may be in ten years. You never really know.

[Vash_Stamped]

i believe that realationships young arent about finding someone to marry, but, to get you comfortable with dating. because if your dating someone you dont expect to marry then you can find your flaws, instead of mess up when your dating someone who you could possibly marry.

[Cloud Strife]

you guys really are helping alot! I hope the advice keeps coming becaues this stuff is great! Especially for others out ther to!

[Heart of Sword]

Oh, also, I recommend courting. I'm sure someone else could explain this better than I can.

[~BlueRose~]

Oh, also, I recommend courting. I'm sure someone else could explain this better than I can.

There's my queue.

So, I'm a young Christian girl, who has grown up knowing I'm not gonna date. I'm just not. As I got older, I found out I'm not alowed to date at all. At least not until I'm an adult. But even then, I said to myself, "I still don't wanna date." But why not? What were my reasons anyway?

I STRONGLY recommend a book by Joshua Harris called "I kissed dating goodbye". This is my favorite book next to the Bible. Only because I'm 14 years old, and it filled my mind with ideas I couldn't even think of!
Although you may still be set on dating Cloud, don't let the title of this book make you shrink away from it. You can get it normally at any Christian book store in the "Singles" isles and such.
If anyone else is lookin up things on dating and stuff, even for anyone else I strongly recommend this book.

I'm actually very surprised with how everyone's saying that dating is for marriage. From my perspective, most of the time dating is just "I want to get to know you better, so let's go out and have a good time, and see what happens".
When I'm old enough, I'm planning on Courting, not Dating.
If someone were to court somone, it would have the soul purpose of getting married. What's different about dating and courting? Dating is centered around the two of you, and getting to know each other. Going out alone to watch a movie, or out to dinner say.
Courtship however, is quite the oposite. Although it is about the two of you, courtship focusses on the family as well. While courting you don't go off alone, you spend time with the family, getting to know your future in-laws. Because, when you marry that person, you are marrying their family too ya know.
This "don't go out alone" method also helps tremendously with temptation to do inapropriate things. Sure, you might say "I would never do anything like that!", but even the strongest Christian can be taken down.

"I kissed dating goodbye" is a great book, and what I said above is just a tiny part of what I learned from the book. You find books that tell you how to date, but have you ever though of maybe trying a different method?

[Nate]

because if your dating someone you dont expect to marry then you can find your flaws, instead of mess up when your dating someone who you could possibly marry.

I disagree here, and I think this line of thinking is partially why dating has such a negative connotation in the Christian world today. Trying to put on your best face and "not mess up" is a horrible way to go about things, because if those things come out after you're married, it could be damaging.

Though I agree you shouldn't come out on a first date and show everything wrong with you or how you stumbled in your past, flaws are a part of every person. To try and hide them is absurd, and is potentially hazardous to a marriage.

I STRONGLY recommend a book by Joshua Harris called "I kissed dating goodbye".

I'd like to state that despite the title, this book is not anti-dating, and it is quite a good book.

Dating is centered around the two of you, and getting to know each other. . . Courtship however, is quite the oposite.

Though I see your point, I think that this is really just splitting hairs. As a Christian, if I were to date a girl, I would want to get to know her family as well, and be a part of it. Getting to know her (or his) parents isn't something exclusive to courtship, it can be done either way.

I'd also like to say that while you should get to know the family, you should get to know the person you're dating too. I think a couple needs to spend some time alone too. Not in situations that would cause temptation, of course, but going to see a movie alone or having dinner alone once in a while, is something a couple that is dating should do. By the way, I meant "alone" in the sense of just the two of you going out, for example, going to an amusement park would be a great place to be alone even though there are thousands of people there.

Ultimately, it's like everyone else said. You just have to pray, a lot, and always when you're dating keep the thought in mind you are doing it to determine compatibility for marriage, not to "have a good time." Also remember when you're dating to get involved with her family too, and get her involved in yours. I think if you follow these rules, you'll be all right. ^^

[agasfas]

Much like much of the others have said, there's no real definate anwser. It just really depends on the person. I think a good number would probably be 16-17yrs maybe. I think that earlier than that, people really aren't ready for all the feelings/emotion that go into a relationship.

[USSRGirl]

There's something to be said for blessed single freedom too. I've known college kids who get married and now have the proverbial handcuff (otherwise known as a spouse). And well...it's all downhill from there! First comes the marriage, then brats, then before ya know it you're driving a minivan and watching Soap Operas.

XD Look I know some of you married or seriously dating folks may disagree with me there, but hey...enjoy youth while ya can.

[CrimsonRyu17]

Heh, it's funny. Tust me, only date when your mature enough. You never know when someone could leave you and break the relationship. If you're able to handle the pain of loss, then I guess you'll do okay.
But I agree with Kae, that it depends on your maturity. However, in my opinion, I suggest 18 or 19, since you should have more important things in life during your teenage years besides dating, such as an education.

[Tommy]

Oh, I've heard Joshua Harris. Good guy.

I have had my share of girlfriends and the whole point of dating is to find your wife which...isn't wasn't my goal.

I'm your age and let me tell you to remain not dating until you are older or God tells you.

You should have a strong relationship with God first.

[Cloud Strife]

I'm actually very surprised with how everyone's saying that dating is for marriage. From my perspective, most of the time dating is just "I want to get to know you better, so let's go out and have a good time, and see what happens".

... I never really though abou it that way! thats in my heaed now... thanks I appreciate it! But I can also see Kae's point... And I've alredy read his book "every mans battle" and have heard of his book "i kissed dating goodbye". very good stuff

[Kawaiikneko]

I think our culture puts a little too much emphasis on dating, honestly. Like someone said, it's become the thing you have to do as a teenager. It puts alot of pressure on us. =_=;; Well, I'm sixteen and I haven't dated, much less kissed a boy or even - Heaven forbid - held hands. God may plan otherwise for me, but I'm perfectly content to focus on school and my friends until I'm older.

That's not to say that some people can't date in highschool, of course. I know a few people who started dating freshman year and went the whole way to highschool, into college and are now getting married. I think that there's no tried-and-true one right way of how Christians are supposed to date. It's a very personal issue that is probably different for each person since we deal with situations and things differently at different ages. *shrug*

There's my two cents

[Jaltus-bot]

Here's my two cents for what it's worth. Dating will happen when it happens. It's more important to pay attention to being who you want to be than to finding the right person to be with. If you serious date someone and you are not getting ready to find the person you want to marry, then you can find yourself ending up ready for a serious heartbreak because you will start to really care about the other person or else you are just deceiving yourself by playing at love. As for just dating to date, then there's just is no need to play around with matters of the heart like that. My suggestion would be to enjoy your life, be who you should be, and let romance happen when you are both ready and in God's timing. I tend to agree with Kae about the age bit.

[Bobtheduck]

I'd like to state that despite the title, this book is not anti-dating, and it is quite a good book.

I'd like to say regardless of this, I had to deal with "Dating is teh evil, courting is the only biblical way" (as I said, arranged marriage is the only biblical way... Arranged by the groom and the parents... no courting involved) people because they read this book... So that fact is not clear to everyone reading it... So many people that said flat out dating is sin...

Harris cultists give me the creeps... Anyway... I got my first GF when I was 12, but it lasted 15 minutes... I don't think that really counts... Then at 13, I got my second and third... They lasted 2 days a piece... My first really significant GF was at age 18... I think the age to start is different for everyone... There is such a complex array of possible experience, and things you can learn from your single life and from failed relationships and from good relationships, there can never be a statement like "The best age to start is *bla*" I'd venture to say nothing starting before maybe 14 would mean anything, few starting before 18 would, and most people don't get serious about stuff until after college... So, sometime in the middle of college (20-21) sounds like a good time for me, not taking many other things into consideration, but once you look at the big picture there can be no "best age" because it would be different for everyone... I would say this, though... It's prolly a good idea to marry before 30 if you're going to... I'm not knocking anyone who marries at 35, really, but from what I hear people adjust the best to living with someone else and having a family maybe in the late 20s, very early 30s, so marrying after 30 (for the guy) would create new difficulties that would not be outweighed by the wisdom that comes with age...

Of course, some people don't choose to wait that long, they just have that wait forced upon them or created as a byproduct to unknown things... I feel very sorry for those people (like my brother, for instance)

Of course, there are some people who never get married... I've heard it called a gift of celibacy, and it can be good for some to not get married... I'm not one of them, though...

[Kaligraphic]

Arranged marriages are actually a good idea. You don't go shopping when you're hungry, do you? Of course not. And yet, if you do, it usually doesn't affect all that much, in the greater scheme of things.

So why go dating, why look for a mate who will hopefully be with you for decades, while you're young, foolish, and lonely? Why work from ignorance? You don't even know how to evaluate a potential mate - that's why so many marriages today are built on "this one's prettier and/or put out first". That's a terrible basis for a marriage! And yet that's just about all these people know about each other.

For thousands of years, civilization has been based around arranged marriages. Yet people nowadays go looking for "love" - as an emotion. Real love isn't an emotion, what they're finding is sex drive. So people are young, foolish, lonely, and horny, and they think that is being "in love". No wonder people are making stupid mistakes there!

The idea behind arranged marriages is that people who know what's what are better equipped to choose a mate for you than somebody who doesn't really have the faintest clue what they're going to need in marriage. Of course, if people actually chose this way, then competition would eventually focus on higher-quality mates, as society learned what to look for, and, well, we wouldn't want that, now would we?

But then, I'd probably be banned if I talk too much further on the subject, so I'll leave it at that.

[Cloud Strife]

I have to disagree with Kaligraphic on this one... I don't even Know what BobtheDuck is talking about... in the bible arranged marriages were for kids who were about 14-18 years old... No one gets married at those ages anymore ... (hopefully anyway) and parents make wrong decisions alot of the time when pairing up the couple... it can be something they are getting out of the marriage ( as seen in the middle East) or they might not know their child that well to make a decent pair. I believe that if the parents are incapable then it is left up tp the child (at the appropriate age and maturity). But If what you are saying such as if the parents know everythig about thier child, the other child and the other parents, maybe... but i would want to get to know the girl first...

[Felix]

*nods sagely and agrees with most of the points presented by everyone*

I just think it's sad that our society today doesn't seem to be able to accept the fact that a guy and a girl can be best buds WITHOUT being an 'item' and they can have fun together without any pressures or obstacles of attraction. Sure, that special person is out there somewhere (assuming you're meant to be married) but you'll find that person on God's watch, not your own. I'd say not to rush into anything. Just relax and be good friends. So many relationships only end in bad things these days. I used to think I wanted to date, but now I realize I don't. So... yeah. I also agree that it's different for every person. Just pray about it and think about it.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

From my perspective, most of the time dating is just "I want to get to know you better, so let's go out and have a good time, and see what happens".

So you can't get to know someone without dating?

By your logic, I would have to go to kaemmerite and ask him on a date to get to know him better

It all really depends on what your definition is. To me dating is seeking a intimate relationship, with the person you wish to marry.

[Felix]

I see what Rose means, though. I think she means that if you're interested in someone, you can start dating that someone so you can get to know them better, in a more personal way, and it's like a way to find out if that's the person you want to marry. Or that's what I gather. The only problem with that is that the other person might take it more seriously than you do, and then you'd have a heart break and bitter feelings on your hands if you yourself didn't want to continue the relationship in that way. Plus, it feels a little like 'fishing in the sea' you know?
I think it's wiser to just hold it at friend level and get to know the person that way. It's much safer. THEN if you think you really want to be in a closer relationship with that person and you're thinking of marrying them someday, then that would be a good time to start dating.
Or maybe I have it totally wrong. I'm just 15 after all, and I can't say that I have any experience myself. Well, just a little.