I Feel Like...

[Myoti]

Actually, I don't know what I feel like. Just very mixed and confused, perhaps. Mostly about this site.

Now, no, I have nothing against the site nor do I feel like leaving, but lately, I've just felt strange coming here. I think it mostly has to do with my tastes.
Yes, I know we all have different likes and dislikes, but lately I've felt like I'm standing alone in my views or something.

It's like, I look around the site and see all this common interest in things, so I think, "Hm, I'll try that." Then I do, and something in me doesn't want to enjoy it. Even if I go all the way through series and such, I don't have the same feeling that so many others seem to (one in particular, "Azumanga Daioh").
I respect what everyone else likes, yes, but this has been getting to me so much that I sometimes feel, "Do I even belong here?"

My views on everything are different now, even on God. Not in a bad way; my Dad, a pastor, has been discovering alot lately about "God's grace," and it's really changed my outlook on life, but sometimes here I feel... held back, perhaps? I'm not really sure what it is. I'm not even sure if writing this is really going to help me at all, or if will be paid attention to, or anything.

Also, lately, I feel like I've been having problems with people, which is not something I want to do. I'm the kind that always tries to find what's good and positive about people (no matter how annoying some of them can be), but there's times here when just looking at the posts of certain people just seems to irritate me. Honestly, I don't know why. It even happens with some people I don't that well. I even hold this feeling against a certain Moderator*, which is something I never really felt before, but some of his actions didn't just irritate me; it made me question his ability and responisibility as a Moderator of this site.

*(No, it's not you Rogie-san. This has nothing to do with your recent PM to me. )

And yes, honestly, I have to say that part of my recent "wierd feeling" has to do with One Piece. I have strong opinions about it, and (probably thanks to its treatment in America) I often feel alone about it. Yes, I know it's just a show/book, but it happens to be one of the few I actually enjoy. Honestly, like I said, there's alot of anime and such that I don't like that I use to think I would. I often end up "comparing" One Piece to them.
Well, not really the series itself, but the themes of it. I look at an anime/story and think, "Is it unique? Is it fun? Is it uplifting? Etc.," and few of them seem to really fit what I believe I want.
I even think of this with music. I.e., I listen to the music on the radio at work (which plays 60/70s songs, I believe), and I think about it and alot of the songs today, and my true feeling about it is "Why the CRAP can't Americans be ORIGINAL?!" (there's alot more I could say about this, but I may need to save that for another post).

Another issue is with myself: I believe I have a supieriority(?) complex or something. Many of the things I've said filter into this, but I often can't figure out if what I believe is right and the others haven't seen it yet, or if I just think I'm better than somehow, which again I say, is not the way I want to think about people. I just often DO (even in real life).

I'm just so very, very DIFFERENT, I think. Different from the typical "otaku" (which is a word I detest using), different from the typical nerd (which I do like to call myself...). I feel very different and like it, but then I look around and feel, "Why can't anyone else be different WITH me?"
So then, I'm the person I want to be, but thanks to that, I feel... alone?
But at the same time, I don't want "attention." I like staying to myself, yet I want to know someone who can understand me at the same time.

I think I perhaps want to be someone that, in a word, "rocks this world" with I do, but I also fear it falling into obscurity. And this is something I often feel on this site. I sometimes start up threads here I think could be something "different" and interesting, and they fall off the page in a couple of days. I write up something in a reply, sometimes looking at it thinking, "does it even matter?", and often finding (after I post), that no, it doesn't seem to (not that I view, anyways).

I want to stay, I want to have fun, I want to be me. I don't think these thoughts will affect that, but I think I need to understand whatever it is I'm really feeling (those training or really psychoanalysits, feel free to reply XD ).


I think I wrote this more for myself, so I'm not really sure what saying it here will do. Please, give me a good reply if you do so, not just some simple little something (unless it's like, simple yet really profound or something ).
So, yeah, apologizes to anyone who read all of that and thought it was a waste. I just felt I needed to get something out.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

youre not alone dude. How many people here are obsessed with Psychological Thrillers like Monster or Paranoia Agent over the ever so popular Kenshin, Inuyasha, Fruit Baskets, etc? Not many. I'm totally a different "otaku" as well.

I also feel the same with music, my tastes are so different than most other people. Who here loves Dj Taka and Naoki? Be for U? Or what about random soundtracks? I don't like american bands either. (ones that speak the english language)

[the_lizardqueen]

Well, I guess I'll stick my neck out here. If it helps at all...eh...I don't actually watch any anime whatsoever. I often feel so odd hanging out here because although I've dabbled in english dubs in the past, I know next to nothing about most of the mangas and anime that people go on about. Honestly, I'm more into North American comics, books and television ^^;

But I've met so many cool people on the CAA that it seems worth being frequently confuzzled by the Anime section.

[Myoti]

Heh, yeah, different people are everywhere.

But again it's like a feeling of "I'm different, but noone is different like me," which is a complete contradiction in terms but one that drives me utterly bonkers. XD


I'll be honest: MSP, you're one of the people I have a wierd feeling about. It's nothing wrong with you, really, but it's like when I hear ("read") you, I feel... like, like... that wierd unexplainable feeling again! @o@
Maybe it's because you're different, too? I dunno. :/

I don't like american bands either. (ones that speak the english language)

I don't like most bands, just specific music (which is why you'll find all kinds of random mix-matched junk on my MP3...).

[Steeltemplar]

You are definitely not alone when it comes to thinking most American popular music today is worthless I am with you all the way on that one. As for the rest, it was an interesting read and I will contemplate it more.

[Myoti]

Haha, alright. Thanks. Guess it's good to be "contemplated?"

[Neko Niisan]

I wont pretend to be a voice of reason on this one but I would consider 'why' you feel so retained to CAA. Perhaps this is a greater, divine purpose that you are hear. Maybe for something or someone that relies on you for support or guidance, unknowingly perhaps.
I can't tell you how to go from here but maybe a good prayer might settle some things out. After all, the big guy seems to know the answer to many a question.

We'd hate to see you go Myoti but your own gratification comes first.

I'll be prayin' for ya.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I'll be honest: MSP, you're one of the people I have a wierd feeling about. It's nothing wrong with you, really, but it's like when I hear ("read") you, I feel... like, like... that wierd unexplainable feeling again! @o@
Maybe it's because you're different, too? I dunno. :/

O.o ooo Interesting. Haha no worries though. It's all good

[Myoti]

Yeah, I know. Like I said, though, I don't think I'll be leaving... hm...

[FadedOne]

hm, an interesting read. I relate to several aspects. For one, I often don't enjoy the series that get so recommended. For example, I heard raving about Noir. I watched the entire thing recently but found it merely mediocre. The same with GITS, Cowboy Bebop(sometimes) and several other anime. It seems that my taste in entertainment is often rather different that others. However, we're all unique & i try to just chalk it up to that.

i've also had issues w/ a specific mod. But I dont want to make an issue of that here out of respect for the entire CAA leaderships who I find, for the greater part, completely awesome! (i just try to avoid the exception to the rule. <.<)

what music on the radio ISNT complete crap? I suppose i can't talk in general b/c I find myself listening to lots of 'indie' rock & the occasional disturbingly pop song. But again, uniqueness is a fact here.

Anyways, there's alot of little issues I could agree with here, but I think i'll just get at the heart of my reply. The whole feeling of isolation which you seem to describe here is VERY normal. I run into it fairly often in various situations. Here on CAA for example, I tend to feel a bit alone b/c i've not gotten to know many people personally so I used to watch conversations jump back & forth(in caa chat, YIM chat, etc etc) and feel so left out. Still happens, but at least I do have some good friends here who i greatly appreciate. However, feeling isolated is a thing of life. it's ok, it's a cycle, it happens.

However, I would advise you to guard against letting these feelings bring you down or make you distance yourself from those you care about. satan tends to try to use these moments in our lives to drive wedges between those who can helps us through upcoming trials. By making you feel ALONE, you will withdraw from those who care about you. Please do guard against this. I have dont this in my own life & suffered the consequences b/c i felt that no one properly understood. In reality, it was just a phase & perspective.

hopefully these rambles make some sense? i'm awfully tired so i'm not sure. But there ya go, a semi-well thought out response.

[meboeck]

Here is my take on the idea of this site. There's a reason why the general forum is at the top instead of the anime forum. While most of us are connected by our Christian beliefs and our like of anime, that's not the pure focus of this site. For me personally, I first joined this forum because I like anime but generally my taste in anime has had very little influence on which people I have gotten to know. It's about the community, the people who make up this place, including you.

As far as being different goes, practically no one here has even heard of my favorite manga, so I would definitely say that to some degree I am a bit different. And I totally understand the whole comparison thing too. My favorite manga is a shojo manga, and when I read other shojo manga I often find myself comparing. I think that is probably pretty common. In terms of One Piece, I have mentioned my view before, and I think a lot of CAAers probably feel this way. While I am not personally drawn to it (granted, I've only seen the dubbed version) that's simply because I have different personal tastes from you. While we may not be able to have an in-depth conversation about anime, as I said earlier this forum isn't just about the anime. I hope you are able to work out your issues and feel better about coming here.

[White Raven]

Hi there.

I can relate to a lot of the things you feel.
In some ways with my own family.

Though I get along great with them, I feel like hold myself back a lot of the time.

I have always felt like an outsider.
I get frustrated very easily with people.
I want so badly to be excepted. Yet I know that is not the most important thing.

My post count is very low for someone who has been here as long as I have.
Yet so many times I delete my messages before I post them.

Why do I moderate my self constantly?
I don’t think, it’s because, I feel, I’m not good enough.
No, I have many opinions ,that I think are quite original, and valid.

Yet I isolate myself, and wish that I had someone to talk to.

The few friends that I have here on caa, are like sweet gems, that I carry in a velvet pouch.
I care for them dearly and I hope they know how much they mean to me.

[Sammy Boy]

Well, I used to watch One Piece and thought it wasn't bad. But I stopped because of studies, and because I don't have a habit of renting DVDs. The other reason is I am simply not a big anime fan.

I only think about comics and Transformers when I am not studying, since they don't use up a lot of brain cells.

[Alice]

I kind of understand what you mean. I hate feeling like I like weird things no one else likes (or no one even remotely like me!), or feeling friendless.

However, I don't know what advice to offer you.

[Myoti]

Well, thanks everyone who's tried to help. No, I won't let these kind of things get me down, and I suppose it is good to know of other "unusual" people like myself.

I think I just wanted to get it out, and now... I feel just as wierd, though maybe not quite as alone.