Surprise, Surprise!

[Destroyer2000]

This is just a quick short story I jotted down one day; I'd wanted to write something similar to this for a while, but didn't know how to procede, and then I saw a quote that gave me all I needed. Criticism is welcomed.

Surprise, Surprise!

The boy walked through the crowd as best he could, but still getting jumbled around badly. He was knocked sideways into a wall.
“Argh…could this get any worse?â€

[Esoteric]

It's good, but it's a little thin on information, even for a short story. For, example, we don't know what Ken was doing and why he was in such a huff before he ran into Lauren. Since we don't get to know his character, it's hard for us to relate and feel sympathetic. It's good that you explained why Lauren was there though... for college.
And from their super happy reaction at meeting up again... I almost wonder why they parted in the first place...I doubt it was voluntary, so if you could shed light on thier past relationship, it would make this meeting more insightful to the reader... She'd been waiting seven years...why? What exactly is she feeling... why did she have to wait seven years? Just give us a little more depth, and it'll be a great story.

[Destroyer2000]

Alright, thanks. Hm...I hadn't thought about those points. I can probably fix that pretty easily.

[Destroyer2000]

Well, she waited until she was old enough to move back, right? I thought that was easily enough seen.

[Esoteric]

Yes, I suppose, but it would still be nice to know why exactly her family moved, especially since it seems to have changed their lives so much. For example, did her dad get a new job? Did her dad lose his job and they couldn't afford to live there anymore? did someone get sick?
Little bits of information like that woven in will give the short story flavor, give us more pieces to put together. At any rate, it'll be more interesting than just...she moved away.

[Destroyer2000]

Yeah, I changed it. Tell me what you think.

[Esoteric]

Much better! The dialogue and progression of events are smoothed out much more nicely. Good job on the changes. I could even see this story going alittle farther if you wanted it to, but it works as it is.

[Destroyer2000]

Thanks. Yeah, I just wrote this on a whim, so I don't plan on taking it anywhere else. I don't know what else I could do to it, but I might later on.