Being too empathetic?

[Deimos]

Lately I've notice that I am find myself too self-concious in front of other people, prompting that I make a good impression so that I somehow do not offend certain people. This includes softening up what you really want to say in order to present yourself in an "understanding manner" among the other person, or feeling sorry if what you said might have left a person unhappy or getting the wrong impression about you.

Sometimes it compromises who you really are just to maintain a certain image of yourself towards another person.

So I was wondering what your guys thoughts are about pleasing others... What are the boundries that seperate pleasing people, versus trying to please yourself?

[DrNic]

I'll be honest, I'm the same. I get very self-conscious around new people, but once someone gets to know me I'm my usual bouncy self. Being nervous around people your not used to is just a natural human reaction, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If your still acting like someone else once you know the person well, then you should maybe think twice.

Just my two cents, hope it helps

[Sammy Boy]

On some days I don't feel like pleasing others (e.g. if I am feeling stressed), but I try to react to people slower because this gives me time to think about what I say. This is because I tend to say things that hurt others if I make comments in haste.

I think my motivations for treating people would be how I want them to see Christians, especially if I happen to be the only Christian in the office on that section of the floor. However when some people make offensive statements about others or things that cause deep offense in people, I would confront them about it (but not resort to yelling). I think it's important to show that while we aim to be nice, we ought to get angry about unfair treatment of others or offensive comments.

I feel what I have said is now totally unrelated to your question, but somehow those were my thoughts when I read your post.

[Deimos]

I feel what I have said is now totally unrelated to your question, but somehow those were my thoughts when I read your post.

Nope, it definately pertained with what I was asking. From the Christian standpoint, it's obvious that we are not play the nice person if someone else sins or commits something that hurts another person.

But to a degree below that, I guess I was looking towards the "keeping up appearances" side of empathy, such as wearing certain clothing so that it doesn't offend people, or trying to not be yourself in order to make friends, etc (in other words, the social aspect of self-conciousness).

[Debitt]

My rule: I only try to make people happy/please them if they truly, honestly want to be happy/pleased. I've gone through too much trouble running in circles for people who didn't appreciate the effort in the end.

EDIT: And for clarification, I'm not saying I don't apply normal common courtesy - I trry my best to be courteous at all times, but in the realm of "friendship" getting used is NOT fun by any means.

[Sammy Boy]

But to a degree below that, I guess I was looking towards the "keeping up appearances" side of empathy, such as wearing certain clothing so that it doesn't offend people, or trying to not be yourself in order to make friends, etc (in other words, the social aspect of self-conciousness).

I think we all change our behaviour to some degree to get people to think better of us. And sometimes it may be the only to get us to change our behaviour for the better (though it probably is not the best way nor contain the best motive). However, if it does make us better in some ways, perhaps though initially we have changed for the wrong motives we can continue to maintain that behaviour out of better motives, because it would seem silly to throw away or revert those changes in ourselves upon discovering our impure motives. The resulting loss would be greater than whatever benefit we have gained in finding out more about ourselves.

I think the key is to not stay with those motives, but to ask God to change us from the inside out so that we will behave out of the kinds of motives that ought to drive us. Discarding the changes in behaviour instead of changing the motives underlying them would seem to take us back to square one, and from the perspective of emotional or spiritual growth, is not desirable.

I hope that made sense.

[Warrior4Christ]

*sigh*

I tend to be a bit like this.

But I don't have any extra advice.