how do you make friends? o.o

[Shia Kyosuka]

Uh.... the thread self-explanitory.

I used to know how. I made friends all the time, but now, I like have... one. Just one.

The friends I used to have...well...

1. moved away
2. we don't talk anymore (just because... dunno why)
3. found other friends they like hanging out with more.
4. we only talk on computer.
5. blah blah blah (can't remember the rest)

I'm really tired of staying in my house all the time. I want to know how I make new friends... cause I seem to have forgotten how. :/

Alot of the time, I'm too scared to talk to someone, because I'm scared I'll say something stupid and end up being stared at, which would be reeeally ackward, lol.

When I do talk to someone:

1. the conversation ends 2 seconds later
2. the next time I see that person, we don't talk... like... at all.
3. We only talk on the computer by messenger programs.
4. blah blah blah

So, I need to learn how to make friends all over again.

My neighborhood's sorta boring... and has some thug-ish people in it. The cool people live in other neighborhoods. How do I find friends in other neighborhoods? How do I make a real friendship with someone who I only see at a co-op that doesn't live near me? How do I like... become friends with someone all over again?

o.o

*sits and listens*

[Wise Dragon]

Well first off to loosely quote it the Bible basically says the to make friends you have to be a friend; but I don't think that this really applies in your case. However you have to sit back and examine what exactly you wan't in your friends. Do you wan't lots and lots of friends or just a few you can really count on.

Fare weather friends are more than plentifull; but you should count yourself lucky if you have one really good friend that you can allways relly on. Pray to God and if its in his will, then when your talking to someone you will know what to say and youll become friends. Remember the old saying "good friends will find you".

I hope this helps a little.

[Yumie]

You say you meet them at a co-op-- are you homeschooled? (I ask this because I go to a co-op, and I'm homeschooled.) Unlike what most people think, being homeschooled doesn't exclude you from having friends. I have loads. If you're not, this still applies: You don't have to be drown in a sea of humanity to find people to be friends with.

First off, don't worry about awkward moments or not looking cool. You are who you are. So, take chances to go outside your comfort zone and talk to people, worst that can happen is someone will think you're weird for five minutes and then forget about the whole thing. But I think you're a cool person, and I think there are people out there who'd be glad to be your friend. However, you can't wait for them to come to you. Sometimes, it just takes a lot of effort, but if you find someone you really get along with, it'll be worth it.

[Warrior4Christ]

Church is also a good place to make friends.

What is a co-op?

[Rexman64]

"Come to small group bible study!" Something once suggested for this very issue at- you guessed it- small group bible study!

[Naga Kisaki]

It used to be so much easier when I was little. ::)

I'd just walk up to someone and say, "Hi, I'm (insert my name here) wanna be my friend?"

Doesn't work anymore, though. You say that and get wierd looks.

[tripperdan99]

humm, this is just my take, but everyone's a friend until they prove other wise. I always try to use wisdom in extending trust, but always friendly to folks I meet. I guess the most important factor is to be, most of all, a friend to yourself.

When I'm entering a situation with a lot of new people I don't know, I role play my reaction and also my interaction in my mind. Confidence in who you are is the first step in confidence with others.

You are a light, and you're very special. It's a great opportunity for people to get to know you and vise versa. You'll find that everyone is struggling with the same stuff, some just put on a better face. Most of all, just be yourself...

One verse I use as I moved in new circles is "God hasn't given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind." Another thing is to just ask the Lord to give you a word of wisdom as you meet new people. (Visit Pr. 3:5&6 also)

Also, you have to be proactive in friendship. Don't wait for others, but you step out. Also watch others as they interact. What is this person doing to that draws others, what is that person doing that I'd like to be like? etc

Most of all, have fun. Life is too short not to have fun and too long to be miserable.

td99

[SorasOathkeeper]

It used to be so much easier when I was little. ::)

I'd just walk up to someone and say, "Hi, I'm (insert my name here) wanna be my friend?"

Doesn't work anymore, though. You say that and get wierd looks.

I did the exact same thing when I was a kid.
Now I guess I just talk to the people. Get to know them. That’s about it really^^;

[Joshua Christopher]

I buy plane tickets.

[Jaltus-bot]

I changed schools two years ago and didn't know anyone. I joined the anime club to meet new people. They tend to sit together in the cafeteria, so I sit with them and they are some of my friends.

[ShiroiHikari]

I don't really know how to make friends. Hopefully I'll be making a couple at my new job though. I'm nervous about talking to people too; I'm always afraid people will think I'm stupid and then make fun of me.

[Joshua Christopher]

Try mentally training confidence into yourself. And always look people in the eye when you speak to them.

I don't think making friends is as hard as some people seem to think. Just talk to people and forget your fears. Honestly, what's going to happen?

And never get stuck into a one-sided friendship. Years ago I kept getting involved in that. Friends both need to give and take, or else the relationship will just be damaging.

The key is confidence, people.

[mitsuki lover]

First be yourself.People will become friends with you when they see the real you all the time.Second don't worry about it,the more you worry the more you are likely to drive potential friends away because they might think you're weird or something.
Third don't worry about making friends of the same gender as yourself,it can be just as fun having friends of the opposite sex.I know most of my friends are female and I wouldn't trade them in for a whole bunch of male friends.
Fourth don't make trying to make friends the all consuming thing you seem to be doing.They will come in time just be patient and be true to who you are.

[Yumie]

What is a co-op?

I go to a homeschool co-operative (co-op), which is a place where once I a week I take classes such as chemistry that my mom isn't really capable of teaching me. We also have classes there like choir, art, speech, physical science, etc. Just classes that would be hard to do at home, mainly.

I was just trying to figure out if it was the same thing Shia was talking about.

[Shia Kyosuka]

Yeah, of course. heh.

I go to a co-op called HomeSchool Plus.

[Taka]

First be yourself.People will become friends with you when they see the real you all the time.
Fourth don't make trying to make friends the all consuming thing you seem to be doing.They will come in time just be patient and be true to who you are.

Agreed. People who are so consumed with being liked, usualy come off as a bit wierd and generaly "trying too hard" comes to mind, even if they have good intentions. And if you are not yoruself, it will show eventualy. People can usualy sence things like that.

It is not a popular statement, but sometimes we are ment to be alone, too. I mean, friends are very very good. But sometimes we need to be alone with ourselves, even if (and some times especialy because) it is uncomfortable.

[mitsuki lover]

Also it depends on just what we are looking for in a friendship.If all we want is someone to be with and enjoy our company...I hate to say it...but having a pet would do just as well.

[Shia Kyosuka]

I'm sorry... I don't undetstand...?

[ssj2gohan61]

hey bro. im in the same situation sorta but i have a lot of family so i make friends with there friends but mainly i made my new friends through church and youth group/bible studies.. i hope this helps

[Shia Kyosuka]

Heh, I went to HSP today. I met and got the name of almost everybody there.

I'm friends with everybody except for the popular crowd now. They are so... intimidating... and old. lol, anyway, I need to get money, so I can start going to rock concerts with everyone.

heh. Thanks for the advice. I guess all I have to do now is follow up. :/

[agasfas]

true good friends are very hard to find. I only have like 2 friends I can really trust my life to. THe others are more acquaintances I talk to daily at work, school and such. The 2 sec conversations are common though. I found that usually happens when we try too hard to meet others or force conversations. Kind of like what others have said, just be yourself and try not to think too hard about things. When you do that, you don't usually have to struggle for conversation because things just come naturally. And if 2 people have nothing to talk about, then maybe the connection wasn't meant to be. It happens.

Anyways, I hope things work out for ya.

[Anna Mae]

I don't have very many friends, but that has taught me to rely on God as my best friend. He's a superb friend. Can't get much better than perfect...

[mitsuki lover]

Friends really happen when you don't try too hard.

[Shia Kyosuka]

What friends are you talking about?

My friends (before they moved away) never got birthday gifts from each other, christmas gifts, never really did favors, blah blah blah...

The only thing we did was hang out. We didn't make each other do favors or buy gifts.

So, really, your post isn't true for most. Maybe for some, but most people I've met don't care if you buy them stuff all the time.

[Shia Kyosuka]

Most. I've met many, MANY people in the past. none of them asked for gifts or favors.

you CAN give gifts or favors, but the people I've met don't care about that kinda thing.

Sorry you found those kind of people, but seriously, I haven't met one single person who's like that.

[Mangafanatic]

[quote="Kraine"]*This post may prove to be insulting to people who like friends be WARNED !!!!*

Friends are a pain you always have to do stuff with them or they get upset. For birthdays and Christmas you have to buy them things....

The only people you should spend money on is your family because in the end they are the only ones that won't abandon you.

The problem with friends is that you have to do favours for them. If they can no longer get stuff from you they stop being your friend. If you want a friend... get a dog.

I am 12 and already dislike people can't wait to see what I am like when I am 30 ]


It seems like you've been hurt by people. I'm really sorry to hear that. However, I think you're misreading friends. I have friends who have nothing, financially, to offer to me, but I love them dearly anyways. Real friends aren't people who are looking to get something out of you. They're people who are there in your life to help you become the person Christ desires you to be.

Furthermore, as a Christian, abandoning friendship isn't an option. We're explitely told in scripture not to forsake fellowship. Accountability is an important part of an active relationship with Christ, and there cannot be accountability outside of close friendships.

God desires for us to live in realtionships where we can be challenged and encouraged.

[soul alive]

Making friends is hard, especially if you are more introverted. I have found that, as had been said earlier, being myself is the best policy. I really clash personality-wise with some people, and can usually tell right away that, while we may get along, we will never be friends; if I weren't being myself around these people, I would just end up creating a bad situation that I would never be comfortable with.

I also agree that people can tell when you are trying too hard to be friends. If someone is aloof with me, I don't push it, since that is the quickest way to create an adversary. Seek out people who you have some things in common with, since friendships can be made faster when there is common ground between you. I love to geek out for hours with my architecture friends, because we have our own little world of architecture that we can escape into.

You should also seek out both Christian and non-Christian friends. Having just friends from one or the other group makes you unbalanced. Christian friends are fellowship. You hold each other accountable, you're centered on God. Of course, you will have other things in common, but God is the driving force of your relationship, and you both understand that God is number one. Non-Christian friends you have things in common with, you hang out and have fun, etc. You are the light of God in their life, encouraging them to see what He is all about, since He is so important to you.

For myself, friendship is about camaraderie, building and maintaining healthy and lasting relationships. I do think there is a difference between being friendly and being friends. Just being friendly and pleasant to be around is more equated with acquaintanceship for me.

Don't get me wrong, I do have some very good acquaintances, but they're not who I would turn to with big problems or secrets or similar things. My friends on the other hand are. We share secrets and problems and joy and many other things. They are the people who understand when I am cranky after a long night of homework; who stay up till all hours of the morning watching movies with me; who laugh/cry/rejoice/get angry with me; who I can turn to anytime, and who know they can turn to me.

Friendship should never be quantitative. If how much you spend or don't spend on them affects how much someone likes you, their motives are entirely in the wrong place, and you should re-evaluate your relationship with them. Pursuing healthy relationships with people who are not out to take advantage of you is hard, especially if you have a long track record of bad/abusive relationships. But don't give up.

I feel that if people aren't willing to overlook external factors, they aren't worth pursuing a relationship. Where you come from, what you look like, what your job is, and so on only defines you so much, and if someone isn't willing to look beyond that to see who you really are, well, frankly, they can take a hike. There are people out there who are interested in you, they may be few and far between, but I think that it is far more worth it to have one incredibly good friend than dozens upon dozens of sponge-friends (people who are in it for the benefits). As the saying goes, quality is better than quantity.


Kraine, I think it is incredibly unfortunate that you and your family have been given the short end of the rope in this situation. No one deserves to be treated that way. And it's a little sad that you are so jaded so young. I'll pray for you.


*these are my opinions*

[chibizerox]

I've been betrayed by so many people that I'm almost turned off to the idea of social relations. People claiming to be friends with me, only to use me for their own ends and personal pleasure...And not before trying to expell me with a bogus verbal harassment charge. Ultimately, I was expelled.

Gotta love the youth of today, and their schools.