Zion

[true_noir_chloe]

>>Sigh... how I hate the words "a guy thing."

Sorry, that was meant as a joke. *hehe* Although, did you notice how a lot of the stories here are shonen-type with lots of fighting? Just an observation IMHO.

Anyways, I like Ronin's story and I'm waiting for his next installment. ~-^

[Solid Ronin]

skim..fighting.....I dont understand the fight between Zion and Seth SUCKED in my story fights will be realistic and long (depending on the fighter skill) its not realistic to have the greatest fighter in the world fight yet its over in 3 min.(I speak of movies) TO HECK WITH THAT.

[uc pseudonym]

Eh, that is a good point. It's ridiculous to have a powerful fighter go down in a few moves, or appear completely incompetant if they were good before (of course, we speak here not of reality. Fights there are far more pragmatic).

I have my own humble observation (?- what does that mean?): all the Christian webmanga are written by females. Though Inkhana's and Psycho Ann's should have some fighting.

About your observation, I'll readily admit I write shonen (I've done so already, in fact). I don't really like shojo. I simply shrug my shoulders about it. So be it.

[Solid Ronin]

Next in G comics

Zion -1 = Zion's second death
Zion- Absolom

The Ronin of Kirai writes his favorite characters of all time

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[KarateGirl]

Im sorry, i didnt mean to offend anyone on this topic. I didn't mean to slam on battles, i belive he sould continue writing the story the way he feels it should be, every fight should be what he sees and the fighting does work into this story because of the nature of the surrounds... Again, im sorry. I am also looking forward to the next part of the story.

-KG

[true_noir_chloe]

I'm overly opinionated and so is UC. We just like to go back and forth and would probably do so without your comment, KG. LOL Our writing styles are completely different as well. Don't feel bad. Zion's a really good story and you're right - it's Ronin's story.

UC, you're so right and again I am humbled by your knowledge of fighting scenes. However, I love to read both shonen and shojo, or even better the ones which have the developed characters of shojo and the awesome action (tempered and not overdone) like shonen.

[Icarus]

However, I love to read both shonen and shojo, or even better the ones which have the developed characters of shojo and the awesome action (tempered and not overdone) like shonen.

[color=royalblue]Swing. *expressing agreement*

However, on with the story.]

[uc pseudonym]

I'm overly opinionated and so is UC.

Aside from that, I will state that it's my opinion that neither of us were really stating an opinion (yes, that's satire, but satire with a point). And never fear, KarateGirl, you've done nothing wrong. Not everyone cares in the slightest about any given art.

However, I love to read both shonen and shojo, or even better the ones which have the developed characters of shojo and the awesome action (tempered and not overdone) like shonen.

But of course. This is, of course, the ultimate goal of any shonen manga (shojo doesn't require the action part, because it doesn't have to have any action). Hopefully, the action will be made better because the characters are well developed. Of course, constant action will get old (though I do not speak for myself, there... but I'd submit the anime of DBZ as an example of something called "stretched").

[Solid Ronin]

Im sorry, i didnt mean to offend anyone on this topic. I didn't mean to slam on battles, i belive he sould continue writing the story the way he feels it should be, every fight should be what he sees and the fighting does work into this story because of the nature of the surrounds... Again, im sorry. I am also looking forward to the next part of the story.

-KG

Sorry for what you didnt do anything wrong

[Solid Ronin]

ok next post will be Zion -1

[Solid Ronin]

*DISCLAIMER*
Violence would be a 3.5 out of 5 in this story
*DISCLAIMER*



A young Zion ,wearing a dingy white shirt and old blue shorts with hair going half down his ears, is seen running toward a burning building. He can feel the heat as if he were right there but hes still 7 blocks away. His pace quickens a look of terror and disbelieve on his face. On his way his see the decay of the neighborhood soon to be the city.Pawn shops left and right, crack houses, bars, and "gentleman's" clubs. Tay always told Zion never to call them that sense the men in their are anything but gentlemen.

He stops just at the end on the last block in the realization that the burning building is in fact his home. The heat is unbearable it feels as if hes sticking his fingers into hot ash and his face feels as if it was directly over a camp fire. The again there's a massive street fire just a few steps away. He can hear the screams of the other orphans. What caused this......He doesn't know nor care. All hes thinking about is a burning building with nearly everything he knew in it just..burning.

He takes a few steps closer and though the fire and smoke he can see two figures ones a girl on her knees

Zion: Tay?????

The other a man holding a scythe. This man swings the scythe at the girls neck
beheading her. Zion's eyes fully open in pure terror, as he now sees the man pick the head up by its long hair ,kiss it , and throws it aside

Zion: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joesph jumps out of bed

Joesph: AHHH!! Zi..ZION whats wrong???

Zion already up covered in sweat starts to breaths heavily. Then collapses back in bed almost instantly asleep.

End

Story -
G. Comics

[Razgriz]

Very interesting sequence. Nicely done

[Solid Ronin]

Thanks man.. not another note ive noticed that ive been horribly lazy in description so from now on ill be much more descriptive

[uc pseudonym]

My eyebrows raised reading that. Not bad, though, not bad at all. You are definitely improving, and your paragraphing is just as it needs to be. I'm eager for more of this... and for the combat, when it is time for that.

[KarateGirl]

WOAH! Ok, i didnt see that coming! I thought it was totally real too, but good thing it was a dream kinda thing....i was like "what?! Noo!" but yeah, good element there, violent, yes, but it kinda gave a look into Zion's head. Very cool

*want more story!!!*

-KG

[Solid Ronin]

My eyebrows raised reading that. Not bad, though, not bad at all. You are definitely improving, and your paragraphing is just as it needs to be. I'm eager for more of this... and for the combat, when it is time for that.

oh yes Master combat will becoming all to soon (evil laughing ) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Solid Ronin]

WOAH! Ok, i didnt see that coming! I thought it was totally real too, but good thing it was a dream kinda thing....i was like "what?! Noo!" but yeah, good element there, violent, yes, but it kinda gave a look into Zion's head. Very cool

*want more story!!!*

-KG

its was really more of a nightmare memory and thanks

[Solid Ronin]

its was really a nightmare memory

dose that sound kinda pushy of something

[Locke]

*walks in*

*reads*

whoa didnt expect that

nicely done

[Solid Ronin]

thanks

[Solid Ronin]

A man.....A man sitting in a large office with nave blue carpet , the walls painted white, one wall is just a huge window giving a breath taking view of a dying city. the man is sitting behind his solid oak desk in a steel chair cushioned with leather. Two other chairs build nearly the same are placed in front of the desk.

His clothing black Khaki pants with a leather belt , a black cotton long sleeve shirt with a collar and crimson buttons, and a black over coat. A fan of black as it seems.

His mid length hair helps hide his face in darkness. The only light in the room is from a golden lamp place on the desk.

Intercom: Sir? Mr. Naboth is here to see you.

Man: Send him in.

The door opens and a man wearing a brown suit walk in. He shuts the door behind him.

Man: what do you want Naboth?

Naboth: Sir we have trouble...that kid busted the deal.

Man: We have many deal Naboth. Which one?

Naboth: *harshly* The one that was worth 25 grand Sir.

Man: Your tongue is not as sharp as my blade...WATCH IT!!

Naboth: I'm Sorry Sir.

Man: Not sorry enough. Get out of my sight.

Naboth leaves the room.

The man takes a sheet of paper from his desk and begin to write in Japanese.Afterward he presses a button on the intercom.

Man: Come in Iris

Iris: Yes Sir.

She comes in. She has a sexiness to her and is very graceful.

Iris: Yes Sir.

Man Send this to Koji.

She picks the piece of paper up and neatly holds it in half.

Iris: I'll see to it personally

End

Story
EMG

Man
Age: ??
Height: 6 ft.
Weight: ??
Hair: black
Eyes: ??
He has a nice build to him

[Razgriz]

Good little bit of dialogue.

[Solid Ronin]

thanks

[true_noir_chloe]

This is good. Thanks, Ronin.

[Solid Ronin]

your are most welcome

[uc pseudonym]

Ah, so we now focus on a villain. That's always fortunate.

[Solid Ronin]

is it now.....by the way next story.......FIGHTING

[Solid Ronin]

Well the next part writin ill post it asap

[Solid Ronin]

I hafta cancel this story...why?.....cause I think it sucks...However I well remake it into something im calling "Chaos America" which will have a MUCH better and darker story in my opinoin. Heres a "motto" of the story if you will.

"Does hope even exist anymore...."

[uc pseudonym]

I see. Perhaps you have done the right thing. Allow me to give a word of advice, however: wait a moment before posting this next idea. It is evident from this thread that you have a great number of ideas to work with. Unfortunately, the greater the quality and quantity of ideas, the more difficult it is to make them into an excellant story. Work on this, hammer out an excellent story, and then I will be happy to see what you have written.