Sonnet I wrote for my peotry class

[Meow Chan]

This isn't a religios poem or anything. I wrote this for my poetry class...tell me what you think!

Tear in the Eye of a Memory

The rhythm of your steps, soft and distant,
drifts past my heart which awaits your return.
If, once more, your face I could see, repent
I would, for all which caused your soul to burn.
This pain was never intended for you
for you were the one who took mine away.
When e’er my tender heart lost its view
assured I’d be that you would always stay.
Now far away you lie, dwelling in sleep.
O never more shall you return to me!
Only in dreams will your memory creep,
deeper down till they are too far to see.
One day, in death, we will reunite here
with no light, but the gleam of one soft tear.

[Esoteric]

Nice. I very much like the sentiment in this poem. Now, I'm vague on the rules of sonnet, but is there a proper number of syllables, or just lines? I thought there were sixteen lines in a sonnet, but I certianly could be wrong. If there is no rule about the number of syllables in a line (iambic pentameters and all that junk) then I might suggest reducing the number of "you's and 'your's if possible. They tend to clutter alittle. But it's a good poem, good meaning.

[Anna Mae]

Interesting. I'm glad you made the note that you did at the beginning, because I kept trying to read religous meaning into it and would get confused. Then I would remember your previous statement.

Like Esoteric said, I like the sentiment of the poem. It provokes thought, which is part of what writing is about, neh?

[Meow Chan]

there are two different types of sonnets. This is a shakespearean sonnet. It has to have 14 lines and each line has to have 10 syllables.

[Sammy Boy]

I don't know anything about poems, but that reads really well.

[Meow Chan]

Thanks ^_^

[Lynx]

i like it. it has a very nice flow to it.