Random tips

[Doubleshadow]

To keep your cat from shedding, just give the little beggar a good coat of varnish.

In all honesty:
Generally, when you use formal flatware, use the forks and spoons furthest from the plate first and work your way in. Exception: The salad fork is usually closest to the plate.
Dirty utensils cannot touch the surface of the table or the tablecloth, ever. Even the handles of everything should not touch the table.
When you're finished, set your used utensil down on a plate crossed over one another or horizontally across the plate with the knife blade toward you so the waiter knows you are done. Do not leave anything in a bowl or cup (that’s why there’s usually a flat dish under the soup bowl people!) where it might flip and assault your host or other diners.
Between bites, your utensils should rest on the edge of your plate. Your knife on the back of the plate, fork on the side of the plate.
Your napkin goes in your lap. You are not actually supposed to get in dirty either. You are supposed to clean your mouth with it, but you just dab discreetly at your mouth.
Do NOT lean over the table. Bring your food up to your mouth without leaning forward.
Sip your soup from the side of the spoon after diping it in the soup away from you and wiping the bottom on the edge of the bowl. You never put the whole spoon in your mouth. You eat the crackers by taking a bite of the cracker while you eat the soup, you do not crumble crackers into your soup.
Ice cream is eaten by turning the spoon over and licking the concave side (that is why the spoon is shaped that way, to fit your tongue).
You eat bread by tearing off a piece and placing the rest on your plate. You butter that piece in your hand, set the knife down, then eat that piece. Repeat.

[Nate]

Man, I'm glad I'll never eat at a formal dinner, ever. Those rules are retarded. XP

Now to actually contribute something useful.

Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies are about a thousand times better when you put them in the freezer overnight.

[Puritan]

We have a regular Miss Manners! Can we have a column, I love reading etiquite advice (the sad thing is, I'm not joking).

If you are ever confronted by the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Trall, cover your face with your towel. While the Bugblatter Beast is extremely deadly and very ravenous, it is also extremely stupid and thinks that if you can't see it, it can't see you.

Also, the basic rule of the Army: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If you can't pick it up, paint it

[Kiba-kun]

Don't put baking soda in something you're eating (like macoroni and cheese) the taste is bitter and it stays even when washed twice by a dish washer.

[Kaligraphic]

If someone from the Middle East invites you to dinner, don't fold the napkin afterwards. Doing so may be taken as meaning "never invite me again".

The proper thing to do is to set it crumpled on the table after eating. (gives new meaning to finding the cloth that covered Jesus' head all neatly folded, eh?)

[Doubleshadow]

Man, I'm glad I'll never eat at a formal dinner, ever. Those rules are retarded. XP

Oh, it gets better.

We have a regular Miss Manners! Can we have a column, I love reading etiquite advice (the sad thing is, I'm not joking).

Manners are just not the highly appreciated these days to be sure. I learned most of this at a six or seven course etiquette dinner offered at my university designed with preparation for job interviews at formal restaurants in mind. We had to dress in formal attire, but it was free so what the heck. In addition to all that, we also learned how to properly use a fork. It is also correctly used concave side down. You aren't supposed to "shovel things into your mouth" as the teacher said, so basically everybody uses their utensils upside down. Oh, well. Anyway, we ate macaroni and rice. The macaroni was not too bad; you just stab it and eat it, concave side of the fork down. The rice was a pain. Do you know how tricky it is to work rice up onto the back of a fork and then get it up to your mouth? It's darn hard! You wouldn't think you would be hungry after a six or seven course meal, but when it is all you can do to get your food to your mouth without getting it all over you, it just kind of works out that way.

[EireWolf]

Mith and I did one of those etiquette dinners once. It was fun and interesting... but really, I like to enjoy my food without worrying about whether or not I'm doing it right. We don't eat at formal restaurants much. Even so, it's good to know about.