I give up...

[Tenshi no Ai]

I finally did it (I think), I'm giving up on the one guy that I've liked the longest in my life.

Brief background story:
2004
-he liked me during various times of the year but we were friends, he was younger than me and I didn't know him THAT well as a good friend either
-round Sept I finally started liking him, and I knew he liked me already
-round Nov he liked me again (or still did?) and then I finally told him, makign it easy since I knew he already liked me. then we went out

2005
-at the end of Jan. (28th to be preceise actually) he broke up to me for reasons unknown (which he even forgets why to this day)
-throughout the year it's been so hard, only ONCE (in May) did he say he liked me again but I didn't know what to do
-kept thinking to myself that I only liked him as a friend and left it at that, yet I'd still end up liking him from time to time cause I was just lying to myself
-round July he moved to a town just over an hour away, and the phone convos started
-ended up havign sleep overs at my house (as friends and all) and even over the phone I REALLY started liking him again... but then found out he still did like other people...

2006
-stayed at his house on new years and he just stayed the weekend. I confessed I really did like him and he said he knew cause it was obvious I did. but, never gave me a precise answer to it but that he was "confused about relationships"... never know what it meant but now I think I finally figured it out...

He lives there, I live here but the distance has nothign to do with it. I know there will always be the girls over there he'll like and I will probably only EVER be concidered that "good friend". Sure there still might be the sleep overs and so forth, but now I won't expect ANYTHING from him. I'm convinced now he's only confused cause he doesn't want to be more than friends with me... we're so very close as friends that I really think that it would work out if we were more but... unlike 04, he doesn't and probably won't like me like that again, even though we still chat on the phone more than his bro and his bro's g/f (who have an hour away relationship too).

I just cna't do this anymore... liking someone so one-sided and thinking to myself that it just may work one day... I just can't! It's so hard all of this for me though. Then again I have NO idea what God has planned for me, but I still wonder what the purpose of all this hardship is sometimes. Thinking about that "can guys and girls just be friends" topic, yeah it's true. He doesn't want to be more than friends with me. He probably just wnats that really good girl friend AND a g/f (which I myself find werid cause it almost makes more sense to go out with your good friend and all). But yeah...

Sorry this is so long, prayer would be nice too^^ I've just had over a year of tears and I just can't do it anymore... (Ironically enough at this moment one of my guy friends likes me that I am not really interested in >_< Things just keep getting worse by the minute it seems...) Never know if it'll NEVER happen for sure, but I'm just gunna give up with "the chase". If he ends up liking me one day, I'll decide what to do then. Hard enough too since I don't see "Mr. Nice" walking down my street any time soon >_< And being close enough friends with the other guy already, it's hard enough to think about being that close to another guy too.

[agasfas]

I'm sorry to hear that....It can be heartbreaking. Sadly it's a part of life I think a lot of us can relate to. And I agree, we should try to persue one-sided relationship, it only hurts more in the long run. Feelings need to be mutual ya know... Sometimes crushes come and go and there's nothing we can really do. I sometimes think hardships like these help make us stronger and perhaps wiser.

But I'm sorry to hear about that, I hope you feel better soon. Stay strong, and continue to have faith that things will work out for ya in the end. I sure it will.

[termyt]

I'm sorry you shed tears, but it seems like you are handling it well. Learn from the experience. I'm sure both of you still have some learning to do and relationships can be very complicated.

May God bless you with wisdom from this experience.

[shooraijin]

It's very unfortunate and unpleasant, but you are at least moving on, and that's something, isn't it?

[Yumie]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. Just hang in there and remember that, even though right now he probably seems like the coolest guy in the world, God has a guy out there for you who's going to trump every other, even your friend. So don't let it get you down. I'll pray for you!

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Ow >_> That's definately got to be a tough thing to do. I'm praying for you tenshi!

[Tenshi no Ai]

Thanks for your prayers and everything guys ^^ I'm easily surprised with things too, like like I said I have NO IDEA what the possible outcomes in the future are (and well, EVERY time I've made an assumption on what might happen, I've always been wrong. For the better or worst).

[ssj2gohan61]

Im sorry to hear that as well I too have been in a similiar situation with one of my good friends here. I really thought I liked her well i did like her, she told me everything i wanted to hear and made me believe she was someone she wasnt and one day she does something completely opposite of how she was and then i talk to one of her friends and she says a lot of things about her, So i confront my friend about it and she starts to tell me a whole bunch of other things and it was like a big turn off for me i still liked her and all as a friend and dont really want to go out with her, but shes trying harder and harder now to get me to go out with her. but the thing is i have recently started talking with a friend who i have known for 6+ years or so and find out that she has always liked me ever since we met... even my mom knew and didnt tell me! hah anyways i have started to get really close to her and shes done a lot of the same things as my other friend which is normally a big turn off for me but the thing is that she told me upfront with out me even asking which i really liked because it shows shes honest...shes a good 10 1/2 hour drive away so i dont know if i really want to try a relationship or not, i do but im afraid if i can trust her or not lol sorry about this...this was probably pointless and hard to read for many people but i just wanted to show you that you are not alone

[Ashley]

Boy, I can relate to that. I've had only one mildly successful relationship, and even that one ended rather bitterly right before Christmas. So I know full well your heartache and struggle. What really helped me a lot was to just honestly cry out to God and tell Him how I was feeling. I also ended up reading a ton of C.S. Lewis, and the Bible/praying went up a lot, too. Once I began to focus on serving God, and stopped worrying about myself, that really eased a lot of it. A quote of Lewis' that I found especially encouraging was, "He had to take [that] away in a risky surgery in the hopes that perhaps, just perhaps, in that stillness and silence, something beautiful might grow." We will be praying for you.

[Anti-me]

I fully agree with Ashley up there. Though he's gone, God has still surrounded you with friends and people that love you. Just trust him to provide what you need, for He will.

[Tenshi no Ai]

A quote of Lewis' that I found especially encouraging was, "He had to take [that] away in a risky surgery in the hopes that perhaps, just perhaps, in that stillness and silence, something beautiful might grow."

That is a nice encourging quote^^ Sometimes I do wish I can get a glimpse of the future to see what might happen, but I won't^^ Best just to sit and wait and just take one day at a time (like the Jeremy Camp song!)

[Ingemar]

The sun will rise again.

The moon will glow.

And you will breathe again.

No more sorrow.

Sorry for the little quatrain. Things will get better. In time. You just have to let them happen.

[Alice]

I feel for you.

My advice to try to get over him is to stay away from any drama concerning him as much as you can. If talking to him a lot makes you always think, "does he like me now?" because of things he says, you might want to try talking to him less to give your heart time to heal.

Also, read a lot. These kind of things can be really hard and I'm very sorry it's been like this for you. :_(