Friendship between guys and girls

[Puritan]

Eh, don't worry. I've known plenty of tomboy-ish girls who either have a "girly aura", or develop one over time. Or at least, I THINK they have this type of aura, I've never been paralyzed by it or anything. I just feel this strange need to be doing anything besides talking to the person with the aforesaid "aura." I don't think it's really related to how "girly" you are, just that you're a girl, and it seems to be magnified by the niceness/intelligence factor.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Eh, don't worry. I've known plenty of tomboy-ish girls who either have a "girly aura", or develop one over time. Or at least, I THINK they have this type of aura, I've never been paralyzed by it or anything. I just feel this strange need to be doing anything besides talking to the person with the aforesaid "aura." I don't think it's really related to how "girly" you are, just that you're a girl, and it seems to be magnified by the niceness/intelligence factor.

Like I said, there are a number who I am comfortable talking with (even if I find them attractive)

But there are also some where I'm like "uhh..uhh..uhh... yeah!"

[Maledicte]

I personally don't agree with this statement:

"One party can selfishly enjoy all the benefits of a relationship, the warmth and relief from loneliness, the satisfaction of the attention that feeds the ego — all without the accompanying commitment. One party luxuriates, while the other party feels cheated and is left with deep unsatisfied longings."

This is all assuming that one person wants something more than the other person involved. It seems to say that two people can't be happy as is. If two people really wanted a friend, they would be friends no matter what sex they happened to be.

To me, this article seems to be writing off all opposite-sex frienships as superficial. Which I vehemently resent.

[EireWolf]

She doesn't have to. She married one.

I couldn't have put it better myself. And he's the greatest vintage computer geekfest ever.

[Icarus]

....one of my best friends is a guy, and I do not like him and he does not like me.

Don't you just love context?

On topic. I'm with christianfriend. I could have sworn we already had a discussion about this. But if not, here's my two cents: Well, um, yeah? Coworkers, and all that.

I know, it's not a very good reply, so here, have a penny and add your thoughts.

Edit:

"That's right," one of them piped up. "Women are always going to read into something. If you catered to it, you'd have to give up female friends completely."

What kind of rock did this guy crawl out from under? No, you'd just have to alter your behavior. Is that so terrible to contemplate?

[mitsuki lover]

I have no problems communicating with my female friends.

[PigtailsJazz]

Don't you just love context?

haha YES....otherwise he would not be one of my best friends!

[peacetracati]

Of course!!!!!!! I haven't started dating till I was 16 becuase most guys I've met I've considered a friends, and some end up like brothers to me. It's just some many people have sex on they're minds these days and think that there are only romantic views between guys and gals. And from the amount of chick flicks I've been forced to see I can see why.

[mitsuki lover]

It comes from watching too much tv and movies.Sex is everywhere.

[Rocketshipper]

Don't know if the topic is dead, (myabe I should start a new one for my next question) but what do you think about Women initiating a romance? Both the article I posted at the beginning of the topic, and a new question/answer column up at boundless state that the Woman should wait for the man to initiate the romance.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001206.cfm

"Assertion. Women should do what they can to meet marriable men. I've talked about it at length in a previous week's Q&A and the article "Finding a Husband." The key is to be intentional about looking and meeting.

Where women should not assert is in initiating and pursuing.
"

Do you agree or disagree? Can a woman ask a man out on a date?

[Yumie]

Being a woman with traditional views, I totally think the dude should be the one doing the asking. To me that's just the way to go. I'd never ask a guy out, unless it was like, "Agh! I really need a prom date and you're the only person I can think of who might go with me!"

And if a guy never asks a girl out, then it is somehwat presumable that he isn't interested in her and might turn her down were she to ask. I mean, there's always the person who will argue that maybe the guy is just shy and needs some help, but it seems like eventually even the shyest guy would get around to it. . .

But, that's just my opinion.

[Puritan]

Being one of the aforementioned shy guys, I would still agree with Yumie. The guy should initiate relationship type things (dates, dances, etc), but I also think it's important that the girl involved try to show what she thinks of what's going on. The (admittedly few) times I've asked a girl on a date of some kind have been quite nerve-wracking for me (which is typical), and I think it's important that the girl try to make it known that she is either enjoying herself or otherwise. I mean, the guy has already shown some interest, so a simple statement afterwards of "I enjoyed myself, thanks for asking me to X" would be really appreciated, or otherwise politely declining further offers if not interested (or even a polite statement that you aren't interested in dating person X if they make a pest of themselves). Otherwise (and this is what bothers me) how is one to know if a lady would like you to ask her to do something again, or if she hated the experience and never wants to do anything with you again? If she continues to act as if you never did anything, how do you interperate that? Perhaps I'm clueless about other subtle cues, but I think that some measure of visible response from the lady in question is important.

[Alice]

I think the guy should ask.

If a guy asks, and gets turned down, it's not like he was freaky or something for asking. But if I asked a guy something like that, and he said 'no,' it would be like "I broke the rules."

*can't express it any better at the moment -- blargh

[mitsuki lover]

off topic:Chivalry only really extended to women of royal and noble birth.If you read up on it you find out that peasant and slave women were fair game since anyone who wasn't a noble was considered dirt in those days.

[Bunny]

Don't know if the topic is dead, (myabe I should start a new one for my next question) but what do you think about Women initiating a romance? Both the article I posted at the beginning of the topic, and a new question/answer column up at boundless state that the Woman should wait for the man to initiate the romance.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001206.cfm

"Assertion. Women should do what they can to meet marriable men. I've talked about it at length in a previous week's Q&A and the article "Finding a Husband." The key is to be intentional about looking and meeting.

Where women should not assert is in initiating and pursuing.
"

Do you agree or disagree? Can a woman ask a man out on a date?

I've done it once before but it was only after he had asked me on several dates and I decided to pull something charming on him and ask him for a change. I took him shopping around some vintage art stores and completely surprised him by taking him to an old downtown record store he didn't know existed. (He loves everything classic rock.)
I thought it was very satisfying to be the assertive one for a night. It was fun.

[mitsuki lover]

My philosophy is that until I know better to treat each new female friend I make as though she was THE ONE,that way when I do meet THE ONE I won't be loosing any of the female friends I do have now.

[~Natsumi Lam~]

i dont think a girl and a guy can be just friends....

haha i heard ... girls keep guy friends around as potential what-ifs.

and that guys keep girls around as if i coulds.


haahha


~NL~

[mitsuki lover]

hmmm...maybe if all guys had Ranma's curse than their girlfriends wouldn't complain so much!

[jon0]

I'm a shy guy, i mean i can talk to girls i'm friends with, but if i like a girl i'd be to afraid to ask her out. i'm not exactly a couragous guy so i find nothing wrong with a girl starting a relationship.

[Arbre]

Don't know if the topic is dead, (myabe I should start a new one for my next question) but what do you think about Women initiating a romance? Both the article I posted at the beginning of the topic, and a new question/answer column up at boundless state that the Woman should wait for the man to initiate the romance.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0001206.cfm

"Assertion. Women should do what they can to meet marriable men. I've talked about it at length in a previous week's Q&A and the article "Finding a Husband." The key is to be intentional about looking and meeting.

Where women should not assert is in initiating and pursuing.
"

Do you agree or disagree? Can a woman ask a man out on a date?

That just comes across as manipulative or at least unequal to me. :\

Is a friendship equal? Yes. There aren't gender roles in platonic friendships, as far as I can see.
Are dating relationships equal? Why or why not?
I'm not going to go into that here because I don't want to offend people with my opinions on this thread. But I think it's worth thinking about individually.

[mitsuki lover]

I think we have to realize that there are different levels of relationships between men and women.Not all of them have to do with sex.In fact just a very little amount has to do with sex of any kind.That is what the main problem here is,we have the tendency,falsely,to think any relationship between a man and a woman needs to have sex involved.This is because Hollywood brainwashes us to think this way.
So can a man and a woman merely be firends and nothing else?
Of course.The answer is a definite yes.

[b0redx3]

i think it's outrageous to say guys and girls can't be just friends. i have more guy friends than i do girl friends, so what is that supposed to mean? nothing! it's just that i have more guy friends than girls. does that mean i want a relationship with each and one of them. i say, "uh, heck no."
one of my best friends is a guy and i have no romantic interest with him whatsoever. to think that way will gross me out.

for the woman asking the guy out, i think it's fine. however, the bible said men is the one who should be looking while the women shouldn't.
besides, what kind of women won't want to be asked out?