Ever feel like people judge you for being judgemental?

[teen4truth]

I am really conservative, and lots of times when I say something concervative or comment that I don't really think someone should be doing something, they get all mad and blow my head off. Then they turn around and tell me that I am being judgemental. I know that sometimes I tend to be perfectionist, but other times it seems like I can't give my opinion or have a disscussion (wich believe me I really like to keep things as disscusions, not debates) without getting accused of judging. Anyone else feel this way?

[Cap'n Nick]

"Don't judge me" is such a pathetic rebuttal. Using that as a defense of your actions is intellectually irresponsible.

But, if you're getting this reaction, the people you're talking to probably aren't moving closer to your point of view. Figure out ways to share your opinions without putting people on the defensive, and maybe they'll come around.

[PigtailsJazz]

As someone who likes to hide their political views for this reason....

some....politically minded people....find the best way to make their points sound better is to sling mud.

[teen4truth]

"Don't judge me" is such a pathetic rebuttal. Using that as a defense of your actions is intellectually irresponsible.

good point.

But, if you're getting this reaction, the people you're talking to probably aren't moving closer to your point of view. Figure out ways to share your opinions without putting people on the defensive, and maybe they'll come around.

ya you're right. I used to be really bad at that, but I am getting better. that is one reason that I like to keep things as disscussions instead of debates, it helps people feel calmer and less defensive.

As someone who likes to hide their political views for this reason....

some....politically minded people....find the best way to make their points sound better is to sling mud.

erm, I don't understand, do you mean that people who are 'judging' are slinging mud, or people who are accusing others of 'judging' are slinging mud?

[Slater]

I've never had that problem. Being a Conservative in one of the most liberal universities on earth, my essays involving political points from a Christian viewpoint have come under surprisingly little fire.

[teen4truth]

I've never had that problem. Being a Conservative in one of the most liberal universities on earth, my essays involving political points from a Christian viewpoint have come under surprisingly little fire.

thats cool, more power to ya^^

[shooraijin]

Mod note: this has the possibility of skirting close to conservative vs. liberal, so be careful to avoid turning it in that direction or it will be closed.

[FadedOne]

mm..yes, i definitely have this problem sometimes. I tend to struggle between being a good friend and telling it like it is. I have a couple friends right now that are heading in directions that I really dont believe are safe, and it's disturbing. But at the same time, I feel like it's not my business. So i'm sort of hopping between 'not my business to judge' and 'good friends are honest'. It's a hard place to be...

I think though that as long as you're extra careful not to come across as condescending and you're not meddling in random people's private affairs, then it really is best to just keep sticking to your views.

And that reply tends more toward dealing with friendships, but also in religion/political/etc discussions one just needs to have christian discernment regarding how far to go.

[teen4truth]

Mod note: this has the possibility of skirting close to conservative vs. liberal, so be careful to avoid turning it in that direction or it will be closed.

Yes sir *bows japanese style*

mm..yes, i definitely have this problem sometimes. I tend to struggle between being a good friend and telling it like it is. I have a couple friends right now that are heading in directions that I really dont believe are safe, and it's disturbing. But at the same time, I feel like it's not my business. So i'm sort of hopping between 'not my business to judge' and 'good friends are honest'. It's a hard place to be...

I think though that as long as you're extra careful not to come across as condescending and you're not meddling in random people's private affairs, then it really is best to just keep sticking to your views.

And that reply tends more toward dealing with friendships, but also in religion/political/etc discussions one just needs to have christian discernment regarding how far to go.
__________________

Sounds like good advice. I'll be praying for your situation with your friends.

[PigtailsJazz]

erm, I don't understand, do you mean that people who are 'judging' are slinging mud, or people who are accusing others of 'judging' are slinging mud?

People who accuse others of judging is what I mean... Generally I would say that from anyone who argues by telling someone they're judgemental doesn't have a better argument, and thus uses that. OR, they're far too emotionally involved in their argument, OR the other person really is being judgemental.

But usually it's one of the first 2.

[Kaligraphic]

Would you rather see yourself as right, or affect someone?

---

Maybe you need to take a look at what you see as the source of righteousness. If you see a person's actions as the source of righteousness, then you will try to live right and act right, and you will consciously or unconsciously judge other people by the same measure.

An action can be smart or dumb, but if you think that you are any holier than a murderer simply because you haven't killed anybody (I hope you haven't killed anybody...), then you miss the only source of righteousness that matters at all.

You have to realize that righteousness is not something that you can attain - righteousness is a person, and that person is God. When you receive the holy spirit, that spirit is literally the spirit of righteousness - and it is that spirit which makes you righteous, not anything that you do or don't do.

If you preach obligation, and righteousness by action, you preach the law, which is the power of sin. You have to realize that their actions are only coming out of who they think they are - just as your actions come out of who you think you are.

When you first get saved, God gives you, freely, all the righteousness that you could ever need - he gives you his own righteousness. Not that he becomes less righteous, but you become joined to him in the spirit. Your old, sinful person died on that cross two thousand years ago, and the only reason that you continue to mess up is that you don't know who you are. The reason that you fail with others is that you address the action and not the identity.

Don't tell them that God doesn't like such and such an action - God already forgave ever sin you'll ever commit, so don't hold against someone on God's behalf what he's already forgiven. He forgave it on purpose - so try to see people a bit differently. Try to see how God sees people - as forgiven. Yes, this person goes out robbing liquor stores on the weekends. (or whatever) That's dumb, but he only does it because he doesn't really know who he is.

Call people sinners, and they'll sin. Call people saints, treat them with love, and you might actually do some good.

[Syreth]

I've thought quite a lot about this in light of some things that have happened with people that I know. My sister-in-law divorced my brother for no good reason and when her family called her out on it, she said that her family was being judgmental. A lot of my friends (the ones who complacently live in sin, claiming to be Christians) have said I am judgmental. However, 1 Corinthians 2:15 says, "But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one." Also, Proverbs 27:5 says, "Open rebuke is better Than love carefully concealed." However, it says in Matthew 7:1, "Judge not, that you be not judged."

I don't think there's a contradiction here, I just think there's different kinds of judgment like there's different kinds of love. We can't judge people's salvation, but we make judgments all the time concerning people's actions, appearance, etc. I think what matters is how you judge and how you act according to that judgment. Just like Kaligraphic said, there's a way to do it that will definately harden a person and a way that might change a person. We just have to discern what to say and how to say it.

[Puritan]

I can understand your problem, teen4truth. I am pretty outspoken around people I know, but I want people to discuss stuff with me and I have had good and polite conversations with people who disagree with me (one of my best friends in High School and I would disagree on almost every subject, but loved talking about our disagreements). However, I have had people get angry at me because I will not sit by and let them say things I disagree with without trying to talk about it. I am not rude about it and I am careful to talk about things in appropriate situations, but I want to discuss differences rather than have someone rant about their view without hearing another side to it. I like having conversations with people who disagree with me, it helps me learn and challenges my views. However, I have known at least one person who became so angry that I was willing to disagree with her in conversations that she practically shuns me and thinks I'm judgemental.

It's important (as others have said) to be careful not to be overly judgemental or confrontational, but at the same time it seems that many people don't want to be disagreed with in any way. To even question people's views politely seems to make you "judgemental," which is a sorry way to try to avoid discussing important issues.

[Lady Macbeth]

I have rarely been accused of being judgemental; on the other hand, I have been accused of being not judgemental enough.

The most common example comes from any time the discussion of Nazis comes up. I do not believe in most official Nazi policy, nor do I feel that the Holocaust was in any way justified or right. However, I will not jump on the righteous bandwagon of simply condemning all Nazis as "evil" and writing them off as people of no value who deserved to die. I am more than willing to study them, understand them and discuss their culture as I have done in numerous essays of varying length. I can offer my opinion and my personal feelings about how I feel. However, it is not my place to judge them.

[quote="Jude 1:9"] But even when Michael the archangel was arguing with the devil and debating with him concerning Moses’ body, he did not dare to bring a slanderous judgment, but said, “May the Lord rebuke you!â€

[teen4truth]

dude...long posts...gimme a minute to read them...

Edit: Wow, you guys had some really good points.
so here are some of the main things that I see in all this:

-you can give your opinion, but you have no right to say that it is better than anothers, because only God completely knows what he is talking about

-if you give constructive critisism to others, you need to be willing to discuss it with them and listen to them when they try to do the same to you (sure they may not always be right, but sometimes they might...)

-When 'discussing' something with someone you need to truly do it out of the bottom of your heart and because you feel like God wants you to. After all, we can't convict people...only God can do it, just sometimes through us.

Erm, ya those are some of the main points I see from all this...what do yall think?

[Yumie]

I think there's usually two reasons why people get defensive and say someone is being "judgemental."

1. They are already defensive about this issue because they get a negative response about it on a regular basis.

2. You are perhaps overstepping your bounds with the person.

Both are very common scenarios. Think about most of the people who say that others are "judgemental"-- I won't give a scenario because I don't want any kind of debate to come out of it, but I'm sure some issues will quite quickly come to mind. People come to this descision, that others are simply overly judgemental, because they constantly recieve a negative response about something that they believe. You would think that this person would come to realize that perhaps there is the possibility that they ARE wrong, but generally people want to hide behind the descision that others are simply judgemental, so that they don't have to change.

On the flip side, there is the potential that you COULD be being judgemental. I think it all depends on the scenario. Say, for instance, that there is someone who you don't know very well who tells you some of the things that they enjoy, but they are things that you have personal moral qualms with (I'm not talking major Biblical issues, but things that are more issues of personal conviction-- these things do exist.) For instance, my aunt and uncle are sabbitarians, which means that they believe it is absolutely wrong to do ANYTHING on Sunday besides go to church, eat, listen to sermons, or watch Christian-related films, because they believe that that is what it means to honor the Sabbath. I hold a different view of what honoring the Sabbath means from them, but I honor the fact that they have convictions about it. Were I to come in and say, "You all are wrong and are being far to legalistic and need to loosen up," I would be being judgemental, flat out. If I said that to a complete stranger who held their same views, it would be even worse. However, there may come a time and place to discuss and question their reasoning and allow them to do the same to me. The key is knowing when that time and place is and not stepping over the line. Another example-- my mom really doesn't like movies with teenage romance in them. I, on the other hand, do not have a problem with them (unless of course there is sexual material in them.) I have never felt a conviction from God that teenage romance is wrong. I believe that relationships should always work towards marriage, but I don't expect for film-makers to share my views, and for the sake of good story-telling I don't mind it. If my mom said, "You're going to burn for watching that," I'd probably run away from home . But she has had discussions with me about it before where I plainly laid out that, though I would not take part in romance of that nature myself, I don't mind it as a story-telling device; and she laid out her point of view. I guess all this is just to say that it is not necessarily what you say, it's how and when you might be saying it. Make sure that you don't jump in and tell people how you feel about their convictions if it is uninvited. I realize there are times when this is all right, but generally it is a better idea to wait for them to ask you what you think so it doesn't seem like you are judging them. And then, realize that God will set everyone straight in the end, and sometimes we have to leave it to Him.

[Syreth]

Those are really good points, Yumie.

Another example-- my mom really doesn't like movies with teenage romance in them.

My youth pastor's wife is the same way about James Bond. She kind of jokingly butts heads with one of the girls in the youth group who likes James Bond, but yeah, on more serious issues it can lead to a lot of hurt if you don't use discretion in what you say.

I guess all this is just to say that it is not necessarily what you say, it's how and when you might be saying it.

I couldn't agree more. Knowing this helps SO much in any relationship (especially marriage, from what I hear).

[teen4truth]

Pretty good advice guys^^ erm, I guess that is all have to say this time...*shrugs*

[The Coldwood]

I try to keep an open mind about things. I am NOT judgemental but I really do try to hear people out and get to know them before trying to set them on the path to becoming a christian.

And so far, I have had a 80% success rate.

[EireWolf]

I am NOT judgemental but I really do try to hear people out and get to know them before trying to set them on the path to becoming a christian.

And so far, I have had a 80% success rate.

In my opinion, that is by far the best way to evangelize. Rather than standing on street corners shouting Bible verses and thrusting tracts upon strangers, we should get to know the people in our lives so we can understand who they are and where they're coming from before we try to "tell them how to live." Otherwise, why should they listen to anything we say?