Kardia

[Syreth]

Kardia
URL: http://kardia.theproject.us/
Special thanks to The Project for hosting!

Description
Genre: Action/Comedy
Target audience: Shonen, anyone really!
Brief description: Kardia was a private organization with the purpose of fighting crime and unmasking evil. Three years ago, Kardia disbanded because of personal conflict. Now, the team leader recieves an unexpected phone call and Kardia must put aside their differences and become a team once more to embark on the mission of a lifetime!
Updates: Updated chapter 1, pages 1-3, posted October 18, 2006

Ratings
Age: 10+
Violence: 5 - Includes your everyday punch and kick, but no blood/gore.
Language: 2 - For non-vulgar insults
Sexual Content: 0 - None
Nudity: 0 - None
Bad Religion: 2 - Some characters have bad attitudes (I suppose this merits a '2' rating?)

If you have any disagreements with any of the ratings, please let me know right away and I will change them as needed. Also, if you have any questions, comments, critiques or anything helpful you'd like to say, feel free. I'm open to any way that I can improve Kardia. Hope you guys enjoy!

[Sakura15]

This looks really cool ^^

[bigsleepj]

Interesting read so far. I'd really like to see the rest of it.

[Syreth]

Interesting read so far. I'd really like to see the rest of it.

Hey me too! I just have to keep at it. Unfortunately, there probably won't be an unpdate for about 4 months or so, unless I can get on a computer down at school that can upload stuff. But the upside of that is that the next update will probably be a big one. Thanks guys, for the encouragement.

[Mave]

I hope you get a computer, then! XD

Looking good to me, nice debut~

[bigsleepj]

Hey me too! I just have to keep at it. Unfortunately, there probably won't be an unpdate for about 4 months or so, unless I can get on a computer down at school that can upload stuff. But the upside of that is that the next update will probably be a big one. Thanks guys, for the encouragement.

Aw nuts. That's something of a set-back for your readers, I should say.

[Syreth]

Aw nuts. That's something of a set-back for your readers, I should say.

Hmm... you're right. I'll do my best to keep my eyes open for a chance to update while I'm down at college. On the bright side, this should be the last big gap for some time.

[bigsleepj]

Well - its better than starting something and never updating it (like me ) but at least it would be a big update. Anyway, we're looking forward to it.

[uc pseudonym]

I like what I see so far, and I'm interested in some of the characters. My other observations will be pretty minor.

On page 5, I believe the common spelling is "femi-nazi" though I could be wrong.
On that same page, it is ironic that Ben calls Byron "four-eyes" given that he has glasses himself.
On page 10, "How contradictory" is a good line, but I think a word other than contradictory would be better. "Ironic" perhaps?
Page 15's layout doesn't necessarily flow. The combat was good, though.

Overall, I see a lot of potential in this, and I'll read more... however long it takes.

[Syreth]

I like what I see so far, and I'm interested in some of the characters. My other observations will be pretty minor.

I really appreciate the encouragement, as well as the helpful comments.

On page 5, I believe the common spelling is "femi-nazi" though I could be wrong.

I've never heard the term "femi-nazi" before, but that could just be my own ignorance.

On that same page, it is ironic that Ben calls Byron "four-eyes" given that he has glasses himself.

Someone else actually commented on this as well. I actually intended Ben to be wearing sunglases, although it isn't very obvious. I would have darkened them more, but I wanted them to be a sort of dark-orange tint. Unfortunately, this doeesn't show up well without colors or tones on the characters. I'll do something in the next update to remedy this.

On page 10, "How contradictory" is a good line, but I think a word other than contradictory would be better. "Ironic" perhaps?

I like contradictory 'cause it's a longer word and makes it seem like he's trying to sound smarter. I do agree, though, that ironic would be a more technically appropriate word.

Page 15's layout doesn't necessarily flow. The combat was good, though.

Hmm... I see what you mean. I'll definately put more thought into the paneling next time.

Overall, I see a lot of potential in this, and I'll read more... however long it takes.

What a blessing to have patient readers thus far!

[meboeck]

I like this a lot! It has a cool message too. I will also be patient. Just let us know when you do update so I can read more!

[Syreth]

I've started to update and have the first two pages of chapter 2 up. At Bible College I got quite a bit of work done on the story but didn't get as much art completed as I would have liked to. Anyhow, hope you guys like how it goes.

[uc pseudonym]

Glad to see this updated. I am interested to see where you are taking this plot.

[meboeck]

Um, I'm not seeing the update. Am I missing something?

[Syreth]

Hmm... I'm not sure what the problem is. Are the links broken for you, or do you not see the first two pages of chapter two? I tested them out and they should be working. Here's the web address for the manga archive if it helps.

http://www.kcome.net/kardia/manga.htm

[meboeck]

Before I didn't see the new links at all, but now they have appeared! Yay!

I am interested to see where you are taking this plot.

My thoughts exactly.

[Syreth]

Well, I posted a new page and added some screentone stuff to this one. Hopefully this will make it look a little more interesting.

[uc pseudonym]

Yes, the screentoning helps.

Aside, is Chapter 2 going to have a cover eventually, or are you using a different method?

[Syreth]

Yeah, chapter 2 will have a cover eventually. I was thinking of doing the covers after I draw the chapters, but now that I think about it, that probably wouldn't be such a good idea. Anyhow, I should have another page up by the end of the day. Thanks for the feedback. Oh, by the way, I accidentally forgot to give Ben's sunglases screentones, so I'll be adding that too.

[Mave]

The screentones make the pages look much better. Great job!

Welcome back~ XD

[Syreth]

Well, sorry for the lull in the updates, but page 6 of chapter 2 is finally up. I had to take a break for hanging out with my family and working on some side projects for some friends.

[c.t.,girl]

gah! i want more! @.@ it's so good! wo0t! \^o^/

[Syreth]

gah! i want more! @.@ it's so good! wo0t! \^o^/

Glad to hear you like it! [Random comment]AH! A Phil Wickham fan[/Random comment]

[Sakura15]

Ooo! chapter 2! lol..yes..I realize im somewhat behind..sorry lol.

Awesome job! ^-^

[c.t.,girl]

Glad to hear you like it! [Random comment]AH! A Phil Wickham fan[/Random comment]

*squinty eye* and WHAT'S wrong with being a Phil Wickham fan?!

[Syreth]

Well, there's nothing wrong with it except for the fact that Phil Whickam is awesome (hmm... i don't think that counts). Well, I really like him. He's a good songwriter. He played at my school quite a few times and I went to school with his sister and she was nice. Anyhow! Sankyuu Sakura-chan!

[Sakura15]

Anyhow! Sankyuu Sakura-chan!

Your welcome, Sy-chan ^-^

[Syreth]

The cover of chapter 2 is finally up, along with page 7 to those who didn't catch it. This marks the end of my long task of screentoning the pages I did at Bible college.

[Sakura15]

lol, nice job Sy.

[Mave]

LOL this team sure is dysfuntional. That's a lot of squabbling within 2 chapters hehehe. OK, I'm curious to see what happens next.

Btw, I also like how you colored the cover page as well.