Being Anti-social?

[Ayres91]

Eek, this is kind of a hard thing to say straight out, but is wanting to be alone a bad thing? I don't get out much with friends, except maybe during classes and parties that happen once every year. I sort of like being alone, since I am able to do things I can't do with groups (like my personal art projects and various other hobbies). But my friends say that I am being too "anti-social" by not hanging out with them. Maybe they're right, but I am not sure if that's because God had created each person who are more or less into being socially active than another person...

[Jasdero]

Would it be better if you knew every person you passed by? o.od Dun worry about it. =D Just be you~!

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

There's nothing wrong with wanting some time alone by yourself, but it is important to hang out often with your friends to have a good time, improve self-esteem, encourage and support each other and improve your social skills. It's something that you'll have to work at but just be yourself.

[Raiden no Kishi]

I suppose it really depends on what you mean by "anti-social". Introversion (that is, preferring solitude to being with many people), in moderation, is fine. If it's to the point that you don't actually spend time with people, then, that isn't healthy. God created us to have fellowship with others. I know I don't have a ton of "friends" (I prefer quality over quantity), but I'm doing just fine because that works for me (although my mom doesn't like it and wants me to be more outgoing - sorry, but that's not me).

.rai//

[Steeltemplar]

Myself, I am a rather introverted person and I do not enjoy being with large groups of people very much. My tendency is to want to instead form very close relationships with a few people. But at the same time I think that it would be unhealthy for me if I did not have those few close friendships.

Would you say that you are a total loner most of the time or are you similar to how I describe above?

[Mave]

If there are things you do that generally are better done in a solo fashion such as drawing/art projects, why not? When I draw stuff, I'm always alone since no one I know offline can relate to this activity.

I have never been labelled in any way for my general resistance to my friends' activities (clubbing, shopping, watching movies at cinema etc.) because they respect what I like to do. I do tag along occasionally just to catch up news with them and to be with them. It's the people that count, not the location or activity.

But with all due respect, I think ppl have no business going around putting anti-social tags on their buddies. True friends accept you for who you are.

[Boink!]

Boink! agrees. There's nothing wrong with being Introverted, just as long as you are not ALWAYS by yourself. It's healthy to develop your social skills. Boink!'s sister-in-law is an introvert. However, she makes it a point to spend time with friends. But there are also times she "requires" time alone or she will go insane.

[kaji]

Well, it sounds like you have had some good advice Ayres. While I dont really have much new to add, to do want to echo the truth that God did create us to fellowship and interact with eachother. The church body its self being a prime example, it could not function, nor be a body if everyone was alone doing their own thing.

However, as was pointed out, that does not mean its unhealthy to take a quiet break from it all and spend some time alone, or with God. But this is not intended to be the norm.

While being socially active is not as easy as sitting home alone, the rewards can be far greater. Not to mention that many things are much more enjoyable when you can share them with others. It may be hard at first to make the transistion, but you are one step ahead if you already have friends who care about you and are eager to spend more time with you.

[shooraijin]

I've noticed this question gets asked here a lot, and I know people are under pressure to "socialize" and "be one of the group" even if they don't really want to. Myself, I know I need time alone and space to myself to recharge, and that's my nature. A lot of us are project people, and project people can't get projects done any other way -- and because it's what we enjoy, and there's nothing wrong with it, why should we feel guilty about that?

An extroverted culture makes people feel as if there's something wrong with being inwardly directed. Everything can be taken to extremes, and extreme extroversion to the neglect of personal growth is as wrong as extreme introversion to the denial of the outside world. But that doesn't mean introversion per se is wrong or unhealthy.

[DaughterOfZion]

for one thing being anti-social means you enjoy breaking the law not enjoying being alone. defenition:anti-social:opposed or hostile to the established order;marked by or engaging in behavior that violates accepted mores.such as drug use.

back to the main point. you do need to spend time with other christians and engage in fellowship like the others have said. but theres also nothing wrong with enjoying being alone some of the time. try to spend time with other christians and spend time alone in pretty equal amounts.
if you are a total loner this book could help.even though some of them arent christian. "party of one:the loners manifesto"

[Ayres91]

Well, often most people use the word anti-social as a way of expressing how not outgoing the person is. I am definately not breaking any laws.

Would you say that you are a total loner most of the time or are you similar to how I describe above?

I wouldn't exactly call myself a loner, but perhaps more of a reserved individual. My friendships are with a few people that I trust and have known forever (other than the people I know at school). I am able to socialize with people I don't know, but I normally don't initiate the conversations. Hence, I make new friends quite rarely.

However, as was pointed out, that does not mean its unhealthy to take a quiet break from it all and spend some time alone, or with God. But this is not intended to be the norm.

An extroverted culture makes people feel as if there's something wrong with being inwardly directed. Everything can be taken to extremes, and extreme extroversion to the neglect of personal growth is as wrong as extreme introversion to the denial of the outside world. But that doesn't mean introversion per se is wrong or unhealthy.

True. I somehow have had a disconnection with what I see in public and media. Some of the expectations of certain people is to become a "social butterfly," attending every available parties and having get togethers every week. In fact, when I see people go out and have a good time, that image often makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong by not being like them.

I tend to put myself near introversion, but that's not to say I can handle my extrovert qualities when I need to. Parties are fun and having friends is a good way of enjoying life, but I enjoy moments of personal reflection.

It's too bad my friends do not see it that way.

[Lady Macbeth]

True. I somehow have had a disconnection with what I see in public and media. Some of the expectations of certain people is to become a "social butterfly," attending every available parties and having get togethers every week. In fact, when I see people go out and have a good time, that image often makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong by not being like them.

I tend to put myself near introversion, but that's not to say I can handle my extrovert qualities when I need to. Parties are fun and having friends is a good way of enjoying life, but I enjoy moments of personal reflection.

It's too bad my friends do not see it that way.

The brief time that I spent doing the "social butterfly" thing did more harm than good for me. Because it was expected of me, with the job I had and the money my husband and I made, I did the "social butterfly" thing. I didn't like it, and people constantly bugged me about why I didn't drink alcohol at those events (my mom's family has a history of alcoholism, so I do not drink regularly). I didn't like talking to people I didn't know and who I knew only talked to me because of who I knew or how much money I had. More often than not, when they actually found out my interests and hobbies, they wandered away to someone more "fun" or "interesting".

The job ended, the money ended, my husband and I suffered a string of financial problems that landed us in bankruptcy, and thankfully the social butterfly thing has ended. No one expects someone who has no money and who works at a bookstore to be out and about.

However, through my new job and the customers to the bookstore, I've met a lot of people who have become good friends. They're people who like me for me and understand when I don't have money to do things. I feel comfortable talking to them and they feel comfortable opening up to me about things.

You don't want to be totally isolated from people, as others have said. But there's nothing wrong with being "anti-social" if it means that you're living within your means, you have friends who know you and care about you, and you're happy with your life.

[EireWolf]

Ayres, I am an introvert as well. It's how I'm wired. Being around a lot of people (especially people I don't know well) for extended periods of time wears me out. That doesn't mean that I never hang out with people, but I don't do it a lot, and I don't usually seek it out. I'm more comfortable being alone, or with my husband, or in small groups of close friends.

I do have to be careful because sometimes I tend to lock myself in my solitary cave and not come out for long periods of time -- and that isn't healthy. I work at home, so I can go for weeks without interacting with another human being besides my husband (aside from church). When that happens, I feel like I should make a conscious effort to call a friend and go hang out.

Judging from what you have written, I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. You're not antisocial; you're an introvert. Some extroverts tend to think there must be something wrong with us introverts, but we're just wired differently.

[Myoti]

Join the club.

Our next social meeting is...

[CrimsonRyu17]

socializing with other people is a good thing, but it depends on who the people are. I don't have any true friends except you people up here and God, andevery time i go to church my mom shoves me into a group of teenagers just so I can have some friends i can see. as usual it does'nt work. I'm just a complete loner so I can't say much, but atleast I don't shun people.

As for being more social with other people, you definently need to watch out for who they are and if they know Christ. I will only tell my feelings and such to people who I can really trust. I would'nt walk up to someone i don't know and go "hi how are you?" it's just not me. but I've noticed that people that are truely you're friends are people who can accept you for who you are. not people who want to hang out and do parties and have a good time with you, but people who understand you're situation as of why you can't hang out with them at that moment and they wait until you can when you can without completely dumping you. and if you can't pyshically hang out with them (like going off with them to shop or something) then they will try and socialize with you via e-mail or even up here on forums or the phone or something. but that's just my opinion, like i said I'm just a loner, I can't say much ^ ^

[Ayres91]

I do have to be careful because sometimes I tend to lock myself in my solitary cave and not come out for long periods of time -- and that isn't healthy. I work at home, so I can go for weeks without interacting with another human being besides my husband (aside from church). When that happens, I feel like I should make a conscious effort to call a friend and go hang out.

I'll admit that spending too much time at home can be a little depressing. Not interacting with other people isn't healthy at all, which is why I make an effort to go out once in a while and breath the world around me. It makes my day complete when I have had some interaction with society.

But the pressure to be the butterfly (like Lady MacBeth pointed out) still exists in some cases and I think that's what is bothering me. Going downtown to make an impression with friends isn't as much fun to me as working on my personal hobbies.

Judging from what you have written, I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. You're not antisocial]
Well said!

socializing with other people is a good thing, but it depends on who the people are.

Yeah, the people that I know have completely opposite personalities than mine, which is why I think they're picking on me. Though while I have learned to choose my friends wisely, my only real friends have been my parents and the people I've known since I was much younger.

And I myself also am not good in small talk with others either.

[shooraijin]

Small talk *is* a skill you will need to acquire, especially if you wind up as a professional. I'm an MD in my day job, so I need to be able to "talk" to people (and I even work in the psychiatry department as the 'second shift shrink' a couple nights a week, so it's even more important there). It's inane and annoying, but if you have to deal with lots of different people on a daily basis, it's vital that you be good at it.