Advice needed

[CrimsonRyu17]

Okay, I've signed up for another Forum and it does'nt look like there are alot of christain members in there, but the people there are really nice. No, I'm not leaving this forum but I've found a way to do missionary-type work. I've always wanted to do missions and tell people about christ, but i never got the chance. Now I've finally found it. But theres one problem, my parents. Even now they are'nt too happy about me going to this forum because they can't see y'all in person (I personally have no problem with that. I know y'all are good friends and you've helped me alot). But I'm not sure if I should tell my parents about this new forum that I'm going to. I think they'll get mad at me, but I really want to tell other people about christ and I can't do it where I live. So, should I tell my parents about it now? or should I wait untill the time comes?, I don't know what to do. please help?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Of course talk to your parents about it! Tell them how you feel and what you wish to do

[Silvanis]

It seems that the here and now is the best time. Perhaps if you explain your reasons for being on that forum they will see things your way?

[Radical Dreamer]

I think you should talk to your parents about what you want to do. Knowing that you're there for evangelical purposes would probably be a good reason for them to let you attend this forum; however, I must warn you that evangelizing on forums and places of similarity is very difficult. It becomes, more often than not, a series of heated theological debates, in which tempers rise and members put up their best efforts to defend their own way of thought. Most times, it turns into an "I'm right, you're wrong" mentality, which is very difficult to witness to. I'm speaking from experience here, so please give some thought to what I'm saying.

Witnessing to a crowd like this will require a lot of your time and a thorough knowledge of apologetics and other religions. You'll need to stay calm and collected at all times; try not to speak with whatever your current emotions are, and always speak in love, as Jesus would. Don't expect to convert everyone on the board, some people simply will not listen, as God's Word tells us. Debating against people like this can be very stressful, so ask God for courage and strength to face these people in all types of conversation.

Now, I think it's very good that you feel led to do this, and I would love for you to succeed in this. I just wanted to give you a few pointers before you headed into something of this magnitude. I'll be praying for you, and I hope your efforts are fruitful!

[Myoti]

I'm on plenty of other non-Christian forums. Just stay strong in your beliefs and, if you feel to distraught about it, just try leaving for awhile. Don't allow the opinions of others take away from your enjoyment of the site.

[FarmGirl]

Definately talk to your parents. They are the ones who will help you the most through the discouraging times, they are the ones who will help you find the right words for the suicidal loner.

Keep up in your Bible reading and prayer, don't go into battle unprepared.

The ones who claim they are Christians but aren't for real are the hardest to reason with, give it time. Shine, let them see the difference and let them ask.

There is generally a rule in secular forums, "No religion." The loophole here is to shine, they can't outlaw morals. You can, however, talk about God and the Bible directly through the PM system.

Be prepared to be ripped up one side and down the other, and be prepared to learn a lot of new words, but never compromise. They will watch you closely for contradictions.

[Deny_Yourself]

But I'm not sure if I should tell my parents about this new forum that I'm going to. I think they'll get mad at me, but I really want to tell other people about christ and I can't do it where I live. So, should I tell my parents about it now? or should I wait untill the time comes?, I don't know what to do. please help?

Your parents should be aware of everything you're doing online...what forums you belong to, who you speak to, etc.

The first reason is because God commands us to honor our mothers & fathers. If you know they'd be mad about something you're doing, or even suspect they MIGHT be mad, you can't do it and still honor them. You have to put their wishes first, no matter how noble yours are. So talk to them, and obey them.

The second reason is because you want them to be able to trust you 100%. Be honest with them at all times..show that you can be trusted to be upfront and open about your life and what you're doing. The more you let them in, the more freedom you'll receive as they see you handling your internet relationships with great caution.

Finally, your parents should have access to everything you do online anyway. Email, forums, instant messaging. If you don't have anything to hide, this won't be a problem. It'll also give your parents the opportunity to guide you when you need it, or to do the legwork necessary to protect you when there's someone you've really grown to trust and maybe want to take the relationship/friendship further, outside of the internet.

[Mave]

I suggest you talk to your parents about the ongoings on both forums on a regular basis. Most parents just want to know what's going on in their children's activities and appreciate the open communication. In fact, it gives them the opportunity to further guide and advise you in forum topics.

This is an opinion of a single young female adult who talks to her parents, just as she would to her friends.

[Stephen]

Email, forums, instant messaging. If you don't have anything to hide, this won't be a problem.

If parents are reading kids emails, I think they are going way to far. While I agree with respecting your parents....Parents should also give kids some privacy with things. Unless of course you want your kids to get better at hiding things from you. Most teens will not want there parents reading personal things they tell there friends. Then again, most parents have long sence forgotten what its like to be a teen.

[Nate]

Finally, your parents should have access to everything you do online anyway. Email, forums, instant messaging. If you don't have anything to hide, this won't be a problem.

I disagree. While I think parents SHOULD be aware of what their children do online, I don't think every tiny little aspect should be monitored. ESPECIALLY not email. Email is personal. Do you take your kid's regular mail and open it up and read it before giving it them? If you do, that's pretty messed up. And email is just like regular mail, only like, electronic. Hence the term "e-mail."

Kids NEED to have personal things that are their own. Especially when they're in the teenage years. Now obviously, kids aren't going to want you to get involved in ANY aspect of their lives, but that's no good either. The key is finding BALANCE. Knowing which things to monitor (forums are fine), and which to not (email is a big NO). I'd also draw the line if, say, your kid had a livejournal, for you monitoring that. Livejournal is a diary type program on the internet, and you shouldn't be reading their livejournals if they don't want you to anymore than you should be reading your kid's regular diary they have in their room.

[Deny_Yourself]

If parents are reading kids emails, I think they are going way to far. While I agree with respecting your parents....Parents should also give kids some privacy with things. Unless of course you want your kids to get better at hiding things from you. Most teens will not want there parents reading personal things they tell there friends. Then again, most parents have long sence forgotten what its like to be a teen.

I agree with you to a a point, but it's not black & white, either. Parents should have access to their teens' email, but not necessarily read it. The accountability is what's needed. I randomly check my daughter's email account (and she knows I do) to see WHO'S emailing her, that's all. I don't open her emails...but I definitely check the sources. The accountability is there, and that's what's important. Because she's open to that kind of accountability, she's able to have a lot more freedom than she would.

If she received a snail-mail letter from someone I didn't know, I'd certainly get involved in some way. The depth of involvement would depend upon her secrecy, and she happens to be very open, which has saved her (and us) a lot of grief. My teenaged daughter shouldn't be corresponding privately with people she doesn't know, and the internet is ripe for that. Obviously, there will be times when she will have to, for example in private messaging on this forum.

Because the internet provides the opportunity for people to pretend that they're someone else, and sometimes with ill intent, "relationships" here are quite different than those offline. Once trust is established, it's not long before personal information starts to flow. The information flows through email, IMs, PMs, and sometimes forums (although teens tend to be more careful there). That's where the danger comes in, and why parents have to be pro-active in keeping their teens safe as they learn to use good judgment. That protection is going to have to come in the form of what would otherwise be considered an invasion of privacy. When there's a chance that a 40-year-old pedophile will pretend to be a teenaged boy so he can correspond with my daughter and win her trust, you can bet I'll be lurking in the shadows keeping an eye on things.

Before the internet, involved parents knew who their teens hung out with, who their friends were, and often who their families were. The internet has removed those safety nets. It's gravely important for parents to know who's emailing/PMing their teen, as well as who's IMing them. They should also stay up to date on the forums their teens frequent, to see what kind of people their teen is "hanging out with." One of the bonuses of this kind of involvement is that some online relationships CAN be taken offline and be allowed to develop further, in a safe manner, with the parents doing the initial legwork and research to make sure that everything's on the up-and-up. My husband, daughter & I have all been blessed by wonderful offline friendships that started online. But we also had some very frightening experiences early on, when we were a little too trusting.

As for LiveJournals, Xangas, and blogs...those aren't technically diaries, because they're not private..they're about as public as putting your own TV show on the air!! Two of the teens I minister to have all their private info on their blogs...with pictures of them as well! Their age, what high school they go to, what extracurriculars they're involved in, etc.. One of these young women is usually incredibly mature and honorable, a Christian girl of high integrity, a leader among our young people. Of course her parents should trust her...she's an incredible young woman. But she's now shared all the info needed for someone with ill intent to track her down. If they read her blog, they'd know it, and would've talked to her about it and had her change it.

As for privacy, my daughter has always been allowed to lock her door and keep us out of her room completely, as well as keep all her private/personal writing away from our eyes, because she has consistently shown herself to be trustworthy in all the other areas of her life. If I didn't know what was going on in all those areas, I wouldn't know I could trust her. Her willingness to be held accountable has given us the freedom to give her more freedom. We never ever go in her room without permission, or go through her things, because she's so open and trustworthy in all the "communication areas" of her life. She goes in her bedroom to talk on the phone, and is allowed absolute privacy. Not all teens should be entitled to that, though.

I know the subject of privacy for teens is a touchy subject with people, and it always has been, even before the internet. All-in-all, parents are held directly responsible for the protection & raising of their children, and the internet has made that tremendously difficult. It's a new world, with new rules, and we're all making our way through it the best we can. I praise God for giving me a daughter who understands, and who says she'll be the same way with her children. I'm truly, truly blessed by her. She's awesome.

[That Dude]

I think that this privacy discussion is pretty much over...Please try and keep it civil if you have anything to say about it. Thanks for keeping it so nice so far ya'll.

[Yumie]

I agree with Deny_yourself on much of what she says. I don't believe that e-mails should be opened and read by parents, but it can't hurt to know who they're coming from. My dad frequently asks me who I'm talking to online, and I tell him. If I were to say, "Uuuuuuh. . . nobody!" Obviously, he'd get a little suspicious. Accountablility is a good thing.

Other than that, I came into this thread planning to say almost word for word the exact things that she said here:

The first reason is because God commands us to honor our mothers & fathers. If you know they'd be mad about something you're doing, or even suspect they MIGHT be mad, you can't do it and still honor them. You have to put their wishes first, no matter how noble yours are. So talk to them, and obey them.

You can't honor your parents and go behind their backs to do something at the same time. If you think it's against their wishes, not asking and doing it anyways is just about the same as doing it even if they'd told you "no." It's the spirit of the thing. Your intentions are noble, but to do them in a dishonest way would be counter-productive. If they tell you no, obey them. Because God wants you to obey them, and if you'd have to disobey them to wittness to others, it's probably not something that God wants you doing. He has your parents over you for a reason.