A Holiday Time Miracle

[Stephen]

There really is no perfect place to put this post on CAA. I had half a mind to put it on the prayer room thread as a testamony...but figured it would be better here. *shrug* Some of you may know this, others may not. Those who do will just get a rerun. For the last several weeks I have been dealing with severe depression and stress. It is caused by many sources, some being...

1. Work (and frustration over not having a better job....feeling like a loser etc)
2. Home. Some things have really been stinky around the house, tough times.
3. Online. (sorry to admit this) But CAA can be stressful somtimes. Mainly dealing with the many complaints that never seem to slow or go away.
4. Lonliness. Most single people understand fully what I mean. Just the commericalism of the holiday times pushing the whole "spend time with your woman, etc"
5. My faith. I have really been battling with it lately. Just trying to understand things, and remain positive in bad times.
6. And lastly, my dogs that I have had for 12 years got out of there area and ran away Wed night.


All of this, had me litteraly to the breaking point. Never before have I been so fed up with life in general. Don't get me wrong, I did not want to kill myself...but as I told quite a few people before I signed off for the night last night...I prayed that I died in my sleep so that "God could do the dirty work for me"

People think they know all about depression when others are going through it. I say thats a horrible lie. Most people have no idea how bad things can get...till they get there. When you hurt so bad inside...that you don't care about family, friends, or God. And that is a horrible place to be. Its a place where friends can't reach you...no matter how kind of words they try to throw to pull you back to normality. (There is a girl in peticular who may read this whom I owe a very large apology to) I say all of this going to a point...belive me. Continue reading, it will be worth it in the end. So this brings us to last night. After having a depressing conversation with one of my closest friends...where I basicly just oozed negativity. I signed off of all IM programs and floated around online for a few hours.

We were leaving the door to our shed open...with a light on. Praying our dogs would come home. They had only ever run off once before, and within the hour they came home. They don't run wild, we keep them in a large fenced in area because they are knot heads, and they are not smart enough to come back home. I found out they had gotten out Thursday afternoon. I went out before I headed to work to give them doggy treats...and when they dident come out of there house...I saw the hole in the fence and knew they were gone. It was a sickening feeling..since there old dogs. They will be 12 in July. So anyway, I went to work on a heavy heart that afternoon after looking for them. I rushed through work taking no breaks...getting home around 7:30pm. It was already pitch black outside by then, but I took off into the woods behind my house with a small little light. I yelled and whistled for them till I lost my voice. It then began to sink in, that they were not coming home this time. Thats when the guilt hit.

For the last 2 months, every time I walked by there area...I felt guilty for never taking them for walks like I used to. The daily routine of life had pushed them aside...so they sat in there...in that stupid fenced in area...never getting a chance to run around like a normal dog should. It ate me up inside knowing that would be my final memory of them. This morning, as soon as I woke up...I printed out a picture of them, with our phone number and all and went around town putting them up wherever people would let me. I went into work last, putting some on the bullitin board. I got to work too early though. I was not suposed to punch in till 4...and I was there at 2:30. So I decided to go home. Everyone asking me how I was doing...simply got the abbreviated verson of my lost dogs. I got home, and grabbed a small bite to eat...the turmoil I was in...left my very appititeless to be honost. Dad and I talked a bit. And he brought up a sour note. Its still hunting season in Maine. Black powder season. Roughly half the hunters up here shoot wild dogs. (I abhore those kind of hunters, and realise what a bad image they give the honost hunters) We figured out that the dogs had gotten out around day break Wed night/Thur morning. That means right when people would be out to shoot at deer...our 2 dogs were probably chasing deer back in our woods. (its the beagel in them that makes them chase deer) So I got a coat and gloves...and headed out into a hail/snow/rain storm. It was switching back and forth because of changing temps.

I decided I would go back to where I used to take the dogs when they were puppies. Back to an old broke down cabin on the edge of a lake. Its about 1.5-2 miles behind my house. So I walked back there...getting soaked. As I walked...I felt so hopeless about things. I knew the dogs were gone. There was no reason that after nearly 48 hours they would be alive. Coyotes, wolves, hunters, plenty of reasons that 2 old dogs would never come back from there last run. So I walked along, half mad...half just numb. And I started praying. I had prayed before I went to sleep last night...that somehow God would pull through and bring them home...but I knew. I diden't deserve to have them after how I had ignored taking them for walks and such. I got back to the lake, and that was the end of the road. A storm was blowing in across the lake. (As Ashley can attest to, its a large beautiful lake) I stood there...hands in my pockets...letting it all sink in. That I would go home AGAIN. With no dogs...and I would never know what happend to them.

The bark startled me back to reality faster then a lightning bolt. I spun around to see 2 scared...soaking wet growling dogs staring me down. It took a second for my half frozen brain to realise...it was my dogs. They had no reason to be back this far. I wish...I could express with words how much of a miracle this was. They were miles from home. It was only God that could have set this up. I dropped to a half squat posistion and half taunted them with my voice, "C'mon guys, don't growl at me!" The look in there faces changed when they realised who it was. They both came charging at me tails wagging. I don't think...that I have ever cried so fast in my life before. I am the kind of person who emotion builds up...long periods of time before I can actaully cry. I did not even have the words to speak...with such a complete....I don't know. I call it a miracle when 2 old dogs...get miles from home...don't know there way back....and a guy manages to stumble right to them. They were behind me while I was looking out at the lake. They could have just have easy run away from my foot steps. The whole walk back I had been praying...that God would give me the chance to set things right. To at least find there bodies and know they were gone. Not be left with the unknown knowledge. Not knowing what happens to someone/thing is worse...then knowing bad news. Because at least with bad news...there is closure. To to tie this up. God decided to teach a family a lesson about ignoring taking there dogs for walks....gave 2 old dogs a thrilling 2 nights in the woods of Maine...and taught a guy dealing with the weight of the world on his shoulders....that God hears every word you say...and somtimes you should be very careful what you say. Anyway, sorry for rambling. I just felt like sharing this. The dogs are sleeping peacefully in my garage right now. I snuck out and gave em a roll when I got in from work. I would have spent more time with them....but there exhausted. So I want them to get there rest.

[ChristianKitsune]

That is so amazing, SH! ^^ I gotta tell you..I was really concerned.. I am glad that God brought you pups home! And I am glad that things look a little brighter!

Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse I always keep..as well as Psalms 139... Both places really tell how much God LOVES us and doesn't want to harm us.

Again, Awesome testimony..I will continue to keepo you in my prayers.

IN CHRIST!
C-Ronin AKA Kitchan

[c-girl]

That's really great ShatterHeart! >^^< I'm so happy for you and your dogs!

[Scribs]

I am exceedingly glad to hear that they got back alright. It is wonderful to hear some good news now and again.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

indeed that is awesome steveo =D

[Ashley]

I'm so glad to hear this! I was really worried about ol' Slater and Ozzie, too. Oh, thank God. This just makes me so glad! Your beloved dogs are home, but more importantly, I hope this gave you great joy and peace and happiness and a restoration of faith.

[Yahshua]

Ah thanks to our Heavenly Father anyhow I will continue to prays for ya.

[Alice]

Oh, I'm glad! I was worried about them.

[c.t.,girl]

gah! steve! you made me cry! *wipes tears* lol i'm so happy that you found them!!! praise God....dude...that's totally awesome!!! gah! i can't stop crying now! lol!!!

[termyt]

Great end to a good story. Made better because it is true. Praise God for the lessons He teaches us. Praise Him for our heartaches and our triumphs. Praise Him for who He is and who He made us to be.

[Jeikobu]

Wow, that's very awesome Shatterheart, I'm very happy for you and your dogs. This teaches a good lesson in having patience and faith, no matter how hard it may be sometimes.

[K. Ayato]

Glad to hear it, Steve. I'm glad you're learning that God hears everything we bring to Him, even if to us it seems like such a trivial thing for God to delve into.

[Yojimbo]

Wow what a great story Steve. Glad you found them and shared this with us. It's so easy for us all to forget to just ask God for the little things in life.

Dogs can be very resilient. Since I work at a vet we always get strays coming in from people who found them nearby or by their homes and such. I remember a guy brought a dog in from a nearby bike trail who had just been through a hailstorm we had an hour earlier. But there wasn't a scratch on him and we wanded him, found his chip, and he was home 30 minutes later.

[dragonshimmer]

Thanks for sharing that, Steve. It made me tear up and it was a beautiful story. Heartfelt : ) I'm glad they came home.