Am I considering making a serous mistake? Need fellow Christian advice...

[Azier the Swordsman]

First of all, I want to ask that everyone keeps this thread civil. I know this is venturing into controversial territory in which people are likely to have contrasting ideas on, but this is a serious issue in my life I'm struggling with, and I really would appreciate any advice that can be given. I say again, please keep it civil. I do not wish to incite any arguements or flame wars that would get this thread locked.

First, the issue: There's a girl that I REALLY like. In fact, I actually have come real close to asking her out. Just FYI, I've never dated in my life. The reason is that I don't want to have a relationship with anyone I didn't already know or care about. This girl is THE CLOSEST I have ever gotten to considering a relationship with. But... a few months back I learned about a certain issue which could pose a problem...

She's a Jehovah's Witness.

I'm pretty sure that her religious choice is more based on what her parents raised her as, and I don't think she practices it seriously. (But I do not know this for a fact.) I know what the Bible says about "being unequally yoked"... but what scares me is I'm still considering it. One part of me is afraid that if I overlook it then I'll be disregarding my beliefs and perhaps be in negative standing with God. Another side is afraid of possible ruining a good thing before it can even happen.

There are a lot of people who have figured it out... (it seems I wasn't hiding my feelings as cleverly as I thought ) and these people are suggesting that it's not that big an issue to live with. I keep thinking what if I end up having a very good thing, possibly having her eventually making the choice to join my Christian walk, and have a happy ending. (I can guarantee that my personal faith is strong enough that I couldn't be tempted to be converted to "the other way.") But I also wonder if I'm playing with fire. I feel like I'm having a serious crisis of belief here, what I once percieved as "the right way" and "the wrong way" is now a "maybe". This has been a serious subject of my personal prayer life, but currently God is silent. I don't know if he intends to say: "I gave you common sense. Use it." or if he wants me to continue to seek him more.

I've considered witnessing to her, but I don't want to seem like I'm forcing anything on her, and I don't want to seriously turn her off when I'm 99% sure she really likes me back.

I will appreciate any insight you guys may have. I'm seriously struggling with this. Please keep this thread civil.

[Zilch]

Well...

A: She's not a Christian
B: She's still a good friend
C: You are worried about being out of God's will
D: That's a good thing

My advice is to not ever THINK about starting anything until you are 100% sure she's saved. No exceptions. After that point, work into things. Don't rush anything you don't need to.

Other than that, good luck.

[Hephzibah]

I agree with Zilch about not starting anything until you know her to be saved. Perhaps you could invite her (and some friend if you want) to your church, and look at how she responds.

[Scribs]

Yes, I think that dating her would not be the best idea at this point. Because she is not a Christian, she would not be a person who you should consider marrying. You should try to witness to her as best you can without dating her, and if at some point she truely does become a christian, then would be a good time to start dating. As we can see with Soloman having a spouse who is not of your religion doesnt usually have a good result. Keep being good friends, and I am sure that God will point you toward where he wants you to go.

-Scribs

[Slater]

Jahova's Wittnesses aren't Christian. You must not date her, but rather you must witness to her.

[Uriah]

I would say, as in any relationship, just be friends, get to know her. I'm not against dating, but I don't really think it has much value.

As for the Jehova's witness thing. That would personally have me running for the hills... (that's just me..). It would be best not to get serious with her, the bible has verses about signifigant others' with "strange gods" turning your heart away from God.

[blkmage]

From what I've learned from some of my older friends, the problem with relationships with those who aren't Christians is focus.

See, God is the ultimate focus and top priority for a Christian. This is why dating other Christians is important. Another Christian has the same focus as you. They'll understand if at some point you have to choose between God and them and they'll support you for it. Ultimately, you'll end up working together for God.

On the other hand, in a relationship with someone who's not a believer, the focus tends to be on each other. God isn't in the top spot anymore. Not only that, but if you find yourself in a situation where you have to choose between her and God, she may not be as understanding.

[Yojimbo]

I'd say gradually and I mean really slowly witnessing to her. I too hate to see people try to force Christianity on people it's one of the biggest stigmas that is thrown on our beliefs. Like someone else said invite her to you church and maybe casually make some comments here and there when the situation arises. I wouldn't worry about the waiting deal if she really likes you then she can stand to wait for you to make your feelings known till you're ready. So if she acts like you "ruined" it by trying to slowly witness to her then you know that it was never worth it in the end. Anyway see how she reacts and go from there, just go slow.

[Ashley]

I agree with what everyone else has said, but my added bonus is to tell you to start praying for her! I belive God will move heaven and earth to answer our prayers...if we would only ask it. So I'd start praying for her salvation--through you or someone else--and that God would also give you a clear direction for your possible relationship with her.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Some tips from the asian kid:

1. Don't have the mindset that "Oh, I'll disciple her while we are dating"... just the opposite will probably happen. She will drag you down... slowly by slowly (not as much as an atheist girl would) So Missionary Dating is out of the question.
2. Know that The Watchtower followers are VERY well rounded in their theology, debates can get heavy.
3. RESEARCH as MUCH as you can! Read about cults and other beliefs, listen to apologists and speakers like R.C. Sproul, Ravi Zacharias, Dr. D. James Kennedy. Recently Kennedy had a talk about Jehovahs Witness

infact heres the website for the archies. I insist you listen to what he has to say
http://www.coralridge.org/BroadcastArchives.asp?cat=TTT&daterange=10/1/2005-10/31/2005

Look up "The Do's and Don'ts of Witnessing to the Cults" and "Doctrines of the Jehovah's Witnesses" They were quite helpful (you will need realtime to listen to them online)
4. PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!!!
5. VERY IMPORTANT when Witnessing. Do NOT Hammer down theology and "reasons your religion is wrong"... part of witnessing is SHOWING through your actions WHY your religion is the best and makes most sense.

heres something I heard. If you ask them "Do you believe in Jesus?" They will say "Yes". If then you ask "Which Jesus?"... They'll be all "whaaaa?"

Point is, their perception of Jesus is quite different than The Christian point of view. They know that its a "religion of love" so SHOW that!.

However the differences between JH and Christianity is mainly doctrine, they both "love people"... Nethertheless, their perception of Jesus is a bit different than ours
so learn much you can, be her friend, get closer and talk about it.

edit: Heres some website about the basic theology of the Watchtower Society
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/80/story_8034_1.html
http://www.exposingsatanism.org/jehovah_witness.htm

Also understand the JH uses a different Bible Translation, one that Christians find very innaccurate. Such an example is John 1:1

In [the] beginning the Word was, and the Word was with God, and the Word was a god

the words "a god" makes a HUGE difference as to why their theology is much different than theirs. There are also many other things that make theirs different.

knowing this, using a Bible for your backup to your claims could prove not as effective, unless she a) believes in your Bible too (unlikely) or b)she thinks its also in the New World Translation as well, and doesn't question it**. as their scripture is different. What you could try to do (I don't know if this exactally works) is find some scripture in their Bible that contradicts what something says elsewhere. Be prepared for her to probably say "well your Bible contradicts itself too..." Be well rounded in that. Research as to why it does not contradict itself.

Oh yeah! AND PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!

**would that be deceitful? to tell her something in a NIV or NKJV and not say the New World says differently?


I wish you good luck soldier, I'll be praying

[Linksquest]

Yea, a lot of things i wanted to say have already been said. Let me add something from personal experience: My older brother has been going out with a non-believer for about a year and a half. At first he wanted her to become a christian and he "sort of" tried, but we really don't think he had his heart in it. I don't really think that he truelly believes in God and Jesus for himself, but merely because he was raised that way. It's really hard to try to convince someone to believe in something that you, yourself, don't really believe in.

Ok. The real question is, "Do you want her to become a christian because you really want her to be in heaven, or just so that you will feel better about dating her and your parents will be more accepting? If she was just a friend would you still want her to become a christian?" It shouldn't be about you, but about her salvation. Whether or not she becomes your girlfriend that she will accept Christ.

If people really believe that Jesus is lord and that what John 14: 6 says then they should be trying to save as many people and get them into heaven as they can.

John 14:6
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Why don't we talk about God with our friends more often? Are we afraid that they will make fun of us? That they will make fun of God and Jesus? That they won't be our friends anymore? Would real friends say those things?


People should never compromise their faith for anything, whether it be just a tiny sin or something major in our lives. Our life here on earth is temporary, we only have one shot at this thing, why should we live for ourselves, and our own desires, when God is the one who will give us real joy?

You should really pray about this, pray for her, and make sure that she is not being a temptation for you to possibly compromise your faith. You are eventually the one who will make the choice, God gives you that freedom, pray for guidance for the right decisions, and please, let it not be about you, but let it be about her, and her salvation.

[~Natsumi Lam~]

i say dont even consider it.

1. if it gets to the point of love.. and you decide to marry.... JWs make the spouse become a JW if they are not one already.

2. If she has practiced...and her family are JWs... and she has not given up up completely. You will confronted with a problem.... one day your view will battle. And when that happens you either choose to compromise or you choose to stay stonchly in the Word. And if you choose to compromise... you will truely be fully remorsful about it. I sorta dated a buddhist..... man do i regret that. I couldnt look myself in the mirror after that... not because of the person but i had to sway completely from my beliefs to go with my lusts or heart. You will regret it one day.

3. dont get out of God's will just for a person. Your relationship with God is far more valiable than any person.


4. If you really want to know how JW are... and what they believe... you will look at it COMPLETELY DIFFERENT> you will know in your heart and mind what needs to be done,,,, and to go against what you knwo is right. Brings repercusions.

5. Just because they say "Jahovah Witness" and speak of Jesus. It is not the same Jesus,God, or Holy Spirit. So there is no difference between a non-christian and a JW. Please dont be fooled that they call themselves christians... they are not. And i can prove it ..... if i really have to.

6. An unequally yoked relationship can only drag you down deeper away fron God. again... no person is worth forfitting what you can be in God.

http://www.carm.org/witnesses.htm

http://www.yourgoingtohell.com/jehovah.html

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/80/story_8034_1.html


~NL~

[~Natsumi Lam~]

I think you should really pray about this, pray for her, and make sure that she is not being a temptation for you to possibly compromise your faith. You are eventually the one who will make the choice, God gives you that freedom, pray for guidance for the right decisions, and please, let it not be about you, but let it be about her, and her salvation.

I totally agree... i want to add. DO NOT MISSONARY DATE.... it doesnt work!!!! It is easier to pull you down than bring that person up!


~NL~

[Yeshua-Knight]

in the end, none of us can tell you what to do, that is where God's infinite wisdom comes in azier, seek His will and He will tell you what to do, im in a similar situation, so i have a very good idea of what you're going through, know that i will be praying for you to have clarity and courage to do whatever it is that you need to do to abide by God's will for your life

[~Natsumi Lam~]

in the end, none of us can tell you what to do, that is where God's infinite wisdom comes in azier, seek His will and He will tell you what to do, im in a similar situation, so i have a very good idea of what you're going through, know that i will be praying for you to have clarity and courage to do whatever it is that you need to do to abide by God's will for your life

I agree... just make sure your hormons play no part in your decision.


~NL~

[justaservent]

I ran into a old freind of mine quite recently and i dicovered he goes to
kingdom Hall I showed him John 8:58 since they Say Jehova Which is traditonaly transliterated from the Hebrew derived from "I Am" read Exodus 3:14-15
created Jesus and they say that Jesus is the arch angel Michale which of coures is a satanic lie! In fact Jesus Claims to be Jehovah Read john 8:58
when someone other than God says it, it equals He Is. where is here Jesus clearly does not state He Is, but "I Am" anyway i found some great tracts for giving to them it seems the man that created
kingdom hall said armagedon would ocur in 1914 when that didnt happen he said its because of the way the year system was or something and that it was realy coming in 1915
after that proved false he died on 0ct 31 1916
rutherford then emerged as the new ("judge")he predicted armagedon would ocur in 1918 when that failed he predicted Abraham Issac Jacob and other so called("ancient worthies")would be ressurected to usher in the new world in 1935 by 1929 he was still convinced of that ressurection of the so called ("ancient worthies")and built a mansion for them in san diego calling the house beth sarim "house of princes"
he died in the house in 1942 shortly after proclaming the end of the world was only months away the 1914 prophecy was a good example of how the watchtower society coverd its failures by modifying its predictions afterward
after the first failed prophecy in 1914 it taught that the world only entered its time of the end of the year later it said that the"genaration"that saw the events of 1914 would see the end of the world by 1995 time for armagedon was running out so the wittness leadership meaning of the word "generation"stripping it of any refference to a ste number of years thus the end could be postponed indefenitly and the watchtower could avoid embbarsement they actualy predicted the many times
read Deutoronomy 18:21-22
i love this tract it has tons of info and its well disguised and looks just like something from watchtower and its opening words seems very geared in that way i actually left one at the door to a kingdom hall earlier If God's willing they will think its one of there things and Please pray that they Get saved. if my old friend wont come To Jesus then i must stop talking to him Lord willing i believe theres something in the Bible about Jesus having nothing to do with satan and about how we should not fellowship with unbelievers i dont belleive that means talking or wittnesing to unbelivers rather staying friends after they rejected Jesus i believe Jesus also said
that we shouldnt give what is Holy to dogs and not to give pearls to pigs
else they will trample them underfoot and turn on you and shred you to pieces
i myself am 19 and ive never been on a date either but im possitive if God is willing that there is someone out there for me that God wants me to have that kind of relationship with she will be a Christian
and yes Pray Pray Pray and pray for my old friend too and all the members ofall these cults i believe we all should be doing this
God Bless you Brother when were not sure about where the tide is pulling us look to Jesus he wont let any of slip if we trust in Him

[Mr. SmartyPants]

my religion teacher said this

back in the OLD days, there were no vowels

So Yahweh was YHWH

now YHWH became JHVH (German Mistranslation)

Thus Jehovah is a German Mistranslation for Yahweh

The validity of what she said though, I don't know. It seems logical though

[justaservent]

not sure about german mistranlastion but ive heard That The original pronunciation
of YHWH was belived to be lost and that they combined it with a word for Lord to
form the name YAHWEH

[Cognitive Gear]

My 2 cents:

It's obvious you are having a battle of wills here. Your will vs. God's will. This is a test, as many things in life are. If you remain faithfull, God will save you a lot of pain, and you will be suprised what unexpected things simply following His will can do in your life.

God always knows what is best for you. Alot of the time, we can't see what is best, because we can't see past the here and now. God looks at the big picture, and wants us to be happy. He loves us, and wants our joy to be full. His path always turns out to be the best path, regardless of what you see now.

This is a difficult thing to do. Following God's will is rarely easy, but always produces the best results for everyone.

[~Natsumi Lam~]

I ran into a old freind of mine quite recently and i dicovered he goes to
kingdom Hall I showed him John 8:58 since they Say Jehova Which is traditonaly transliterated from the Hebrew derived from "I Am" read Exodus 3:14-15
created Jesus and they say that Jesus is the arch angel Michale which of coures is a satanic lie! In fact Jesus Claims to be Jehovah Read john 8:58
when someone other than God says it, it equals He Is. where is here Jesus clearly does not state He Is, but "I Am" anyway i found some great tracts for giving to them it seems the man that created
kingdom hall said armagedon would ocur in 1914 when that didnt happen he said its because of the way the year system was or something and that it was realy coming in 1915
after that proved false he died on 0ct 31 1916
rutherford then emerged as the new ("judge")he predicted armagedon would ocur in 1918 when that failed he predicted Abraham Issac Jacob and other so called("ancient worthies")would be ressurected to usher in the new world in 1935 by 1929 he was still convinced of that ressurection of the so called ("ancient worthies")and built a mansion for them in san diego calling the house beth sarim "house of princes"
he died in the house in 1942 shortly after proclaming the end of the world was only months away the 1914 prophecy was a good example of how the watchtower society coverd its failures by modifying its predictions afterward
after the first failed prophecy in 1914 it taught that the world only entered its time of the end of the year later it said that the"genaration"that saw the events of 1914 would see the end of the world by 1995 time for armagedon was running out so the wittness leadership meaning of the word "generation"stripping it of any refference to a ste number of years thus the end could be postponed indefenitly and the watchtower could avoid embbarsement they actualy predicted the many times
read Deutoronomy 18:21-22
i love this tract it has tons of info and its well disguised and looks just like something from watchtower and its opening words seems very geared in that way i actually left one at the door to a kingdom hall earlier If God's willing they will think its one of there things and Please pray that they Get saved. if my old friend wont come To Jesus then i must stop talking to him Lord willing i believe theres something in the Bible about Jesus having nothing to do with satan and about how we should not fellowship with unbelievers i dont belleive that means talking or wittnesing to unbelivers rather staying friends after they rejected Jesus i believe Jesus also said
that we shouldnt give what is Holy to dogs and not to give pearls to pigs
else they will trample them underfoot and turn on you and shred you to pieces
i myself am 19 and ive never been on a date either but im possitive if God is willing that there is someone out there for me that God wants me to have that kind of relationship with she will be a Christian
and yes Pray Pray Pray and pray for my old friend too and all the members ofall these cults i believe we all should be doing this
God Bless you Brother when were not sure about where the tide is pulling us look to Jesus he wont let any of slip if we trust in Him

Yea i read about all this too Very nice info!!!! 10 points for you
[no i am not being sarcastic, i do really like your info!!!]


~NL~

[~Natsumi Lam~]

My 2 cents:

It's obvious you are having a battle of wills here. Your will vs. God's will. This is a test, as many things in life are. If you remain faithfull, God will save you a lot of pain, and you will be suprised what unexpected things simply following His will can do in your life.

God always knows what is best for you. Alot of the time, we can't see what is best, because we can't see past the here and now. God looks at the big picture, and wants us to be happy. He loves us, and wants our joy to be full. His path always turns out to be the best path, regardless of what you see now.

This is a difficult thing to do. Following God's will is rarely easy, but always produces the best results for everyone.

very wise!!! I think i got goose bumps after that. I give you 10 points too!

~NL~

[Mangafanatic]

Hey Azier. I just thought I'd throw in something that hasn't exactly been said yet.

My paster once told me that if we ever wanted him to do my wedding ceremony not to tell him that the boy I was dating "went to church" and said he was a "christian." What he wanted me to be able to tell him with confidence was that this man who I was willing to make my spouse was a Prince who loved Jesus. In other words, he didn't just want to know that this boy went to church or said a prayer when we was seven, he wanted to know that the guy I was dating was actively persuing Christ in what he did.

The fact that this young lady is a Jehovah's Witness because of her parent's convictions doesn't really encourage me. She believes what she believes because her parents tell her to? Well, what does she believe? Does she believe anything about God?

Please, steer clear from evanglism dating. It works in only a miniscule fraction of relationships, and, furthermore, there's always the danger that this girl, if she really likes you, will convert because she knows you want her to. (I know a couple in which one of the two of them "accepted Christ" before they married to appease the other and never acted or thought about it at all after they were married. It happens.)

Lastly, let's suppose this girl does accept Christ tommorrow. Consider what uneven footing the two of you will be on, her as a baby in Christ and you much more mature christian. How long would it be before the two of you were both making mature choices as strong believers?

I'm not saying it couldn't work. If God wants her to convert and become a woman who will be a loving, Godly companion for you, I won't object, but I just want you to be very careful, okay?

[justaservent]

Yea i read about all this too Very nice info!!!! 10 points for you
[no i am not being sarcastic, i do really like your info!!!]



~NL~

thank you but
alot of the information i put on i actualy had copied from this tract
you can get them here its non profit organization the tracts are only 2:50
for a 20 pack guesse they need to cover the cost of making them which
totaly makes sense the thing that upsets me
is that theese cults are growing more and more and im quoting one of the envagelist
leaders in my church cults like kingdom hall are growing by leaps and bounds
and they come to the door with a lie but we have the Truth and we have
Gods Holy Spirit with us but were just sitting by while they contiue to grow more and more

check theese tracts out theyre great
http://shop2.gospelcom.net/epages/atsdirect.storefront/435e5f3100c7d8bc271d45579e7c06ac/Product/View/40571

[Yumie]

Another thing that hasn't been mentioned that has always been very serious to me-- Let's forget her dragging you down or you building her up. Let's say that you two are both able to get along great and have an awesome life together, her as a Jehova's Wittness, and you as a Christian. (I really don't think it would EVER work out like that, but consider it for arguments sake.) If that were the case, then you would still have to face that your spouse, who you love dearly, will die and not spend eternity with God. This is one of the most heartbreaking things, and I think that it is part of why God tells us not to date unbelievers, along with all the other things that have been mentioned. There's always the chance she will accept Christ and learn to love Him like crazy and actively pursue Him, but if she never does then you will face extreme heartbreak if you choose to spend the rest of your life with her only to see her one day die to face eternal seperation from God. I would STRONGLY advise you not to do that. If you are able to witness to her, and she honestly accepts what you are saying and becomes a child of God, then actively follows Him and matures in Him, then I would have no qualms with the relationship. However, if she doesn't accept Him or only accepts Him to make you happy, drop the relationship like a hot potato. Be her friend, but nothing more. No matter how much heartbreak you'll feel now, it'll save you faaaaaaaaar greater heartbreak later. I'll pray for you, and good luck!

[Azier the Swordsman]

Thanks for all your fantastic replies, everyone. I REALLY appreciate it. I've been praying about it more, and I've decided I'm not going to go through with it. I believe one of the biggest reasons I considered it in the first place... is because, to be honest, I've pretty much messed up every chance I ever had with the other girls I liked in the past. For once... I found someone who actually really liked me back. Add the fact that I'm surrounded by lost co-workers (we both work at the same store) who have been saying it's not a big deal. My mind has been so muddled with these thoughts for the last few weeks, that I began getting confused on what really would be a right or wrong choice.

I would say that's a big reason I posted here yesterday, I really needed advice from fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to counter all the unsaved mishmash advice that was screwing with my mind. For now, I'm just going to give it up to God and continue being single for however long it takes.

[Zilch]

w00t. Good man, Azier. Way to stick to the little path, instead of the highway.

[Eriana]

Good for you!

[JoyfulSongs]

^ Listen to the Asian kid.

[mitsuki lover]

Well I do hope when you tell her that you are careful and let her down gently.

[Azier the Swordsman]

Well I do hope when you tell her that you are careful and let her down gently.

We've never actually discussed the possibility of going beyond friendship face to face, so this is not an issue I currently have to worry about, unless, of course, she brings the matter up herself.