[I]I remembered it like it was yesterday….
It was a cold spring night…the rain was pouring down in great torrents, blurring out the neon lights of Hong Kong in the skyline behind him.
And there he was…in his dark hooded leather cloak, his shoulder length blonde hair waving in the wind, and in each hand a saber.
And there were his words…
“Know that after this day…â€
Dragonslayer
89 posts •
Page 1 of 3 •
Prologue: Dragonslayer
5 years later…
Silence permeated the room. The darkness encircled what little light are being fed through the stain-glass windows, like beasts stalking outside of a protective sanctuary, awaiting its pray. All furniture are absent from the room, save for a bronze throne with expertly carved dragon-heads along the sides. A lone figure in a dark-hooded cloak sat patiently, swirling a glass of crimson wine, his curly shoulder-length blonde hair sitting at the side of his face, while his face bore a wicked smirk of cynicism.
With a sudden crash, like that of dull thunder, the main double-doors flew open with tremendous vigor, followed by a gust of cold air. A trench-coat figure stepped into the room, his neck-length silver hair swirling in the wind, and his bleak grey eyes as sharp as the fine tuned edge of a newly polished sword. A katana found its place strapped on his back, as well as a Beretta M92 pistol in his right hand, smoke dispensing from its barrel despite the icy air.
Cloaked man: “Zeriel Natick.â€
5 years later…
Silence permeated the room. The darkness encircled what little light are being fed through the stain-glass windows, like beasts stalking outside of a protective sanctuary, awaiting its pray. All furniture are absent from the room, save for a bronze throne with expertly carved dragon-heads along the sides. A lone figure in a dark-hooded cloak sat patiently, swirling a glass of crimson wine, his curly shoulder-length blonde hair sitting at the side of his face, while his face bore a wicked smirk of cynicism.
With a sudden crash, like that of dull thunder, the main double-doors flew open with tremendous vigor, followed by a gust of cold air. A trench-coat figure stepped into the room, his neck-length silver hair swirling in the wind, and his bleak grey eyes as sharp as the fine tuned edge of a newly polished sword. A katana found its place strapped on his back, as well as a Beretta M92 pistol in his right hand, smoke dispensing from its barrel despite the icy air.
Cloaked man: “Zeriel Natick.â€
- Razgriz
- Posts: 1186
- Joined: Wed Aug 06, 2003 10:00 am
Great story. I love the suspense, and the description is great! Keep writing!
"So it begins" - Theodon, King of Rohan
-
Heaven's Cloud - Posts: 563
- Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2003 5:57 pm
- Location: Behind a computer
-
Solid Ronin - Posts: 1700
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Houston
interesting sangoku. Whyn did you use a script format? anyways i like it a lot. what happeend to the other story you were writing? Paladin's saga i beleive
-
Shao Feng-Li - Posts: 5187
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Idaho
Sangoku wrote:Thanks HC and Ronin for reading. Notice, Ronin, that I did take some of your writing techniques, such as extream descriptions of combat, though mine may seem kind of.....long. Anyways, thanks to you both.
thats cause I LOVE fighting
-
Solid Ronin - Posts: 1700
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Houston
Ruroken wrote:interesting sangoku. Whyn did you use a script format? anyways i like it a lot. what happeend to the other story you were writing? Paladin's saga i beleive
I took the script idea from Ronin of Kirai, and it helped me (I think) a lot in terms of writing better (at least I hope I improved since my last write with dialogue, grammer, etc). Paladin's Saga is on hiatus indefinately, this particular one is more thought out. Actually I already have the entire story planned out, I just need to get off my lazy behind and write it, lol. Anyways, thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
- Razgriz
- Posts: 1186
- Joined: Wed Aug 06, 2003 10:00 am
hmm a scrpit is easier. you dont have to deal with tenses and grammar as much, but it doesnt seem to well flow as well, IMO. but oh well 
-
Shao Feng-Li - Posts: 5187
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Idaho
[quote="Ruroken"]hmm a scrpit is easier. you dont have to deal with tenses and grammar as much, but it doesnt seem to well flow as well, IMO. but oh well ]
lol, I'm going to post a Halo fanfic soon that won't be script based, once that's posted, tell me what you think about that.
lol, I'm going to post a Halo fanfic soon that won't be script based, once that's posted, tell me what you think about that.
- Razgriz
- Posts: 1186
- Joined: Wed Aug 06, 2003 10:00 am
I really enjoyed reading how you wrote, Sangoku. Does that make sense? I see your best friend *wink* evidenced throughout your writing. I enjoy the script format. I think you've handled it well for any artist to come along and make this into a manga if that's what you both are aiming for.
Great work from both you and Ronin's collaboration.^-^
Great work from both you and Ronin's collaboration.^-^
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
-
true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
Very nice. I personally like it in script format and am looking forward to reading more of it. You already know, however, that I take issue with your title...*ahem*...and simply can't understand WHY you'd name it that *hides her dragons* ^_~
"Why do people not notice until they lose it?
What it is that's truly important...
Although I can't afford to forgive even myself,
Because you were there,
I was able to be myself (Natural).
I want to be honest...I want to be kind...
I want to be the adult I once (in my childhood) longed to be.
I go on fighting against the heart to run away...
I go on fighting against that invisible something!"---
True Navigation: Two MIX
-
Mimichan - Posts: 241
- Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Somewhere between here and there
Don't we all wish for straight anime release - oh the problems of the studios only dealing with agents. They all do.
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
-
true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
~Scene 1: That Silver Haired Man~
…Sebastian Dracus, the head of the Zenkormat Corporation was arrested Friday on the charge of conspiracy to commit…
…The amendments to the USA PATRIOT Act were inevitable! It’s only a matter of time before another strike occurs, we must look ahead and...
…Martial law was declared in Megacity 04 after disheartened citizens took to the street against the government, the Federal Police Agency were deployed to quell the rioters…
...The Syntech corporation launched its newest operating system, the Syn 1100 to the market….
A massive 20 by 20 ft flatscreen television hung from the ceiling of a dark office. A piercing blue-eyed man in a black business suit with his hair swept to the side and a slight build sat behind a burgundy desk watching over 30 channels at the same time, feeding in the information presented to him. Suddenly, the intercom system lit up, and a voice came through.
Secretary: "Mr. Velmach, Mr. Deluris is here with Mr. Johnson."
Velmach: "Send them in."
Velmach pushed a button, and the office lit up, with the television folding itself into the ceiling. The double door across from Velmach’s desk opened, and two men entered. One was a tall, well built man with short blonde hair, and vibrant purple eyes like a dark flame, wearing a red/black Kevlar jumpsuit. The other was a short bald man in a tan business suit that was sweating profusely. Both men stops in front of Velmach’s desk and bowed.
Blonde man: “Sir…Carvechius Avaros was killed three days ago, by the Dragonslayer.â€
…Sebastian Dracus, the head of the Zenkormat Corporation was arrested Friday on the charge of conspiracy to commit…
…The amendments to the USA PATRIOT Act were inevitable! It’s only a matter of time before another strike occurs, we must look ahead and...
…Martial law was declared in Megacity 04 after disheartened citizens took to the street against the government, the Federal Police Agency were deployed to quell the rioters…
...The Syntech corporation launched its newest operating system, the Syn 1100 to the market….
A massive 20 by 20 ft flatscreen television hung from the ceiling of a dark office. A piercing blue-eyed man in a black business suit with his hair swept to the side and a slight build sat behind a burgundy desk watching over 30 channels at the same time, feeding in the information presented to him. Suddenly, the intercom system lit up, and a voice came through.
Secretary: "Mr. Velmach, Mr. Deluris is here with Mr. Johnson."
Velmach: "Send them in."
Velmach pushed a button, and the office lit up, with the television folding itself into the ceiling. The double door across from Velmach’s desk opened, and two men entered. One was a tall, well built man with short blonde hair, and vibrant purple eyes like a dark flame, wearing a red/black Kevlar jumpsuit. The other was a short bald man in a tan business suit that was sweating profusely. Both men stops in front of Velmach’s desk and bowed.
Blonde man: “Sir…Carvechius Avaros was killed three days ago, by the Dragonslayer.â€
- Razgriz
- Posts: 1186
- Joined: Wed Aug 06, 2003 10:00 am
Very nice.^-^ I think you're handling the script format very well. I look forward to reading your next post.~-^
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
-
true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
very cool..I am in awe of your knowledge of weapons and all the cool doohickies your characters use. Note that I am not very good at that, thus my poor dragons are forced to fight using blindfolds and organic stinkbombs. Can't wait to read more..It kinda makes me think of Gundam Wing..or something like that."Why do people not notice until they lose it?
What it is that's truly important...
Although I can't afford to forgive even myself,
Because you were there,
I was able to be myself (Natural).
I want to be honest...I want to be kind...
I want to be the adult I once (in my childhood) longed to be.
I go on fighting against the heart to run away...
I go on fighting against that invisible something!"---
True Navigation: Two MIX
-
Mimichan - Posts: 241
- Joined: Sun Aug 10, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Somewhere between here and there
Iesu_no_Senshi wrote::thumb: very cool..I am in awe of your knowledge of weapons and all the cool doohickies your characters use. Note that I am not very good at that, thus my poor dragons are forced to fight using blindfolds and organic stinkbombs. Can't wait to read more..It kinda makes me think of Gundam Wing..or something like that.
Thank you, the blindfolds and organic stinkbombs are cool doohickies I think.
I try my best to put some realism and detail in my story.
For everybody, here's a little more info on another thing that I had, the USA PATRIOT act and it stands for:
Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism.
Congress will vote on this the 2004 year to see if it'll stay as a law. Though the USA PATRIOT act in my story is severely ammended to combat ultra-tech terrorists, enabling the government to have much leeway than now.
- Razgriz
- Posts: 1186
- Joined: Wed Aug 06, 2003 10:00 am
-
Solid Ronin - Posts: 1700
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Houston
Clap, clap, clap *we should have a claping smilie* MUST. . . . . KNOW. . . . MORE!!!! dude I love the story line! you definatly have the suspense down too! keep it up I want to see more!
and by the way who did the graphics for your avatar an sig?, archy
and by the way who did the graphics for your avatar an sig?, archy
[color="DimGray"]I don't believe that I would die if I saw you face to face;
but that my spirit would become so alive it took my body's place.
- Danya[/color]
but that my spirit would become so alive it took my body's place.
- Danya[/color]
-
Danyasaur - Posts: 875
- Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2003 5:06 pm
- Location: On the road where potholes come to die.
-
Solid Ronin - Posts: 1700
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Houston
NOOOOOO!!! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!!! *sobs* T_T
[color="DimGray"]I don't believe that I would die if I saw you face to face;
but that my spirit would become so alive it took my body's place.
- Danya[/color]
but that my spirit would become so alive it took my body's place.
- Danya[/color]
-
Danyasaur - Posts: 875
- Joined: Thu Nov 06, 2003 5:06 pm
- Location: On the road where potholes come to die.
-
Solid Ronin - Posts: 1700
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2003 4:00 am
- Location: Houston
89 posts •
Page 1 of 3 •
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 119 guests