Dating Advise <3

[Jman]

Most of you Probably look at this topic, then look at the user who created this topic and think.....'liek omg he's only 14shift+1111" which Is True I am 14. but see, I've been hanging out with this girl at church for almost a Year now, so I'd say we're really good friends. I talk to her every chance I get and stuff, and I Just recently (well, like over the last few months) started thinking of her as more then a friend, and I really want to ask her out, but I know I'm To young, but then again I don't care, cause belive it or not I really 'love' her, but I think if I wait until I'm older (say 16-18) I'll lose her to some other guy, and I really don't want that....but then again, I don't want to be selfish and go out with her JUST so she dosn't find another, which is not what I want, I mean I really really reaaaaallly like her, This whole thing was brought up though because I found out she likes me aswell, so what should I do? cause quite frankly I have no clue.

[dragonshimmer]

I'm going to tell you something that you might not want to hear. Why not wait? You are young, but being young doesn't mean you're stupid, no. It seems that you're worried about losing her to someone else if you wait until you're older (which might a good idea...waiting and all), but perhaps you should try putting her in God's hands. If you truly put it in God's hands, you really care about her and if it's in God's will for you guys to wind up together, then it will happen, regardless of time or age or other factors. If it's not in God's will, then it won't Your Father knows what's best. I know to some it might seem silly to put so much faith in God's hands about dating matters...but I really think this is where Christians go wrong...by NOT putting such matters completely and solely into God's hands.

Please trust me though...I've found that God writes far more beautiful stories than we could ever possibly imagine

Have you tried praying about it and asking for guidance or signs? You are never too young for feelings, my dear, but you can be too young in what you choose to do with them and the decisions you make. Something I think that is really neat--this is a girl you've known for a while, so it's not just some random person you're confessing feelings for. Nice job.

[steelbeliever]

i know how ya feel...but you really are too young to start dating...you could probably go out with a group of friends...y'know that kind fo thing...but worrying about dating now is silly...look at it this way...she'll probably always be your frind and maybe ( even though you're worried she'll go out with someone else) if she likes you as much as you like her...she'll wait too...get it? ^_^...i'll pray in the meantime...

[agasfas]

Love... at 13? That's a bit young isn't it?

I agree with what the other 2 have said, if it's true then whether you wait it'll work out in the end, and if not then it wasn't meant to be.

To be honest I'm not sure what's a good age to start dating because I've never really been knowledgeable or had much experience in dating. But 13yr does seem too early to get all these emotions involved. Personally, I would continue being friends and have the relation build in strength. That's just what I would do.

[Scribs]

belive it or not I really 'love' her, but I think if I wait until I'm older (say 16-18) I'll lose her to some other guy, and I really don't want that.

ok, so if you wait, you might loose her to another guy. But what will happen to your relationship, if you do date her right away? Sorry to say it, but at the age of 14 you most likely wont have the maturity to deal with the kinds of issues that can come up in a relationship (I know I wouldnt have been mature enoughat 14). In your relationship, as in all relationships, issues will arise. What these issues will be I dont know. As you will lack the maturity to deal with these issuse properly, the relationship will mostlikely go foul. you will probably break up, and end up having resentful fealings towards eachother for a long time. Also, due to the fact that you will both be in highschool, you will be forced to remain near eachother, and if your school is small possibly even be in all the same classes with one another. This could be very awkward. On the other hand, if you wait a few years, you will either retain these feelings for eachother and start dating, or you will not, and you will be thankful that you did not date her when you did.

The previous account is based on what I have seen happen with actual couples. It can get pretty unpleasant believe me. There are girl who I had feelings for when I was that age that I am very very glad that I did not end up asking out. Play it safe. Wait a while. You will thank yourself for it later.

[Reba]

Most of you Probably look at this topic, then look at the user who created this topic and think.....'wtf liek omg he's only 14shift+1111" which Is True I am 14. but see, I've been hanging out with this girl at church for almost a Year now, so I'd say we're really good friends. I talk to her every chance I get and stuff, and I Just recently (well, like over the last few months) started thinking of her as more then a friend, and I really want to ask her out, but I know I'm To young, but then again I don't care, cause belive it or not I really 'love' her, but I think if I wait until I'm older (say 16-18) I'll lose her to some other guy, and I really don't want that....but then again, I don't want to be selfish and go out with her JUST so she dosn't find another, which is not what I want, I mean I really really reaaaaallly like her, This whole thing was brought up though because I found out she likes me aswell, so what should I do? cause quite frankly I have no clue.

Well. What you should do is Tell her you like her and tell her to wait for a few years until you grow up a little more you know if she likes you as well.
I like this guy named Micah my ferind Told him -.- Well me and my freind think
he does like me cuz later on At my Freinds house he came over for a gathering
And i was standing on the back deck He came runnin out i back up i triped on the back step:P he came to catch me at the last minute he jumped off
lol i fell on my back se thats how Me and Sally think he does like me Well you probily dont need advise from a 13 year old GOOD LUCK!
PS: Im not even alowed to date

[inkhana]

Mod note: your post has been edited, Jman. Please don't use wt* abbreviations, even if you assume that people will think they mean something else.

[Scribs]

Well. What you should do is Tell her you like her and tell her to wait for a few years until you grow up a little more you know if she likes you as well.

Iwould actually avoid this type of confrontation as well. you are best off not saying anything, so that in 3 or four years you can either tell her how you felt at this point, or pretend that nothing ever happend. Very few things can mess up a relationship like an embarasing profession of love at a young age. It can be messy. Believe me. (I am not speaking from personal experience, but once again, observation of others I know.)

[Jman]

Airight, sorry Inkhana, and Thanks everyone for the advise ^_^

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I don't care, cause belive it or not I really 'love' her

i dont really buy that, I don't honestly believe that even teenagers can fully understand what love is.... (in a relationship kind of way) ill admit even I dont, many many many throw that word around left and right

Even if you say you do, 99% chance that you might not

On a lighter note, Mangafanatic was telling me this, instead of trying to be her boyfriend, strive to be her best friend... like THE best guy friend she will ever have. Then when SHE feels like wanting to take that step further (in later years, maybe 18 or older) she may want to have a relationship with her best guy friend

[cbwing0]

I mean I really really reaaaaallly like her, This whole thing was brought up though because I found out she likes me aswell, so what should I do?

The question that I would ask is, are you ready for marriage? Are you ready to provide for a wife, move away from home, and love this girl with all of your heart? If not, how long do you think it will be until you are? Two, three, four years, or even longer?

In my opinion, you have no business dating until you are ready to start thinking about marriage. After all, this relationship will either end in a breakup, or in marriage. If you aren't ready for the latter, then it is foolish to expect anything but the former.

My advice would be to remain friends, and continue getting to know her and doing things together until you are at the point in your life where you could start thinking about a serious relationship.

As for other guys, I wouldn't worry about that unless there is some specific guy/guys that you suspect have feelings for her (or vice versa). If she is trying to attract several guys at once I would question whether she is really the kind of girl that you want to be dating (let alone marrying).

In the end, you should be able to tell if it is the right time to act. If you turn away from her at some crucial moment, then that might ruin chances of a relationship later. Sad to say, but that's just how it is.

If you aren't ready to deal with all of that, then waiting and building your friendship is the best course.

[Yojimbo]

I have to agree with MSP, Shimmer, and the others. I don't think you can really understand what real love means to a serious dating relationship at that age. I know I don't and I doubt I'll fully understand it in 2 or 3 years, most likely longer it's all up to God.

It's good you've known her for a long time and you're good friends and she's not just some random girl you think looks cute. You seem like a very mature guy for your age. But honestly I sincerely doubt that a relationship at age 13 will go anywhere past your teenage years if that long. And you said you were worried about someone else getting to her. But like I said a relationship at that age like that won't last so I would not worry. There's just too many things going on more important. Focus on living your life for God and like MSP said being a good friend of hers would be much rewarding at your age. But who knows if the feelings are still there when you're older and have are even more mature see what happens.

[starfire]

Take it from someone who's in a similar place in life as you. You are WAY too young to start dating. Like cbwing0 said, don't date if you aren't ready to get married. That IS the whole point, isn't it? I never felt that way until I read this book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. Read it if you haven't, it'll change your entire perspective on love and dating. It made me realize that I had a lot of growing to do in my relationship with God before I could even think about starting a relationship with another person. I know that all of this seems so dramatic, and way ahead of anything you're thinking about, but it's just reality. How God sees love and how MTV sees love are two totally different things. But anything from God is well worth waiting for!

[Eriana]

I thought I was in love before when I was even younger than the age I'm at now. Then I realized that I'm not. Everywhere I went with this one boy I know I felt excited and jumpy and nervous and wanting to scream "I'M IN LOVE!" But then I felt the Holy Spirit saying, 'This boy is not the one for you, wait and he will come.' I was even more impatient back then so I didn't want to believe and tried to cling to my own will anyways, but then another thing popped into my head, having butterflies in your stomach is probably pretty normal but feeling this excited and jumpy was not real love but rather a temporary fantasy land I stumbled into. Taking this into heart more I realized that I was actually not in love with this boy but rather more like close friends. I jumped the gun and had to realize my heart's intentions myself. So now the friendship I once had with the boy has slipped away, not because of love but because of him falling away from God and I don't want to ever follow that same path so I now understand even more that God was right when He told me back then that this boy was not the right one, I only had my head up in the clouds. If you love her, wait for time to carve a new relationship. I wouldn't be ready for love at this age either, and I know this very well, it doesn't mean you can't hold your head up to the future though. You never know what will happen, just keep hanging in there!

[Mr. SmartyPants]

also to note, it's waaay to dangerous to tell her you want to date her.... it'll screw up a friendship VERY BADLY (from personal experience too!)

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I must be strange but I only felt like I wanted a relationship with a female when I was around 18 years old. Before that I wasn't really interested. Had some female friends but that's all. Hmmm... Still don't have a girlfriend, never had. But God will provide when I'm ready for it. And he will for you too Jman. You have to be spiritually and mentally strong to have a good relationship. I have to learn to love myself more (before I can "love" anyone else) and learn to be more humble and serve better before a girlfriend will come my way. Similar thing could be for you.

God Bless you mate!

[Eriana]

I'm one year younger than you in age Jman but I understand how you feel. I'm not ready for a boyfriend yet I know this. And by the time I do get a boyfriend I know I will be more than ready. God is never late on His timing, He won't leave you out of His marvelous plans. Take this to heart and keep it with you until the day that you finally meet the right person for you. I will pray for you as often as possible. Hang in there Jman and God bless.

[~Natsumi Lam~]

i think you should only have a girlfriend when you can afford it financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually....

~NL~

[Jman]

Thanks everyone, I'll take it to heart.

[Eriana]

Doitoshimoshitae! ^_~*

[Yumie]

I hope you're not feeling overwhelmed with advice at this point since you've gotten so much of it, Jman, because I'm gonna add a little of my own. There have been quite a few people who've told you that at your young age you can't understand real love, but you've said that you really think you ARE in love. If I were you, I would wonder how ANYBODY could know what I was feeling. Well, I'm with everybody who has said you're a little bit too young to "understand," and I'm going to explain why .

It's like this I guess-- what is love? I mean, what makes you think that what you feel for this girl is love? I think a lot of people have love all wrong. They asscosiate it with a feeling, and sometimes love does come with a feeling, but sometimes it doesn't. It usually depends on the situation. So the question is, are you experiencing real love that happens to have a special feeling attached, or just a feeling along that comes from an infatuation? I guess the best way to discover the answer is first to look at the difference between love and infatuation. Infatuation is, in my opinion, a stage of a relationship where you feel totally consumed by a person and your feelings for them. There is more to infatuation than just that, but I think that's basically what it boils down to in the end. Love, however, is a different thing altogether. My pastor defined love this way in a sermon once, and I really agree with it: "Love is intentionally prioritizing your life to bring about God's best for another." Looking at those two definitions, try to consider which category it is you think you're emotions and intentions fall into. Then read on

OK, so if what you are feeling falls into the "infatuation" category, then keep this in mind-- all those warm tingly feelings that come with infatuation usually fade. When this girl no longer makes you feel excited or jittery and nervous and whatever other feelings you may be experiencing due to her, will you still feel the same about her? If she never made you feel that way in the first place, would you have ever thought you loved her? If what you feel is even possibly JUST infatuation and not real love then I would definitely not try to go forward in a romantic relationship with this girl at this point because infatuation is not a strong enough foundation to build a relationship on. It will crumble and the relationship will collapse along with it.

Now, on to love. Would you do anything to promote what you thought was God's will for this girl? If you thought it was God's will that she not date you, or date another guy, would you be OK with that? Because in reality until you are ready to give up anything that you want to make sure that the best comes around for her (the best being whatever wonderful plan God has for her), you will not, or do not, TRULY love her. If you are willing to allow whatever God has for her to come about, then you might really love her. But another thing you might want to consider is if she really LOVES you. Not that she's infatuated with you, but that she LOVES you, a.k.a. wants God's best for you no matter what. Because if she doesn't, then you need to realize that it is VERY possible that she will distract you from Him. If she doesn't want God's best for you more than anything, then she won't do everything she can to encourage you to follow Him and His will for you, and if she has something she wants from the relationship that is against God's will she might even go to the lengths as to DISCOURAGE you from following Him. That's very destructive to your relationships with God. And it's part of why everyone has said you are "too young." Though in reality none of us know you and none of us can say for sure that you're too young, we know from our own experience from being your age that our relationships with God weren't firm enough to understand what His will was for us, or to be completely concerned about His will for another. If that's the case for you, then it is impossible that what you and this girl feel for eachother is love, and until it is REAL love centered around God and not yourselves or eachother, only bad things could come of it. So above all else, pray hard and seek God's will and He will show you what to do. I'll pray for you, Jman!

(Sorry this was so long, it was too hard to get all my thoughts into anything more compact Hope it at least made a little bit of sense to you, I'm not always too good at articulating.)

[Raiden no Kishi]

My advice: Just be friends.

.rai//

[Eriana]

See what God says. I know for a fact I'm to young to have a boyfriend, I know this and I take this to heart because I have had to figure this out myself.
Just pray about it. It may be best to just be friends but see what God says, that's my advice. Sorry, I don't want to pressure you to much, everyone's already replied so much your probably thinking you've had enough. ^^;;;
Sorry if I'm making you feel that way.

[Jman]

I see what you mean everyone, thanks.

[starfire]

Dating advice on an anime site! Who would have thought?

[~Natsumi Lam~]

nice words Yumie!!!! i agree with what you say, and i have experienced both... you are right on!!


~NL~

[Reba]

Iwould actually avoid this type of confrontation as well. you are best off not saying anything, so that in 3 or four years you can either tell her how you felt at this point, or pretend that nothing ever happend. Very few things can mess up a relationship like an embarasing profession of love at a young age. It can be messy. Believe me. (I am not speaking from personal experience, but once again, observation of others I know.)

You are right. Cuz if he does wait he may not like her anymore but another girl probaly will come along that you will like Jman im not positive but its possible but ask advice from the lord if anything


~Black Rose~