"just kidding"

[Linksquest]

My parents have said this about the phrase "just kidding," "If you have to say the phrase 'just kidding' after something you say to someone, then you shouldn't say it at all." Usually when people say "I'm just kidding" it is after a derogatory comment that degrades people. In other words, people use it as an excuse to make fun of people, and then get off the hook without reprimand.

Such common uses are: "I hate you, just kidding. You're ugly, just kidding. You're fat, just kidding. You are evil, just kidding."

Could we please stop kidding around?!

God wants us to build each other up, not pull each other down.
Sometimes, the person will laugh along... but... you never know how deep comments can go, whether you are "kidding" or not.

James 3: 1-12

1Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.


Let's build each other up, and not tear each other down.

[Shao Feng-Li]

Amen. But it doesn't always have to be that way.

[Nate]

I wouldn't go so far as to say stuff that was really cutting, but it's the nature of guys (and some girls) to tease or mess with people that they like.

In fact, if I like you, I'll probably make fun of you. If I don't talk to you at all, THAT'S how you can tell I don't like you.

In fact, if a person didn't insult me at least part of the time, I'd feel that they didn't like me.

[Alice]

Depends how it's used.

I say it when I'm joking, not necessarily saying something bad about a person.

[Yumie]

I think it all depends on how well you know the person. I wouldn't say something in jest that was derrogatory towards a person that I didn't know, because they wouldn't know that I was playing with them. But when I do it to people who know me well, then they know I'm not serious and they don't mind. Just like I don't mind when people I know joke with me. You just have to use tact and know when something is OK to say and when something isn't.

[livewire]

I agree with what you are saying, Linksquest, even though, I myself, am guilty of malicious jests as well....I only joke like that with my bf and other people I am extremely close with...but, it doesn't make it right.
In my experience, especially growing up, I learned that there are some people who use "just kidding" to cover up the true malicious nature of what they are saying. How, therefore, can you tell who really means what they are saying as opposed to those who really and truly ARE just kidding. It doesn't matter how well you know the person, you can't see into another person's heart. Only God can...

[meboeck]

John, when I say you're evil I don't have to say I'm just kidding because you already know. I think if a comment has to be followed by "I'm just kidding," it really isn't that funny. People should know you're joking without you having to tell them.

[Mave]

This is one of my major pet peeves when it comes to how some ppl choose to make jokes. Note: I'm not talking about good friends who know each other so well that they already know they're joking without even having to state that.

Some ppl do say that and sincerely mean their comments as a joke but unfortunately, "Just kidding" is not some instant bandaid meant to be applied right after unkind comments have been. I'm sorry but it just doesn't work for some people. The damage has already been done because you said it initially.

But, it's most stressful when people do that intentionally as a way to say mean things and get away with it. The J/K tag is their cowardly way of being mean and showing off to others how they can degrade others and get the crowd to laugh. <--- I'm most disgusted with this crowd.


I'm among the few who have gotten burn by these J/k tags. Some ppl have responded to my protest saying, "Awwww come on, can't you take a joke?" thus making you look like -I'm- the one in the wrong!! I suspect these people either 1) do feel bad but they're not going to admit they're sorry<-- pride issue 2) just don't care about your feelings <-- no compassion


I'm very tempted to tell these person to improve their poor standards of humor or watch their mouths but most of the time, I just stop associating with these people. If you're having fun at the expense of someone else's feelings, it's no longer funny.

But if you are among the few at the receiving end who are not affected by it or choose to bear with it anyway, that's fine. I'm just speaking on behalf of those who do mind.

[livewire]

But, it's most stressful when people do that intentionally as a way to say mean things and get away with it. The J/K tag is their cowardly way of being mean and showing off to others how they can degrade others and get the crowd to laugh. <--- I'm most disgusted with this crowd.


I'm among the few who have gotten burn by these J/k tags. Some ppl have responded to my protest saying, "Awwww come on, can't you take a joke?" thus making you look like -I'm- the one in the wrong!! I suspect these people either 1) do feel bad but they're not going to admit they're sorry<-- pride issue 2) just don't care about your feelings <-- no compassion

this is exactly what i was talking about...and..i can tell u that it hurts even more when it is family saying these things than when it is "friends"

[Kaligraphic]

How about "bless (his/her) (heart/soul)" - as in "Bless his soul, but Kaligraphic is the dumbest poster you'll ever meet." Or "I just love (him/her) to pieces, but" - as in "I just love him to pieces, but Kaligraphic hasn't posted one worthwhile word since he registered." Or "No offense, but" as in "No offense, but, Kali, you're a jerk." (note that these were just examples. If you thought they were serious, j/k. (unless I really am a jerk, or the above in general were true, in which case n/k (not kidding(lots of parentheses(yay)))))

[Slater]

it actually says in Psalms or Proverbhs that people who say that they are "just kidding" are like people who shoot fiery arrows at a his neighbor's house and says "It was just for sport!"

[uc pseudonym]

I think I have a few things worth noting.

One is that, from my experience, words hurt far more than is actually apparant. Not everyone is tough-skinned, and some people are hurt even by such comments in jest. The difficulty is that they will probably give no sign of this fact, merely feeling insulted and worse about themselves. Thus those who have done the hurting fully believe that there is no harm done and continue doing so.

Also, I think that the initial statement has an interesting truth if the emphasis is changed. I believe that messing around is fine between friends, but if it is actually necessary to say "just kidding" for a person to understand, you should probably reconsider if it was a wise thing to say.

Lastly, even if an insult is understood by all parties, you should still keep in mind limits. I was once a part of a youth group that was awash in dark sarcasm and "just kidding" type insults. Regardless of if there were people as those I mentioned above, the overall environment wasn't at all pleasant.

[Alice]

Yeah, these are good things to keep in mind. I may have to rethink some of my policies on jokes. I try not to hurt people with jokes, but maybe sometimes when I'm upset, I do? I don't know. I really don't say just kidding THAT much. And I don't think I ever say "you're stupid... i hate you... j/k" or stuff like that.

[PrincessZelda]

This reminds me of in middle school when me and my friends used to run up to people, hit them, and then say "Just kidding!"

[Sonic_13]

I once dumped a cup of mountain dew on my friend and told him I was kidding. in which he replies - "just kidding?! thats almost identical to saying- oh i was just lying!" but we had a good laugh.

I actually do stuff like that all the time, but it usually ends up in everyone bursting out laughing.

[Roll]

When someone follows up a malicious comment with "just kidding," it's really not kidding at all but mere abuse of the phrase. Like others have already stated, it's one thing to make jokes with friends who know your intentions, but the other use is just another form of immaturity.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

What if... the joker really WAS kidding? O.o

But if someone perceives something as negative, it is best to sort things out

[kazekami]

I try not say stuff that would hurt others feelings as if it was a joke.