Hitokiri's Music

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Postby Hitokiri » Sat Jul 16, 2005 4:21 pm

Anna Mae wrote:"Did You Say Once that You Wish You Were Dead?: A Dark Place in the Valley of Graveyards"

I tried to say I would do better without you.
Lying dead with yours arms covering your heart.
I tried to reclaim what I love but lost.


So this person lost someone who was important to them, and they feel like they fought to prevent it, but failed.

These flowers hurt my skin.
So deeply they pierce into my veins and into my heart.


So perhaps all of the flowery proceedings feel fake to the protagonist.

I walk alone in this valley.
So now I have found what I am living for.
To walk alone in the dead of night.


Their dream has changed. Now they just want to be left alone.

CHORUS
Picking up the pieces of a shattered life.
Hoping that you will blow your breath again.
To revive these shattered dreams.
Clawing away at nothingness.
Hope to find...these broken dreams.
I'm lost to hope...it's my everything.


So they still long for the other person. They seem to say they do not have any hope, and since that is followed by the realization that hope is their all, that leaves them in a dire situation indeed.

You can't stop to think of how you changed.
Cause you are changing daily, from cockroach to butterfly.


Hmm. Of course they can't think about anything- they're dead. Is the protagonist now speaking of someone else? Or are they reminiscing about the past?

This cacoon of deciet masqerades what you really are.

Ah, the latter seems more likely. They are dead, but that fact is not admitted. For a little while I entertained the idea that the protagonist wasn't Christian and the dead person might have beome one (you know, the whole dying to self thing), but the next few lines seemed to erase that possibility.

You believe that the wings you hide are sinful.

I am curious as to what this means.

Didn't you say once that you didn't need my help.
Look at you know...holding a blade to your wrist.
You are dancing with your idol.
You are dancing with your idol.
Now you're dancing with the very thing that kills you.


Yes, it does seem more likely now that they are remembering the person who died.

I am so sick of bleedings. cause that's all you talk about.
I am so sick of decieiving. It's what I get in return.
So drop this knife...it's so not like you.
So let go of the knife...its not what it appears to be.


They remember the person who died, and in light of that, warn others not to follow the same path.

Your songs have gotten me to wondering. Have you experienced all of the things you write about here (suicidal friends, strangers pouring out their heart, etc.)?If not, you write of them very well. Then again, I haven't experienced all of them, so who am I to talk?



I try to write with alternative meanings to myself and to others. For instance, this song could relate on a spirutual level of my spirtual life and how it dies time to time. Or sub-consciously, I could of wrote it concerning my close friend who died of drugs.

Many of the times, th emeaning is up for grabes such as this one.
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Postby Hitokiri » Sat Jul 16, 2005 4:32 pm

Anna Mae wrote:"Oh What a Terrible Sight to Behold: Son, Come and See the Moon Turn to Blood and the Sky Grow Ominous"

My, but these titles seem to be growing longer with each song.


Heh heh I'm gonna post a song I wrote that will take up 3 lines :lol:

Do you remember this at all?
When the sky came crashing down?
And the hail and ash fell from the sky?


This feels a tad reduntant. Perhaps you could change the second 'sky' to something else such as 'heaven.'


It does seem...redunant. I like the "heaven" idea ::changes::

BRIDGE
Is this the end of all humanity?
Is this the end of all humanity?
Is this the end of all humanity?
is this the end of all humanity?


What tone is this sung in?


I was envision this part of the song to be sung by growling :lol: Deep, growls. Like I have said, most of these songs would be classifed as metal (metal-core, or death metal to more exact).

CHORUS
Run, child, run. Run away from this
Tragedy, tragedy falling from the sky.
Stand face to face with what is to come.
Look away, child, look away.


Here the child seems to recieve conflicting messages. Look it in the eyes, look away. However, it could be that they need to see its horridness, but it is evil, so they need to look away. They need to know what they are facing.

Sounds like a good explaination. What I got from what I wrote it's ok to run and look awya fom your problems but sooner or later, you need to face them.

Don't you remember that day at all?
When the storm took away your parents?
With eyes half-closed from bitter tears?
Why don't you remember this at all?
Come my daughter, experience a new life.
Come my daughter, you are my precious one.


Why doesn't the daughter come in again?


Maybe in another revision of this song I might include the daughter or change it to son. Maybe cahnge it to son to keep with the theme stated in the title song.

BRIDGE
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?


This reminds me of the romance between God and humanity.


yeah

I lay sleepless in my bed.
Wacthing deadly lights hanging over my head.
Calling me, waking me, decieving me, hurting me.
Tortuing me.


What are these lights? Memories of the awful day?
Dreams, nightmares, memories. Any of those can be hardmful. Possibly malicious thoughts or even inner demons.

Sleep child, though this isn't a dream.
This may be the end...or the beginning.
The start of a brand new life.
So rest my son and go to sleep.
For morning may come to a beautiful sunrise.
Blotting out the memory of this night.


The first line of this stanza especially interests me. Do you have commentary on it?


When reading it in accordance with the preceding stanza...it could relate to God telling us not to be afraid. Also, if read in context from the lines in that stanza, it could be afather talking to his son. I like to think has a bit of both. God telling us we will be ok despite all our problems and sin.

This song resounds very strongly in me with the End of the Age spoken of in the Bible. I recommend you read some of it, starting, I believe, Matt 24ish.


I meant this song to sound apocolyptic in nature if that's what you mean. I will need to read that.

On a completely unrelated topic, I noticed that you live in Toleto, Ohio. I have relatives in that area. Do you know any Dobranskys?


No sorry...Toledo is a pretty big city. Plus I liv eon the outskirts like 10 minutes away...so I liv ein another city but close to Toledo (I dont reveal the cities name for security reasons).
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Postby Hitokiri » Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:51 pm

This is a bit ridiculus but I wanted to try something out.

"Oh I Feel for the Suffering of the City of Gold and Silver, Where the Fountains Play thier Soft Music On the Rocks, and the Harper's Play on thier Instruments of Innocence but Now No Music or Joy Flows From the Empty Streets Nor Do Swans Grace the Sirene, Crystal Waters. All Beauty, Elegance, and Innocence Has Been Wiped by the Flame of War".

Why have you forsaken us in our time of need?
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Postby Hitokiri » Sat Jul 30, 2005 7:52 pm

Now for a actual song

"The Sky Burns a Pale Red In the Morning Mist; This Refuge, This Grave, This Throne, This Corpse's Bride".

We watched the rain fall from the sky.
Wondering why it has come down to this.
Digging this shallow grave with our hands.
Covering our hands in the shallow graves.
Trying to pretend that the dirt
Covers over our bloody hands
Trying to bury all our memories deep within.
Hide your face, the turth may be revealed.
Fall within this empty grave.
And find the jealousy buried deep inside.
Crying deep within your soul.
Feeding this insane depravity.
Watch my arm slowly decay.
Bringing new life from within.
Counting down the days till I'll be with you.
Your hand rested in mine.
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Postby Hitokiri » Mon Aug 01, 2005 1:01 pm

I cannot get the rest of the lyrics that fits together with this chorus.

"I'll be with you until the end"

Doesn't seem much but it's sung pretty slow.

Like...hm...

"I'll be-------hold---- (break) with you ------- hold ---- unt (pitch goes higher) il-----hold----the end------hold----. When end come sup, the pitch lowers and you make a wavy pitch.


I wish I had a microphone -_-;;;
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Postby Anna Mae » Sun Aug 07, 2005 1:43 pm

"The Sky Burns a Pale Red In the Morning Mist; This Refuge, This Grave, This Throne, This Corpse's Bride".

We watched the rain fall from the sky.
Wondering why it has come down to this.
Digging this shallow grave with our hands.
Covering our hands in the shallow graves.
Trying to pretend that the dirt
Covers over our bloody hands
Trying to bury all our memories deep within.
Hide your face, the turth may be revealed.
Fall within this empty grave.
And find the jealousy buried deep inside.
Crying deep within your soul.
Feeding this insane depravity.
Watch my arm slowly decay.
Bringing new life from within.
Counting down the days till I'll be with you.
Your hand rested in mine.


I'm not sure how to interpret this.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Rachel » Sun Aug 07, 2005 4:20 pm

I really like your songs. I hope you keep writing them.
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Postby Hitokiri » Sun Aug 07, 2005 7:31 pm

Anna Mae wrote:"The Sky Burns a Pale Red In the Morning Mist]

I think what it says (or what i was trying to write :lol: ) that we dig ourselves into a hole every single time we sin. It's slow (diggign it with our hands) and we get muddy but dig ourselves in a spirutal sin hole (grave).

Trying to pretend that the dirt
Covers over our bloody hands
Trying to bury all our memories deep within.


By burying oursleves in the dirt and hiding our sin in the grave, maybe we think God can't see our sinful lives (the hands that cuased it).

Hide your face, the turth may be revealed.
Fall within this empty grave.
And find the jealousy buried deep inside.
Crying deep within your soul.


I meant "truth". Realizing that you are sinning and that by digging this grave and in the process, trying to hide it, you find the sin and you feel bad.

Feeding this insane depravity.
Watch my arm slowly decay.
Bringing new life from within.
Counting down the days till I'll be with you.
Your hand rested in mine.


The first two lines seem to counter-react the feeling of the ending...like dropping it into happiness. And what's bringing in new life? My arm slowly decaying. I may rewrite that part next time I update this thread.
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Postby Hitokiri » Thu Aug 11, 2005 10:53 am

"The Difference Between Heart-throb and Heartache: Only Fools Look at Issues in Black and White"

My love, I am looking for the answers.
To give you what you want.
To stop leading you on and on.
My love, I took your love for granted.
I looked away from you.
And began to search for others.
Is this the life you dreamed.
My love, I know what a world this.
I kept on looking away
And I tried to walk away from you.

Chorus
Is this love or this this just a pianful breakup
That I caused when I decided
That I'm to good for you.
Cause I know, when you look at me.
Your heart, it breaks and aches.
If only, our hearts were like the day we met.

My love, I wish I could decide if I loved you or not.
There is no in-between.
There is no iff's or buts if the game of love.
My love, you still cling to me, even when I'm unfaithful.
My love, is my heart the one ithat s breaking.
Is this the heart that is aching.
The heart that is faltering, instead of growing.
Yet you hold on to me, depsite my anger.

Chorus

Oh my God, was is this world that you put me in.
Where I have to decide between You and Me?
Because our hearts differ everytime that we look at them.
My heart is shrinking, growing cold.
While you're heart, you're heart is the one that is growing.
Giving away it's love, time after time.
My God, maybe I can learn from you.
How to love and how to mend my heart-ache.
And to turn it into a heart-throb once again.

Chorus x2
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Postby Rachel » Fri Aug 12, 2005 5:17 pm

Hey, this is a really good one. Not that they aren't all good ones. Ahem.


Hitokiri wrote:

There is no iff's or buts if the game of love.

"is" needs to be changed to "are" since "if's" and "buts" are both plural. Other than that, there isn't really anything wrong with it. Yeah.
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Postby Hitokiri » Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:53 pm

Ahh thank you Rachel. I guess I skipped over that.
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Postby Hitokiri » Sat Aug 13, 2005 4:56 pm

"In the Name of Saving Face, Abandon All Morals, Kindness, and Happiness: We've Dedicated Ourselves to Our Monsters"

This is being seperated.
I feel so conflicted.
Don't cross this line of insanity.
Or you will fade away.
I thought I was strong but this sickness prevails.

Chrous
With closed eyes and burnt lips, our dreams die.
So let your sleeping dogs lie.
Just wanting to long for a hand to hold.
So go ahead and break this mold.
This is a dream, so go ahead and awake.

No turning back, no turning back.
The final slip of humanity.
When we start to point and cuss.
We're just wanting to be.
A thorn in the side of this poor ******* child.

Chorus x2

Maybe this funeral is for you. Maybe this funeral is for me.
Maybe this funeral is our theology. Maybe this this funeral is for our gods.
No turning away, are you sleeping?
No turning away, are you breathing?
No turning away, just close your eyes.

Chorus x2
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Postby Anna Mae » Sun Aug 14, 2005 2:42 pm

Alright! Another person joins me in the reading of Hitokiri's work!

Hitokiri wrote:"The Difference Between Heart-throb and Heartache: Only Fools Look at Issues in Black and White"
I find this title interesting. Later in the poem the speaker seems to be seeing things as all or nothing, black and white. Was this intentional?

Hitokiri wrote:My love, I am looking for the answers.
To give you what you want.
To stop leading you on and on.
My love, I took your love for granted.
I looked away from you.
And began to search for others.
Is this the life you dreamed.
My love, I know what a world this. Perhaps this is a typo?
I kept on looking away
And I tried to walk away from you.
This reminds me of a relationship between God and a person who has been unfaithful, or a couple in which one of them has committed adultry. Then again, the two scenarios are very similar.

Hitokiri wrote:Chorus
Is this love or this this just a pianful (typo)breakup
That I caused when I decided
That I'm to good for you.
Cause I know, when you look at me.
Your heart, it breaks and aches.
If only, our hearts were like the day we met.
Again, this supports both previous scenarios, leaning more towards the God one. However, the first line submits the possibility that perhaps the couple is not married.

Hitokiri wrote:My love, I wish I could decide if I loved you or not.
There is no in-between.
There is no iff's or buts if the game of love.
My love, you still cling to me, even when I'm unfaithful.
My love, is my heart the one ithat s breaking.
Is this the heart that is aching.
The heart that is faltering, instead of growing.
Yet you hold on to me, depsite my anger.
This is the stanza I referred to earlier about the black and white.

Hitokiri wrote:Oh my God, was(perhaps you mean what?) is this world that you put me in.I believe that this should be punctuated with a question mark.
Where I have to decide between You and Me?
Because our hearts differ everytime that we look at them.
My heart is shrinking, growing cold.
While you're heart, you're heart is the one that is growing.
Giving away it's love, time after time.
My God, maybe I can learn from you.
How to love and how to mend my heart-ache.
And to turn it into a heart-throb once again.
Is ' Oh my God' used here for addressing God, or as an expletive? Is is used as an expletive the first time, but is addressing God the second (e.g. the person is modeling their earthly relationships off of God)?

Good job on this one. It expresses the dynamics well.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Anna Mae » Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:00 pm

"In the Name of Saving Face, Abandon All Morals, Kindness, and Happiness: We've Dedicated Ourselves to Our Monsters"My goodness. Have you considered condensing these titles? Your titles say good stuff, but they don't have to say it all. That's what the songs are for.

This is being seperated.
I feel so conflicted.
Don't cross this line of insanity.

Of doing what the title says.
Or you will fade away.
I thought I was strong but this sickness prevails.
This reminds me of the verse, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"

Chrous
With closed eyes and burnt lips, our dreams die.

This reminds me of the song "Shout to the North and the South" (We've been through fire, we've been through rain. We've been refined by the power of your name. We've fallen deeper in love with you. You've burned the truth on our lips.)
So let your sleeping dogs lie.
Just wanting to long for a hand to hold.
So go ahead and break this mold.
This is a dream, so go ahead and awake.

The last two lines seem to be said sarcastically.

No turning back, no turning back.
The final slip of humanity.
When we start to point and cuss.
We're just wanting to be.
A thorn in the side of this poor ******* child.

Who is this child?

Maybe this funeral is for you. Maybe this funeral is for me.
Maybe this funeral is our theology. Maybe this this funeral is for our gods.
No turning away, are you sleeping?
No turning away, are you breathing?
No turning away, just close your eyes.
Interesting. Especially the last line. I notice the closed eyes in the chorus. Does this suggest the the trouble is of a more temporary nature?

I find the third line of the chorus intriguing. They want to long for a hand to hold.

Overall, good. It seems that your title says what you want to say, and then your song takes up a slightly different cause. However, I would be happy to be corrected and have more relations between the songs and their titles pointed out to me.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Hitokiri » Sun Aug 14, 2005 5:19 pm

Anna Mae wrote:Alright! Another person joins me in the reading of Hitokiri's work!

I find this title interesting. Later in the poem the speaker seems to be seeing things as all or nothing, black and white. Was this intentional?


Yes, basically...this song is about love and relationships. Wether to God, a significant other, etc. However as the saying goes "only fools fall in love" and in the end, if the romance doesn't go as we expected, we are fools who only see our relationships as absolute and in a way, that's how we view our relationship (marriage) with God.

This reminds me of a relationship between God and a person who has been unfaithful, or a couple in which one of them has committed adultry. Then again, the two scenarios are very similar.


Yes, or perhaps a failed marriage or a dating relationship that isnt going to work.

Again, this supports both previous scenarios, leaning more towards the God one. However, the first line submits the possibility that perhaps the couple is not married.
It can be left up the reader however, the way I see it, most couples passion in thier hearts, thier undying love starts when they first see eachother. However, as time progresses, they get into th eusual mundane stuff and loses sight of thier passion. And in eccence, this can be applied to believers. We accept Christ and become so excited saying that we will convert our friends, etc however that soon dies and we fall in step with believers who thought the same thing.

Is ' Oh my God' used here for addressing God, or as an expletive? Is is used as an expletive the first time, but is addressing God the second (e.g. the person is modeling their earthly relationships off of God)?
I would never use oh my God as an expletive. I think of it basically a cry out to God in which it could indentify that the relationship is with God.
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Postby Hitokiri » Sun Aug 14, 2005 5:32 pm

Anna Mae wrote:"In the Name of Saving Face, Abandon All Morals, Kindness, and Happiness: We've Dedicated Ourselves to Our Monsters"My goodness. Have you considered condensing these titles? Your titles say good stuff, but they don't have to say it all. That's what the songs are for.
I just have a thing for writing long song titles :lol:

This is being seperated.
I feel so conflicted.
Don't cross this line of insanity.

Of doing what the title says.
Or you will fade away.
I thought I was strong but this sickness prevails.
This reminds me of the verse, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"


The title isn't supposed to be good. In a way, I feel society is abandoning morals, God, etc just cause they can. The title is very negative.

Yes, it does derive a sort of similarity however I wasn't exactly thinking of that verse when i wrote it. :lol:

Chrous
With closed eyes and burnt lips, our dreams die.

This reminds me of the song "Shout to the North and the South" (We've been through fire, we've been through rain. We've been refined by the power of your name. We've fallen deeper in love with you. You've burned the truth on our lips.)
So let your sleeping dogs lie.
Just wanting to long for a hand to hold.
So go ahead and break this mold.
This is a dream, so go ahead and awake.

The last two lines seem to be said sarcastically.[/quote]

Why sacrastically. I did not intend that to be so.

No turning back, no turning back.
The final slip of humanity.
When we start to point and cuss.
We're just wanting to be.
A thorn in the side of this poor ******* child.

Who is this child?


If anything this "child" could be a metaphor used to describe the monsters we dedicate ourselves to in which, to me, would represent our sinful nature.

Maybe this funeral is for you. Maybe this funeral is for me.
Maybe this funeral is our theology. Maybe this this funeral is for our gods.
No turning away, are you sleeping?
No turning away, are you breathing?
No turning away, just close your eyes.
Interesting. Especially the last line. I notice the closed eyes in the chorus. Does this suggest the the trouble is of a more temporary nature?
What is the "trouble" that you say? Im kinda confused.

Overall, good. It seems that your title says what you want to say, and then your song takes up a slightly different cause. However, I would be happy to be corrected and have more relations between the songs and their titles pointed out to me.


The title basically sums it up. I right the title. Actually, I think of just a funny thing to say or something that can be used to make a song as of late. I then think of how that connects to a song and I begin writing lyrics for it. For instance, I came with the title ""The Difference Between Heart-throb and Heartache: Only Fools Look at Issues in Black and White" late one night 4 days before I sta down and wrote it. orginally, it was "The Difference Between Men and Women..." but I decided to go Heart-throb and Heartache since it sounded much better and can be linked somehow with romances. And as I begin writing, the lyrics begin taking shape to the music I write it to. For instance the lyrics for "In the Name of Saving Face, Abandon All Morals, Kindness, and Happiness: We've Dedicated Ourselves to Our Monsters" closely resemble the sound of the song "Cloud Connected" by Inflames. Some words I did use from the song and put in in this that seemed to represent what I was driving for.

Cloud Connected

People like you
You live in a dream world
You despise the outside
And you fear you're the next one

It's in your dream
There's just one question
Should I kill?
Or should I be left behind?

Sick and tired
Of all your complaints
This is the hour
We bring it down

Chorus
I've come to realize
Every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected, cloud connected

You seem to be
So introverted
How come we fail?
With all that is given?

You crossed the line
You remember my name
Time runs backwards
As long as you are heading that way

----

Thanks again.
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Postby Rachel » Mon Aug 15, 2005 6:58 pm

These last two were really good. The imagery was very nice. Sorry I can't give a real in depth analysis of your songs, I just know that I like them a lot. Keep it up!
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Postby Anna Mae » Wed Aug 17, 2005 5:33 pm

Hitokiri wrote:I would never use oh my God as an expletive. I think of it basically a cry out to God in which it could indentify that the relationship is with God.
Good. I agree. However, I have Christian friends who don't, so I just thought I'd make sure.

[Quote=Hitokiri]
Anna Mae wrote:Chrous
With closed eyes and burnt lips, our dreams die.
This reminds me of the song "Shout to the North and the South" (We've been through fire, we've been through rain. We've been refined by the power of your name. We've fallen deeper in love with you. You've burned the truth on our lips.)
So let your sleeping dogs lie.
Just wanting to long for a hand to hold.
So go ahead and break this mold.
This is a dream, so go ahead and awake.
The last two lines seem to be said sarcastically.

Why sacrastically. I did not intend that to be so.[/quote]The song seems to have a very despairing note, so when anything sounds hopeful, I suspect that it might be said sarcastically.

Hitokiri wrote:
Anna Mae wrote:Maybe this funeral is for you. Maybe this funeral is for me.
Maybe this funeral is our theology. Maybe this this funeral is for our gods.
No turning away, are you sleeping?
No turning away, are you breathing?
No turning away, just close your eyes.Interesting. Especially the last line. I notice the closed eyes in the chorus. Does this suggest the the trouble is of a more temporary nature?

What is the "trouble" that you say? Im kinda confused.
The funeral and/or what caused it. Whatever they aren't turning away from.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Hitokiri » Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:11 am

In a Second, It Could All Dissapear: We Live and We Die

When I heard the news
I couldn't help but cry
And fall to my knees.
And even I could try
I can never forget.

I walked with you.
And I talked with you.
My friend, I loved you.
You were what I aspired to be.
But in a moment, you were gone.

Chorus
That was the last time I saw you.
Standing there, I didnt realize that.
You taught me how to walk.
You gave me everything.

In a moment, this life is at a end.
Even though, we make most out of life.
We never know, when are time is up.
For you, we never got a chance to say good bye.

I know now that you are with your Father.
All your hurting is now gone away.
I know for sure where you are at.
At ease, at ease.

Chorus x 2

This song is written for my pastor who got in a car accident last night and died.
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Postby Anna Mae » Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:22 pm

Well done. Things like this are a good reminder not to take anything for granted.

"When I heard the news
I couldn't help but cry
And fall to my knees.
And even I could try
I can never forget."
I think that it would make a little more sense if you said "even though I try."

"In a moment, this life is at a end."
An end.

This poem is very nice. With music it could be very moving.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Hitokiri » Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:55 pm

Anna Mae wrote:Well done. Things like this are a good reminder not to take anything for granted.

"When I heard the news
I couldn't help but cry
And fall to my knees.
And even I could try
I can never forget."
I think that it would make a little more sense if you said "even though I try."

"In a moment, this life is at a end."
An end.

This poem is very nice. With music it could be very moving.


My friend, upon reading it, said I should read it during the memorial service. I felt led to in which I did. The family asked for copies as well as the widow.

New song

In Honor of your Demise, I Shall Hold a Dirge in your Name: There Were Some Things I Wanted to Say, but This Will Do Just Fine for the Occassion.

Forever you've longed to erase your name.
Forever you've tried to erase you footsteps.
Until you lost all memory of what you were.
Until this song ended and you departed.

You count the times you have been betrayed.
You painfully pull out the knives from your back.
Throwing them on the floor only to put them back in again.
Innocence, in a broken jar. Innocence remains.
Annhilate, this corruption, Annhilate is a dream.

Chorus
But you know this dream all to well.
These shattered remains hold on.
You tried to hide it with your past.
But all you are doing is digging a hole.
I am sorry sir but this is your funeral.

Defeat for those who weep and moan constantly.
Defeat for those who cheat others from thier prize.
Catch the blood-stained rain in your chalice.
Catch the remains of who you were in ages past.

How many times do you have to play this game of Truth or Dare?
Do you just hide behidn th eline shoping to be lucky.
And all you do is leach of the winners and leaders.
Victory, for those who wait.
Victory, for those who humbly serve.

Chorus

You have become accustomed to living alone.
Time will not turn back, turn back.
When everything fades and you're all alone.
The memories will come flooding back.
Oh painful these memories, they are.
And you will scream and cuss and shot your blasphemy.
Cause you knew that you were given a chance.
But you threw it away jsut like you do with your garbage.
I am sorry sir but there is nothing that I can do.
But I promise I will attend your funeral as soon as finish digging.
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Postby Rachel » Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:59 pm

This one was really good.

you're really fond of those long titles, eh?
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Postby Hitokiri » Fri Aug 26, 2005 9:44 am

Rachel wrote:This one was really good.

you're really fond of those long titles, eh?


Yeah I am :lol:
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Postby Anna Mae » Mon Aug 29, 2005 5:33 am

New song

In Honor of your Demise, I Shall Hold a Dirge in your Name: There Were Some Things I Wanted to Say, but This Will Do Just Fine for the Occassion.


Is "New song" the title and the rest a subtitle, or was "New song" just an announcement and the following chunk of text is the title?

Forever you've longed to erase your name.
Forever you've tried to erase you footsteps.
Until you lost all memory of what you were.
Until this song ended and you departed.

You count the times you have been betrayed.
You painfully pull out the knives from your back.
Throwing them on the floor only to put them back in again.
Innocence, in a broken jar. Innocence remains.
Annhilate, this corruption, Annhilate is a dream.


The second "annhilate" should be lowercase.

Chorus
But you know this dream all to well.
These shattered remains hold on.
You tried to hide it with your past.
But all you are doing is digging a hole.
I am sorry sir but this is your funeral.


I think that the last line should probably read, "I am sorry, Sir, but this is your funeral."

Defeat for those who weep and moan constantly.
Defeat for those who cheat others from thier prize.
Catch the blood-stained rain in your chalice.
Catch the remains of who you were in ages past.


When first reading this stanza, it reminded me of an inverse of the Beatitudes. The blood in the chalice also brings up thoughts of Catholic communion.

How many times do you have to play this game of Truth or Dare?
Do you just hide behind the lines hoping to be lucky.
And all you do is leach off the winners and leaders.
Victory, for those who wait.
Victory, for those who humbly serve.


The second line should end in a question mark.

You have become accustomed to living alone.
Time will not turn back, turn back.
When everything fades and you're all alone.
The memories will come flooding back.
Oh painful these memories, they are.
And you will scream and cuss and shot your blasphemy.


That last line there doesn't quite make sense to me. Do you mean "shoot?"

Cause you knew that you were given a chance.
But you threw it away just like you do with your garbage.
I am sorry, Sir, but there is nothing that I can do.
But I promise I will attend your funeral as soon as finish digging.


The first word here should be preceeded by an apostrophe.

I like it a lot. I really think that this one is quite good.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Hitokiri » Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:01 am

Anna Mae wrote:New song

In Honor of your Demise, I Shall Hold a Dirge in your Name: There Were Some Things I Wanted to Say, but This Will Do Just Fine for the Occassion.


Is "New song" the title and the rest a subtitle, or was "New song" just an announcement and the following chunk of text is the title?


Heh heh just means a new song, its not part of the title.

Chorus
But you know this dream all to well.
These shattered remains hold on.
You tried to hide it with your past.
But all you are doing is digging a hole.
I am sorry sir but this is your funeral.


I think that the last line should probably read, "I am sorry, Sir, but this is your funeral."


Yeah that seems right.

You have become accustomed to living alone.
Time will not turn back, turn back.
When everything fades and you're all alone.
The memories will come flooding back.
Oh painful these memories, they are.
And you will scream and cuss and shot your blasphemy.


That last line there doesn't quite make sense to me. Do you mean "shoot?"


Yeah, I meant "shoot" ^_^;;;
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Postby Hitokiri » Fri Sep 16, 2005 6:09 pm

It's been a while...school has been really slowly me down --;;;

I have to to make the title for the song...:lol: I had no idea so I justs at down and wrote one and nothing to name it comes to mind.

Stop and look at the moon with your eyes.
These dreams are your only disguise.
You paint a world that makes you complete.
But everything seems so abstract.
These tears turn to blood only to fade away.
Your heart is what you always betray.
Inside this white noise you long for peace.
But peace flees from you, flees from you.

Chorus
Don't try to find why you have broken yourself.
Broken yourself, my angel in despair.
If I could of been there sooner.
Please stop dancing to the music box.

Shadows fall and linger in the fear in your mind.
I know what you're trying to find.
You fear that your sanity has elluded you.
But you never lost it in the first place.
But now you know that you are not alone inside.
And that thier is someone to whom you can confide.
Black and white becomes muddled.
And the mundane becomes challenging.

CHORUS X2

You call out, you call out in the dark.
How many times do you have to bloody your fist.
Pounding down your anger.
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Postby Anna Mae » Tue Sep 20, 2005 5:19 am

"their"

I'm not sure how to interpret this one. Individual phrases and ideas make sense, but I am not entirely certain of how to put them together.

Perhaps you could use the first line of the chorus as the title.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Hitokiri » Wed Oct 19, 2005 7:28 am

New song

In Honor of 3,000 posts I shall write you a song, my Dear.

Hip Hip Hurrah
It's the day
that I scored 3,000 posts!!
Oh what joy
that will bring.
That it will make me want to sing!
And to try and rhyme
time after time
Cause I suck horribly at it!!
It's 3,000 posts hurrah hurrah hurrah!!

This is my 3,000th post.
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Postby Anna Mae » Sat Nov 12, 2005 1:19 pm

Congratulations!

I apologize for my long absence. I don't have internet at home, so I would always do internet stuff (like CAA) on my school's computers. Then they banned CAA on all school computers. I wrote letters, etc., but all in vain. That's alright, though, because I found a loop hole. Yes, it is ok, I checked with a lab supervisor. Anyway, I hope to resume my regular frequenting CAA patterns.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby Hitokiri » Fri Mar 24, 2006 8:20 am

Hopefully my writing has improved since I last posted them :)
"The Celebration of the Slain Children; That Damned Women Celebrates her Sin"

Woe to the mother of the damned
Eternal suffocation of her womb is at hand.
Her ******* children weep of her betrayal.
Tortured by her sins; ash, fire, and hail.

Her flesh begins to rot.
As she prositutes her daughters.
Her blood begins to spill.
As she slices up her sons.
She sleeps with the wealthy.
Nipping at their heels.
Death she deserves for her adultrous ways.

Chorus
Sleep child, your wounds will fade away.
Sleep child and dream no more of that
Whore you called your mother.

Woe to the mother of the slain.
Shrouded graves lie across this plain.
Her dead children rot in the ground.
So she runs from the baying of the hound.

Her limbs begin to fall.
As she sells out her children.
Her eyes begin to be blinded.
As she smiles while her children die.
She deals with the leeches.
Bartering her goods.
Death she deserves for her adultrous ways.

Chorus

Tear apart her flesh, grind her bones.
Stone her to death, crack her skull.
Cut of her hands, cut her stomach.
Make her entrails stain the dirt.
The whore of the century; do not heed her cries.
For she she slew her children,
She mocked, laughed, and danced.
The witch of the desert.
The prostitute of filth.
The queen of the damned.
Mother to us all.

"'O' Marduk, Whence Did Thy Fall?"

'O' Marduk, usurper of the throne.
Whence did you fall from grace.
To play as a jester in lesser mans courts?
To become a drunkard in a adultresses blood?
Stricken dead with leoprasy.

'O' Marduk, slayer of the civilizations.
Whence did you lose your power.
To lesser gods and goddesses.
Despire your endless widsom,
You did not forsee your fall.

Chorus
Your women fled.
The concubines were slain by the sword.
Laid to waste was your walls.
Marduk, you ******* of malicious ideals.

"O" Marduk, you false god.
Whence did you believe?
That you're as great as you think you are?
That you become drunk on your power and riches?
That you kill for pleasure?

'O' Marduk, rapist of innonce.
Whence did you begin to,
Enjoy slaughtering your followers by a whim?
That you demand sacrifices to gods of deciet and malice?
Sacrifices of maids and babes.

Chorus

Your temples were torn down.
Marduk, father of bstards.
Your followers forsake you.
Kocking your ideals in the dirt.
Stabbing you with thier swords of revenge.
Kicking your face in and spilling your guts.
Across the valley of death.
'O' Marduk, leech of the true God.
You have fallen into the abyss.
Enthroned in darkness; enthroned in shame.

Chorus

'O' Marduk, spawn of your sin.
You feel when you were concieved.

That was when I was experimenting with violent and gory lyrics. Shortly after, I tried to tone it done and go for a poetical snse.

"About a Twilight that We Longed For"

She plucks the flowers from her hair.
And throws them in the wind.
Kissing them goodbye.
She walks into her grave.
Not looking back to the flowers.
So she walks into her grave.
Prepared by her lover.
She closes her eyes.
And grows cold inside.

Her heart is cold; her womb is empty.
She cries out in her fake birthpains.
Oh the agony. Oh the agony.

She dreams of a meadow.
Enveloped in twilight.
Hearing the nightingales sing.
Dancing upon the night flowers blooming.
Her heart longs to walk this plane.
Of a dream enveloped in a twilight.

She tears of her black viel of morning.
And castes a light from herself.
Epitome of holy light.
She touches the grass.
Her slender frame stooping down.
So she puts forth her love.
A tender, beautiful smile.
She closes her eyes.
And grows warm inside.

Two girls standing on a distant shore.
One is cold and sad.
The other warm and joyful.
Yet love elludes them; happiness flees.
Waves lap thier feet.
As they sob into it's foam.
Clutching thier cloaks.
And casting themselves.
Into the oceans fury.

Where does the ocean take thier lovely bodies.
So cold and sad; warm and joyful?
Both two people who love did not find them.
Whom they searched for.
But, alas, hope died in thier hearts.
May the find the stream of conscious.
In the twilight meadow
Where nightingales sing and night flowers bloom.
Where our hearts long.

I then started experimenting with Tolkien poetry and came with this.

"Of Oath and Bloodshed"

Skies of old.
Your stars of light.
The coming of the Noldor.
Into Beleriand; under a star-lite twilight.
Coming forth under glorious might.
Where the light of Aman still shines.
On their valiant faces.

The Noldor; under the ban of the Valar.
Disposed, homeless, treacherous.
Guilty of kinslyaing.
Guilty of treachery.
Guilty of rebellion.
Upon them is the wraith of the gods.
The Noldor; The High Elves

War upon Morgoth, the Dark Lord.
For raping of the Simarils, Jewels of Light.
Crimson swords of the oath.
None shall hinder there cause.
Wether be Vala, Demon, Elf, or Man.
And for this, the Doom of Mandos.
And the Oath of Fëanor.
Will constrain them.
And bind them.

The Noldor; Mighty is Strengh and Lore.
Shall make songs that many will wonder.
But for them, they will pay dearly.
For this is thier doom.

"Isle of Werewolves"

Hatred and violence.
Seap from it's walls.
Disease and pestilence.
In the twilight; the demon-wolf calls.
Where the victims cry and moan
Seated in majesty upon the dark throne.
Behold he is the Dark Lord.
Commanding his horde.

Sauron.
Master of Night
Sauron.
Commander of Might.
In Tol-in-Gaurhoth.
The Isle of Werewolves.
He reigns.

Enemies of Morgoth.
We will slaughter and defile.
Like a fire attracts a moth.
Our torment and hatred is nothing but vile.
For he commands us and we obey.
We will leave the villages rot in decay.
For we have been mastered.
Spawn of the *******!

Sauron.
Master of Night
Sauron.
Commander of Might.
In Tol-in-Gaurhoth.
The Isle of Werewolves.
He reigns.

Upon cruel Tol-in-Gaurhoth.
Black is it's stone.
Right hand of Morgoth.
Flesh, flith, and bone.
The Isle of Werewolves.
The Elvish bane.

Sauron.
Master of Night
Sauron.
Commander of Might.
In Tol-in-Gaurhoth.
The Isle of Werewolves.
He reigns.
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