Lack

[Galant]

Just a short thought.

I have had a personal experience, and still continue to from time to time, and I think it's more than just me.

Sometimes I feel a bit strange about myself. I find myself wanting the recognition females. Not all females. And not in the area of ego-boosting in a physical sense. I think there are just times I want to feel appreciated and want to feel needed. The acknowledgement, thanks, and appreciation of females seem to mean a lot to me. Thing is, I don't think it's just me.

I think guys - and by that I mean males - specifically of the Christian variety, often lack two things. Proper encouraging male friendships to encourage and challenge us in our faith. The support and respect of females, encouraging us to be our best, and to give us opportunity to serve.

I noticed the second most of all when earlier this year an old friend from England, with whom I grew up (and who isn't even a Christian) came to vist me in Tucson. I enjoyed 3 weeks with him and then he was gone. I miss him.

I think I need that friend more vitally. And the female appreciate I need from time to time. I think it just gets tiring when one's interaction with girls and women consists entirely or mothers who are trying to get you to do this or that better, or females who are constantly saying they're okay, they don't need help, and/or act in a competitive fashion with guys.

Not an attack, just being honest. Thought maybe there might be some others who've felt the same.

God bless.

[Alice]

Everyone needs to feel liked and respected and worthwhile. (Not to say you're not correct about guys.)

Yes, I think you're right about friendships, and guys needing female respect or appreciation. I once heard a talk on the radio about this that made me understand some of the differences of men and women.

Anyway, sorry I'm not expressing myself better. I think I know what you mean, anyway.

...Although it's not always easy for us women to give guys the respect they need.... :/ Sometimes we just don't know how to do it, even if inside we do respect the guy.

[Mave]

I would like to think that I give appreciation and respect to anyone, irrespectively of their gender.

There are times I do encourage guys to do certain things because I sincerely trust and believe in their capabilities. There's a way of encouraging a man and it's not by beating on what they haven't done/can't do.

As for girls not letting guys do things for them, well, it's their loss (the females). I acknowledge that I'm the weaker gender physically and am more than happy to let the gentlemen assist me anytime, especially things that require muscle.

Feel free to disagree but I've always believed that men are born to be leaders and to play the protective role. I say, let them do what they're supposed to do.

[~Natsumi Lam~]

Somtimes it is hard for females to say " here, i cant do this...would you do this for me" or " I need your help" ::chivers:: because, like myself, I have been raised very independent and for me to ask someone... even a guy for help is telling myself " So you got to depend on others for something you can do yourself... what a lazy "wants" attention person". That is why some females show they are not needy.

Also, it is very important to recognize that many females [christians specifically] dont want to show need or a desire to be helped because they feel they might be leading the guy on. They might feel like if i show this guy that i need help and i go to him that he might feel that " i need him, or i want him to be my helper". So sometimes we are doing to to be thoughtful and kind so that we dont lead our brothers to the wrong ideas.

and/or act in a competitive fashion with guys.

For me personally, i was raised in a mostly guy household. My dad, my brother, my uncle while my mom worked. SO i learned to compete at a different level. Also, i love martial arts... i dont get to compete against many girls so that leaves me with guys. You[pointing at me and other girls like me] will began aquire a very competitive outlook that mostly points to guys. Also, i love doing and playing sports as much as possible... and again it is rare that a girl wants to play sports before or after church because they might damage their hair. So a girl like me begans to get a mentality of boy vs girl challanges. This leaks over into other areas of your life and thinking.All leading back to not needing or desiring help.


SO yea... i think thats about it from my point of view.

PS. Greetings from Phx to Tsn
~Natsumi Lam~

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I find myself wanting the recognition females. Not all females. And not in the area of ego-boosting in a physical sense. I think there are just times I want to feel appreciated and want to feel needed. The acknowledgement, thanks, and appreciation of females seem to mean a lot to me. Thing is, I don't think it's just me.

I have to admit, I feel that same way. I mean theres nothing cooler than having a girl whom you admire (not like a crush or anything) to acknowledge you or something. And having a guy to always give you support just doesn't.... feel the same... yeah it's weird

[Alice]

It's the same with girls, I think. If another girl says she's pretty, well that's nice, but from a guy, she'll probaby believe it better. I think people need to feel like members of the opposite gender can appreciate them and not think they're stupid.

About what Natsumi Lam said...
Yeah. I'm not into sports and stuff, but I do think girls can feel... well, like they need to protect themselves. And that can lead to being competetive to guys, just so they don't get walked on. (Even if that's just the feeling we have and not true.)

For me, if I don't know a guy, I'm not going to ask him for help or try to help his self-esteem. I'm in self-preservation mode.

But if I knew a guy, and he was okay, then I wouldn't mind asking for his help, and of course I'd want him to feel good about himself.

Oh, a tip for all girls: if you can't get a jar lid open, go ahead and ask your brothers or your dad to open it. I've learned it almost always makes them feel good. And it's easier than struggling to open it yourself!

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Oh, a tip for all girls: if you can't get a jar lid open, go ahead and ask your brothers or your dad to open it. I've learned it almost always makes them feel good. And it's easier than struggling to open it yourself!

unless the man can't get it open either... then he gives it back to the girl and the girl opens it...

(past experience)

[~Natsumi Lam~]

unless the man can't get it open either... then he gives it back to the girl and the girl opens it...

(past experience)

hahah thats funny from my point of view....


~NL~

[Mr. SmartyPants]

XDD yeah... the girl was my mom...

[~Natsumi Lam~]

XDD yeah... the girl was my mom...

haha thats sad but very funny... could be worse..... your younger sister.... haha


~NL~

[Alice]

>.> Usually I've already twisted on a jar's lid and banged it on a table for at least a minute before I ask for help. So it helps loosen the lid. But if they can't do it, there are jar-opening aids (usually very hard to find), if my bro's have trouble.

But they do seem to feel like they aren't good enough if they can't get it open right away. I wonder why that is?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

NL

the reason is Alice. Us men have this... manly pride... that we should physically be stronger then the wimmenz of this world. To save the damsel in distress! To fend off the evil monsters that are trying to hurt the girl! etc etc. And when we find out that the wimmenz beat up the monsters for the man. The man feel like they failed their duty as a masculine-type person.

[~Natsumi Lam~]

:lol: NL

the reason is Alice. Us men have this... manly pride... that we should physically be stronger then the wimmenz of this world. To save the damsel in distress! To fend off the evil monsters that are trying to hurt the girl! etc etc. And when we find out that the wimmenz beat up the monsters for the man. The man feel like they failed their duty as a masculine-type person.

good point


~NL~

[Alice]

the reason is Alice. Us men have this... manly pride... that we should physically be stronger then the wimmenz of this world. To save the damsel in distress! To fend off the evil monsters that are trying to hurt the girl! etc etc. And when we find out that the wimmenz beat up the monsters for the man. The man feel like they failed their duty as a masculine-type person.

Ah, I see. *tries to understand* Must be a yucky feeling, at times.

[Galant]

Perhaps putting it in a more honourable sense. I think that power and strength are male traits in a way that beauty and attractiveness are female.

Expanding on it, a man needs to feel useful, he needs to feel good at something. That's why many guys need to be the best at something, even if not the world best, they need to have their niche in the circle in which they live. Their area of expertise, their usefulness.