Are you attracted to people who are good for you?

[JediSonic]

I dont think its a good idea to get involved in dating/relationships at my age (15) or younger, but the horomones are still there and I've made it something of a goal to learn to just be good friends with girls. For me this comes more naturally with people that I'm NOT attracted to (I'm not nervous around them) but thats not what this thread is about.

My question is, do you find yourself attracted instinctively to people who share most of your main values, have the same type of personality as you, or are otherwise just a good match-up (for, potentially, marraige)?

Here's what happened to me today (next 3 paragraphs):

There's a girl at my school named Abby who I had a crush on though I barely know her. I just like how she looks I guess, even though (this is the cool part) when I look at her I dont feel lustful at all. Thats the only kind of attraction I accept in myself - the kind that makes you want to care for the person (as in actual love) and not to take advantage of them (as in lust). Abby is probably christian because the name means "God is Joy".

Anyhow like I said I still barely knew Abby though she sat right next to me in English class and halfway across the room in "Every Day Living" (EDL). Today in EDL, though, we had to take a personality test. There were basically 4 catergories you could find yourself in and 24 kids in the class. I sometimes feel (as is normal for teenagers) that no-one really understands me and I sense that I'm quite a bit different from the average person. The peronality test seems to confirm my suspicions - I was one of only 2 people with my particular (out of 4) personality type! The only one out of my 23 classmates to share my supposed "personality type" was Abby! I thought this was amazing considering that I already liked her (even if it was through a mild infatuation) more than any other girl in the class and there she was as the person who, supposedly had the most in common with me. According to the teacher, people with the same "personality types" get along with eachother best, and her 4 scores for the different areas were almost the same as each of mine! In fact I got so excited about this that for the whole morning I was full of warm fuzzy feelings along the lines of what you'd call "being in love" as I waited impatiently for english class. These kinds of feelings were pretty new to me but quite welcome as I was eager to pursue a good friendship with Abby.

My day quickly went from incredibly awesome to horrifyingly depressing when english class finally came around however, because I just got to see her hand a note to the teacher and leave before I heard that she had SWITCHED CLASSES! So just like that my one chance to actually get to know this girl is gone and I was very depressed for the next few hours of stressful school work (which did nothing to lighten my mood). I felt a bit less love-sick after telling my friend the whole thing after school, though.

Thus endeth the tragic tale of my hormones getting the best of me

Anyway back to my question which is, do you think God made it so that people are often attracted to those with whom a good relationship / marraige could feasably work out, or was today a coincidence for me (all in God's will of course), or am I just putting way too much faith in a peronsonality test thats actually not good for much except wasting our time in EDL? I'll have a hard time buying the latter b/c of some of the test's content though.

[Azier the Swordsman]

Hormones are God's way of getting us together... but you have to be careful. You are going in a good direction by prefering friendship with girls... I believe that it's best to have already been friends with a girl for a long time before considering a romantic relationship, because you will already have a strong connection together, and the transition will be easier and a lot more special IMO.

This is the best way I believe to distunguish 'puppy love crushes' from the real thing. And I hate to break this to you man.... but 99% of every crush you ever have will never work out. It's torture for sure, but it's better at least than finding out down the road you never were as compatible as you thought you were in the first place.

[zelda]

There's this guy I REALLY like, and would like to get to know him more. And I have this funny feeling inside that he likes me too.
And I don't know if he likes me to?

And I don't know if God does or not?

Very good question!

[Yumie]

Well, be careful, basing whether or not this girl is a christian based on her name might not be a good idea seeing as how her parents picked out the name, and whether or not they picked it out based on it's meaning, what they believe does not necessarily directly affect what Abby believes. Anyways, I would just pray about it and trust that if it's God's will he'll take care of everything for you, and you can just sit back and enjoy the ride!

And I don't know if God does or not?

Very good question!

Hmmm, not sure if I understand your question, could you possibly rephrase or something?

Sorry, I'm a little dense!

[GhostontheNet]

I suspect now would be a good time to mention that from what I know of British-English, they are more clear about the natures of the first and last name, the first name is called "the Christian name", while the last name is "the surname". Far more names than you think and indeed most people think are Christian in nature and origin, as the former stated fact partially demonstrates, but many less are actually Christians.

[~Natsumi Lam~]

yep good for me and azn


~NL~

[agasfas]

I thought this was amazing considering that I already liked her (even if it was through a mild infatuation) more than any other girl in the class and there she was as the person who, supposedly had the most in common with me.

To be honest I think you are putting way too much faith into a personality test. There are things about people that tests don't cover (or can't), and unless you really sit down to talk and get to know them, you can only assume y'all have things in common. Ya know... And just because people have similiar personality types doesn't ensure that they will necessarily get along.

There have plenty of times in middle and highschool that I've had crushes on girls that have similar personalities types but didn't like me in return. Acutally, I think they all ended that way...

Every relationship is differen, but I would only hope that 2 people get together in hopes they are compatible with one another. I mean, it's kind of pointless to enter a relationship you expect to be doomed from the get go.

Try not to get too discouraged. She may have transfered classes but she still attends the school. So there is alway a chance that you'll run into her on occasion.

[JediSonic]

Every relationship is differen, but I would only hope that 2 people get together in hopes they are compatible with one another. I mean, it's kind of pointless to enter a relationship you expect to be doomed from the get go.

Thats a good point.

There have plenty of times in middle and highschool that I've had crushes on girls that have similar personalities types but didn't like me in return. Acutally, I think they all ended that way...

And I hate to break this to you man.... but 99% of every crush you ever have will never work out. It's torture for sure, but it's better at least than finding out down the road you never were as compatible as you thought you were in the first place.

DARN! lol I know you guys are right, but the truth seems discouraging sometimes And it goes to reinforce my theory that relationships are usually only good AFTER highschool (in college).

[fangedbunny]

theres someone i like. but im not lustfull twords him. i just want 2 help im and take care of im. hes kinda like a big brother exept it feels differnt.

[Jman]

I've went though the whole dating experiance for a good three years, brough nothing but crap, I've concluded with JediSonic, Dating before college IMO isn't worth it..Just be friends with females.

[Silvanis]

Mostly lust doesn't play into what I feel towards guys. I really have to know them first to consider a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. My congrats to you JediSonic, for not feeling as others your age feel. Y'know, having a girlfriend/boyfriend because it's the "in" thing to do.

[Alice]

I don't think I am. I'm ready to swear off interest in guys, but I don't think it works that way...

[shooraijin]

I note that I had less interest in pretty faces with nothing in common as I got older. After a while, you can pretty much tell when someone is not going to be your style by their composure, diction, attire and attitude, no matter how physically attractive you may find them. But to get to this point, you need to be very clear on what you want in a potential mate, and I know I didn't really have a good idea about this until I was well into my mid-twenties.

This is not to say that physical attractiveness *doesn't* hold a spot on my list, but other items also came to bear priority. (Plus, there is such a thing as being *too* good-looking. Someone who obsesses over their physical appearance to the detriment of all else in their life demonstrates an obvious personality trait that you can pick up with practise.)

[qingwa]

Personally I've rarely found that initial attraction is a good indicator. To really love someone you have to get to know them very well, regardless of what they look like/what their personality is.

[Ashley]

As for "do you find yourself attracted to people that are good for you", well, I've had my yes's and no's. I had a crush once for a very long time and after it was over I was like "whoa! There's no WAY that could have worked!"

I think the best relationships come out of good friendships. By then, you already know the majority of their core values, and obviously either agree to disagree or concur--otherwise you wouldn't still be friends! Variety is good though; my boyfriend and I disagree on music tastes, our better subjects in school, and even our personalities (I'm a stressball, he's a carefree, laid back sort of guy), but we complete each other and balance one another out. In other ways, we are identical, like our core beliefs and thoughts on marriage, children, etc. And if it doesn't work out, at least you had a good friendship for a while and built one another up.

BTW, if you're glum because everyone around you is dating, my significant other and I didn't date til college, and we're both infinitely happier for it. Don't let the world tell you you're missing out, because you really aren't.

[spiritusvult]

I'm going to have to say, generally--and as of a little over a year ago, because that's when we met--yes. I am. Because I'm attracted to my wife. That being said, I used to be attracted to people who I thought were good for me, but they actually fit into the future in which I imagined myself, and not my real future, or even my real self.

One time I was actually in love with the idea of being in love with a specific woman. It took me over two years to figure that out, that and the fact that she dated and married guys and guy, respectively, other than me. I don't know if that's an answer to the actual question you're getting at, but it's what I've got.

[Puguni]

Up until recently, I've been attracted to looks and I kick myself for it. Someone who's good for me? I haven't found one yet, so that's probably why I'm not very...attracted to anyone yet. I totally agree with the others; friends first, then maybe a relationship later.

[Lochaber Axe]

There is a girl that I haven't seen in months, if not a year, and that has recently visited where I work twice already. Both times, my legs trembled, and my heart raced.

This is infatuation.

Don't trust it beyond what it was created for, that initial spark God created to get his chosen couple to notice each other.


Its hard for me to explain... probably not even easy for a God-ordained married man to explain... but I waiting for that "oomph" which seems to follow finding the right one. From my experience with talking to married couples, it is altogether different for each case. Simply put... as they say... you'll just know.

Wait for that.

Also remember to listen to the logical part of your brain, like I know in my heart that i'm not ready for marriage so the girl I refered to earlier is NOT the one... at least not at this time. I'm not strong enough in God, strong enough financially, strong enough in every aspect at that to warrant thought of marriage.

[Syaoran]

Having a GF/BF.....it will cause you trubles in school and when you are in college or Uni. I have no GF for now....which is good cuzz I am in College and I don't need the distracktion(sp). All I am doing right now Is living for today and not worrying about what will happen tommorrow....God is in control and he has put some girls in my life which only lasted for about two to three days. he seem to put them in my life so that I can help solve there problems and they do the same for me. I don't mind it at all......I don't even know when I will be getting marryed. all I know is that God is in controll and I am happy for that. If he says that I am getting marryed than so be it.

And to answer the title up at the very top. No I am not atracted to any one right now. I am not ready for a relashtionship.

[Madeline]

Crushes have never been a good thing in my experience. I've only liked two guys in my entire life, and both relationships ended in heartache. The first one was a childhood friend whom I had known since I was three. He was my "boyfriend"...although apparently it didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. After many years, when I was old enough to understand, he started going out with my best friend behind my back. When I found out, he dumped me. I was devastated. As a result, I haven't had a boyfriend since.

After a few years, I started to like another guy. We had a lot in common, and it didn't take long before we became good friends. The feelings only grew stronger with time. It became very noticable that we both cared for each other. I was very tired and having an awful day when my friend started teasing me about it. I lost my temper and said that she was wrong and I didn't like him...then I remembered that he was sitting right in front of me. When I saw his eyes, it broke my heart. Our friendship was never the same. I didn't tell him the truth, but...somehow there was an understanding between us. He was so forgiving, even though I wouldn't trust him. In an odd way, we just brushed the whole thing under the carpet and acted as if it had never happened. Then I moved away. We lost contact and haven't spoken to each other since.

I still feel the same way I did when I first met him. I can't forgive myself for this. Why is it that I always do the things I hate to the people I care about?

I have to keep an open mind and heart. I feel like a fool, because I know that there are so many people experiencing greater heartache than mine. My tiny scratches will heal eventually, right? I'm so silly to worry about little things like these...

[IZ&Trigun4life]

phht forget romance...none of my friends even share the same values as me. It;s a shame....it really is.

[Starfire1]

I always seem to have one crush every year. They get worse and worse and never work out, I didn't expect them to. But in reality, I'm not ready for a relationship, or have the time for it. Still dreaming is nice. And as far as being attracted to good people...I don't want to call this on myself but I'm a jerk-magnet. Plain and simple.

[Alice]

Madeline: If it hurts, it hurts. Don't feel bad for feeling bad.

It's a shame you never got to talk about it with him, though, and that it still hurts.

[Syaoran]

I will be praying for you that you will beable to talk to him again and that it won't hurt you any more

[dragonshimmer]

Madeline, I'm sorry to hear that, and I'll pray for you.

When I was younger, I used to be attracted to nice looking people with sweet charming words, but the older I get, the more I find that I'm attracted to people who seem to balance me out and people who offer to walk with me in my journey to become a better Christian. This especially works with members of the opposite sex. For example, I'm fairly melodramatic, so I'm very attracted to people who can seem to be mainly consistently calm. I'm also very attracted to people who love God and urge me to grow in my spirituality and people who love God themselves. I think that's a beautiful thing

So I guess the answer would be yes. I'm attracted to people who are "good" for me, in both friendships and romantic interest.

[Azier the Swordsman]

I've gotten to the point where I completely ignore crushes immediately when they come on. I know they will never go anywhere, so I simply feel it's useless to dwell upon them. Someday I'll find somebody who I will really feel feelings of love rather than infatuation, but it hasn't happened yet and I'm not going to waste my time 'mate hunting.' Nothing good ever comes out of it.

[Syaoran]

You took my words out of my mouth

[Alice]

So I guess the answer would be yes. I'm attracted to people who are "good" for me, in both friendships and romantic interest.

Lucky Dragon!

[dragonshimmer]

[quote="Alice"]Lucky Dragon! ]

LOL, not lucky me. More like my unlucky friends since I'm drawn to them.

Shimmer: WHEEEE! I like you.
People: ._. <.< *whisper* How do we get rid of her?

[EireWolf]

When I was younger, I was attracted to people who were definitely NOT good for me, in some cases. I think it was a rebellion thing.

But as I got older and wiser, I paid more attention to compatability. My husband and I are very compatible, and he is very good for me. I hope I am good for him too. He helps me grow, and I consider that very important in a marriage.

AND... I think he's hot. I mean... I'm attracted to him, yes.