My story, don't know what to call it.

[Photosoph]

Nope, I can't see any grammatical or spelling errors either. Great work, Sora!

[SorasOathkeeper]

After Brandon changed he came into the kitchen. All of the crew was there minus Spike. Brandon took a seat and sat uncomfortably at the table as the rest of the crew stared at him. Brandon looked at them. He recognized Tori, Teressa and Blade of course but along with them was a short haired woman with blue hair, a green-haired guy, and a young black-haired boy with strange golden eyes. Brandon shifted in his seat.
"So, um...what are all of your names?" Their only reply was the death glare they gave him.

"Food is done!" An orange haired girl came around the corner carrying several bowls of food.
"Is it hot dogs!?" Tori asked
"No it's not hot dogs!!" The orange head barked back.
"Awwww! But I wanted hot dogs!" Tori pouted
"Of course you wanted hot dogs! They're all you live for Tori!" Blade said taking his bowl.
"Yes, but you can do so many things with them: grill them, put ketchup, or mustard, or relish on them..." Tori went on about the different ways you could cook a hot dog as the orange haired girl finished passing out the bowls.


And so the truth about Tori's obsession with hot dogs comes out.

[Photosoph]

Heh heh, hotdogs! I love hotdogs...
Brandon looked at them. He recognized Tori, (I'm not sure if recognized is spelt 'recognised' or 'recognized' in America; here, I'd spell it with an 's', but the American spelling could be different. Might need to check out a dictionary for that.
short haired woman with blue hair,...
a green-haired guy... I think the reason it needs a hypen is otherwise the description could grammatically mean a green person with hair. ^_^
...and a young black-haired boy... Same thing.
...with wired golden eyes. By this you mean glasses, right? It's a good description if that's what you're intending. ^_^ Just making sure, though, in case you meant something different.
Their only reply was the death glare they gave him. Perhaps 'murderous'?
An orange-haired girl came around the corner carrying several bowls of food.
"Is it hot dogs!?" Tori asked.
"No it's not hot dogs!!" The orange head barked back. Perhaps red head? Orange head is all right, but red head seems a little more natural. ^_^
Tori pouted.
They're all you live for Tori!
Blade said taking his bowl.
...but you can do so many things with them: grill them...
...put ketchup, or mustard, or relish on...
Tori went on about the different ways...
...the orange-haired girl finished passing out the bowls....

A few more errors than last time, but still good. ^_^ I like Tori's obsession with hot dogs! Very cool idea. ^_^ Characters are fun when they have something they're crazy about -whether it be penguins, cheese, or hot dogs...

[SorasOathkeeper]

Yeah.....But Tori and her hot dogs are a scarry thing....<_<;;;

Brandon looked at the soup, it was brown and boiling. Brandon picked up his spoon and put it in the soup and stirred it. He pulled it out; the end of it had melted off in the soup.
"There’s something wrong with this soup!" Brandon looked at it.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT!?" The orange haired girl appeared over Brandon, fire burning in her eyes.
"Oh lay off him Tresa, he just knows bad cooking when he sees it." Blade said pushing away his bole, the others did the same. Tresa turned to Brandon.
"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!? I'M A BAD COOK!?"
"No, no, no, no. I didn't say that!!" Brandon tried to defend himself.
"LITTLE PUNK! NO ONE MAKES FUN OF MY COOKING!!!" She pulled out a ladle and a spatula.
"WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHIN!!!" Brandon jumped up. Bade put a hand on Tresa's shoulder.
"He didn't mean any harm; he just thinks you suck at cooking. Now go cool off." Tresa stormed off around the corner. Brandon glared at Blade.
"I NEVER SAID ANY OF THOSE THINGS! YOU'RE PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH!" Blade shrugged.
"Nothing happened, you're okay." Brandon clenched his fist and closed his eyes.
"Nothing happened? NOTHING HAPPENED!? SHE WAS GOING TO BEAT ME UP WITH A LADLE AND SPATULA!!! AND YOU SAY NOTHING HAPPENED!?" Blade shrugged and laughed.
"Oh well!" He walked out of the room.

"THAT GUY IS THE BIGGEST PAIN IN THE BUTT I HAVE EVER MET!!!!" Brandon fumed, and then realizing the rest of the crew was there, turned and saw they were staring at him.
"Um....Sorry about that...." They just shrugged and pulled out some bread (Tori pulled out a hot dog) and began to eat. The blue haired girl patted the seat next to her. Brandon sat and she handed him a piece of bread.
"Thank you." She ignored him and continued to eat the same as the others.

[Photosoph]

"Oh lay off him Tresa, Teresa or T'resa, maybe?
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT!?"
Blade said pushing away his bowl;
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!"
"Nothing happened, you're okay."
Brandon clenched his fist and closed his eyes. I just suddenly realised: he only has one fist. I only remembered that the second time through though.
"Nothing happened? NOTHING HAPPENED!?
[I]Brandon fumed, and then realizing the rest of the crew was there, turned and saw they were staring at him. The comma is optional. ^_^ Just thought I might suggest it anyway.
The blue haired girl patted...
...and continued to eat the same as the others. Again, optional. ^_^

Thanks again for writing more -I like the continuity with Tori and the hotdogs ("(Tori pulled out a hot dog)"). Very creative, funny writing. I'm enjoying it.

[SorasOathkeeper]

"Oh lay off him Tresa, Teresa or T'resa, maybe?

Yeah, when I wright my characters names I don't always wright them as they should be written. It's just a little diversidy for me^^ And Just in cace it's confusing Teressa and Tresa are pronounced differently. *at least the way I pronounce them. Teressa is Tee-re-sa and Tresa is Teh-re-sa

I like the continuity with Tori and the hotdogs ("(Tori pulled out a hot dog)"). Very creative, funny writing. I'm enjoying it.

Oh bleaieve me, this is only the begining..... Oh and Why I described Tresa as an ornge head is because she litterly has orange hair, it's not reddish orange, it's just plan orange^^

Thank you guys for reading this it means a lot to me. Thank you for all the nice complaments you guys are the best!^^


Blade walked onto the deck and headed towards Spikes room. He opened the door and walked in. It was pitch black with a single candle on the table as it always was. He walked over to the window seat where Spike was laying. She had a cloth over her eyes and her hand on her fore head.
"Not feeling well?" Blade asked coldly. She moaned.
"Shut up, ugh...Shut up you stupid toad face!" Blade scoffed.
"Is that the best insult you can think of?" She rubbed her head.
"You know what days like this can do to me. Stupid sun, I hate it, it's so darn bright." Spike complained. Blade sat down next to her. He took the cloth off her head and wetted in a bucket of water and placed it on her forehead.
"It's supposed to go like that. Not on your eyes."
"Shut up you idiot, I knew that. I was keeping it on my eyes to keep the light from under the door from bothering me."
"The light bothers your eyes that much?" She sat up slightly and pulled the blanket over her shoulders.
"Bright light like this does. The darn heat too. I don't understand how you people can stand it." Blade shrugged.
"Your eyes are just more sensitive then ours." She glared at him.
"No duh Einstein!" She pulled the blanket over her head.
"Teressa!" Blade looked over in the corner as Teressa emerged.

[LostChild]

Teressa is Tee-re-sa and Tresa is Teh-re-sa

really? hmm... i thought it was more like T-reh-sah, without the "eh" sound right after the "T." but then again, you're the author, not me! which would be a good thing...

Blade walked onto the deck and headed towards Spikes room. He opened the door and walked in. It was pitch black with a single candle on the table as it always was. He walked over to the window seat where Spike was laying. She had a cloth over her eyes and her hand on her fore head.

"Not feeling well?" Blade asked coldly.

She moaned. "Shut up, ugh...Shut up you stupid toad face!"
{i'm assuming that Spike is the one throwing out insults...}
Blade scoffed. "Is that the best insult you can think of?"

She rubbed her head. "You know what days like this can do to me. Stupid sun, I hate it, it's so darn bright." Spike complained. Blade sat down next to her. He took the cloth off her head and wetted in a bucket of water and placed it on her forehead.

"It's supposed to go like that. Not on your eyes."

"Shut up you idiot, I knew that. I was keeping it on my eyes to keep the light from under the door from bothering me."

"The light bothers your eyes that much?" She sat up slightly and pulled the blanket over her shoulders.

"Bright light like this does. The darn heat too. I don't understand how you people can stand it."

Blade shrugged. "Your eyes are just more sensitive then ours." She glared at him.

"No duh Einstein!" She pulled the blanket over her head.

"Teressa!" Blade looked over in the corner as Teressa emerged.

very nice! so... what happens next? Spike gets mad and shoots lazers out of her eyes, and that's why they hurt so much? hehehe.

[SorasOathkeeper]

really? hmm... i thought it was more like T-reh-sah, without the "eh" sound right after the "T." but then again, you're the author, not me! which would be a good thing...

Yeah your right. I wrote the wrong. It was late and I was tired.

very nice! so... what happens next? Spike gets mad and shoots lazers out of her eyes, and that's why they hurt so much? hehehe.

Uh....no.

"Teressa!? Were you there the whole time? And you didn't say anything?! What if Spike and I starded making out?" Blade said, acting surprised, when Spike kicked him off the seat and onto the floor. Blade rubbed his back with (fake) tears streaming down his face. Teressa walked over to Spike.
"Yes Captain?"
"Tell everyone to get their lazy butts on deck and the second the wind picks up, tell them to set sail to our destination." Teressa nodded.
"Yes Ma'am." She turned and grabbed Blade's shirt by the collar and dragged him out.
"Good-bye Spike my love!" Blade called out. Spike brought her head out of the blanket and looked at him "YOU CAN GO TO-" she hissed and covered her head when the light hit her face.

Blade stood up with the same tears in his eyes.
"I don't understand, all I have done is give her my love and she ends up yelling at me like that!" Teressa turned and glared at him.
"Look Bade I don't know what kind of stunt you were trying to pull in there, but don't do it again! You know what happened the last time, don't do that again!" Blade smiled and leaned on the rail putting his face close to hers.
"What's the matter Teressa, getting jealous?" Teressa glared at him and turned.
"I'll get the crew, you get the boy. You brought him here, you watch him!" He smiled and watched her walk off.

[Photosoph]

And you didn't say anything?!
Blade said, acting surprised...
Teressa walked over/up to Spike.
"Tell everyone to get their...
and the second the wind picks up, tell them to... If it's a long sentence, commas or full stops are good to break it up and help people to take a mental breath -or if they're reading it aloud, lets them know that that's a good place to pause. ^_^
She turned and grabbed Blade's shirt...
all I have done is give her my love...
Blade smiled and leaned on the rail, putting his lipsvoice close to her <ear?>. I understood what you meant, but this is a little closer to the meaning, I think.

Yup, the way Lost has suggested breaking up the dialogue is good. Generally a good rule is think of actions as a reply; so, if, for example, a dog and a cat were talking...
"Do you think," the dog wondered aloud, "that cats taste like chicken?"
The cat nodded. All at once it realised what the dog had actually said, and its fur instantly fluffed up in fright.
"...I've always chased them, but never actually tried one," the canine continued.

Eek! New avvie! So cute that snake is! My english be getting bad with all the overload of the cuteness affecting my brain the. >_O Gah! *bashes head against the wall -the usual affect of such cuteness.* Did you make it yourself -or where did you find it?

[LostChild]

Yeah your right. I wrote the wrong. It was late and I was tired.

you wrote the wrong? kik. dork.

[SorasOathkeeper]

Eek! New avvie! So cute that snake is! My english be getting bad with all the overload of the cuteness affecting my brain the. >_O Gah! *bashes head against the wall -the usual affect of such cuteness.* Did you make it yourself -or where did you find it?

Well I was just bumbuling around on a ton of Japanese wedsites yesterday looking for cool fan art and I happned to find that. It's Ayami from Fruits basket, and I thought sense I was born in the year of the Snake to have that as my avatar. I don't follow the Zodiac, I just think it's fun to know what animal you are. I also have the dog and Seahorse *aka dragon*

you wrote the wrong?

Yeah, I've been typing way too much. The wrong THING. There all better. Are you happy now Lost?

"OK! Brandon you have been placed under me, so....." Brandon stared at Blade waiting for him to continue.
"YOU GOT TO DO WHAT I SAY!!!" Blade shouted joyfully, as Brandon fell to the floor on his hand and knees. Blade looked down at him.
"What's wrong?" Blade asked. Brandon stared at the floor.
"I just saw my whole life flash before my eyes...." Blade laughed and pulled him up.
"Don't worry everything will be fine!" Blade smacked him on the back as a friendly gesture but did it too hard, knocking him down.
"Sorry buddy!" Blade laughed.

[Photosoph]

as Brandon fell to the floor on his hand and knees. Again keeping in mind the one arm. O_o
"YOU GOT TO DO WHAT I SAY!!!" I would put 'HAVE' instead of 'GOT', but I guess it depends on his style of speech.
"What's wrong?" Blade asked looking down at Brandon. Since you've already put 'Blade looked down at him' in the previous paragraph, you may want to take out either '...looking down at Brandon' or 'Blade looked down at him' so you're not repeating. ^_^
gesture but did it too hard knocking him down. Maybe a comma after 'hard', or put 'and knocked' instead of 'knocking'.

Very cool; but again you may want to keep in mind starting a new line for speech and characters reactions which act like speech.

[SorasOathkeeper]

Yes, I keep on forgetting he has one arm. lol.^^;;

As the next several hours went by Brandon went around running errands for the crew as they waited for any sign of the wind. Brandon climbed up to the crows nest hoping to hide from Blade. He peeked over the edge and looked at Tori.
"HI BRANDON!!!" She chirped happily. Brandon smiled but put a finger to his lips.
"I'm hiding from Blade." She looked at him confused.
"Like Hide n' Seek?" He nodded. “Yeah like that, but different." She thought for a second
"Okay, so Seek n' Hide!" She exclaimed happily. Brandon nodded.
"I guess so." Tori smiled and a Seagull landed on her hat.

"So Tori, how did you and the others come to be on this ship?" She leaned back.
"Well not all of us came at the same time. Spike, Blade and Teressa were here before all of us. The rest of us were people Spike brought on board. Xzander and I were brought on at the same time."
"Which one is Xzander?" Brandon asked; he still hadn’t learned all the crew’s names.
"He's the little boy with dark grey hair and golden eyes." Brandon nodded.
"He's my cousin!" Tori said smiling.
"Really? I would have never guessed! I mean, you’re so...Yellow, and he is so...Grey." Brandon said, chuckling lightly. Tori smiled.
"Yeah, and he is Spike's little brother!" Brandon stared at her.
"You mean you're Spike's Cousin!?" Tori nodded.
"Yep! Why, is that bad?" Tori asked confusedly. Brandon shook his head.
"No, its fine, just....you two are very different. By the way, how old is Spike?" Brandon asked moving closer.
"Eighteen, Why?" Tori asked. Brandon shrugged.
"Well the stories of the Dragon's Mist go back for over a hundred years, and that means that Spike would have to be over one hundred years old." Tori thought for a moment.
"Well maybe it takes a long time for her to age." Tori said giving off a dumb look.
"You mean you don't even know? Tori shook her head.
"We don't ask that kind of stuff here." Brandon looked down at his hand.

[Photosoph]

It's easy to do. That's why I put the O_o face in; I know it's something I'd have trouble with too. ^_^
...to the crows nest hoping to hide from Blade.
"I'm hiding from Blade." She looked at him, confused. Or maybe 'confusedly' instead of confused, without the comma.
"Like Hide n' Seek?"
"Okay, so Seek n' Hide!" I love that! Tori's such a cool character. ^_^
"So Tori, how...
Brandon asked; he still hadn’t learned all the crew’s names. Crew's names... at first I was going to suggest 'crews' names', but after thinking about it a while I realised you were right. There is only one crew, and its THEIR names. If you put crews' names, it would mean there'd be more than one crew... Am I right? Or am I wrong? I think I'm right... SO confuzing!
"...I mean, you’re so...Yellow, and he is so...Grey." Nothing wrong with this; I'm just quoting it because I love that! So... Yellow... So... Grey. Very cool; I like the way you've written the speech well to give a very clear impression of what it would sound like out loud. Excellent.
Brandon said, chuckling lightly. Maybe the comma; it's just optional.
"You mean you're Spike's Cousin!!! Depends on the impression you want to give, so depending on that you could all a question mark to make it more of a question, or leave it without to keep it as more of a yell. ...Sorry, that wasn't the best description of the differences, but hope it's understandable.
Tori asked, confused. Like before, I'm pretty sure (and hey, that rhymes!) it's either 'confusedly', if you leave the comma out, or 'confused' with a comma. Again, remember I am not a professional editor so it's possible for me to be mistaken.
"...Spike would have to be over... Again, I'm not sure if I'm 100% right with this... it could be his way of speech. But then again the rest of his speech seems to be written in a way which makes me think perhaps 'have' would go well here.
Brandon looked down at his hand. Whoot! You got that one right. ^_^ Well done! I know that for me it would be really hard to remember that my character had one hand or two when writing about them.

Just in case you feel a bit awkward because I'm doing what looks like (but isn't really) a lot of editing, remember that what I've done is only suggesting changes to minor things. Your story is very interesting and you've written the characters so that they're creative, interesting people to read about, with cool costumes, habits, and personalities... and your story itself is really interesting. I just thought I'd let you know this since I know that for myself, I can get discouraged sometimes, and I thought I'd tell you what I think about your story again to make sure that you realise I'm enjoying it. ^_^

Anyway... sorry this is such a long post, but one more thing to say: I love the plot twist in this part: with Spike (and maybe also the others) perhaps being far older than someone could normally be... definitely something that brings us back to the main plot. ^_^

[SorasOathkeeper]

Thank you! I'm enjoying writing this. And thank you all so much for helping me out with this. I really do appreciate it!^^

"BRANDON!!! WHERE ARE YOU!?" Brandon peeked over the side of the crows nest. Tori came up behind him.
"DON'T WORRY BLADE! HE'S NOT HERE!" Brandon smacked his forehead. Blade looked up there.
"BRANDON COME DOWN HERE!!!" Brandon sighed. He waved to Tori and climbed down. Brandon reached the bottom and placed his hand in his pocket.
"What were you doing up there?" Brandon looked at Blade.
"Talking to Tori." Blade eyed Brandon.
"Well follow me; I need some help over here." Blade walked and Brandon followed.

[Photosoph]

"DON'T WORRY BLADE! HE'S NOT HERE!" Brandon smacked his forehead. Blade looked up there.
Lol! (And I really did laugh out loud at that -I hope my older sister didn't hear me. )
He waved to Tori and climbed down.
Blade eyed Brandon.

I'm glad you're enjoying writing -and np. Writing is definitely easier and a lot of the time, better, when you enjoy what you're doing. Not like when you're trying to come up with a five hundred word essay on 'Garden Herbs'.

[SorasOathkeeper]

Ohhh, 'Garden Herbs' sounds so fun! *not.*

Blade and Brandon were inside the ship, Blade was writing on a piece of paper and Brandon was organizing different sheets of metal. Brandon looked at Blade.
"What are all these different Metals for?" Blade looked up at him.
"There for making my weapons. All the weapons we use here are hand made by me." Brandon looked at the different metals.
"Wow, that amazing.â€

[Photosoph]

Ah yes... when it comes to gardening, I get a red thumb rather than a green one. *Sucks wounded thumb.*

Blade and Brandon were inside the ship, Blade was writing on a piece of paper and Brandon was organizing different sheets of metal. Brandon looked at Blade.

Hmm... you could also write this sentence in a few other ways... I hope you don't mind if I show you a few variations.
1: Blade and Brandon were inside the ship; Blade writing on a piece of paper and Brandom organizing different sheets of metal.
2: Blade and Brandon were inside the ship. Blade was writing on a piece of paper and Brandon was organizing different sheets of metal.
"...all these different metals for?"
"They'refor making my weapons. All the weapons we use here are handmade by me."
[/I]"Wow, that's amazing.â€

[LostChild]

Yeah, I've been typing way too much. The wrong THING. There all better. Are you happy now Lost?

now, i realize that P-soph has been working on this too, but since i've obviously not been here for a while (...) i'm gonna put in my Two Cents. ^_^

"OK! Brandon you have been placed under me, so....." Brandon stared at Blade waiting for him to continue. "YOU GOT TO DO WHAT I SAY!!!" Blade shouted joyfully, as Brandon fell to the floor on his hand and knees. Blade looked down at him.

"What's wrong?" Blade asked. Brandon stared at the floor.

"I just saw my whole life flash before my eyes...." Blade laughed and pulled him up. { _ _ }

"Don't worry everything will be fine!" Blade smacked him on the back as a friendly gesture but did it too hard, knocking him down.
"Sorry buddy!" Blade laughed.

one thing that ya might wanna work on is the whole paragraph thing. or something that doesn't cluster everything together.

As the next several hours went by, Brandon went around running errands for the crew as they waited for any sign of the wind. Brandon climbed up to the crows nest {i'm wondering if that should be capitalized? i dunno, but that should be something *cough cough* "researched" } hoping to hide from Blade. He peeked over the edge and looked at Tori.


"HI BRANDON!!!" She chirped happily. Brandon smiled but put a finger to his lips.

"I'm hiding from Blade." She looked at him confused.

"Like Hide n' Seek?" He nodded. “Yeah like that, but different." She thought for a second.

"Okay, so Seek n' Hide!" She exclaimed happily. Brandon nodded.

"I guess so." Tori smiled and a Seagull landed on her hat.


"So Tori, how did you and the others come to be on this ship?" She leaned back (against the railing).

"Well not all of us came at the same time. Spike, Blade and Teressa were here before all the rest of us. We were people Spike brought on board. Xzander and I were brought on at the same time." {when? first? in the middle? the last ones? suggest background info.}

"Which one is Xzander?" Brandon asked]'re[/B] very different. By the way, how old is Spike?" Brandon asked moving closer.

"Eighteen, Why?" Tori asked. Brandon shrugged.

"Well the stories of the Dragon's Mist go back for over a hundred years, and that means that Spike would have to be over one hundred years old." Tori thought for a moment.

"Well maybe it takes a long time for her to age." Tori said giving off a dumb look. {shrugging her shoulders/ rolling her eyes maybe?}

"You mean you don't even know?" Tori shook her head.

"We don't ask that kind of stuff here."

{i think...} Brandon looked down at his hand.

[quote="SorasOathkeeper"]"BRANDON!!! WHERE ARE YOU!?" Brandon peeked over the side of the crows nest. Tori came up behind him.

"DON'T WORRY BLADE! HE'S NOT HERE!" {depp...} Brandon smacked his forehead. Blade looked up.

"BRANDON COME DOWN HERE!!!"

Brandon sighed. He waved to Tori and climbed down. Brandon reached the bottom and placed his hand in his pocket.

"What were you doing up there?" Brandon looked at Blade. {with an attitude/ apologetically?}

"Talking to Tori." Blade eyed Brandon {suspiciously}.

"Well, follow me]



[quote="SorasOathkeeper"]Blade and Brandon were inside the ship {hmm... i'm wondering that because the Dragon's Mist is such a big deal that maybe "ship" should be capitalized? suggestion... }, Blade was writing on a piece of paper and Brandon was organizing different sheets of metal. Brandon looked at Blade.

"What are all these different Metals {supposed to be capitalized?} for?" Blade looked up at him.

"They're for making my weapons. All the weapons we use here are hand made by me." Brandon looked at the different metals. {a description of the different metals, perhaps?}

"Wow, that's amazing.â€

[SorasOathkeeper]

Chapter 4

The next couple of days were tuff for Brandon and the crew, the wind still hadn't picked up, not to mention the heat from the sun.

Brandon sat on the rail of the ship; he had one leg hang off the side of the ship and the other hanging on the other side. He looked around at the crew. "Well it's been three days sense I was brought aboard this ship and so far all I've done is run petty errands for the crew."

* Blade making Brandon do his work *

"So far I've met most of the crew. There's Teressa she's the first mate, she tends to avoid me. Then there's Blade, he's the whole reason I was brought to this hell hole. Tori is the look out, from what the crew has said she's been struck my lighting too many times. (No, really) And she has a strange obsession with hot dogs. Then there is Audrey, she is the ships blue haired mechanic, the only problem is..."
Brandon looked at Audrey as she ran to the side of the ship and bent over it.
"She gets sea sick. The navigator of the ship is Zell; He has Green hair and dark skin with different tattoos. He says that it customary to get the tattoos on the island he is from. Yet again he had a problem, even though he is the navigator he has no sense of direction, what so ever. Yet he always seems to get to where he needs to be.(After getting lost for who knows how long)Theirs Tresa the cook, she has orange hair and thanks to Blade she has a grudge against me. Theirs also Xzander, he is the Cabin boy and Spikes little brother. He’s my age and has an obsession with biting anything and everything. I've also heard rumors of a crew member named Willow, but I have yet to see her. Blade says that she is the doctor and doesn't like people very much. Then the captain of this crazy crew is the Famous Captain Spike. But I haven't seen her sense our little talk three days ago. But its ok, I don't really want to see her again." Brandon shuddered at the thought.

Blade walked over to Brandon, he pulled back Brandon’s shirt caller and poured water down it. Brandon fell backwards onto the ship.
“Nice and cool!â€

[Photosoph]

Wow... I forgot what chapter we were up to. Chapter four already... Cool!

The next couple of days were tough for Brandon and the crew; the wind still hadn't picked up, not to mention the heat from the sun.

...he had one leg hung off the side of the ship You could even change the word order around to 'he had hung one leg off the side of the ship', if you like, ...and the other was hanging on the other side. Or you could put 'and the other leg hung on the other side'.
"Well it's been three days since...

There's Teressa <<you could put a ';' after Teressa or a '-' before 'she's' to emphasise it>> she's the first mate, she tends to avoid me.[/I] Perhaps 'and she tends to avoid me' or a ';' after 'mate'?
Tori is the look out... from what the crew has said she's been struck my lighting too many times (no, really). And she has a strange obsession with hot dogs.
...she's the ship's blue-haired mechanic, the only problem is..."
I like how you break break here to form a new line. Good writing skills. ^_^
The navigator of the ship is Zell; he has green hair and dark skin with different tattoos. He says that it' customary to get the tattoos on the island he is from. That sounds like the Pacific Islands. ^_^ I know a little bit about this sort of thing since because NZ has a lot of Pacific Islanders living here, we learn a lot about their cultures in school. Do you know that we have a bigger population of Nuieans (however it is that you spell that; I'm actually referring to the people from the island of Nuie) in New Zealand than the island of Nuie does?
...even though he is the navigator he has no sense of direction, whatsoever.
Yet he always seems to get to where he needs to be (after getting lost for who knows how long). That's cool! ^_^
There's Tresa the cook, she has orange hair and thanks to Blade, she also has a grudge against me. Ah yes, I remember...
There's also Xzander, he's the cabin boy and Spike's little brother. I had to think about this, but 'cabin' probably wouldn't have a capital because 'mechanic' and 'engineer' and other job descriptions don't. I'm not sure about this, but I still think it might be right.
Blade says that she's the doctor and doesn't like people very much. Lol! I love that -a Doctor, who even though her job description includs working with people a lot... she doesn't like them very much.
Then the captain of this crazy crew is the famous Captain Spike. I think it's without a capital because it isn't part of her name -unless it is...
But I haven't seen her since our little talk three...

Blade walked over to Brandon, pulled back Brandon’s shirt collar and poured water down it. It seems to flow better without the 'he'.
Blade said, taking a drink.
Teressa yelled and everyone rushed? about doing their duty. It could be duties, but I think you're right with 'duty'.
Blade pushed Brandon towards the door leading inside the ship. Perhaps without the 'of'.

Very cool; things are definitely getting interesting. I like the descriptions of the characters and all their peculiar traits, and the scene with Blade splashing Brandon and then him being able to feel the wind is a really excellent idea. Original, and interesting -and I do mean that, as usual, in a good way. You might just want to write at the start that either he's thinking or writing this down on a piece of paper.
It's great to be able to read more. Thanks!

<EDIT>Oh boy, I had to go back and edit a whole bunch of italic tags that I got mixed up about half way through.

[SorasOathkeeper]

lol.

Brandon didn't complain, he was tired of doing work for Blade, and now he acutely got a break. He walked towards the kitchen and sat at the table. He rested his head on it and closed his eyes.
"Ahh, sweet rest." He sat there till he heard some rustling then a crash came from around the corner. He got up and went to the noise. There sat Tresa on the floor with tons of dirty pots, pans, and plates all about her. She stood up and clenched her fists.
"STUPID PLATES!!!" She yelled angrily at the mess. Brandon chuckled.
"Hey, do you need some help?" She turned and looked at him.
"No I don't need your help! Do you think that I'm that helpless?" She turned and started to pick up the plates. Brandon sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry for what happened the other day; I didn't mean to offend you." Tresa looked at him and sighed.
"Well I guess if you want to help that much you can. BUT YOU WANTED TO HELP ME! I NEVER ASKED FOR YOUR HELP GOT THAT!" Brandon nodded and smiled.
"Got it." He helped her pick up the plates and brought them to the sink. Tresa pumped the water and Brandon got the soap. Tresa watched him as he washed the dishes.
"Hey you’re not half bad at this, for a guy with one arm." Brandon chuckled.
"Well I was working at a tavern as a waiter sense I was 7, so I got use to it in time."
"So how did you lose the arm? That is if ya don't mine me asking." Tresa looked at Brandon as they washed the dishes.
"Well you asked nicer then Blade." He sighed and thought for a minute. "It was broken, and got an infection, it had to be amputated.â€

[Photosoph]

Hey there! Sorry it's taken me a while; usually I'm pretty quick to reply, but sometimes I get busy and it can take a day or two. ~_~"
[quote="the author SorasOathkeeper"]Brandon didn't complain, he was tired of doing work for Blade, and now he had actually got a break. He walked towards the kitchen and sat at the table. He rested his head on it and closed his eyes.
"Ahh, sweet rest." He sat there till he heard some rustling then a crash came from around the corner. He got up and went to the noise <<That's a good sentence, but if you tweaked it and changed 'went' to something like 'dashed' or 'sprinted' or 'ran', it would just improve it a little. ^_^>>. There sat Tresa on the floor with tons of dirty pots, pans, and plates all about her. She stood up and clenched her fists.
"STUPID PLATES!!!" She yelled angrily at the mess. Brandon chuckled.
"Hey, do you need some help?" She turned and looked at him.
"No I don't need your help! Do you think that I'm that helpless?" She turned and started to pick up the plates. Brandon sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry for what happened the other day]since[/b] I was 7, so I got use to it in time."
"So how did you lose the arm? That is if ya don't mine me asking." Tresa looked at Brandon as they washed the dishes. <<Very good; I like the 'ya'; only if you use it once you need to remember to change it so that everytime she says 'you' you make her say 'ya'. It's not too hard; if you forget a couple of times you can always fix it up after you've finished writing the whole story.>>
"Well you asked nicer then Blade." He sighed and thought for a minute. "It was broken, and got an infection, it had to be amputated.â€

[SorasOathkeeper]

Well there both good, so which ever one is easyer for you!^^



~Later~

Blade walked towards the door to go inside of the ship and turned towards Zell.
"Hey Zell you going to come for dinner?" Zell shook his head.
"I'm not in the mood for Tresa's death food. And besides I got to turn the big weal here and make the ship go!" Blade shook his head.
"You mean steer the ship?" Zell nodded.
"Yeah that’s what I said."
"....Whatever flouts you boat." Blade rolled his eyes.
"Wood!" Zell yelled as Blade walked in the ship.

[Photosoph]

..."death food." Lol!

Blade walked towards the door to go inside of the ship and turned towards Zell.
"Hey Zell you going to come for dinner?" Zell shook his head.
"I'm not in the mood for Tresa's death food. And besides I got to turn the big wheel here and make the ship go!" Blade shook his head.
"You mean steer the ship?" Zell nodded.
"Yeah that’s what I said."
"....Whatever floats your boat." Blade rolled his eyes.
"Wood!" Zell yelled as Blade walked into the ship.

Rofl! I love that quote too -'floats your boat'. And the literal answer is fantastic!

[SorasOathkeeper]

Thank you^^

Blade sat at the table with the others. He rested his head on his hand and closed his eyes. The others were talking but stopped.
"Hey...do you guys smell that?" Audrey said. Blade opened his eyes and sniffed at the air.
"Yeah....it smells....almost eatable." Blade said sniffing.
"Are you kidding? It smells wonderful!!!" Audrey said drooling.
Brandon and Tresa walked out carrying plates of delicious food. They set a plate in front of everyone and sat.
"Wipe your mouths, you're all drooling!" Tresa snapped. Blade and the others looked at the food.
"Tresa! How did you cook this!? It looks delicious!" Tresa smiled.
"Well it tastes delicious too! But I only helped cook, Brandon did most of the work." Tresa said nodding towards Brandon.
They all stared then dug into the food.
"Brandon is going to teach me how to cook better. Not that there was anything wrong with my cooking." Blade glanced at the others.
“No there was nothing wrong with it at all…..â€

[Photosoph]

[quote]Blade sat at the table with the others. He rested his head on his hand and closed his eyes. The others were talking but stopped.
"Hey...do you guys smell that?" Blade opened his eyes and sniffed at the air.
"Yeah....it smells....almost eatable." Blade said sniffing. <<Did Blade say something twice, or did you mean for another character to say that second part?>>
"Are you kidding? It smells wonderful!!!" Audrey said drooling.
Brandon and Tresa walked out carrying plates of delicious food. They set a plate in front of everyone and sat.
"Wipe your mouths, you're all drooling!" Tresa snapped. Blade and the others looked at the food.
"Tresa! How did you cook this!? It looks delicious!" Tresa smiled.
"Well it tastes delicious too! But I only helped cook, Brandon did most of the work." Tresa said nodding towards Brandon.
They all stared then dug into their food. <<You could just put 'the' instead of 'their', but I'm just being picky. >>
"Brandon is going to teach me how to cook better. Not that there was anything wrong with my cooking." Blade glanced at the others.
“No theirs nothing wrong with it at all…..â€

[SorasOathkeeper]

OK! I havn't been in the mood to write latly, and I didn't like the way I had thing, but I was able to come up wit somthing and fixed it, so heres more!^^

Brandon looked up from his food.
“So what are you guys looking for?â€

[Photosoph]

[quote]Brandon looked up from his food.
“So what are you guys looking for?â€

[SorasOathkeeper]

Blade came around the corner and saw Brandon looking over the other side of the ship. Blade glared at the back of his head and looked back at where Teressa and he were talking. Brandon knew Blade was behind him. Brandon looked at the water and fiddled his hand in his pocket. Blade walked up to him.
“Hey buddy! What are you doing?â€