anti-social?

[FadedOne]

hm..

I've had a couple people approach me recently concerned that i'm shutting myself off from the world. And while I wouldn't go quite that far, they make some pretty fair points. and yeah...it's just so hard to make myself deal w/ people lately.

Anyone else know what this is like and beaten it? I can't be anti-people since i'm basically going to be submersed in people in a couple weeks(college). adn yeah...frustrating. So if anybody knows a good cure for people avoidance, i'd love to hear it.

thanks..

[the_lizardqueen]

I'm glad that there are people that care about you and that they are trying to help you, regardless of whether or not their concern is justified ^_^

I'm pretty antisocial at times, but it's a struggle for me, because I can't totally accept it and be at peace. Last week my parents were away and I was home alone for several days, I spent two days straight at home, reading, talking to the cat, cleaning my room, surfing the CAA, playing violin, drawing and a whole bunch of things. I really enjoyed the alone time, and I wish I could have more, but I also feel kinda guilty about it. Though I can't really figure out why.

I also know that it's possible to be surrounded by people and totally alone. Sometimes at church, when I get overwhelmed by the crowds, I just stake out in a pew by myself and stop caring what people think. I'll sit there totally alone and silent, like a protest or something. I've acted in a similar way at school. I'd say it's a lonelier feeling than out and out physical solitude.

I'm afraid I haven't been able to discover a cure. At times I've wondered if I should eliminate TV, the internet, books and any other possible forms of escapism from my life. Maybe it would force me to start calling people, or getting out more. And I'm rather frightened about the prospect of looking into medical help, I tend to think my case isn't that severe (like social anxiety) and I worry about them messing with my mind, and changing what fundamentally makes me....me.

I guess, you should try to socialize in small doses. You certainly shouldn't be forced into going out, but you should also be pushing yourself a little to step outside your comfort zone. It's achieving the balance that's tricky. And I guess you could try to view others as God would view them, and try to realize that their people too, possibly with similar thoughts and feelings.

I hope that perhaps some of my ramblings have helped

[Spiritsword]

While actively avoiding interaction with people, or feeling anxious about any interaction with people, may need to be looked into and dealt with, I don't feel that enjoying being alone is a problem. Some people are extroverts, some are introverts, some somewhere in-between. I happen to be an introvert. I'm very uncomfortable at parties, I get uptight and testy in crowds. I enjoy being alone and spending time by myself, though I enjoy interaction with family and a few close friends. But really, I'm very comfortable when by myself. I especially like to just bum around the house by myself, or to go out in nature, hiking etc., to enjoy the peace of nature by myself. I have a cel phone, but rarely use it (once every 2 months maybe), and no one except maybe my parents knows the number. I don't like to be able to be found anywhere, and I'm not one of those people who seem to constantly have to be in contact with someone else (nor do I understand them, but that's the old introvert/extrovert thing, and to each their own). I actually get physically overwhelmed at social gatherings and have to take periodic breaks, just to have a rest from social interaction. Now I don't avoid those gatherings, or people, in fact I have a very people-oriented job. I just enjoy being alone sometimes.

So as I said earlier, if being alone starts to interfere with your life or become excessive I'd try to do something about it, but if it's just a personality trait or something you enjoy, I wouldn't worry about it and just be the person God made you.

[Cap'n Nick]

With the stress of work and such a delightful bevy of internet acquaintances it's tempting to withdraw from the world entirely and do all of my "socializing" from the convenience of my home computer. But, as you may be finding, there's no substitute for reality. One cannot withdraw from it, only neglect it, and like a neglected body, a neglected reality ultimately decays into rot and burden, compounding the problems from which you wish to escape.

There are two main reasons not to take an interest in people, and both of them are unfounded. These are fear and apathy, that is, fear of rejection, and apathy or a feeling that other people will not care or will not take an interest in the things you care about.

It's easy to be afraid of people. But chances are, they're not looking as hard as you think. Psychology has quantitatively determined that people on the whole vastly overestimate the degree to which others scrutinize them. And what's more, there's a chance you'll be rejected if you approach someone, but if you do nothing, you have already rejected yourself.

And for people to take an interest in you, it's important for you to take an interest in them. This is the problem I most frequently deal with as it's sometimes hard to convince my brain of talking to anybody that can't talk about the few specific things that I'm really passionate about. But, everyone has a story. Everyone. Find the story and you've found the person. What's more, they may want to find yours in return.

[Doubleshadow]

I'm an introvert, very much so. I can spend hours and hours alone in a corner with a book. It's not that I am anti-social, I just don't have that much of an inherent interest in what others are up to. However, I realize that it is hard to witness if people think you have misanthropy issues so I began analyazing the behavior of my more gregarious friends so I could mimic it if necessary. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I felt I needed to learn how. It just takes practice, like anything else.

[shooraijin]

I can relate -- it takes a great deal of energy for me to be sociable sometimes, even though people skills are supposed to be part of my job. Sometimes I need to turn off and unplug.

I echo Doubleshadow's post about learning at least the behaviour and norms. There are books about how to mingle and work with others, and that way, at least, any opportunities in work or daily living won't be missed. It's a skill to acquire.

[IZ&Trigun4life]

I don't think being antisocial is that bad.....If all you have to hang around is a bunch of careless, weakminded fools to hang around..I'd rather be my own friend. Thats probably what I'm going to have to do this year, since all my friends are not who they claim to be..."christians".

[dragonsleeping]

I am just going to suggest looking up groups and clubs at the college you are going to The colleges usually have an ample supply of different things to participate in and the great thing about it is that the people who participate...usually love the activity. So, you don't have to worry about fakes as much.

Then after getting out and going to these things every so often, it will become easier for you to start talking to people and having light conversations. After that, you might find that you really like a few people and just go from there!

However, always know that you have choices, you never have to go anywhere or do anything you are not comfortable with. If someone invites you out to eat, and you don't feel like going, just say maybe next time, because you might want to next time ALWAYS, know the situation and surroundings of where you are going. I would suggest to drive yourself, because just say your at a party and you think things are going to get to much, then you can leave and you don't have to depend on someone else who might not want to leave...

Like I said, just some suggestions Hope they give you some ideas!

[FadedOne]

Appreciate the comments. ^_^

Yeah....this has become a stressful issue because I'm not sure whether to listen to my friends or not. It's actually good friends online that have commented that they notice i'm withdrawing from them and not taking time to talk and keep up, making them feel uncared about. I definitely dont want to exclude or forget anyone, i've just felt very...I dunno, unsociable. I think cap 'n crack kinda hit it directly...

There are two main reasons not to take an interest in people, and both of them are unfounded. These are fear and apathy, that is, fear of rejection, and apathy or a feeling that other people will not care or will not take an interest in the things you care about.

And for people to take an interest in you, it's important for you to take an interest in them. This is the problem I most frequently deal with as it's sometimes hard to convince my brain of talking to anybody that can't talk about the few specific things that I'm really passionate about. But, everyone has a story. Everyone. Find the story and you've found the person. What's more, they may want to find yours in return.

I love people and talking and shared experiences...one of the greatest things in the world. However, lately my introvert side seems to have taken over almost exclusively. It's like I can't seem to relate and connect with anyone at all. When I try to hold a conversation I either come up lacking for anything to say, or I get the distinct impression that the other person could care less if I was talking or not. even if they probably DO want to talk....I just feel like it's not going to matter.

And yeah...gets rather depressing to feel like you have nothing of worth to add to conversation or that it wouldn't matter anyway. Since people-interaction is stressful I just want to avoidthem more and more. bleh. I dunno....I suppose something is screwed upin my head. always something... I just wish I could have that same unconditional love for humanity that I had before various disappointments and stress...

*stops ranting* sorry lol...

But yeah, like I said....really appreciate the feedback.

[the_lizardqueen]

When I try to hold a conversation I either come up lacking for anything to say, or I get the distinct impression that the other person could care less if I was talking or not. even if they probably DO want to talk....I just feel like it's not going to matter.

And yeah...gets rather depressing to feel like you have nothing of worth to add to conversation or that it wouldn't matter anyway. Since people-interaction is stressful I just want to avoidthem more and more. bleh. I dunno....I suppose something is screwed upin my head. always something...

You've seriously just described how I've felt over the last few years. Whenever the phone rings, or I run into someone, I'm always fighting against this fear that I'm going to end up running out of things to say. I'm very scared of uncomfortable silences. I think my conversational abilities have improved a bit over the years, but even then, I still worry that people will be bored by whatever I have to say.

And for the most part, I'm a listener. I gravitate towards people who talk alot, but then I get frustrated because they don't always listen when I need help. And I often end up wondering if they need me at all, since they could probably talk to anyone else about the same things.

[FadedOne]

And for the most part, I'm a listener. I gravitate towards people who talk alot, but then I get frustrated because they don't always listen when I need help. And I often end up wondering if they need me at all, since they could probably talk to anyone else about the same things.

amen....yeah same here. I mean...I can get along with quieter people(of my best friends is indeed rather quiet, unless I get him talking on a much-loved subject) but awkward silences are disturbing..

[Mr. Rogers]

I'm the same way. I'm the quiet one who never really has much to say. I enjoy going off by myself and enjoying nature or to read a book or just be by myself. It's a confusing thing to deal with sometimes. Everyone is always telling me to be different. So it's like, who am I supposed to be? People are saying "do this different" "be like this instead". I've just been praying alot about it, so that God will just help me to be who i'm supposed to be. I'm a more introverted person and that's just the way it is. I am a better listener than a talker (and I'd say that's a good way to be in a world where everyone has something to say and no one wants to just listen to others).

[DevotedFriend]

FadedOne, I can really relate to you in this situation. I used to be really shy and somewhat anti-social also. It started in pre-school for me.

See, ever since I was four I think when I started pre-school, I avoided contact or talking to people in my pre-school. When I had to sing, like the ABCs or something with the rest of the kids, I would cry and refuse to sing. I would just sit there. I wouldn't play with the rest of the kids, I had more fun playing by myself in a corner of the room than with the kids.

I didn't have any friends until the summer after fifth grade for me when I was almost 12 because of my shyness. That was pretty frustrating and hard for me I remember.

The mistake I made was waiting for them to come to me. I got lucky because I met two girls that summer who became my two closest and first friends. And we ended up staying friends throughout high school too.

I'll tell you one thing, it was the same girls too that helped me overcome my shyness a great deal. They helped me make a big step in my life and helped me become more outgoing. Maybe not to the point where I wanted to be, but they gave me the first step up and helped get me started.

I guess the best advice I can give you is to just do what you think is right. If you think that your shyness is getting in the way of your life, then do something about it. I thought getting out of my shell would be impossible, but it wasn't. I'm a lot more outgoing now than I was say 10 years ago or even 5. But as always, ask God to help you if you think you need help. He won't reject you like some people in this world would.

[ice122985]

i understand your situation and i think it's cool that you're at least trying to find some way "out". (not that introverts need to find a way out).

my question though is this: is being anti-social in any form part of who we are or a learned behavior? i lean towards the part of learned behavior, but that may just be my own case.

[ShiroiHikari]

I don't think I should have to learn to act "normal". If people don't like my introversion, then I don't want anything to do with them. >_< Maybe that's the wrong attitude to have, but I want people to like me the way I am.

Social interaction is very taxing for me too. I need it sometimes, but most of the time I'm perfectly happy hanging around alone. People talk like introverts are horrible, hateful people and that bothers me.

One thing that's hard for me is being forced into change. My boyfriend is a big time extrovert, and he doesn't understand that being around people too much drains me in more ways than one. He tries to force me into being social, and I resist. We fight about it a lot...>_<

[Swordguy]

God created you to be you....and in the end that is all that matters...if you aren't living who God created you to be and trying live what you think people will like then you are living a lie. It is for freedom that He set us free...so why bind ourselfs up once again with the judgmental veiw of people. my advice to you is BE YOU....be true to God the one who made...becasue let me tell you from exsperance...you can fool everyone but the one that truly matters....God. Pray ask God to set you free...free to be...to show you who you are...who He made. If it is an introvert...a listener than that is great...if it is jsut the opicet then that is great as well...for you will find out that once you are you...the you God created then you do start to live...a free life...the life you are suposed to live.

[Syaoran]

I avoid groups alot and I only talk to some one face to face.

[GhostPoet]

I'm not really anti-social..I just don't find alot of people I click with enough to have a conversation beyond "Hi, how are you?"

[Kanerou]

I'm not exactly anti-social. If pressed, I can go find someone to hang out with (doesn't like being alone without the option of people). But Daddy God's had me stepping out even more, telling people, "God bless you," and such. It can be hard, but I asked Him to help me, and He fills me with His love for them, and I forget my shyness. He's the one who will get you out of this - with the Holy Spirit's help, of course.

[bbboy21]

The computer and some gaming = my life -_-

I'm not anti-social, but I wish I could be.

[blue elf]

I'm quite a bit anti-social. I really only have one really good friend and I have trouble knowing what to say to people I've just met or don't really know, so I'm usually just quiet unless they talk to me first. I'm completely not good at starting conversations.