Stupid, stupid vow...

[Destroyer2000]

I wonder if what I feel now is near total sensory deprivation? I was at a point to where I didn't really care what happened, because I was just a shell, for a few minutes. I'm at the Convention in Lousiville that I talked about. I scored 89, so I can't even place 2cd by default...

To the point. THe vow I made, that some of you know about, is once again coming back to haunt me. Are my problems punishment for something I hadn't realized I had done...? For something unknown, unwished? The vow not to date anyone except one person, and to mary that person...it sounds so dramatic now it seems stupid. But I'm holding true to it, no matter the pain it causes, which, if I may say so, is quite a bit. Even someone of my caliber will fall prey to charm every once in a while...as someone who takes everything they do seriously, I hate having to lower myself to this point, but lovesickness is something that cannot be cured except through love or death. I'd prefer the former. I'm starting to see now why people have told me that vow was impossible to uphold...how can I possibly only date and marry one person? A 1 in 6.5 billion chance of finding the right person of the first time. Not likely. Blast it. Curse my own stupidity and weakness...I was going to ask her to come to the coffee shop, since neither of us could find the banquet we were going to, but...we found it, so...I couldn't have gone through with it anyway. Even if I were presented the perfect opportunity to ease all the pain, I can't let myself be that weak. It grates against everything that I am...

[Locke]

Wait, so you think you'd get lucky and find the girl of your dreams when your 15?

Dude, theres this book, Dateable, and it says that thinking of finding the "one" all the time or even vowing NOT to think of the is still not a good idea.

Love is... a hard thing when youre young. Some people find their soul-mates when their 4. Others when their 40. The point is, you dont have to take a vow to attract.

Just pray for your future spouse and leave it at that. Let God take all your frustrations and throw em in the furnace!

[Destroyer2000]

Let me get this straight. This vow isn't to attract. It's due to a sense of loyalty. And I am not looking to find the love of my life, though I wouldn't judge by age. I think dating at this age is pointless, but human nature wants us to, correct? I fight human nature. I fight anything I disagree with, which is just about everything. Forget love. I don't really care. I've dealt with too much from stupid emotions before that I no longer want.

EDIT: Also, I'm not looking to find teh girl of my dreams now. Not at all. I'm just saying the chances of my success with the vow are about that much.

[Hephzibah]

The vow not to date anyone except one person, and to mary that person...it sounds so dramatic now it seems stupid.

I don't think it's stupid at all. While I haven't actually made a -vow- to do that, its what I want to do, and so far its going good. While the temptation may seem stronger at times, remember that God's grace is always sufficient for you. He will get you through this issue... afterall, if He could make the Earth stand still so Joshua would get more time to do battle, He can help you fulfil a vow

[Destroyer2000]

...thanks.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I pretty much follow exactally what you believe. I don't agree with teen dating (that is just me) To try to date one person, stuff like that.

And Im sure you believe this already, but heres a cool quote ive heard:

"Don't spend your time looking for the one, but spend that time preparing yourself mentally and spiritually for when the one comes to you, you will know it"

I like your sense of loyalty and honor dude =) Keep your beliefs up, it'll be hard to do so thought! But you can do it!

Must I repeat? ^^;;

DO NOT GIVE UP! FOR GOD IS WITH YOU!

I mean, everyone feels love sick, everyone guy (well most guys, and every girl) think stuff like

"I really like that person, I wish he/she would have the same feelings for me... to be cared for, to be admired, to be hugged, to feel each others warmth, to embrace, to say 'I love you', to cry to each other, to laugh with each other, to simply sit in the same couch, close to each other"

It's what every human wants, wether known to that person or unknown

but be patient ^^ for one day you'll get what Her... And she will have you ^^ but itll be like 10 times better!

But probably not now, certaintly not now. When God says that you're ready, adn that she is ready. That is the time

[Fsiphskilm]

[b]Have

[bigsleepj]

How does one get a vow annulled?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Have the Vow annulled

Because it's an unwise one. Dating does not mean, Kissing, Living together, sharing intimate moments. Dating is "spending a day with someone to find out who they are and if they're right for you"

Dating is a GOOD thing, just because the majority of the public think dating is a time to get "laid" (what a pathetic term) does't mean this is what dating is for.

Getting married to the first person you date will end up in Divorce, what if they aren't right for you?

well volt, his meaning of dating was probably "Kissing, Living together, sharing intimate moments." What you would call... going deeper in a relationship, thats what he calls dating. "Spending a day to find out who they are if they're right for you" is called "hanging-out" or "chilling" you know, with a friend who is a girl. (or guy, if im speaking for a girl)

[Kura Ookami]

Human nature is to sin. To sin is to go against Gods will, but there is hope. God will help us to overcome sin and temptation if we ask Him to. Give all your worries to God and let Him handle them. That is the best thing to do now.

[Azier the Swordsman]

I would think a vow like that would be dangerous. You don't know for a fact that the first person you date will be right for you or not be hinding some deep, dark secrets that you find out about later on...

It's always better to keep yourself open just in case.

[dragonshimmer]

If you believe the "vow" you've made is a personal decision led by God, then go for it. If it's truly what you think you should do and a you pray about it, God will help you through it, you know?

But...you're young, you know? Don't beat yourself up if you want to spend time with someone to get to know them better. Here's something I realized a little while ago, and I have to keep reminding myself of this:

You can't help where your heart WANTS to go, and you can't help where your heart DOESN'T want to go. You CAN choose what you do with it.

So, don't beat yourself up for having feelings and being human. I don't think that's what God wants. We were created to love/care about people for a reason, just be wise with what you do with it and always pray.

You're young...don't be too hard on yourself. I think your thoughts are highly admirable, but don't beat yourself up if you don't come through 100%

[cbwing0]

So, don't beat yourself up for having feelings and being human. I don't think that's what God wants, you know? We were created to love/care about people for a reason, just be wise with what you do with it and always pray.

That is an excellent point. Althought the heart can be deceitful, you will need to listen to it someday if you want to fall in love.

Personally I think that a vow like the one you made is unwise. I am thankful that I didn't marry the first person I dated. I also felt a lot of frustration for a long time, because I wasn't in a relationship; however, being in a bad relationship is worse than not being in a relationship at all.

I would encourage you to wait for the right person, but don't limit God by making that be the very first person that you date just to fulfill some vow. Be open to how God leads you, and be ready to find love in places that you don't expect.

[Yojimbo]

Gonna have to agree with Volt, Teh Shimmer, Azier, and CB. Very very rarely is the first person you date the one you will marry. And thank God for statistics like that.

Yeah it would be nice but the fact of the matter is yeah you're young so don't beat yourself up over it. God doesn't want you to be an empty shell to females until you're ready to marry. Just because you think this girl is cute and has a great personality doesn't mean you're automatically slipping into the lust area and hanging out with her alone makes it a "date." You were just gonna go to a coffee shop, have a drink, and talk. Don't think that hanging out alone with a female is shaming yourself to your future wife. That's just ridiculous. You got a long way to go to marriage.

[ShiroiHikari]

I agree with pretty much everything said on this page ^^;

I'd also like to say that dating is not setting yourself up for trouble or whatever it is people are saying these days. If you go on the date with the intention of "getting some", then yeah, it'll probably happen. But if you go just intending to show a girl a nice time and enjoy her company, then I don't think you have too much to worry about. That's what dating's supposed to be.

We as Christians shouldn't be running away from the idea of dating because the world has perverted it, we should be trying to set an example by dating in a Godly way.

Instances where people hit it off on the first date are RARE. You just hear about them more because they're the exception. Don't go in expecting to marry the first person you take to dinner. That's foolish.

[Kawaiikneko]

No offense, but your vow doesn't seem very fair to the girl. What if she doesn't want to spend her whole life with you?

Marriage is a life commitment, and as girls we need to seriously think about our life partners. I've been told to break off relationships with men I wouldn't consider marrying, because its better to hurt them early (because hurting people is unavoidable sadly...) than to break their hearts by refusing proposal. Say you find this girl who you think is perfect... and she decides to break off the relationship for some reason. If she's a Christian, what if it's because God led her to believe that you weren't the one for her. Now, it wouldn't be fair to her or you if you stick to the vow. It wouldn't be fair to her if you try to stick around begging for her attention and in essense "stalking" her b/c you love her so much (sorry for the harsh illustration.. I don't think you'd do that). Its also not fair to you to be a bachlor the rest of your life.

The vow is great and everything... just... considering the circumstances it doesn't seem very fair. I dunno. I guess if you trust it to God He can work it out ^^ My advice would be to keep yourself pure... and thats it. If you hang out with a girl and get to know her, that's not bad. That's what dating should be, not some sort of quasi-marriage relationship with the intimacy of marriage with no responsibility.

[Scribs]

I do not wish to offend, but it sounds to me like your vow situation is really very silly. You are 15. That is, in my opinion, no time to be dating, seriously thinking about dating, or making "vows" that if followed will affect the rest of your life. For goodness sake, noone will think the less of you if you just drop this vow, least of all God. God knows that we are all human and all say things we shouldn't say,do things we shouldn't do, and make vows that we cannot keep.

I say, do your best to stop thinking about this too much untill you are at least a senior in high school, then possibly date somone whom you know to be a strong christian. you probably will not marry this person, but it will be a way of getting to know them better, and who knows, they could be the one. Your vow of marrying the first and only person you ever date is silly and impracticable. You would be best to drop the idea.

thats my two cents.

[cbwing0]

I do not wish to offend, but it sounds to me like your vow situation is really very silly.

our vow of marrying the first and only person you ever date is silly and impracticable.

Now, now, no need to be so hard on the boy .

I think what you meant to say is that while such a vow is noble and quite well-intentioned, it is best if you ask God to release you from it and wait on Him to lead you.

[Arbre]

It does have noble intentions, but that kind of thing would require a HUGE amount of sensitivity to God's will. If you think you can handle it and not be distracted by emotions, that's great.

I always wanted that, to have the only person I date be the person I marry. Didn't want to feel like I cheated that man of the love and affection that should be his alone.

I guess I still wish it could be that way, but reality doesn't always play like you want it to. But sometimes in the end you're all the better for it.


I think it's really unavoidable in many cases to date more than one person in your entire life. And I think I was putting too much into that. I still think it'd be wonderful if the man I marry could be the first person I ever said "I love you" to, but if God has other plans for either me or a guy I date, I'll have to accept that.

Maybe that person was brought into my life for a specific purpose... And maybe it was my own fault I became attached, or maybe that was part of the purpose. I don't know.



I still want my first kiss to be on my wedding day, though. Stuff like that can make it special too. It's not required. But you can still hold onto things like that without being so completely attached to the ideal you described in the original post.


Just keep your options open, 'cause God sure does use a lot of resources to work in our lives; and it'd be a shame to miss some of it because we refuse to look beyond our comfort zone.


Edit: But if it is God who is leading you to that ideal situation, it's definitely not anyone's place to tell you to drop it. =)

[Scribs]

Now, now, no need to be so hard on the boy .

perhaps I came off a bit harsh, and I am sure that the vow was made with the best intentions, but I dont think that it can be denied that the vow was not very well thought through.

Pray about it. I hope things all get straightened out for you. Best wishes.

-Piloswine

[Destroyer2000]

I think, perhaps everyone here interpreted it wrong. I think of dating as going deeper in a relationship, not hanging out with someone. If that were the case, then I would have dated around 15 girls this week. Did I? No.

To have it annulled would be a sign of weakness. Maybe I'm too hard on myself about being strong emotionally, but I don't care. ...hm...why do I get like this late at night? I think clearer then. Besides, I don't ever remembering making it an offical vow to God, just something I said to myself that I would do. Of course, I don't want to turn into an emotional Pandora's Box. I'm leaving tomorrow morning, though, so heh. It no longer matters. She lives around an hour away, but what do I care? Not like I'll be going there. As soon as I turn 16, I'm enrolling in a dojo, and I'll spend the majority of my time with martial arts.

EDIT: Another thing...I hate being judged by my age. I'm not another one of those hormone driven teens that this world is so full of. I may be 15, but I've been through more than most teens my age.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I don't know you personally but that's a pretty big assumption. Lots of teens go through all that stuff.

[Destroyer2000]

Not THAT stuff. More like as much stress as I've gone through lately.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Oh sorry! I went through tons of stress in my teen years but none related to boy/girl relationships but heaps for school work, agro teachers and lots of being bullied.
Give it to God mate!

[Destroyer2000]

Really, for me its stress to do better, and being piled full of work...I do really well in school, and I'm in alot of extracurricular activities. It can be extremely stressful at times.

[cbwing0]

To have it annulled would be a sign of weakness.

Being able to admit that you made a bad decision and then getting back on the right path is a sign of strength and maturity, not weakness.

Really, for me its stress to do better, and being piled full of work...I do really well in school, and I'm in alot of extracurricular activities.

That makes things more interesting. Could it be that, at some level, you are unwilling to give up this vow out of a fear of failure or defeat? Could it be that you simply do not want to admit that there is something that you are not strong enough to do, even though that is true for all of us?

It sounds like you are a fine young man, so I hope that you are able to see through the problems with this vow and move on.

[Doubleshadow]

I'm having a hard time following this discussion but if your problem is you vowed only to be in a serious romantic relationship with one particular person (I'm assuming on an emotional level) and now you find that this is not the person you should have designated as the recepient of that vow, then you should admit that your decision, while earnest and honest, was hasty and not well considered. It is better to admit the mistake and ask for forgiveness from whomever you need to than to drag out a bad situation.

[shooraijin]

I'm also not too clear on it. If it's an issue over feeling an attraction for someone that doesn't add up, that's only natural. I've had crushes on girls that were, frankly, really really dumb -- if I had used any sense at all, I would have realized how inappropriate it was. You shouldn't hit yourself over the head about that.

Maybe it would help us understand a little more if you elucidated some.