Innocence

[Ky Kiske]

This is a poem I wrote:


I saw a boy run to me
As I passed through the crowd
Tears ran down his little cheeks
And made a puddle on the ground
He asked why it had to be
That the man must die
He asked why He was scorged
Why blood dripped from His eye
Why did the man wear a crown
That was made by a cruel thorn
What were the nails for
And why was His back torn
Why was He put on that cross
What had He done wrong
Who would stay with Him
When all the others had gone
"Please sir please tell me
Why he suffered so?"
I picked the child up in my arms
Then I turned and said, "Let's Go"
I stood trembling before the cross
Wondering what I could say
I turned to the boy with tears in my eyes
For innocence was slain that day.

[Natholeus]

Very good! I like it a lot, I can almost feel the little boy's pain...

[mastersquirrel]

That was very well written. The flow is very good, the rhyme scheme fits well, and I agree you can almost feel the boys pain. Very good.

[Rachel]

Cool. Really nice.

[Cedahlia]

That poem was really powerful, and well-written.

[Ky Kiske]

*blush* thank you.

[Photosoph]

That is really powerful, as Cedahlia said. Sad and moving, and with an important message. I like the feel of the words you've used -only thing I'd suggest, though, is that you might want to add a few commas or semi-colons (or are they called colons? I'm talking about these: ; things, but sometimes I get confused as to which is called which. ) to the ends of the lines. While I can read the poem well without it, adding them in might just emphasise the natural pauses etc.

[Ky Kiske]

hah I never was good at grammar.
Should I add them where the boy is speaking or the man?

[Photosoph]

I think so -it does need a question mark at the end of his speech.