so the punkwaltz ends...

[Zilch]

So...yeah...how do I describe all I have been through in the last 8 months? How do you describe the evolution from hate to love to neutral? How do you describe the eyes of someone that close to you? And all I can think of is that I'm single now...this kinda bothers me. I feel very detached right now...can someone tell me how to feel?

...I'm so cold...

...but thank you for reading, even if you don't care, and even if this doesn't make sense...

[Yumie]

Hmmm. . . I'm pretty clueless, can you go in to a bit more detail about your situation?

[Zilch]

Sorry,I guess I wasn't clear.

I just broke up with a girl I've been trying to get together with for about 2 years now, and when we tried, it was a clash of all things proper and all things punk...a punkwaltz, if you will. I'm just really...dazed right now. And it bothers me that this...doesn't bother me. You know?

[Yumie]

Wow, I'm really sorry about that. I know it hurts (hmmm. . . understatement of the century?) Do you think it's impossible that it'll ever work out? I mean, is it absolutely over forever?

[Zilch]

Feh...who knows...I have video games to play to keep my sanity. But thanks for talking. I really do appreciate it.

[Yumie]

No problem! I'll pray for you guys! (And you're right-- video games are quite often an island of hope in a sea of despair. Have fun with them!)

[K. Ayato]

Man! Sorry to hear that, Zilch. I experienced a breakup myself, and it sure was painful. You might feel like you're in a daze; it's a normal reaction. I felt like something was tearing me apart when it happened. I don't know what else to say. Just that everyone goes through the tough times common to all of us in a unique way. Nevertheless, we're here for you.

[sanitysux13]

I know you may not care to hear any of this from an outsider, but my own personal opinion is that your trying to make a relationship intimate (in the sense of stronger than a friendship) is what dooms many relationships before they begin. Last year, there was a girl at school to whom I expressed interest. However, she was already interested in another guy, and very politely told me that she saw no future with us. Adding that to other circumstances at the time (being a bit depressed at the time, being a freak, being in a play, having midterms, etc.), I began to wonder if I had any hope of being in a relationship with a girl that was deeper than friendship.
So, feeling thoroughly beaten down, I went to my overly conservative church the next day wearing my usual goth/Dracula play get-up. After the college group, I met a friend of a friend who seemed a bit standoffish. The next week, she (whom I will refer to throughout my speech as "Bob" for the sake of anonymity) was there without our mutual friend, so we bagan to talk some. I invited her to the church I was attending at the time, and she actually came. Over the next two months, we gradually became fairly good friends, but I told her from the very beginning that I had absolutely no interest in becoming anything more. After two months, the day before I was supposed to go to the Passion conference in Nashville, one of my friends had to back out and asked me if I knew of anyone who would want to go, so I invited Bob. During that trip, I began to notice a kindness and inner beauty that I had never noticed before. But I was still hurting from rejection, and didn't want to endure it again. However, the next to last night, we somehow both kind of let each other know that we were interested in each other. Six months later, me and "Bob" have a great relationship. Sure, we have lots of issues, but we're able to work those out since we were able to practice good communication and stuff without putting up any kind of front.
Anyway, my point in saying all that is to say that sometimes, being hurt is a good thing. I know I'm probably taking this waaaaaaay out of context, but somewhere in the Bible it talks about a seed having to die in order to bear even more fruit. Sometimes, you have to let your dreams and your will die in order for God to bring about something even greater. And the friendship thing. That's important too. And me and Bob are really different. If you try to be in a relationship with a clone of yourself, you'll get very bored very fast. The friendship stage allows the two of you to see how alike and how different you are, because either extreme is bad.
Sorry with the long spiel. And I know it got really stream of counsciousnessy at the end, cuz I've been working at work or church all day and then I come home to write you dating advice. I'm going to bed. If you wanna talk more about it, feel free to PM me. Good night.

[Ashley]

Aww, poor Shebusa. Ash knows, sympathesizes and as best she can understands. As I told my brother in a simliar situation....as painful or cliche as it may be to think about, either God will bring her around again if it's meant to work, or He in His divine plan has someone even better for you.

For several years I was beyond infatuated with someone, and it was very painful for me to realize I had to let go because they were not right for me. However, God is so good. Once I surrendered all my pain and frustration to Him, He provided a sweet comfort and relief.

Nevertheless, I know it's rough and you just earned a spot on my prayer post-it-note.

[Rachel]

Well, I don't have much experience with this sort of thing, so I'll just say this: I hope you get to feeling better soon.

[Slater]

God has someone out there for you... It sounds odd, but be kinda praiseful that you found out that it wasn't gonna work as soon as you did. Gives you more time to find your true soulmate.

[Ingemar]

So...yeah...how do I describe all I have been through in the last 8 months? How do you describe the evolution from hate to love to neutral? How do you describe the eyes of someone that close to you? And all I can think of is that I'm single now...this kinda bothers me. I feel very detached right now...can someone tell me how to feel?

...I'm so cold...

...but thank you for reading, even if you don't care, and even if this doesn't make sense...

Well, I've never had a real girlfriend; and even losing my "fake" girlfriend got me disoriented and hating life and everything. But you'll get right back. A man can stand. Just focus, and you'll do just fine.

[dragonshimmer]

I hate to see people feeling like this. It's one of the nastiest feelings in the world, BUT....the sun will shine again. Your heart will warm again. Colors will return. Like Ashley said...if this is the person for you, despite the split, God will bring her around. Wise man once said if you care about something, let it go...if it comes back, it's yours to keep. A good friend once talked to me about God's eternal vision, and it's stuck with me ever since. We can't see past today...but God can see past forever. Ultimately, even if it hurts or stinks now, He knows what will make everyone happiest in the end. We just have to keep our chin up and keep walking until we get there, you know? *hug* I'll pray for you guys

[Zilch]

*sigh* I know, guys, I know...things are just kinda weird right now. But thanks for the encouragement, and know that I'm getting right back up, albeit a bit shakily...

[kaji]

I would like to echo Ashes condolences and sound advice. Remember, God is in control of every thing. Just keep after Him and He will take care of you. ^_^

[Yojimbo]

Hey God's there for ya. You have plenty of time for that and He has a special someone all picked out for ya. Now you just have to be patient and recognize her when she enters your life.

[Zilch]

(chuckles) Only a true geek can get a 16 reply comfort in on a message board. I can only say thanks so many times.