My story, don't know what to call it.

[LostChild]

haha! *points and laughs at Brandon* now you're stuck in the middle of the ocean! ^____^;

[Photosoph]

*Twitch twitch* *blink* *twitch*
D'oh... trying to view an art corner pic thread and two stories at the same time is quite confuzzling. Confusedly. Confusedlezzly... oh, I give up. -__-
Anyway, I like the pic! It's so cool to have all the characters' faces to put a name to! I like how you've designed them!
Oh, and sorry if the below editing is a little hard to understand -I've tended to put comments beside the edited thing and I hope it doesn't get confusing. ^_^"

Oh, and Lost, I think you may be partly right -however I know 'secound' isn't an English word 'second' is. And is 'hello' seriously 'hullo'? Oh yeah, maybe in Ye Olde English, but probably not in the modern day English spoken in England and commonwealth countries. Go commonwealth New Zealand! *Waves tiny New Zealand flag with the Union Jack on it*

Brandon followed Blade to the downstairs kitchen. (as far as I know, though I may be wrong, if you're going to put 'the downstairs', 'downstairs' has to be a description of something else -here it's describing kitchen. Otherwise you'd have to take out the 'to the' and just have '...Blade downstairs'. ...with a couple of loaves of bread. ...prefer Super Warrior Blade myself <- Super Warrior Blade -that's cool!
Brandon looked at him confusedly. (or you could use curiously). Confusedly is such a weird word, eh? I use it in my writing quite a bit but it seems kind of... unnatural, doesn't it?
Blade Bolt... I like that name. ^_^ And obviously, since Lost agrees with me (or rather, I agree with her, considering she posted first), you know that by popular opinion, it really is.
“Well we're not going back to your home for a while... ...and 'til were done with it... I know spelling checkers don't correct 'till', but since ' 'til' comes from 'until', I think you need the apostrophe to show it's a shortened word; like 'cause and because. Whereas 'till' means like the till of the chashier, I think. *Shrugs* Perhaps something like that.
on a one way course. You can change this to 'oneway' if you like. Not sure which one is more correct -perhaps 'oneway' since its a description, but then again 'one way' seems fine too.
and 'til it’s done... ...“BUT I NEVER ASKED TO COME ABOARD!

You know, Sora, your writing grammar-wise is getting even better. I'm editing less and less with every chapter. Congrats!

[SorasOathkeeper]

Brandon had finished his bread and was walking around the ship. Half the doors were locked, so he was just walking aimlessly down the halls.

Brandon walked out on deck. The sun was high in the sky and shining brightly down on the ship. He looked up, the sails of the ship were up; there was no breeze to push the ship along.

Brandon looked up and saw Tori’s Pig tails hanging over the side of the crows nest. He sighed and looked around. There still was no one in sight; even Blade had disappeared from the ship. Or so it seamed. Brandon walked to the side of the ship and looked down into the water. He watched as different types of fish swam past the side of the ship. He counted the fish that he had never seen before.

He looked back on deck. He noticed a door across from the door leading down into the ship. The door was Black with some odd carvings in it, there were two small windows to each side of the door; they both had black curtains on them. Brandon walked over and put his face up to the window, but there were curtains on that side but they were closed.

Right now it's just Brandon walking around the ship. The Crew will return though.

[LostChild]

Oh, and Lost, I think you may be partly right -however I know 'secound' isn't an English word 'second' is. And is 'hello' seriously 'hullo'? Oh yeah, maybe in Ye Olde English, but probably not in the modern day English spoken in England and commonwealth countries. Go commonwealth New Zealand! *Waves tiny New Zealand flag with the Union Jack on it*

GO KIWI LANDERZ!

[Photosoph]

100% free of need of grammar editing skills, Sora! ^_^ It's cool for Brandon to be able to explore on his own though -in my experience that's always been exciting because so many things can happen when another character isn't there to intervene.

Aw, thankee, Lost. Go Americans! *waves tiny American flag along with her kiwi one*

[SorasOathkeeper]

Brandon moved from the window and looked around. He felt like a sitting duck in the water with nothing to do and still no wind moving the ship. He turned and looked towards Tori as she snored loudly. “Some crew this ship has. A sleeping Lookout, and an insane ‘Weapons Expert.' â€

[Photosoph]

[i] ‘Weapons Expert.' â€

[SorasOathkeeper]

Hey, I know that I'm not the best speller. Suggestions are wonderful to me, and I try to make sure that I get it right the nekt time.^^ I'll post some more later, I need to wright some more up.

[LostChild]

hehehe. don't that sound familiar? need any more help? btw, how's the Dragon Flag lookin'?

[SorasOathkeeper]

Brandon looked up in the direction of voice. Teressa stood at the door. She had red hair that covered her right eye. She was wearing a dark red corset over a black shirt. The shirt sleeves tied up her arm. She wore black pants and knee length black boots; the boots had buckles all the way up them She wore a red bandanna on her head. One piece of her hair had different beads on it.
“Uh! I’m sor...â€

[LostChild]

[quote="SorasOathkeeper"] Brandon looked up in the direction of the voice. Teressa stood at the door. She had red hair that covered her left [or] right eye. She was wearing a dark red corset over a black shirt. The shirt sleeves tied up her arm. She wore black pants and knee length black boots]feel the burn.

[Photosoph]

Hey, I know that I'm not the best speller. Suggestions are wonderful to me, and I try to make sure that I get it right the nekt time.^^

^_^ That's so cool; it makes me happy to see that you're putting the effort in; and even happier to see where it's getting you. I mean, look at the below: there was only one mistake, and that was something I'd do too. Even in the last few posts you can see that both your writing and grammar have gotten even better -and I was enjoying the story to start with!

boots had buckles all the way up them

If you're wondering why I'm saying all this, it's because I know, because it happens to me, that it can be easy to get discouraged with writing. That's why I'm writing this -to let you know the point of view of someone who's reading your story. As an author it can be hard to read and/or see your writing as someone who's reading it for the first time.

[SorasOathkeeper]

Thank you!^^ Your all so nice! *glomps*

Brandon speed walked down the hall ‘til he was away from the room. He stopped and looked at the floor. “The flag…..it’s got to be a different one. But…Blade, he said something about a Spike….” Brandon was pulled out of his thoughts by an all too familiar voice. He turned and saw Teressa coming up the hall, as ticked as ever. Brandon walked towards the deck. He opened the door and ran into Blade.

“Hey there, slow down will ya? Your acting like you saw a monster.”
“BLADE!!!”
Blade looked up and saw Teressa coming down the hall
“Oh….I see now.” Blade chuckled nervously. Teressa walked up to them “Blade you were supposed to watch this boy!” Teressa barked
“Down girl, I was, I just let him roam around a little. No harm done.”
“No….harm….done….?” Blade nodded “WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO HARM DONE!? HE WONDERED INTO THE WEAPONS ROOM!!!!” Blade covered his ears when Teressa yelled, Brandon wasn’t so lucky. Blade turned to Brandon “Why did you go in there!? You’re not supposed to go in there!” Brandon rubbed his ears
“I didn’t know that! You just told me not to go into the Captains room and that’s all.”

Teressa glared at Blade, he eyed her nervously and looked back at Brandon “Well you should of known better!” Blade snapped at him “HOW COULD I HAVE KNOWN!?”

[LostChild]

boots had buckles all the way up them[/I]

isn't that always optional? maybe not, but i always though so... *shrugs* i ain't exactly a grammar person though.

Thank you!^^ Your so nice! *glomps*

aww... why thank you!

[quote="SorasOathkeeper"]Brandon speed-[i think...]walked down the hall ‘til he was away from the room. He stopped and looked at the floor. “The flag…..it’s got to be a different one. But…Blade, he said something about a 'Spike'….â€

[Photosoph]

I don't think it's optional... I guess because 'boots' are plural and when you use a pronoun (he, she, it etc) for them, that needs to be plural too. That's why I think it's probably 'them'. ^_^"

Thank you!^^ Your all so nice! *glomps*

Aw!... *glomps Sora back*

Brandon speed walked down the hall ‘til he was away from the room. Yay!
You're acting like you saw a monster.... ...not to go into the Captain's room
Well, Lost got to it first. I think she may be right with speed-walked... also I haven't been doing this in my edits but I remember that you're supposed to start a new line each time someone speaks, as Lost has been doing in her edits. I guess I haven't edited them because I thought that could always be done later , and I could still understand who was saying what.

Yay! S'more! Thanks for writing. I'm really enjoying this. ^_^

[LostChild]

okay, sora. we need more now!

[SorasOathkeeper]

Wow....this was on the third page....>_> Any how, just wanted to tell ya I just got back from Washington State so I havn't been able to write any. I'll probably get some more up tomorow.

[LostChild]

Welcome Home, Sora! did you have fun? well, i'll just assume you did and save you the time of answering that one...

[SorasOathkeeper]

Yeah I had fun.

“ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!â€

[Photosoph]

Cool, thanks for writing more! My heads a little foggy right now, so I can't think of much more to type other than I liked it and am glad you wrote more. ^^

[SorasOathkeeper]

Are you sick? And thank you^^

Brandon sat on the deck for several hours, waiting for Blade and Teressa to come out. He thought about the flag that he had found in the room. Just then Blade and Teressa came out. Brandon stood up, Teressa walked past him. He looked at Blade who waved him over. “Look kid Spike wants to talk to you. It would be best if you did not get her mad.â€

[Photosoph]

Very cool -and atmospheric. ^_^
I've just had a very light cold, and while I'm much better, some of the symptoms persist a little longer. Thanks for asking. ^_^

Brandon sat on the deck for several hours, waiting for Blade and Teressa to come out. You can keep 'deck of the ship', but I just edited it because this is a shorter way of saying the same thing -and we now the deck spoken of belongs to the ship. ^_^ The comma, also, is optional.
He thought about the flag that he had found in the room, when Blade and Teressa came out. The parts of the sentence are good, however you might want to change 'he thought' to: 'he was thinking'/'he was just thinking', or break it up into two sentences: 'He thought about the flag that he had found in the room. Just then/Suddenly/etc'... It just helps it to flow a little more. Probably keeping it as one sentence but changing the 'he thought' would be best.
...looked at Blade who waved him...
...each map was of a different island...
On each map there were large black X’s on different towns...

More great story! \(^_^)/

[SorasOathkeeper]

Well I hope you feel better!^^

“Don’t touch my maps!â€

[LostChild]

its all good. i didn't have any idea of what i'd call my story until like, 5 chapters in... but then i still don't know if i like it...

but its a great post! i can see Brandon saying: "They never said I couldn't go in that room." or some cocky remark.

MORE! MORE! MORE!

[SorasOathkeeper]

“It’s not my fault, Blade told me just to stay away from the Captain’s room, I didn’t know!â€

[Photosoph]

Woot! More! \(^_^)/ Sorry if my cries of 'Whoot!' 'Whootage!' 'Yay!' 'S'more!' and 'More!' are sort of repetitive, but it's hard to come up with a new phrase each time I post. Anyway, even if I do keep repeating the same general statement, I do mean it; it's always fun to read more. ^_^

Hmm... a title can always come later -especially once the story is finished and you have more time to think over it... however, here's a couple of titles. If you don't like them; that's no problem. You know the story, but since you haven't finished writing it, I don't know where it's headed yet; therefore I'm not sure if these titles will fit or not. ^_^" Anyway... something like 'A Cutlass and a Curse', 'Cast Into a Crew', 'Sifting the Waters', 'Depths of Deception', 'A Blade, a Ship, and a Mystery'... those are just some random suggestions. Even if you don't use them, they might help you think of one of your own.

She sat down at the table and pointed to the chair across from her.

[SorasOathkeeper]

Ohhh me likey "Sifting the Waters" But like you said I guess it is too early to name it.

Brandon laid in the bed that was given to him. The rest of the crew were all eating but he wasn't very hungry after finding out he was on a pirate ship. He shook his head and buried it in his pillow. Not only was he on a pirate ship, but he was on the legendary pirate ship "The Dragon's Mist." He had heard legends of this ship when he was young, and dreamed of going on it, but never thought he acutely would.

"They say its crew is the most powerful crew that has ever sailed the seas. There leader is the legendary Caption Spike."

Brandon looked up at his mother as she stroked his hair.
"Is it a real ship mom?" He looked at her and she smiled gently.
"No one knows, the stories of The Dragon's mist have been told for about one hundred years. No one knows if it was true or not.

Brandon looked down and thought for a minute
"It would be cool if they were true!" He stood up from his bed on the floor.
"If it was real I'd want to travel with them! I'd fight right along side Caption Spike and fight evil monsters! And, and, and, we'd get gold and get enough money to get out of this place!" Brandon's mother smiled at her son as she watched him explain all the things he'd do.
"Now, come here little Pirate." She hugged him and tucked him back in
"4-year old pirates need there rest, good-night." She kissed him on the head and watched as he started to drift off.
"Hey...mom?"
"Mhh-Hmm?"
"Do, you think that Caption Spike would like me?" She looked at him and smiled
"Yes, I know he'd love you." Brandon gave off one faint smile as he fell asleep.

Brandon looked at the ceiling "If only you'd have known that Spike was a woman." Brandon smiled to himself and fell asleep.

[LostChild]

Ohhh me likey "Sifting the Waters" But like you said I guess it is too early to name it.

Brandon laid in the bed that was given to him. The rest of the crew were all eating but he wasn't very hungry after finding out he was on a pirate ship. He shook his head and buried it in his pillow. Not only was he on a pirate ship, but he was on the legendary pirate ship The Dragon's Mist. {titles like that would be italicized. i think...} He had heard legends of this ship when he was young, and dreamed of going on it, but never thought he acutely would.

"They say its crew is the most powerful crew that has ever sailed the seas. There leader is the legendary Captian Spike."

Brandon looked up at his mother as she stroked his hair.
"Is it a real ship mom?" He looked at her and she smiled gently.
"No one knows, the stories of [I]The Dragon's Mist have been told for about one hundred years. No one knows if it was true or not.

Brandon looked down and thought for a minute
"It would be cool if they were true!" He stood up from his bed on the floor.
"If it was real I'd want to travel with them! I'd fight right along side Caption Spike and fight evil monsters! And, and, and, we'd get gold and get enough money to get out of this place!" Brandon's mother smiled at her son as she watched him explain all the things he'd do.
"Now, come here little Pirate." She hugged him and tucked him back in
"4-year old pirates need their rest, good-night." She kissed him on the head and watched as he started to drift off.
"Hey...mom?"
"Mhh-Hmm?"
"Do, you think that Captian Spike would like me?" She looked at him and smiled
"Yes, I know he'd love you." Brandon gave off one faint smile as he fell asleep. [/I]{i'm so depp! kik!}

Brandon looked at the ceiling "If only you'd have known that Spike was a woman." Brandon smiled to himself and fell asleep.

[SorasOathkeeper]

Brandon woke up to cold water being thrown on him. He jolted up falling off the bed.
"Rise and Shine it's another day!" Brandon rolled his eyes at the sound of Blade's voice. Blade bent down to him.
"You know, if you roll out of bed maybe we should get you some of those bar things to put on the sides of your bed!" Blade stood up and walked to the door.
"Get dressed and come to the kitchen for breakfast."

Brandon stood up. "Get dressed and come for breakfast." Brandon mimicked in a nerdy voice.

[LostChild]

Brandon woke up to cold water being thrown on him. He jolted up falling off the bed.
"Rise and Shine it's another day!" Brandon rolled his eyes at the sound of Blade's voice. Blade bent down to him.
"You know, if you roll out of bed maybe we should get you some of those bar things to put on the sides of your bed!" Blade stood up and walked to the door.
"Get dressed and come to the kitchen for breakfast."

Brandon stood up. "Get dressed and come for breakfast." Brandon mimicked in a nerdy voice.

what i really don't like about this (not the story) is that this thing doesn't let you use the Tab key to indent 'n stuff... *cries* stupid technology... awesome! i didn't even have to edit it this time. at least, i don't think so...