proposing

Postby **steelbeliever** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 2:08 pm

kay...i'll make this short...guy just rpoposed to me today...i don't love him for personal reasons...what do i do?

Postby **Azier the Swordsman** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 2:11 pm

Because I lack more knowledge of your situation, I can't give a whole lot of advice. Be honest. Let him know your true feelings and don't beat around the bush. If you haven't given him an answer, do so now. Dragging it out will only cause problems.

Postby **Zilch** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 4:55 pm

Indeed. I agree with Azier. Don't drag things out. If you have to make a cut, you have to make it quick and with the least amount of pain, if you'll excuse the metaphor.

Postby **Yojimbo** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 5:04 pm

Say no then. Be nice though of course well as nice as ya can be obviously he'll still be pretty crushed if he went out on the limb and proposed to ya. If I may ask a question it doesn't seem like you were dating this guy so why did he did he propse to ya?

Website · Postby **Alice** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 5:16 pm

I think you should have said no on the spot.

It must be flattering to be asked, but if you know you don't want to marry him, the sooner he knows, the better.

Postby **steelbeliever** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:19 pm

i had dated him a few months go and he broke it off...i can't imagine why he proposed but he left me a message proposing and i called back to him, but either he jsut doesn't have an answering machine or soemthing but i haven't been able to get back to him about it...i'm not sure where i can find him since i haven't ehard from him until now...

Postby **JoyfulSongs** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:32 pm

Obviously, don't say yes! Are you in a position for you dad to help you out? He was great for me...

Postby **Yojimbo** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:42 pm

steelbeliever wrote:i had dated him a few months go and he broke it off...i can't imagine why he proposed but he left me a message proposing and i called back to him, but either he jsut doesn't have an answering machine or soemthing but i haven't been able to get back to him about it...i'm not sure where i can find him since i haven't ehard from him until now...

Wow ok yeah that is kinda creepy he'd come out of nowhere and propose to you after breaking up like that. Tell him no as soon as possible.

Postby **Ingemar** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:44 pm

Tell him no before he gets crazy thoughts about you and becomes filled with bitterness which wells up in his psyche and will one day burst, unleashing his fury on innocents. Do it not so much for him or you, but for the others who may be hurt by this...

Postby **Kireihana** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:50 pm

Even if you say no, it doesn't mean the end of your relationship. I think rushing into something you're not ready for might be a bad idea (granted I've never been such a situation so I don't know how much my advice counts XD)

Postby **Scribs** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 7:24 pm

Sounds kind of a creepy character to me. Let him know that you dont want him (gently of course) and stay the heck away from him. Thats my 2 cents.

Website · Postby **Alice** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 7:26 pm

Maybe he thinks the two of you broke up because he didn't propose before.

Either way... you know what to do. Enough people have said it, and it sounds like you already want to. Definitely get your parents involved if they're near enough to be of any help.

Unless you think they'll just freak out.

Website · Postby **Kawaiikneko** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 8:39 pm

say no, gently, though there's really no nice way to say it I guess. But you do have to think about yourself and what God wants for you. Can you seriously imagine your whole like with him? Serving him? Because after all, love is actions not a warm fuzzy feeling.

well I'm sure you know all this ^^; like others have said, get your parents involved if you can.

Postby **Mithrandir** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 9:06 pm

There may not be a "nice way" to say no, but there are pleanty of bad ways.

Postby **agasfas** » Fri Jun 17, 2005 10:12 pm

here may not be a "nice way" to say no, but there are pleanty of bad ways.

Well, regardless how you do it, he'll be hurt. But, it's better you do it now then later. If you wait, it'll only cause more heart ache on his part and stress on both of y'all. The longer you wait, the longer it takes for that pain to heal.

Obviously if you don't love him or have any feelings, then you shouldn't doodle around to say "no." Personaly, a random call like that may be trouble- kind of eerie. My guess is that perhaps that he's probably going through some kind of break down... I mean, if he called you up out of the blue...when y'all aren't dating...

Postby **shooraijin** » Sat Jun 18, 2005 8:36 am

Yes. Do it quickly -- don't let it linger.

Postby **Mr. SmartyPants** » Sat Jun 18, 2005 9:20 am

Kireihana wrote:Even if you say no, it doesn't mean the end of your relationship. I think rushing into something you're not ready for might be a bad idea (granted I've never been such a situation so I don't know how much my advice counts XD)

but that could end up with the dude still having "false hope" that he could still one day marry her

Postby **Mangafanatic** » Sat Jun 18, 2005 1:43 pm

Ummm, any guys who calls a chick ON THE PHONE and proposes deserves to get turned down. Just kidding. (Sort of)

Really, this guy obviously doesn't understand the kind of commitment and agreement that's necessary to make a marriage work. An "I'll leave you a quick message and propose even though we only dated a few months and broke up" is just trouble. Luckily, you don't seem to be enamoured with him or anything.

Like everyone said, say "No." You might hurt his feelings, but you'll hurt them more if you drag this out.

Postby **steelbeliever** » Sat Jun 18, 2005 2:09 pm

funny thing about that, i did get a hold of him and I told him no, really nicely. i felt kinda bad cause he like broke down over the phone and then hung up. the situation of course worsened because now he's leaving me like twelve messages a day all saying that he'll do anything for me if i marry him so i changed my phone number cuase it really scared me. this guy is not mentally stable at all. i told my folks, my pastor and even called his parents. worst of all is he hasn't spoken to his parents since we broke up...i'm beginning to worry he'll pull something drastic. :bang:

Postby **Mr. SmartyPants** » Sun Jun 19, 2005 7:12 am

wow thats.... pretty scary o_O

Postby **agasfas** » Sun Jun 19, 2005 7:53 am

I thought that may probably happen since he called you up out of no where. But you shouldn't feel too bad for him because no matter what he promises you, unless you love him the marriage wouldn't ever work. And if you gave him a little hope of a possiblity of doing so, then the situation will only worsen. I wouldn't worry to much now... I would just stop acknowledging him all together until he cools down. But if he starts driving by your home, then thats when I would start calling the cops.

I can only suggest one thing: Pepper Spray, get some.

Postby **Lehn** » Sun Jun 19, 2005 8:09 am

My suggestion would be to grab a best friend or two and go far away for a nice impromptu vacation for about a week or so. Or go visit family or friends that live out of state. Don't tell anyone where you're going except the people that need to know.

Then, while you're working on your tan, have somebody(ies) sit down with him and re-explain in big, bold letters that you don't want to marry him.

Good luck. Pepper spray and/or karate lessons, and a cell phone wouldn't hurt either.

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