Help with fear of death

[Cedahlia]

My little brother (8) recently, out of the blue one night, asked "why does God make it so that we die?" He started crying, saying that he is afraid of dying, doesn't want to die, and is afraid of not being himself anymore or having his same mind. My mom tried to comfort him, and he begged her to ask God if He could change things so that we never died.
She explained how we were only here for a little while, then go to Heaven, which is much much better and that my brother will be surrounded by people who love him.
But that didn't seem to help. I think that he had a lot of questions after reading a children's Easter book called Who is Jesus?. He was so upset, I started crying myself, because I didn't know what to tell him to comfort him. Is there a way that my family and I could explain things better to him?

[Slater]

ah... why does God make us die... A good question it is, and one that should be answered...

On the surface, it is a curse. Death brings pain and suffering along with it for everybody. But did you ever consider it a blessing? I say this because it means something for us as Christians. To die is to be present with the Lord, in other words, we as Christians should be happy for death because it means that we don't have to live in a sinful state without end, on two levels. Firstly, when we die, that's it; there is no more sin for us. We are finally free then. Secondly, Jesus chose to die and thus took away the sins of the world. This is the ultimate blessing in death; that Jesus would bear it to destroy sin and then come back to destroy death (once at the resurection and again at the end of the world).

Remind your brother that death isn't limmited to the physical level, but that it's on the spiritual level as well. The "second death" is the spiritual one, this is to say hell. Christians do not die the second death, but have life everlasting. " For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Those are the words of Jesus in John 3:16, and what wonderful words they are.

I don't know if your brother is saved yet or not at that young age, but if not, it seems like a good time to start working on it.

[Stephen]

Death is somthing that we all have to deal with. If its us, or those we care about. Its not somthing really worth worrying about...because that won't help. Live for Christ, and let death come when it may.

[Yojimbo]

This is something really that you just learn with time. I felt the same way too as a small child afraid of death, hell, that kind of thing. Just encourage him as much as you can but really in time he won't be as worried about it.

[Arnobius]

This is something really that you just learn with time. I felt the same way too as a small child afraid of death, hell, that kind of thing. Just encourage him as much as you can but really in time he won't be as worried about it.

True. When I was very young I was worried what would happen if GOD died...

My mom tried to explain that God couldn't die, but I was kind of young to get that. I remember my Mom tried to explain it by saying if God died, everything would disappear. Unfortunately for a kid's mind, I began to worry that God would die and the world woild dissapear.

I think these are natural anxieties that need to be dealt with patience until they stop bothering the child.

[GhostontheNet]

My little brother (8) recently, out of the blue one night, asked "why does God make it so that we die?" He started crying, saying that he is afraid of dying, doesn't want to die, and is afraid of not being himself anymore or having his same mind. My mom tried to comfort him, and he begged her to ask God if He could change things so that we never died.
She explained how we were only here for a little while, then go to Heaven, which is much much better and that my brother will be surrounded by people who love him.
But that didn't seem to help. I think that he had a lot of questions after reading a children's Easter book called Who is Jesus?. He was so upset, I started crying myself, because I didn't know what to tell him to comfort him. Is there a way that my family and I could explain things better to him?

In his own way your brother is on to something I think, the fact of the matter is that the Bible quite clearly states that death is the last enemy of Christ, it is the undoing of the creation that YHWH created in His own image, it ranges in pain. Heaven is wonderful, but all in all N.T. Wright's commentary on Paul's mindset and how it relates to the resurrection body rings true, "For Paul, as long as the body remains in the ground, salvation is not enacted." Though Christ innagurated a thumbnail of the future in His crucifiction and resurrection and its aftermath, that future still needs to be enacted. Remember that the Bible ends in a new creation - a new heavens and new earth, not with a vision of Heaven (contra those who wish to jump the gun and forget when the book says these things take place like John Bunyan and several churches). Although I don't lend the Apocrypha authority like the Catholics and other sects do, one interesting passage in The Wisdom of Solomon declares]Do not invite death by the error of your life,
Or incur destruction by the work of your hands,
For God did not make death,
And he does not enjoy the destruction of the living.
For he created everything to exist,
And the generative forces of the world are wholesome[/QUOTE]

Now, upon learning of this I was somewhat astonished; there is no way the author could have never read the Genesis source material of his creational theology as a Jew, where YHWH dooms humanity to death? But then a thought occured to me; perhaps he had in mind an interpretation in which He not so much threatens and then decrees as warns and then states the aftereffects of this choice. To go further along this line of thought would require an extended theology of YHWH vs. the satan, so I'll stop there for now. What does it mean that He determined that the most prudent key moments in His extended was to suffer (factoring in Trinitarian theology in this statement) a most agonizing and painful, indeed I've seen it documented that crucifiction is the linguisting root of the word excrutiating, death with the shame more painful than the pain, and than rise in anticipation of the future of all men. Yes, indeed, you can cheerfully inform your little brother that He already does in fact have an extended gameplan to do away with death and make it so that we don't die anymore, as well as do away with all evil and injustice - we call it the resurrection of the dead. As Paul writes;

But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ. Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death. For "God has put all things in subjection under his feet." But when it says, "all things are put in subjection," it is plain that he is excepted who put all things in subjection under him. When all things are subjected to him, then the Son himself will also be subjected to him who put all things in subjection under him, that God may be all in all.

Indeed, since Christ's ascension to Heaven, He has reigned as the world's True Lord, and is working on a gameplan that will in the end save the most people possible, crush all governments and demonic powers in favor of His own just dominion, and in the end remove all death and evil from the world, exiling those who refused to be subject to His dominion for eternity to prevent their evil from causing more problems in eternity, while those who accepted Him as Lord, king, and risen savior will inhabit the new earth forevermore. So too Paul writes

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

But what about those who really do not have the hope of the resurrection of the dead, who dwell in the shadow of death? Who will tell them the good news of the world's True Lord - Yeshua Christ - and the wonderful things He is already done and will do to this end? This is the Gospel we now proclaim. I say, tell him all about the resurrection of the dead, or perhaps I can try it.

[true_noir_chloe]

All these large theological and Biblical commentaries are great and all, but let's be real - this is an 8-YEAR-OLD CHILD.

Cedahlia, first off this is something your mom and dad, and of course you, will have to deal with in a very loving and prayerful manner. I mean, have you and your mom pray over your brother as he sleeps. This will definitely not hurt him, and it will be great in the long run.

Second, you have to understand that all children have fears at eight - ALL. My kids did. All children's fears stem from the idea that they will not be around mommy and daddy. It's basic and that's about it. His fear, is more than likely stemming from this deep fear.

Also, maybe his nightmare was more graphic than you might know. Did he dream of some horrible death for either him or mom, dad or you? You also have to be honest - not telling us on this thread - for this is a family matter - has your little brother seen some graphic death either on the news, on a movie, or was it spoken (maybe that book you all read him), or in a sermon at church? You know, kids grab onto these things and go with it.

You need to ask some questions and if your brother is hysterically fearful or not wanting to go to bed for more than two weeks, then you need to seek some help from a Pastor or a counselor that works with KIDS. NOT a bunch of young men or women on CAA.

I mean, my best advice is not a bunch of Scripture, because that might help you, but that will not help him.

You, your mom, your dad, are given the God-given right to love your brother unconditionally and make sure he feels 1) safe 2) secure 3) and mostly loved.

He needs to understand that you all are not going anywhere, and he's not going anywhere without you.

Please, talk to you mom, whom I assume has the wisdom as a mom God gave her, and you all ask some of the questions I've posed. You need to work together by His grace, in prayer and with love and he will get over this.

Now, if this fear grows and blossoms to tremendous proportions, i.e., he can't sleep and has nightmares and night terrors more often, then please, seek professional help.

I wish I would have done that with my son when he was young. There are many neurological disorders which exascerbate fears and unnecessary worrying from children.

PM me if you'd like some great books to help you out.

[Ingemar]

"Why does God make us die" is not as puzzling and frightening a quesion as "Why does God make us live."

[White Raven]

I agree with true_noir_chloe. And this is my experience with this.
When I was about 4 my sister and my grandma died in the same year.
I was the youngest of 7 kids and of them, the closest to my age was 10 years older.
Noone bothered to explain to me about what was going on. Everyone just told me they had gone with Jesus.
So in my 4 year old mind I some how became afraid of Jesus and death.
I had nightmares about my Mom reading the bible and dying.
Hear is what I think you should do.
Get the kid talking, ask him why he thinks death is so bad.
Do not dismiss his fears. Tell him it is Ok to be afraid of the unknown.
Then try and make going to heaven “knownâ€

[sukatto]

Hi!

When Adam and Eve were first created, they were made perfect in every way. However, when sin was introduced into their lives, the end result was a decay that tears away at everything in this world, including our own flesh as we all know, since we deal with sickness and disease and that sort of thing.

Part of the restoration process is that rather than repair the damage done to the flesh, God has decided to simply give us an upgrade into perfect flesh as Adam and Eve once had. Not only us, but the Heavens and Earth as well.

At some point in the closing of history, all will be made new. It's not an end, but an upgrade!

When God does something, He does it in a big way and doesn't take shortcuts. =)

When a loved one here dies (assuming for this situation they are a believer), they are not gone forever, but merely awaiting the transition into the perfect body.

And the truth is, in our imperfect bodies, we would be incapable of handling the requirements God has for us once we enter into our next phase of existance beyond this mortal plane.

We tend to see life in terms of the here and now, the tangible, when it is this time here that is ultimately a grain of sand on the seashore of eternity.

When we consider that when we leave this world we will be dwelling with God for all eternity, an existance that knows not the limits of time, we suddenly become aware of just how microscopic our time here is in the face of it all.

"Life" for us hasn't even truly begun. Yet it is this time here with our choices that sets our eternal direction.

An analogy that might help with an eight year old might be to tell the story of the caterpillar who dreams of being a butterfly. The caterpillar's body is not adequate to handle the demands of being a butterfly, so it must "die", to become something better. When the caterpillar becomes a butterfly, it leaves its cocoon, it's caterpillar body behind.

If someone didn't know better, they'd think the caterpillar was gone for good. But the truth is the butterfly, who is really the caterpillar, is very much alive, just in a better body.

In order for us to become "butterflies", we have to go through a similar process, and shed ourselves of the old flesh.

Same idea for snakes growing bigger than their skins. They leave behind an old skin which might be mistaken for a dead snake. But when one knows the reality of the situation, things are different.

Of course, there are many directions to go with this, and it by no means covers all the questions an eight year old has, but it may be a good starting point to at least get them to understand the concept of "death" a bit more.

As for the way people die, and when, that goes in another direction, so I'll save that point for later if it comes up.

Shalom,

sukatto

[Kkun]

True. When I was very young I was worried what would happen if GOD died...

My mom tried to explain that God couldn't die, but I was kind of young to get that. I remember my Mom tried to explain it by saying if God died, everything would disappear. Unfortunately for a kid's mind, I began to worry that God would die and the world woild dissapear.

I think these are natural anxieties that need to be dealt with patience until they stop bothering the child.

God dying. What a sobering thought. That was the concept for Zao's "The Funeral of God" album.

Anyway, Cedahlia, death is a natural part of our existence and your brother is only 8. Death is a big concept for him to understand. I think he'll grow out of this and as long as you and your mom try to comfort him and make him feel better, he'll be alright. Teach him not to worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow has enough worry for itself..

[Cedahlia]

Thank you all for your replies, they really helped. ^^

The book we read him was for little kids. My brother is always asking questions, and most of the time, so as not to bother my mom, he asks me. I wanted to help him by explaining in simpler terms how he doesn't have to be afraid of death, but am having a hard time trying to come up with something simple that he can understand, other than what my mom told him.
We always monitor what he watches, to make sure it's nothing violent or anything like that.

[Android raptor]

If nothing ever died, nothing could ever be born. And your brother is only eight, he doesn't have to worry about death for another 70 or so odd years, hopefully. I don't know what lies after death (that is probably the greatest mystery of life), but I do know that many older people have made peace with it and don't fear it

[CobaltAngel]

I went through this phase, only it was when I was 13. I didn't like the thought of dying, and I was especially scared of dying and not going to Heaven. Others have given wonderful suggections, I'll talk to my mom when she gets home tonight, since she konws alot about stuff like this.

[bakura_fan]

hmm. well, when I was little dad told me this...which cheered me up quite a bit. Of course living in CA near these places helped a lot. lol. anyway...

Dad: You know death and Heaven are sort of like this. Think of a carnival/circus that a child lives by, and every weekend he gets to go there. One day his parents tell him that they're going farther away to a better amusement park *Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, etc.* The child, only being comfortabile with where he is, doesn't believe that the amusement park is any better then the one he knows.

me: but that's silly. Those Amusement parks are waaaaaaaay better then any old carnival place.

dad: but you know that cause you've been there. When we die, we'll be able to go to a place that is so much better then we could ever imagine. We'll be able to look back and see how small our life really was compared to eternity and the joy we'll have being there.

me: ^_^ cool! I wanna go there now....o_o;....but I don't wanna die.....

Not sure if that helps in any way....but hey....if you can make it somehow fit....

[Kaligraphic]

"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Sometimes you gotta admit that Woody Allen was on to something there.

[Cedahlia]

bakura_fan, your dad used a good analogy. ^_^