Era [Naruto Fanfiction]

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Postby true_noir_chloe » Thu May 19, 2005 1:01 pm

Hey UC, sorry I haven't been on your thread in so long. I have been reading this, but from a printed copy and not on the thread. It's extremely good. Of course, you don't need me to tell you this.

This part did make me chuckle:

[quote]“Do you really think someone with his level of intelligence would forget something?â€

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby uc pseudonym » Fri May 20, 2005 11:28 am

Thank you very much for posting here.

true_noir_chloe wrote:Hey UC, sorry I haven't been on your thread in so long. I have been reading this, but from a printed copy and not on the thread.


I've been almost apalled by how much I am changing upon editing prior to posting each chapter. That, combined with commentary from a number of reviewers, is significantly strengthening the story. At the moment this is probably negligable to the average reader (or only affects the Sakura-Ino aspect), but later on there might be some significant differences.

true_noir_chloe wrote:I have known some very intelligent people who forget the most simple things.


That is true. However, Matthew's genius isn't so much brute intelligence as it is incredible analytic power. Forgetting something for him would be like you accidentally writing a sentence "yu arr to nic."
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Postby uc pseudonym » Sat May 21, 2005 10:12 am

[quote="anonymous"]um.. i'm still reading. though i have nothing to add to whatever the others have already said. I cant critique writing all that well. ^_^]

That is alright; your reviews are appreciated. Opinions can serve as critiques, in their own way.

Now, the reason for this post: with school out, I will have to significantly change my method of uploading chapters. Hopefully I will still be able to upload every Monday, but this may prove difficult or result in unedited chapters.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue May 24, 2005 12:26 pm

I fear I must apologize; I am unable to edit this chapter before posting it, and this chapter may feature actual plot changes. Therefore, there will not be an update for at least another week, as much as I would like to post one.
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Postby kryptech » Tue May 24, 2005 6:07 pm

"Patientia est virtus" as my sister loves to say. Patience is a virtue...

And speaking of better late than never, I really did enjoy last chapter despite my lack of comments. The fight sequences were exciting (it was good to see the gang in action again). I had figured Matthew would play a part in the story for a little longer but I was surprised that he is joining the company. Should be interesting... I do like his nonchalant style:
[quote="uc pseudonym"]“I’ll be ready in ten minutes,â€
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
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Postby kryptech » Thu Jun 09, 2005 10:29 am

Um, uc? Any estimate on when the next chapter will be available? I've been reading your Metroid fanfic to pass the time (very nice, BTW) but I'd be glad to get back in the saddle with Sasuke and company again. Just curious...
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
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Postby uc pseudonym » Thu Jun 09, 2005 12:47 pm

I must sincerely apologize. At the moment I am unable to upload chapters due to complex reasons.

My grandmother's computer has been afflicted with serious problems. Though I have been working to fix it, I am afraid that my own projects come last; the other terminals I use all forbid the use of floppy disks. Therefore, I have been unable to transfer the chapters to my home computer, where the majority of my editing takes place, and I do not wish to update an unedited chapter.
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Postby kryptech » Thu Jun 09, 2005 7:13 pm

Your pain is our pain, uc... really! Well, just let us know when things are looking up. All the best with your grandmother's computer.
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
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Postby uc pseudonym » Sun Jun 19, 2005 5:25 am

For the moment I have access to another computer; the three chapters following this should be updated without a problem, even if I am unable to resolve the difficulty here.
-

Chapter Fifteen: Answers

There was a strange silence in the room in the wake of the brief and pitched battle. Ino and Sakura were taking the bodies out of the room and disposing of them as well as they could. Hinata had tried to be helpful but quickly found she was only getting in the way, so she retreated to the chair beside Sasuke.

“Silly Sakura, getting herself poisoned,â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Sun Jun 19, 2005 5:26 am

“Ye-“ the man cut off, but it was already too late. He was already giving them some information without realizing it. The man standing behind Sasuke had a strange expression on his face; Sasuke himself was glancing over his shoulder, eyes narrow and unfathomable. Closing his lips firmly, the prisoner refused to speak more. They couldn’t trick him if he didn’t talk. Better yet, he’d bite off his own tongue and choke on the blood. Then they’d lose their prisoner an-

Just before he could bite down Sasuke struck him across the forehead with two fingers, completely knocking him off balance. The man felt a fine, stinging pain in his arm, and then the entire world began to spin, tumbling about and shifting colors and eventually fading to a dull grey.



“What was that?â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Sun Jun 19, 2005 5:26 am

“If it will sate your curiosity,â€
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Postby mastersquirrel » Tue Jun 21, 2005 2:25 pm

New addition! YAY!!!!

My general thoughts. Very well done. The interogation scene was very good, especially the first part from the prisoner's point of view. Matthew yet again impresses with his knack for the strange (The syringe trick that is).

The conversation between Hinata and Matthew is done well. I like how he made, almost wor for word, the same observations as Hinata. I love how he's an observer. He reminds me of myself in that area, though he's a lot smarter. Hinata's thoughts also were helpful in getting to understand how everyone's gotten along with the new-comer.

I suspect that Matthew won't be in the way of battles at all. Though, that's not for certain.

Great job UC. Keep it up!
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Postby kryptech » Mon Jun 27, 2005 5:53 am

Great to see a new chapter!

I think I'd be a little nervous around Matthew too. He misses very little, so I'd think he's got a lot of valuable data stored away. And knowledge is power. So far I think his goals are noble, though.

It was also interesting to find a little more about the nature of the shinobi assasination plot.

Looking forward to the next chapter!
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
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Postby uc pseudonym » Mon Jun 27, 2005 2:51 pm

It will not be possible to update this Monday. However, I will attempt to update prior to the end of this week, because I will be gone the following week and quite unable to update.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:22 pm

This update will have to do both for this week and next Monday. I apologize; this file is an older version of this chapter, but it is the only one to which I have access.

Chapter Sixteen: Waste

Sighing, Hinata rolled to her side. She had never anticipated that they would have such problems. Though she didn’t know everything about the situation, she thought that she had a basic grasp of what had to happen and what they were trying to do. Their opponents were somehow directly involved with Ragnarok Incorporated; it should be a simple matter to find out who they were and take them out.

Getting into the city had been easy. It was a very different environment then even the massive shinobi villages, much more hostile and bleak. Though Ino and Sakura had been eager to take advantage of the larger shopping selection, they’d actually remained largely focused on the task at hand. Matthew and Sasuke had set up some basic battle plans, and everyone was on edge and prepared for a confrontation. But they had never anticipated what would happen next.

Nothing. They’d arrived in the city and promptly been overwhelmed by waves of inactivity. There had been no immediate attacks, and she hadn’t been able to sense anyone following them, either. Furthermore, asking questions about Ragnarok Incorporated had accomplished nothing.

Their opponents were hidden and evidently not interested in showing their faces. After some time of frustrated research, Sasuke determined that they would wait for a proper attack. As he had put it to her, their opponents seemed determined to destroy them and would eventually take the opportunity. A decent strategy, but a very annoying one. Could they really do no more than just wait for trouble to come to them?

Closing her eyes, determining to relax, Hinata tried to fall asleep. Tonight was a disturbing night.



The massive building loomed at one end of the village. It seemed to intimidate the nearby houses, all of which were set some distance away from its foundation. Sand swept past it, sliding off the walls that had been designed to weather storms without a scratch. Around the entire building rose a thick wall, making the house appear more like a fortress.

One figure was slowly walking toward the house, nervously sliding two kunai against each other, producing a slight rasping sound. Despite all his training, he couldn’t completely bring himself to do it. Oh, he would eventually move physically, but his mind couldn’t grasp the enormity of his actions.

It was never a commonly written law, but everyone in the Village of the Hidden Sand knew that the Kage’s house was off limits. The best Jounin dropped by when they had official business, and in times of war it became a center of activity, but most of the time no one dared go near it unless they had a good reason. Only three people other than the Kazekage were allowed to come and go freely...

But he was going to enter tonight. He was going to do a lot more than that. After breaking through the defenses he would kill that sniveling, uppity Leaf shinobi and then put a kunai directly through the skull of that b**** herself. The thought of Temari dead made him smile slightly. That would be the true moment of his triumph, when he finally received justice for the terrible slights she had given him.

Of course, his action would accomplish far more than his personal needs. These new people... they had ambition, and he liked what they saw for the future. A new world without higher ranked ninjas lording it over the lesser, with everyone equal except for a few to keep order. After sending this terrible message to the Kazekage, he would be one of those few.

Ah, yes, the death of his very sister would hit him hard. As soon as he came home, because he was always mysteriously gone nights of a full moon, he would want to retaliate. But who was there for him to fight? Then the final axe would fall...

Grinning just slightly, the shinobi slipped his special weapon down the sleeve of his coat, gripping it carefully. This was going to be a great night. Looking back up at the gate, he began walking forward casually, as if nothing at all was wrong. He could already see the guard lounging lazily in his chair.

What he did not see was the man standing on the edge of the roof of the house itself. Dark eyes surveyed the man approaching the house for a moment, then closed. The next instant the man vanished.



“I swear, I have a very important scroll to deliver to the Kazekage,â€
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Postby uc pseudonym » Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:22 pm

The instant he did so a soft and cool wave flooded over him. Gaara had raised a hand, and as Synan watched he stopped emitting an extremely fine cloud of sand from his palm. Merely shielding his eyes, Synan laughed off the attack.

“What is that suppose to do?â€
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Postby mastersquirrel » Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:58 am

Very interesting.... Matthew can fight after all...
The fight scenes of this chapter were very cool. I especially liked how Gaara calmly explained to Synan what was happening with the sand in his body. It also sounded quite plausible.
Your descriptions were good as well. I especially liked this line:
ucpseudonym wrote:They’d arrived in the city and promptly been overwhelmed by waves of inactivity.

Overwhelmed by waves of inactivity... That gives a very good sense of just how dead this city is.
I await the next installment with ever mounting enthusiasm.
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Postby uc pseudonym » Mon Jul 11, 2005 5:55 pm

I must again apologize. My mission trip, though effective, has left me scrambling to keep up with all my responsibilities. A new chapter (hopefully edited) should appear at the beginning of next week.
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Postby kryptech » Tue Jul 12, 2005 10:41 am

I just finished reading this last chapter now. For some reason I was unsubscribed from this thread so I didn't realize there was a new chapter.

It was a good read. Those puppet device were somewhat surprising. Are they featured anywhere in the Naruto series, or your own invention? Are they chakra-controlled at all, or just regular robots? I don't suppose they play much more a role in the future of Era - I was just curious about them.

Gaara's sand attack was pretty cool, as well. That would be a sweet ability, to manipulate sand like that...

The good Doctor has shown himself to be mighty nimble when he made such precise cuts to his attackers, seeing as he'd have to get in close (unless he has some way of attacking from a distance). Someone to keep an eye on...
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
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Postby uc pseudonym » Tue Jul 12, 2005 12:33 pm

Kankuro's main method of combat is puppetry. He (as well as a later villain named Sasori) both use them fairly frequently. Each puppet has machinery within it, but is controlled directly by strings of chakra to the user's fingers. You are correct, however; they will play little role in the remainder of the story.
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Postby kryptech » Tue Jul 12, 2005 1:06 pm

Another very cool style of combat... Thanks for the enlightenment.
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
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Postby true_noir_chloe » Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:13 pm

This gets better and better. ^__^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
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Postby mastersquirrel » Tue Aug 02, 2005 11:51 am

Sorry but I've got to *bump* this thread. UC, no rush but, is the next section almost ready?
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Postby uc pseudonym » Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:56 am

Ready, yes. Unfortunately, I have no practical way of getting it onto the website, as the terminal I previously used is quite broken. This situation will be remedied on the 19th when I move, unless something happens to make it possible before then. My sincere apologies.
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Postby mastersquirrel » Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:01 am

That's alright. I was making sure you hadn't forgoten or something. ;)
The 19th... got it!
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Postby kryptech » Wed Aug 03, 2005 4:54 pm

*kryptech grabs his red marker and circles "19" on his calendar several times*
"Everybody's weird in their own special way." - P.V.
"Never refuse a breath mint." - my dad
"The UAC is making safer worlds through superior firepower." - Doom 3
"This world is a great sculptor's shop. We are the statues and there is a rumour going round the shop that some of us are some day going to come to life." - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

"I'm too cool to scroll. -- MOES."
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Postby Icarus » Sun Aug 21, 2005 5:46 pm

A bump from one who has been lurking all the while.
The Forsworn War of 34

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Postby mastersquirrel » Sun Aug 21, 2005 8:42 pm

The honored number 19 has come and gone..... ;)
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Postby uc pseudonym » Mon Aug 22, 2005 8:54 am

Indeed it has, and I must again apologize. Though my move is complete, my computer is not yet networked, so it is rather difficult to upload anything (more difficult, actually, due to a much busier schedule). Because I am on the networking team, I may be able to get my computer finished by the end of the week, and I will give you another chapter at that time.
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Postby mastersquirrel » Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:53 am

Thanks UC! But don't rush yourself. I think we all understand that you have a busy schedule and that you've got stuff to do. I know that I myself have not updated my story as much as I would've wanted to...

Anyway, don't worry about it. We'll wait patiently. :)
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