what real men want

[SquareEnixGamR]

hmmm.....im not sure if this is the right forum to mention this but ill give it a go..
ok so ive discovered that guys are really hard to read/predict. ive been hurt in the past and at the moment have given up on dating. the reason for this being...ive told myself that i will only marry a man of God, and yet i find myself in these situations where the christians i date ARENT really serious about their faith and the relationship is controlled by his physical needs. i learned of course, not to date like this. however.....what do real christian men look for in a realtionship? either way ill pray about it and trust God nontheless that he has a plan for me.^^

[kaji]

Well, for one we like some one who makes Christ an active part of their lives. When you meet some one and talk for hours, but never mention something as important as your faith, it would sure throw up a red flag in my direction as to what was really important in your life.

In the end, most people are going to tell you that every one you meet will be different, and look for different things, but an active role in ones Christian faith is something you can probably ascribe across the board. (As something to look for).

Other then that, I can tell you that most men don’t like to guess. If something is wrong, just tell them, if you are unhappy, just tell them. Don’t play that silly game where they have to chase you around trying to guess what could possibly be bothering you.

In the end you should just be your self, and seek after a stronger relationship with God. When its his time, He will provide for you the right guy.

-kaji

[Swordguy]

I agree with kaji, every man is differnt, every man look sfor something differnt. And unfornatly there are a lot of people out there who say they are christians but are not. i would a least spend sometime to get tto know the person first, don't jump into a relationship fast. lastly and most importantly i would have to say give it up to God, and let Him bring teh person for you to you. His timing is never off just be patient and trust HIm. He is your Daddy after all, and loves ya.


on a side note it takes a true man to ewear pinl :p...nothing i jsut gave blood yeaterday and had a pink band on my arm for half the day

[dragonshimmer]

I'm not a guy (obviously), but I wanted to suggest something, only because I've been where you are.

I'm not dating anymore right now either. I think what you've experienced is a VITAL reason why you should get to know someone really well first and know them for a GOOD AMOUNT of time before you date. Make sure you've seen some of their best AND some of their worst. Be friends for a really long time, and their true colors and intentions will start to show through.

I suggest reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". In that particular book, Josh Harris brings up things that both men and women should desire in a good Christian relationship that is focused on GOD. While there may be things in there that seem a little too conservative (or not) for some people, the main points are incredibly accurate, I think, and helpful in answering your question, though the answer changes from person to person.

And you're right...God has a plan for all of us

[Kura Ookami]

I agree with dragonshimmer. ALWAYS be friends first and get to know the guy well before you even think about going out with him. I'd give the same advice to guys too. Just be friends first. Every long lasting relationship requires trust for one and that can only be built through friendship. Everyone has good points and bad points and someone wont tell you about their bad points immediately so it's always best to be friends for a while.

I honestly didnt think my current girlfriend would be my girlfriend. I thought she would be a friend for maybe a few months, which is what happens with most of my online friends. Trust me, love at first sight definately does not exist. Lust at first sight sure does though.

In answer to your question i cant answer for every christian man but i lookk for honesty before anything else. I read that people who are alike usually fall for each other, so make an effort to be like your perfect guy. As everyone else has said God has a plan for you and He'll sort out meeting your true love.

[K. Ayato]

I agree. It is so easy to get love and lust confused. I'm not dating right now, although I had before. During that time, I thought I loved my boyfriend, but once we broke up, I realized very little of my feelings came from what was really love; the rest came from my desires. I don't know for sure, but maybe it was the same with him. But then, I'm a girl. I know that guys don't like to guess at what a girl thinks, and I myself don't like guessing at the thoughts of my friends, whether they be male or female. Being open and honest with each other is very important to me.

[agasfas]

ok so ive discovered that guys are really hard to read/predict.

Girls aren't that much easier

I agree w/ some of the others. If there is something wrong, tell us because we are not mind readers. And it's best not to get mad at a man just because you expect him to know what's wrong. Same applies to guys too...

But what I search for is a girl that is a person of her word and someone who is trustworthy. If I can't trust someone, how can the relationship grow? And trust comes through time, not all at once. Kind of like what dragonshimmer said, you need to take time to get to know them further. And above all they need to have a relationship w/ God.

My advice SquareEnixGamR, which isn't much is to try moving on. I've also been hurt by many too... Take those others as a learning experience and continue to grow and search for who is right for you. Love is more times then none a hurtful one. Hardly does it work out until you find that one. I've learned to follow my gut feeling because sometimes we blind ourselves from what you fear may be true; that it may not work out/warning signs. Love is anything but rational.

[Archan]

Hello....

I just wanted to point out something. I'm currently socialising at another forum called Everyones Connected (EC) and I noted that May and love have some kind of connection being within the first week of May tons of article popped up dealing from Boyfriends to Loved ones to Crushes to Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriends.....I thought at first it was a fluke, but then I pop my head back here and *Whammo!* An article about dating.....so it might just be the particular Month of May or something, I don't know, I have to do a little bit more digging. but theres definately something about the month of May.

Anyways,
SquareEnixGamR, I want to say I support your current decession of where yu stand as far as dating for yourself personally. Right now it's a good place to be being you can center your focus more on what God needs you to do or what He's calling you to do rather then worrying about boys...silly boys Anywhos, I wont give you any pointers (Like I really have any...) on dating or some top secret intel on the inner workings of the Male gender...because like you said you gave up dating so why dwell on it, it will only make you think about it more. As you said if God wants it to happen, it'll happen. If nows not the time, just leave it be and focus yourself on what *He* is calling you to do. If you still can't find peace, pray that God grants you peace....He usualy comes through But right now there are much bigger things out there and so much more life to live without worrying about boys or dealing with issues or heartache or whatnot....go live life through Christ and tackle the really big issue, like where is He guiding your life at the moment. There will be plenty of time for love later....you guys have more then enough time.

God Bless,
Archan

[desperado]

i have to say a lot of times men are oblivious are getting at.
that aside i think dating is fine, but you need to know the person well first.
secondly i look for a girl that has a personality i really get along with, a love of God, and likes some of the things i like (athletic, likes at least one of my hobbies or sports) just someone i connect with, unfortanetly most of the people around me dont qualify so i havent found someone like that in quite a while. anyways i suggest you just keep looking and follow what your path leads

[Jeikobu]

Everyone's different. The key is to find that special person whom God shows you. Listen to the Holy Spirit and wait patiently, and only listen to His voice. In due time God will show the perfect person for you. I know He has someone extra special out there for me who is just perfect, and I absolutely cannot wait to spend my life with her. But I know God will open that door when the time is right. I suggest you do the same. Pray that God will show you that person, and help you both to be honest with each other and true to Him in all things. ^^

[Ingemar]

hmmm.....im not sure if this is the right forum to mention this but ill give it a go..
ok so ive discovered that guys are really hard to read/predict.

Not so, my dear. Just don't talk to us in vague codewords The Ladies use, respect our space and bribe us with good food. Trust me, guys are easy to read.

ive been hurt in the past and at the moment have given up on dating.

Awwww.

the reason for this being...ive told myself that i will only marry a man of God, and yet i find myself in these situations where the christians i date ARENT really serious about their faith and the relationship is controlled by his physical needs.

And what "Physcial needs" are these? Don't answer. But a good measure of a man is to see how much he really will go to help you when you are in need. Otherwise, he's mostly in it for, well, you know.

i learned of course, not to date like this. however.....what do real christian men look for in a realtionship? either way ill pray about it and trust God nontheless that he has a plan for me.^^

Real Christian men will actually look for a lot of the same things that "real" atheist men look for in a relationship, mainly stability, loyalty, and "practical" things (women who are good with their finances, organization, and cooking are a plus). Obviously, where the two diverge is in the type of conviction the woman has be it a Biblically based one, or a baseless utilitarian morality that many atheists have.

This may only be my opinion, but I think (in the long term) men look for women that have the potential to be good mothers. Maureen Dowd's objections aside, women who are nurturing and self-sacrificing in that manner earn major brownie points. With me, at least. Of course, if my bride-to-be is a hardcore career woman, I hope it's OK with her if I become a stay at home dad. Which, if all else fails, will be the career path I choose. I don't think nannies are good surrogates for children, but at least it's better than being a latchkey kid (which was me from 6-9).

[Fsiphskilm]

Admin Snip

[Ingemar]

I'm sorry, you saw what Volt said.

[Stephen]

And now, nobody will know what poor Ingemar is talking about.

[Shinja]

obviously hes talking about a piano

[Arnobius]

It raised my eyebrows a bit, but I wasn't sure if I was being reasonable or prudish...

[FadedOne]

And now, nobody will know what poor Ingemar is talking about.

^ *knows*

Other then that, I can tell you that most men don’t like to guess. If something is wrong, just tell them, if you are unhappy, just tell them. Don’t play that silly game where they have to chase you around trying to guess what could possibly be bothering you.

Is this really true? From my experience, once you tell a guy what's on your mind, he goes all weird on you. cue the uncomfortable and disturbing silence. =/ Just a recent gripe w/ me. *is convinced the male species is very confusing and evil* *apologizes to those of the male persuasion reading this*

[Mithrandir]

That's not a piano. It's an organ. (I missed the pic,though).

Square: OK. Bit of confession time. In my day, I was probably the kinda guy you dated. On the surface, a Christian, but ready to go down whatever path happened to present itself. As oscar wilde (I think) said, "The only way to overcome temptation is to give in to it." In fact, until I hit 20, I didn't really have the *ability* to grasp reality, so of course it warped to whatever happened to be happening at the time. It's easy (from this vantage point) to see what was happening, but I certainly didn't know anything at the time.

Boy, that kinda rambled, didn't it...? Sorry. My point is, with guys like me, I needed someone to be brutally honest with me in the very beginning of the relationship. Something like, "Yeah, we could date - but not anywhere we'd be alone." God may not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but he DID give you a mind to let you figure out that being alone really late at night with someone is probably going to be more tempting than, say, bowling at 6:30 in a croweded alley.

As for the "you have to talk about Christ on your first conversation or he's not a Christian" thing... When I was your age, I talked non-stop about my faith. Consequently, it was shallow and vague. By the time I started questioning everything, I was able to shutup and think about it - after which I became a bit (only a tiny bit) wiser.

FadedOne: It depends on how you tell them. If you go into it late at night, or after a lot of other "filler" conversation, it's likely to feel like it's coming out of left field, and cause confusion. When you begin a conversation (and you are angry) just say something like, "Hey, fair warning, I'm mad about nnnn so if I seem irratable, that's why." On the other hand, the guy you are talking to may not be mature enough (yet) to handle that. If so, maybe he needs to grow up a bit. I don't mean that to sound harsh or judging, but if *I* had waited about, oh, 5 years to start dating, I think it would have made life a LOT easier on me.

That being said, please remember that most guys look for a comfort level in a relationship. They don't want a relationship where they are working a lot. If you are like their mother was - for good or bad - they at least know how to deal with that. I think that's why they gravitation toward that. The exotic is enticing and all, but it's also a lot of work, and many guys are lazy.

OK. Sorry for the novel. More information available by request.

[Pent]

Ya I must agree. Guys are just looking for comfortable relationship. Or at least I was/will be. I, like you squareenixr, have given up dating for a while. Considering my age some may say I shouldn't have been dating in the first place. But I kind of got where I was like "you know I don't think I'm going to mary anyone in this middle school so why am I dating them?" Hey I might mary one of them but if I am going to I can still wait because I don't want to marry them at the moment. Enough of my story. I agree with what everyone else is saying basicly. They all nailed pretty good. They always do.

[Bobtheduck]

"given up on dating"

See, I haven't "given up on dating" just haven't found a girl that I wanted to date that wants to date me... I've dated less than most anti-dating people and I'm all for it...

Every man has different desires when it comes to a mate, as I'm sure every woman does... The problem is, they haven't necissarily articulated them and thought about them in a concrete way... They "know" but they don't know... I think everyone needs to make a list. My list has 4 columns: Must have, +, -, Must not have...

I don't bother telling the girls I like for the most part what the items on that list are... If they don't meet them, I mark them off. Plain and simple... It sounds harsh, but it has to be that way. I've been on the receiving side much more often than the giving side of that rejection, but it's best for it to happen early in the "interest" stage rather than after a relationship could have started forming and feelings had come from the other person...

Right now, I'm in a dillema... I am in love (yes, I know the difference... I've only been in love once before, it was the same girl as now... I've had many crushes and a number of infatuations and hundreds of interests...) with a girl that meets all my requirements, but she doesn't feel the same way in return... You think GUYS are hard to understand... Here's what she says

"You're my most cosistant friend"
"I really want to (do something that involves Japan)"
"I really like (thing I'm into)"
"I would be devistated if we stopped talking"
"I saw this interesting guy on that christian dating service who keeps sending me e-mails..."

I'm her most consistant friend, we have corresponding visions, similar interests and beliefs, she used to be interested in me, she has dreams about me, but she is unable to have romantic feelings for me... She'll instantly be interested in some guy that sends her e-mails from the dating service, but I've been friends with her for 3 years! I'm going to go visit her to see what happens, but she didn't really seem like she was going to be able to start a relationship with me... I don't really understand it... *sigh*

If this doesn't work out, I am going to start to wonder if I am supposed to get married at all... I don't know how I am going to find another girl that meets all my requirements...

[mitsuki lover]

*Points to number inidcator*Ah Ha!This is my "Evil" post for here!

Ok,serious time now:
All guys are different.Not everyone is going to want the same thing.The same goes true for gals.Not everyone is going to want the same thing.
I can only speak for myself and for no-one else,as is true for everyone
else posting on this topic.
The fact of the matter I tend to be if anything a little too predictable.
Maybe that's why I tend to have so many female friends,they tend to find me "safe"to be around.
As for what I personally look for in a girl,*points to avatar*,I like someone
who combines girl-next-door looks with intelligence,a sense of humor,
spirituality,ability to cook and shares a lot of similiar interests.
Is it easy?
No.Finding the right person is like cooking the perfect pasta,it takes time and dedication.
You need to be patient and just be willing to wait.

[K. Ayato]

I think the term "giving up on dating" is kind of contradictory. What makes it clearer is to say you have decided not to date for the time being, and when the right time comes around, you'll willing to give it a go once more.

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="mobil

[K. Ayato]

Right on, Volt!

[Yumie]

My Sunday school class has been going over relationships *not as creepy or boring as it sounds, my pastor teaches our class and he's the coolest teenager at heart you'll ever meet.* Anyways, one of the first things he had us do was he asked all the girls to list the things they look for in a guy, and all the guys list what they look for in a girl, and he wrote the lists up on seperate sides of the white board. Naturally, "Christian" was one of the qualifications that ended up on both sides of the board. And then he hit us with this statement: "Don't look for somebody who is a Christian." At first we're all like, "Um, are you feeling OK today?. . ." But then he clarified for us, and it made perfect sense. He said, "Don't look for somebody who is a Christian. Look for somebody who loves Jesus. You can find loads of guys or girls who are 'Christians', and don't love Jesus." Cute side note, the pastor's daughter, when she was really little, was actually trained to reply on command to the question, "Who are you going to marry when you grow up?" with the response, "A prince who loves Jesus." So anyways, all that to say, I've decided not to look for a "Christian" guy, but instead to look for a prince who loves Jesus :-P. I think if that's the kind of guy you get into a relationship with, that hopefully it will go much better for you.

[Stephen]

You can find loads of guys or girls who are 'Christians', and don't love Jesus

Good advise.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

If this doesn't work out, I am going to start to wonder if I am supposed to get married at all... I don't know how I am going to find another girl that meets all my requirements...

I heard that countless times....

I mean at the youth convention i went to, the speaker was telling about his life story on how his college relatonship didnt work out... he was all bawling saying "There's nobody like you i love you please don't leaaavvee"

psh he's not saying that anymore... he's married to his "jelly on his bagel, honey in his coffee, his chipolte on his somefood thing"

patience dude... patience.... God has THE right and THE best gal for you bobby

[dragonshimmer]

"jelly on his bagel, honey in his coffee, his chipolte on his somefood thing"

That...alone is enough to make my week all better.

[Syaoran]

I'm not like other guys. for me I look into the spirit of the person.....there are times were I do my own little test to see If I can trust them or not. Some times I find time to talk to the ladys and understand there problems in life.......Other times I asked one out for coffe or go to a cafe and get some thing to eat then talk about things. (Like how are you, what are your plans in life, were do you see your self in ten years from now.) I had some crazzy answers befor but this one takes the cake "I see my self with you." *jaw drops*. That one was a bitt to fast for me. There are times were I go to my paster and talk about relationsships. He tells me like trust in God he will have the perfict person for you. or like have fath the time will come. Personly I am girlfriends less from K to 12 and still going strong. One day I will find some one. You just have to have fath in God and he will pull throw for you. For now I sagest that you keep looking and have fath in God, SquareEnixGamR. who knows you just might find the Guy you were alweas looking for. Oh one more thing, learn from you mistaks and nothing sould go wrong.