Hitokiri's Music

[Anna Mae]

With each successive poem, my desire to hear the melody grows stronger.

Confessions

Breaking to the edge of being
Regardless of the pain inside
Now I just know that I am breathing
This noxious fumes of shame and regret

Paint a new world of living color.
To wash away this world grayscale world.
Am I just a pawn in a deadly game?
Living day to day in a world devoid of love.
Where hate and greed is the law?

CHORUS
Watch this deadly glare.
Is there anybody out there?
Hear the muffled screams.
This world is not what it seems.

Caught in a deadly dance
on top of the edge of a knife
Now the walls are closing in around me
This sea of emptiness fills the void.

I begin to slip into a world of sleep.
Come wake me up before I fall away.
The webs of deciets cling around me.
As the vapors vomit from the ground to take my life.
This is this the end of my toils?

CHORUS x 2

Questions of a lifetime, do you really care?
Are you really out there?
Wondering without a reason.
Just a victim of this duet of death.

CHORUS

The title, when taken in context of the poem, interests me. Why did you choose it?

"Breaking to the edge of being
Regardless of the pain inside
Now I just know that I am breathing
This noxious fumes of shame and regret"
Shouldn't it be 'these noxious fumes of shame and regret'?
It was kind of cool when I read it for the first time, because my mind assumed that it would rhyme, so I was sure the last word of this stanza would be 'pride'. When it wasn't, it created a neat effect.

"Paint a new world of living color.
To wash away this world grayscale world.
Am I just a pawn in a deadly game?
Living day to day in a world devoid of love.
Where hate and greed is the law?"
What does "To wash away this world grayscale world" mean?Also, shouldn't it be 'Where hate and greed are the law?'

"CHORUS
Watch this deadly glare.
Is there anybody out there?
Hear the muffled screams.
This world is not what it seems."
I like the chorus. I tend to like dark sounding poetry, and well, this is awesome! Good use of rhyme. The rest of the song is abstract, and then the chorus sweeps in and rhymes. Very good.

"Caught in a deadly dance
on top of the edge of a knife
Now the walls are closing in around me
This sea of emptiness fills the void."
I especially like the last line here. I have written poems about my experiences like emptiness filling a void, so I really identify with it.

"I begin to slip into a world of sleep.
Come wake me up before I fall away."
To me this seems like it could refer indifference.

"The webs of deciets cling around me.
As the vapors vomit from the ground to take my life.
This is this the end of my toils?"
I love the middle line! It has such excellent imagery, and also is quite unique.

"Questions of a lifetime, do you really care?
Are you really out there?
Wondering without a reason.
Just a victim of this duet of death."
I have felt just like this.

Man, I just cannot understand why more people don't read this stuff! It is good quality and can be related to no matter who you are.

Keep on writing, Hitokiri, these are great!

[Hitokiri]

I rarely spell check my work nor read it over before I post...sorry.

The title, when taken in context of the poem, interests me. Why did you choose it?

This song, to me, was almost a confessional. Wether asking for forgiveness and explaining why you are asking for forgiveness or pouring your heart out on the table.

"Breaking to the edge of being
Regardless of the pain inside
Now I just know that I am breathing
This noxious fumes of shame and regret"
Shouldn't it be 'these noxious fumes of shame and regret'?
It was kind of cool when I read it for the first time, because my mind assumed that it would rhyme, so I was sure the last word of this stanza would be 'pride'. When it wasn't, it created a neat effect.

It can work anything "this" or these". Though if it's "this", fumes needs to be singularized to "fume".

]"Paint a new world of living color.
To wash away this world grayscale world.
Am I just a pawn in a deadly game?
Living day to day in a world devoid of love.
Where hate and greed is the law?"
What does "To wash away this world grayscale world" mean?Also, shouldn't it be 'Where hate and greed are the law?'

Grayscale is black and white. When used in an image, thiers a palette of different values from balck to white and gray in the middle so therefore, it's a gray scale. By putting meaning in your life and washing away the black-and-white life.

[Anna Mae]

hwy areoure

What?

Thanks for the explanations!

[Hitokiri]

What?

Thanks for the explanations!

Lol

I most of been out of it

::goes to edit::

New song!!

A Beloved Memory of a Summer's Night with You

Silenty waiting for this ending to come.
Will this night ever end?
Will the dawn ever come?
Is this knife all I have?
Or am I to far gone?

Bridges
You were near to me when I needed you the most.
You shined down on me when I was laying on the ground.
My blood it hurts for something to make me whole.
My heart it aches for this hole to be full again.

CHORUS
I'm disgusted at things I've done.
Yet you smiled despite
Of all the blood and gore on my face.
Wash your hands, touch my heart.
It's a race for time.
I'm dying, slowly and falling into a world of regret.

Into a world of regret.
Into a world of regret.
Into a world of regret.
Into a world of regret.

The last thing you said was "Take care of yourself".
I'm a liar, a loser, and a sinner.
I'm so full of pride and my eyes, all they do is lust.
How can you love this imperfect creation?

BRIDGE
CHORUS
BRIDGE
CHORUS

This pain in my heart
This blood is overflowing
Stop it before it swallows me.
My hand shields my eyes.
These tainted eyes
unfitting of your grace.
These hands have killed
Please don't hold them next to your heart.

BRIDGE
CHORUS

[Hitokiri]

Angelious Elveness

When we realize this may be over.
And this heart of chaos manifests itself in our souls.
Angels falling from Heaven.
I'm waiting for a change.
To come over me tonight.

If we just give up this chase.
We will lose this our heats in the oncoming storm.
Breaking down our barriers.
Casting of our shadows of malice.
This light in your eyes reminds me of me.

CHORUS
Hear the sound of the waves crashing on distant shores (crashing on distant shores)
I see the remains of hope in a shattered picture frame (shattered picture frame).
The tears of a angel reminds this heart of what's real.

So, please, set this heart in motion.
I am yours in your arms forever and ever.
This picture of silence.
I'm needing a change.
To fill this black heart of mine.

Breaking the silence in my mind.
Invading every thought, every deed, every song.
Songs unfit for holy ears.
Your fragrance of lovliness if all I feel.
I thought I was to far gone but you still love me.

CHORUS
Hear the sound of the waves crashing on distant shores (crashing on distant shores)
I see the remains of hope in a shattered picture frame (shattered picture frame).
The tears of a angel reminds this heart of what's real.
Grasping the very meaning of being alive within you (being alive with you)
I am painting a picture of the changing of seasons (changing of seasons)
The tears of a maiden wash away the guilt inside.

Gone away is today.
Tommorow may come.
If all is well.

Gone away is today.
Tommorow may come
If all is well.

CHORUS x2

[Anna Mae]

A Beloved Memory of a Summer's Night with You

Silenty waiting for this ending to come.
Will this night ever end?
Will the dawn ever come?

This part suprised me. After reading the title, I was expecting something flowery or romantic.

Is this knife all I have?
Or am I to far gone?

'too far gone'
I pondered this line for a while. What did you mean by it?

You shined down on me when I was laying on the ground.

Perhaps you mean 'shone', or is this one of the few cases where 'shined' is correct?

The last thing you said was "Take care of yourself".

I read this song several different ways. One of them was as if you were talking to God. If that is the case (just out of curiosity), is that line a biblical allusion?

I'm a liar, a loser, and a sinner.
I'm so full of pride and my eyes, all they do is lust.
How can you love this imperfect creation?

Indeed God's grace is awesome.

This pain in my heart
This blood is overflowing
Stop it before it swallows me.
My hand shields my eyes.
These tainted eyes
unfitting of your grace.
These hands have killed
Please don't hold them next to your heart.

Good, I especially like the last line or so.

Bridges
You were near to me when I needed you the most.
You shined down on me when I was laying on the ground.
My blood it hurts for something to make me whole.
My heart it aches for this hole to be full again.

CHORUS
I'm disgusted at things I've done.
Yet you smiled despite
Of all the blood and gore on my face.
Wash your hands, touch my heart.
It's a race for time.
I'm dying, slowly and falling into a world of regret.

How depressing!

[Hitokiri]

'too far gone'
I pondered this line for a while. What did you mean by it?

I was elluding to suicide in way. Just saying that this knife, am I so deperate that I would kill myself. After re-reading it. It may of made it clearer to omit "Or" and change it to "Am I to far gone?" To far gone for help or to come back to reality I guess.

Perhaps you mean 'shone', or is this one of the few cases where 'shined' is correct?

Shined seemed to be the right word to use during then. I guess it might be one of those few cases

I read this song several different ways. One of them was as if you were talking to God. If that is the case (just out of curiosity), is that line a biblical allusion?

This song, to me, was I was pouring my heart out to God and confessing all the sins and coming clean to him. A Beloved Memory of a Summer's Night with You is based loosely on that concept of just talking and listenign to God. I find night to be a great time to connect with God when looking at the stars and just thinking.

The line "Take care of yourself" still remains mysterious to me. The phrase spoke out to me but I sitll cant find out what it means.

How depressing!

Im sorry!

[Anna Mae]

Im sorry!

It's quite alright.

The line "Take care of yourself" still remains mysterious to me. The phrase spoke out to me but I sitll cant find out what it means.

I know how that is.

Thanks for the explanations!

[Hitokiri]

I just want to thank you Anna Mae for taking the time to 1) read them 2) read them again 3) and post your thoughts.

It really means alot to me. ^_^

[Anna Mae]

Sure thing. As a poet, I know how it feels to have someone actually read your stuff and tell you what they thought about it. You have good stuff, keep it up!

[Hitokiri]

Tears of the Forgotten Twilight

I try to rewind this mess I call life.
I try to inhale this slow suicide
But I just wake up realizing this is just the beggining.
So many times I tried to hide these feelings deep inside.
This is my only chance to show what I feel.
Or everything will just go by the wayside.
Seven plagues and fifteen thousand dead later.
I try to pick up a long shattered life.

CHORUS
How many times do I have to die?
When all I want to do is dissapear?
These endless nights are all I have.
No where to turn in this crowd of faces.
All I want to do is leave this curse.

All the time I fail to see with my blind eyes
These blessings that were before me.
I only find myself running away from claws of this nightmare.
Turn my head away from the setting sun, fading to dark.
And walk away from grace set aside.
The fire burns and the ice freezes in my heart.
I try to piece together a broken heart.

CHORUS

Remembering those ancient nights.
When the stars guide my way in this blackness.
Like a torch, they shine brightly.
Seeing no sun set in the sky.
When all went black so did my heart.
I crawl in this darkness, blind to hope.
No mor elight to guide my way.
The stars veil thier brightness in mockery.

CHORUS x 2

Riding this wave of insanity.
No star upon my bosom.
The waves of my death lap into my mind.
I surrender my will.
Hoping to find hope at the end of the road.
To have my blind eyes opened.
And to see light flood in.

[Anna Mae]

Sorry this is so late! I have been floundering in an ocean of finals that is just ebbing!

CHORUS
How many times do I have to die?
When all I want to do is dissapear?

I find these lines interesting. They can mean so many things. The first time I read them I was like, "Well, if you die, you do disapear...?" The second time I thought, "Oh, she wants to disapear, but not go so far as to die." Or, "What if she just wanted to be gone once, but then it kept happening?" I'm curious as to what your original intent was.

The fire burns and the ice freezes in my heart.
I try to piece together a broken heart.

I read these lines and I liked them. The second time, I wondered why it didn't sound redundant, but, it just... didn't. Amazing.

This song has so many levels and interpretations. I bet that if I read this song tomorrow I would get something different out of it. Maybe I'll do that...

[Hitokiri]

I find these lines interesting. They can mean so many things. The first time I read them I was like, "Well, if you die, you do disapear...?" The second time I thought, "Oh, she wants to disapear, but not go so far as to die." Or, "What if she just wanted to be gone once, but then it kept happening?" I'm curious as to what your original intent was..

The orginally intent with the lines "How many times do I have to die/ When all I want to do is dissapear" is that someone (or I) just want to dissapear but not die. But every time I dissapear...I die. Kinda like the Christian walk. Sometimes you just want to throw in the towel (dissapear) but sometimes you end up dying spirtually.

I read these lines and I liked them. The second time, I wondered why it didn't sound redundant, but, it just... didn't. Amazing.

Thanks....that's a complinment right?

A plus is that I fully sang these lyrics at my friends house and we have some friends who have agreed to provide some music to it.

[Hitokiri]

Hopeless and Wandering - Slaves of thier Own Design

And the sun falls away into the night.
And our maidens did cry.
And the stars glowed blood red.
And our children did cry.
The moon falls on the mountains.
And our men died.

The rage of what it to come.
Sends a chill up the spine.
Paralyzing everything in sight.
Our fields are ablaze with thier arms.
And our dogs eat thier owners.

CHORUS
Thier's no hope for us
Thier's no hope for us
The forsaken, we are
The forsaken they call us

Our lamentations carry across the dry wind.
Our lamentations fall on deaf ears.
Our scars last till our death.
Our lips crack and bleed in the desert.
Our eyes fall short of the glory.
Our Lord has forsaken us when our need was deepest.

What have we done.
We are enslaved, we are enslaved.
Our priests have become fools.
And our kings have been slain by the sword.
Our maidens have been raped.
And our children are now bastards without hope.

CHORUS X2
Thier's no hope for us
Thier's no hope for us
The forsaken, we are
The forsaken they call us
We cry out all night.
Hoping they will hear our cries.
We cry out in despseration.
Amoung for destitude.

Is somethign wrong?
Is something wrong?
Our wells our dry and our bread is stale.
Our children die in starvation.
And the elders bones become dust in the sand.
What have we done
What have we done.

CHORUS x2

(note - I use bastards in refrence to a kid without a father)

[Hitokiri]

Hopeful but Falling

Systematic persecussion of the children.
Following thier tracks in the snow.
So many years since we have seen them.
Since we cried out thier names and song to them.

CHORUS
So long...
My love, I depart.
So long...
Hold these promises deep inside your heart.

The shdows deepin in our hearts; in my heart.
Stumbling in this night of sin.
Breaking part my bones; broken apart.
Falling from my body like leaves in the beautiful fall.

CHORUS x 2
So long...
My love, I depart
So long...
Keep my heart close to yours when I'm long gone.

Don't be afraid, children.
I'm with you.
So don't be afraid when the night appraches.
And all lights go out.
Forever is this safety in thy wings.

CHORUS x 2

[Anna Mae]

Thanks....that's a complinment right?

Sure!

A plus is that I fully sang these lyrics at my friends house and we have some friends who have agreed to provide some music to it.

Cool.

Hopeless and Wandering - Slaves of thier Own Design

And the sun falls away into the night.
And our maidens did cry.
And the stars glowed blood red.
And our children did cry.
The moon falls on the mountains.
And our men died.

The way you switch tenses creates an odd and slightly surreal effect.

The rage of what it to come.
Sends a chill up the spine.
Paralyzing everything in sight.
Our fields are ablaze with thier arms.
And our dogs eat thier owners.

The first line confuses me a bit. Do you mean "is to come" ? As to the last line, it is an interesting way to say that your dogs are eating you.

CHORUS
Thier's no hope for us
Thier's no hope for us

I believe the correct form of the word "their/there/they're" would be "there" in this case.

Our eyes fall short of the glory.

This reminds me of that passage in Romans(?), "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Our Lord has forsaken us when our need was deepest.

This reminds me of the 'Footprints' poem. Are you familiar with it?

What have we done.
We are enslaved, we are enslaved.
Our priests have become fools.
And our kings have been slain by the sword.
Our maidens have been raped.
And our children are now bastards without hope.

This expresses very well how I have felt about the world at times. It also alludes to the first stanza nicely.

We cry out all night.
Hoping they will hear our cries.

Who do you hope will hear?

Amoung for destitude.

Hm?

Is somethign wrong?
Is something wrong?
Our wells our dry and our bread is stale.
Our children die in starvation.
And the elders bones become dust in the sand.

This part seems to be said very sarcastically.

Overall, very interesting. Good!

[Hitokiri]

The first line confuses me a bit. Do you mean "is to come" ? As to the last line, it is an interesting way to say that your dogs are eating you.

Yup, sorry...typo.

[qoute]I believe the correct form of the word "their/there/they're" would be "there" in this case.[/quote] I believe you are correct as well Sorry again.

This reminds me of the 'Footprints' poem. Are you familiar with it?

Nope.

Who do you hope will hear?

Anyone really...I wasn't alluding to God per say but our loved ones.

This part seems to be said very sarcastically.

The song is usppsoed to be the Book of Lamentations in my own words as well as how I feel sometimes.

[Anna Mae]

Awesome. The Lamentations is cool.

"Footprints" goes something like this:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

[Hitokiri]

Yeah sounds similar.

My Son, My Son...This Grave is for You

Is this heart to far gone to feel the wind?
Of our change?
I am here and I'm waiting to reaarrange.
Squeezing out this poison.
Arsenic in the public well.
Breaking down our oaths.
It is time for a change.

BRIDGES
Look back to our past years.
Our hands washed with tears.
Look back to our past years.
You're to young to shed these tears.

CHORUS
My son, my son...what I have done with you.
You looked away and never came back.
My son, my son...All I wanted was the best for you.
But you shook your head and stabbed me in the heart.

These lonely nights when everything is dark.
Blindess envelopes me.
On my knees openly in front of these crows.
Tearing apart this rotten chest.
Exposing this aching heart.
Overlooking what means most.
Are you awake now?

Bridge x 2
Chorus x 2

Thes elights fade behind the mounds of the dead
And here I bury my son and everything I own.
The soft decline of the mailing withers my eats.
My hair covers my face; stained with blood.
Blood mixed with tears and mud.
My son, my son...why did I have to kill you?
My son, my son...you know I loved you.
My son, my son...why did I have to kill you?
My son, my son...you know I never hated you.

[Anna Mae]

Wow, I am very behind. I am very busy, but I will try to get to this as soon as possible. I just have too much going on in my life at the moment. I want to read them, though!

[Hitokiri]

Wow, I am very behind. I am very busy, but I will try to get to this as soon as possible. I just have too much going on in my life at the moment. I want to read them, though!

Hey don't worry...thanks though for commenting...kudos to you for being th eonly one

[Anna Mae]

"Hopeful but Falling"

Are you hopeful but your hope is waning, or are you falling but remain hopeful? If you intended the latter, maybe you could change the title to "Falling but Hopeful" to make it more clear.

"Systematic persecussion of the children.
Following thier tracks in the snow.
So many years since we have seen them.
Since we cried out thier names and song to them."

I assume that by 'persecussion' you mean persecution. At the end do you really mean 'song' or 'sang'? And by the way, "their."

At first I read this as switching viewpoints (sort of, or topics) between the first two and last two lines. The persecution personified is following them, or someone is following them, persecuting them. It drove them away from you. Or, if the subject stays the same throughout the stanza, it would seem that you are persecuting them. You are mocking their names and songs.

"CHORUS
So long...
My love, I depart.
So long...
Hold these promises deep inside your heart."

So, either you are one of the children leaving, persecution itself, someone persecuting the children, or someone going out to find the children.

"The shdows deepin in our hearts; in my heart.
Stumbling in this night of sin.
Breaking part my bones; broken apart.
Falling from my body like leaves in the beautiful fall."

I'll try to make this brief:
"shadows"
"deepen"

The part of this stanza that stands out to me is the last line. It is very mysterious. It seems that you would still be talking about the shadows. So, are the shadows good? Did you need to be broken? And you brushed them off, leaving yourself exposed? Or is it beautiful because they are bad and they are leaving? Or is this supposed to be ironic? Maybe you're not even talking about the shadows. I would like to hear what you meant.

"CHORUS x 2
So long...
My love, I depart
So long...
Keep my heart close to yours when I'm long gone."

Okay.

"Don't be afraid, children.
I'm with you.
So don't be afraid when the night appraches.
And all lights go out.
Forever is this safety in thy wings."

Yes, this seems to confirm that you are someone going after the children. Perhaps God, but no, the end twists. Does the viewpoint change or are the children God?

[Hitokiri]

Bout time I reply to this...

"Hopeful but Falling"

Are you hopeful but your hope is waning, or are you falling but remain hopeful? If you intended the latter, maybe you could change the title to "Falling but Hopeful" to make it more clear.

The later and I agreed after I wrote the song.

"Systematic persecussion of the children.
Following thier tracks in the snow.
So many years since we have seen them.
Since we cried out thier names and song to them."

I assume that by 'persecussion' you mean persecution. At the end do you really mean 'song' or 'sang'? And by the way, "their."

At first I read this as switching viewpoints (sort of, or topics) between the first two and last two lines. The persecution personified is following them, or someone is following them, persecuting them. It drove them away from you. Or, if the subject stays the same throughout the stanza, it would seem that you are persecuting them. You are mocking their names and songs.

Persecution...which reminds me from now on...before posting I'm gonna proofread them ^_^]"CHORUS
So long...
My love, I depart.
So long...
Hold these promises deep inside your heart."

So, either you are one of the children leaving, persecution itself, someone persecuting the children, or someone going out to find the children.[/quote]

I guess, in my view, it could be taken as saying goodbye to the children...like abadoning them....or persecuting them.

"The shdows deepin in our hearts; in my heart.
Stumbling in this night of sin.
Breaking part my bones; broken apart.
Falling from my body like leaves in the beautiful fall."

I'll try to make this brief:
"shadows"
"deepen"

The part of this stanza that stands out to me is the last line. It is very mysterious. It seems that you would still be talking about the shadows. So, are the shadows good? Did you need to be broken? And you brushed them off, leaving yourself exposed? Or is it beautiful because they are bad and they are leaving? Or is this supposed to be ironic? Maybe you're not even talking about the shadows. I would like to hear what you meant.

Like I said, I'm gonna work on spelling and grammtical errors next time.

The shadows coudl be taken as the "night of sin" as in sin in our hearts and we're lost in it...or to what you think is persecuting the chilren. The last two lines mean tearing apart our support. Bones are our support and at times, things like sex and drugs helps support us (which could be seen as the thing presecuting the children"). We feel satisfied or relieved when we lean on these "supports". By breaking them and letting them fall, you are rid of them.

"Don't be afraid, children.
I'm with you.
So don't be afraid when the night appraches.
And all lights go out.
Forever is this safety in thy wings."

Yes, this seems to confirm that you are someone going after the children. Perhaps God, but no, the end twists. Does the viewpoint change or are the children God?

When I wrote this, I had no clear view on what i was writing (as it usually is) and then go back and figure out what I wrote. This one, basically I was trying to establish sin an dhow it affects us. To me children presents innocence and sin = persecution thus perscuting innocence. We sin and fall short of God and abandon innocence in a way. That's what I think.

[Hitokiri]

I just got a whole bunch of ideas for songs.

"We Used to Love but Now We Persecute: O God, What have We Done?"

Dancing in the shadows in your misery.
Light the torches and make the shadows flee.
This burning passion inside your heart.
This is the only light when all others go out.

We saw the shadows fade slowly away.
We saw the shadows fade slowly away.
No more darkness in our hearts.
No more darkness in our hearts.

CHORUS
And this is everything inside my heart.
Lying on the table, waiting for you to.
Open it up and make yourself at home.

Dry your tears my child. It will be all over soon.
I will help you walk and see and feel and breathe.
Just take my hand, my child, my child.
Dance this puppeteers dance in the falling snow.

We danced our puppetears dance.
We danced our puppetears dance.
Watch the snow fall gently.
Watch the snow fall gently.

CHORUS x2

These tears of Autumn, this coldness of Winter
Don't just look away, don't look away.
Don't aimlessly walk over the edge.
This is borderline insanity.
To think this heart is alive and well.
Without it opened up; touched by grace.

CHORUS X2


"I Need to Talk to You Soon: Tales from the Man on the Street"

I wish I could talk to you.
Like the way I talk to the man down the street.
Good day sir, good daysir.
How was your day, did the rain bother you at all?
I recently divorced my wife and my kids..well..
One is in drug rehab and my little girl was raped.
I basically lost everything in one feel swoop.
My wife, my children, my house, everything.
I can't believe I am saying this to you.
You're only a man on the street.

CHORUS
This time is the last time to tell you I loved you.
However, it's so hard to talk to you.
I'm so busy, so busy it drains me.
This time is the last time I will run out on you.
Dear God, am I the fool I paint myself to be?

Would you like a hot dog?
I would offer you to visit me at home.
But I lost my house and my belongings.
I miss my daughter, I don't know where she's at.
Last thing I heard she had an abortion.
Even though the babie was illegimate...I would of loved her.
Like a grandfather should.
My son is in rehab for drug abuse; he never told me he loved me.
Why I am telling this to you of all people.
Maybe cause I feel I am alone?

CHORUS X2

I can't believe I hid this for so long.
Thank you sir for listening to me complain.
All I do is self-loathe. All I do is remember my past.
Since my future is dark. Maybe God hates me.
Because my life hasn't been the best so far.
I used to talk to Him but I think he ignores me.

CHORUS

Dear sir, I wish I could talk to Him like I talk to you.


"Did You Say Once that You Wish You Were Dead?: A Dark Place in the Valley of Graveyards"

I tried to say I would do better without you.
Lying dead with yours arms covering your heart.
I tried to reclaim what I love but lost.
These flowers hurt my skin.
So deeply they pierce into my veins and into my heart.
I walk alone in this valley.
So now I have found what I am living for.
To walk alone in the dead of night.

CHORUS
Picking up the pieces of a shattered life.
Hoping that you will blow your breathe again.
To revive these shattered dreams.
Clawing away at nothingness.
Hope to find...these broken dreams.
I'm lost to hope...it's my everything.

You can't stop to think of how you changed.
Cause you are changing daily, from cockroach to butterfly.
This cacoon of deciet masqerades what you really are.
You believe that the wings you hide are sinful.
Didn't you say once that you didn't need my help.
Look at you know...holding a blade to your wrist.
You are dancing with your idol.
You are dancing with your idol.
Now you're dancing with the very thing that kills you.

CHORUS

I am so sick of bleedings. cause that's all you talk about.
I am so sick of decieiving. It's what I get in return.
So drop this knife...it's so not like you.
So let go of the knife...its not what it appears to be.



The end...phew...

[Hitokiri]

"Oh What a Terrible Sight to Behold: Son, Come and See the Moon Turn to Blood and the Sky Grow Ominous"

Do you remember this at all?
When the sky came crashing down?
And the hail and ash fell from the sky?
Did you remember this at all?
Come, my son and follow me.
Come, my son and learn to dream.

BRIDGE
Is this the end of all humanity?
Is this the end of all humanity?
Is this the end of all humanity?
is this the end of all humanity?

CHORUS
Run, child, run. Run away from this
Trajedy, trajedy falling from the sky.
Stand face to face with what is to come.
Look away, child, look away.

Don't you remember that day at all?
When the storm took away your parents?
With eyes half-closed from bitter tears?
Why don't you remember this at all?
Come my daughter, experience a new life.
Come my daughter, you are my precious one.

BRIDGE
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?

CHORUS x2

I lay sleepless in my bed.
Wacthing deadly lights hanging over my head.
Calling me, waking me, decieving me, hurting me.
Tortuing me.

CHORUS x2

Sleep child, though this isn't a dream.
This may be the end...or the beginning.
The start of a brand new life.
So rest my son and go to sleep.
For morning may come to a beautiful sunrise.
Blotting out the memory of this night.

[Anna Mae]

"We Used to Love but Now We Persecute: O God, What have We Done?"

Dancing in the shadows in your misery.
Light the torches and make the shadows flee.
This burning passion inside your heart.
This is the only light when all others go out.

We saw the shadows fade slowly away.
We saw the shadows fade slowly away.
No more darkness in our hearts.
No more darkness in our hearts.

Alrighty.

CHORUS
And this is everything inside my heart.
Lying on the table, waiting for you to.
Open it up and make yourself at home.

This seems to establish that this poem is addressed to God. That sheds a new light on the previous section.

Dry your tears my child. I will be all over soon.
I will help you walk and see and feel and breathe.
Just take my hand, my child, my child.
Dance this puppeteers dance in the falling snow.

The tenses here can be confusing. Are you speaking as the person in the beginning of the poem? Has the person you are addressing changed? Do you mean "I will be all over soon," or "It will be all over soon?"

Oooh. This stanza sounds nice and caring and hopeful, until the last line. Puppeteers have negative connotations in my mind.

These tears of Autumn, this coldness of Winter
Don't just look away, don't look away.
Don't aimlessly walk over the edge.
This is borderline insanity.
To think this heart is alive and well.
Without it opened up; touched by grace.

The capitalization brings out the personification of Autumn and Winter. It seems that the puppeting is having some negative affects. However, things are brought back to God and the chorus again.

Overall, very nice. I like the message. It recognizes our fallenness, yet presents hope in offering ourselves up to God again.

[Hitokiri]

"We Used to Love but Now We Persecute: O God, What have We Done?"

Dancing in the shadows in your misery.
Light the torches and make the shadows flee.
This burning passion inside your heart.
This is the only light when all others go out.

We saw the shadows fade slowly away.
We saw the shadows fade slowly away.
No more darkness in our hearts.
No more darkness in our hearts.

Alrighty.

CHORUS
And this is everything inside my heart.
Lying on the table, waiting for you to.
Open it up and make yourself at home.

This seems to establish that this poem is addressed to God. That sheds a new light on the previous section.

Dry your tears my child. I will be all over soon.
I will help you walk and see and feel and breathe.
Just take my hand, my child, my child.
Dance this puppeteers dance in the falling snow.

The tenses here can be confusing. Are you speaking as the person in the beginning of the poem? Has the person you are addressing changed? Do you mean "I will be all over soon," or "It will be all over soon?"

Oooh. This stanza sounds nice and caring and hopeful, until the last line. Puppeteers have negative connotations in my mind.

[i]These tears of Autumn, this coldness of Winter
Don't just look away, don't look away.
Don't aimlessly walk over the edge.
This is borderline insanity.
To think this heart is alive and well.
Without it opened up]

The capitalization brings out the personification of Autumn and Winter. It seems that the puppeting is having some negative affects. However, things are brought back to God and the chorus again.

Overall, very nice. I like the message. It recognizes our fallenness, yet presents hope in offering ourselves up to God again.

Thanks...I guess I missed in my proof reading "It" I just changed it. In these last four songs I have tried a different approach in writing and content (which I find very prelevent in "I Need to Talk to You Soon: Tales from the Man on the Street".

[Anna Mae]

[quote="Hitokiri"]"I Need to Talk to You Soon: Tales from the Man on the Street"

I wish I could talk to you.
Like the way I talk to the man down the street.
Good day sir, good daysir.
How was your day, did the rain bother you at all?
I recently divorced my wife and my kids..well..
One is in drug rehab and my little girl was raped.
I basically lost everything in one feel swoop.
My wife, my children, my house, everything.
I can't believe I am saying this to you.
You're only a man on the street.

CHORUS
This time is the last time to tell you I loved you.
However, it's so hard to talk to you.
I'm so busy, so busy it drains me.
This time is the last time I will run out on you.
Dear God, am I the fool I paint myself to be?

Would you like a hot dog?
I would offer you to visit me at home.
But I lost my house and my belongings.
I miss my daughter, I don't know where she's at.
Last thing I heard she had an abortion.
Even though the babie was illegimate...I would of loved her.
Like a grandfather should.
My son is in rehab for drug abuse]A nice, touching song. I think it portrays humans and their emotions well. I would like to know the rest of the story. Is the "you" character a Christian? Do they witness to the poor man? What happens? It would be cool if you wrote a sequel.

[Anna Mae]

"Did You Say Once that You Wish You Were Dead?: A Dark Place in the Valley of Graveyards"

I tried to say I would do better without you.
Lying dead with yours arms covering your heart.
I tried to reclaim what I love but lost.

So this person lost someone who was important to them, and they feel like they fought to prevent it, but failed.

These flowers hurt my skin.
So deeply they pierce into my veins and into my heart.

So perhaps all of the flowery proceedings feel fake to the protagonist.

I walk alone in this valley.
So now I have found what I am living for.
To walk alone in the dead of night.

Their dream has changed. Now they just want to be left alone.

CHORUS
Picking up the pieces of a shattered life.
Hoping that you will blow your breath again.
To revive these shattered dreams.
Clawing away at nothingness.
Hope to find...these broken dreams.
I'm lost to hope...it's my everything.

So they still long for the other person. They seem to say they do not have any hope, and since that is followed by the realization that hope is their all, that leaves them in a dire situation indeed.

You can't stop to think of how you changed.
Cause you are changing daily, from cockroach to butterfly.

Hmm. Of course they can't think about anything- they're dead. Is the protagonist now speaking of someone else? Or are they reminiscing about the past?

This cacoon of deciet masqerades what you really are.

Ah, the latter seems more likely. They are dead, but that fact is not admitted. For a little while I entertained the idea that the protagonist wasn't Christian and the dead person might have beome one (you know, the whole dying to self thing), but the next few lines seemed to erase that possibility.

You believe that the wings you hide are sinful.

I am curious as to what this means.

Didn't you say once that you didn't need my help.
Look at you know...holding a blade to your wrist.
You are dancing with your idol.
You are dancing with your idol.
Now you're dancing with the very thing that kills you.

Yes, it does seem more likely now that they are remembering the person who died.

I am so sick of bleedings. cause that's all you talk about.
I am so sick of decieiving. It's what I get in return.
So drop this knife...it's so not like you.
So let go of the knife...its not what it appears to be.

They remember the person who died, and in light of that, warn others not to follow the same path.

Your songs have gotten me to wondering. Have you experienced all of the things you write about here (suicidal friends, strangers pouring out their heart, etc.)?If not, you write of them very well. Then again, I haven't experienced all of them, so who am I to talk?

[Anna Mae]

"Oh What a Terrible Sight to Behold: Son, Come and See the Moon Turn to Blood and the Sky Grow Ominous"

My, but these titles seem to be growing longer with each song.

Do you remember this at all?
When the sky came crashing down?
And the hail and ash fell from the sky?

This feels a tad reduntant. Perhaps you could change the second 'sky' to something else such as 'heaven.'

Did you remember this at all?
Come, my son and follow me.
Come, my son and learn to dream.

This part sets up intrigue. Especially the last line.

BRIDGE
Is this the end of all humanity?
Is this the end of all humanity?
Is this the end of all humanity?
is this the end of all humanity?

What tone is this sung in?

CHORUS
Run, child, run. Run away from this
Tragedy, tragedy falling from the sky.
Stand face to face with what is to come.
Look away, child, look away.

Here the child seems to recieve conflicting messages. Look it in the eyes, look away. However, it could be that they need to see its horridness, but it is evil, so they need to look away. They need to know what they are facing.

Don't you remember that day at all?
When the storm took away your parents?
With eyes half-closed from bitter tears?
Why don't you remember this at all?
Come my daughter, experience a new life.
Come my daughter, you are my precious one.

Why doesn't the daughter come in again?

BRIDGE
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?
Is this the end of our romance?

This reminds me of the romance between God and humanity.

I lay sleepless in my bed.
Wacthing deadly lights hanging over my head.
Calling me, waking me, decieving me, hurting me.
Tortuing me.

What are these lights? Memories of the awful day?

Sleep child, though this isn't a dream.
This may be the end...or the beginning.
The start of a brand new life.
So rest my son and go to sleep.
For morning may come to a beautiful sunrise.
Blotting out the memory of this night.

The first line of this stanza especially interests me. Do you have commentary on it?

This song resounds very strongly in me with the End of the Age spoken of in the Bible. I recommend you read some of it, starting, I believe, Matt 24ish.

On a completely unrelated topic, I noticed that you live in Toleto, Ohio. I have relatives in that area. Do you know any Dobranskys?