How do you forgive yourself?

[girlninja]

i think this is my biggest area where i have trouble. I don't have a problem forgiving others but when it comes to myself...well i'm not that good...i know this is like a serious thread...so kinda sorry bout that..but i was curious if anyone out there has the same problem...i also have a thread in the prayer room that kinda explains more if you wanna look..

thankyou *bow*

[Mr. SmartyPants]

first. Pray to God to help you beable to help you forgive. Last night when I was praying about something God told me this.

Well id always complain a bit that I didn't pray much because I wasn't good at praying...

But actually I wasn't good at praying because I didn't pray much

so pray! pray! pray!

[Fsiphskilm]

Ug...

[dragonshimmer]

I'm right there with you. I like to let my guilt ruin any possible happiness that could be in store for me...it comes with being hard on yourself.

I think that sometimes we forget that we are human and that we make mistakes. We should all remember that while we strive to be Christlike....guess what? Newsflash! We're NOT perfect. We're GOING to make mistakes. We're going to make bad decisions. As Volt stated...see if there's a way to fix whatever you're being hard on yourself about. Or maybe it might actually be as simple as asking someone else for forgiveness.

Shame I can't take my own advice.

I'll pray that God brings you peace, but know that you're not alone.

[Saint Kevin]

No, you aren't alone in this. I think that we all struggle with that to a degree. The important thing to see though, I think, is just how precious a price was paid for your forgiveness.

Part of humility is knowing how to accept grace, and forgiveness. Be humble, and accept the forgiveness that God has given you for all of your sins, past, present, and future. He knows that we're gonna screw up, and plans for that too I think. So please, accept it. God loves us, beyond what we ever deserve. And honestly, I don't think I'll ever understand why God chose me as opposed to someone else.

Then again, I'm just happy to have eternal life. Praise God for it, and praise God for you.

[JediSonic]

If you dont want to forgive yourself, think of it this way:

You're going to have a very hard time getting anything done for god if you dont learn to get along with the one person you have complete control over- yourself! Plus, if god has already forgiven you then you should try to accept His judgement on who should be forgiven

The fact that you have trouble forgiving yourself, I think, shows that at least you're managing to stay away from the other end of the spectrum - PRIDE. Personally, I have some problems with both Pride, as a priest once pointed out to me, is the vice that single-handedly caused Lucifer to become the devil. However, by doing the one thing that he couldn't do - by surrendering ourselves completely to God - by asking for His help in everything and trying to do everything for Him - humility and self-forgivness should begin to come naturally!

Hope that helped a little

[Kaori]

Yes, this is something that I struggle with quite a bit myself. Aside from the advice that has already been given, it might be helpful to simply try not to focus on yourself quite so much. Instead, look for ways you can help and serve the people around you in some way--not that your own emotions are unimportant, but once you start focusing on others instead, your own problems won't seem quite as critical. Self-absorption, in some ways, can be just as damaging as actual pride; humility, on the other hand, is not a feeling of self-loathing but the act of placing others above oneself.

[kaji]

It’s important to remember that you cannot provide grace unto your self. When you sin, you don’t sin against your self, but against others or most likely God (or even both).

It is only through God that we can receive forgiveness (or that Grace is sufficient). If you think about it, what can forgiving your self really do? We will never escape the guilt or pain we feel by seeking forgivness to our selves. Changing your mind-set to where it is God you must answer to and ask forgiveness might help your struggle. His forgiveness is all you need.

However, many people do struggle with accepting Gods grace. They feel they are unforgivable, or fear abusing Gods forgiveness. But remember the thief on the cross next to Jesus, even in his last moments Christ’s forgiveness was enough.

-kaji

[Mithrandir]

The question proposed seems to be "how do you forgive yourself?" Well, I've noticed that when someone else ticks me off, I can eventually get over it. When *I* do it, I notice that I tend to re-enact the memory. If I try to supress it (just don't think about it) I've learned that I will repeat whatever it was that I did. As such, I have to conciously allow myself to think about it, and tell myself that feeling I get in the pit of my stomach will get less and less each time I think about it. That's not to say I dwell on it, though. I know quite a few people who cannot do what I do because they will make themselves sick. If you notice you tend to make yourself WAY to anxious to do this - where every little thing you do wrong makes you sick, it might be a good idea to talk to a councilor. Some people are chemically wired with anxiety on overdrive and there are some good anti-axiety drugs that can keep their factory in check. However (major caveat here) if you are under the age of 20, I wouldn't consider the drug option unless you are suicidal. The transition time from child to adult is just fraught with "bad feelings." As I used to tell the junior highers I worked with, "Being a teen can suck, but at least you only have to do it once."

I'll take this oppertunity to also say (regardless of how you feel about psycologists) there is a reason that it's a legal requirement for people have a license in order to be able to distribute drugs; don't self medicate.

[girlninja]

*smile thankyou guys...

well as far as the comment about focusing on others around me *very good advice i might add so i'm not bashing it* but i often don't focus on my own emotions or self being enough...so often i tend to people please...wearing myself out..even ending up the in the hospital with Pneumonia because i didn't feel i could slow down...*well that would be my fault more then people expecting it from me* im trying ..really trying not to worry about what other people think so much....but well i'm slow learner..that's why i want to go to counseling see if they can help me...sorry if i'm getting so personal >< i hope you guys aren't *whoops i had written ARE by mistake >< LOL* annoyed by it..but well i'm seeking help from people that may know exactly what i'm facing...to know there is hope to get out ^^:

[JediSonic]

i hope you guys are annoyed by it..

Dont worry...

No, just kidding! Kaori is absolutely right, by the way: humility isn't supposed to involve self-loathing. My apologies if I didnt reflect that in my earlier post!

[PrincessZelda]

Well, even though people have probably already pretty much covered it, I'm going to say something.

Well, this is one thing I really strugle with... And then I start constantly putting myself down, to where I completely hate myself. But prayer really helps. And also what helps, is instead of constantly telling yourself you're horrible, try to tell yourself that you're not, and that you actually are a good person. As Rick Warren (The guy who wrote The Purpose Driven Life) said, "How you think controls who you are" (That might not be an exact quote...), and it's true! Very true... And, that's all...

[holysoldier5000]

I think I know what you are going through. I have been there myself and I know many others who are in that predicament. It is a feeling that God is never pleased with you, and that you can never do anything right before God. As if there is some reason to always feel guilty. Well, I will be praying for you. And I have something that may help: It comes from a lesson I taught on Ephesians 6:14-17 on the Armor of God

“Now look at the second piece of armor, the breastplate of righteousness: Have you put that on? "Having put on the breastplate of righteousness" -- what does that mean? Well, that is Christ as the ground of your righteous standing before God, your acceptance before him. If you have that on you can rest secure that your heart, your emotions, are securely guarded and adequately protected against attack. This is perhaps the most frequent ground of attack against Christian faith. Christians, by one means or another, through one circumstance or another, often feel they lack assurance. They feel unworthy of God. They feel they are a failure in the Christian life and that God, therefore, is certain to reject them, that he is no longer interested in them. They are so aware of their failures and shortcomings. Growth has been so slow. The first joy of faith has faded, and they feel God is angry with them or that he is distant, far off somewhere. There is a constant sense of guilt. Their conscience is always stabbing them, making them unhappy, miserable. They feel God blames them. This is simply a satanic attack, a means of opposing and destroying what God intends to do.

How do you answer an attack like this? You are to remember that you have put on the breastplate of righteousness. In other words, you do not stand on your own merits. You never did. You never had anything worthwhile in yourself to offer to God. You gave all that up when you came to Christ. You quit trying to be good enough to please God. You came on his merits. You came on the ground of his imputed righteousness -- that which he gives to you. You began your Christian life like that and there is no change now. You are still on that basis.

This is why Paul begins his great eighth chapter to the Romans with the words, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus," (Romans 8:1). No condemnation! You are believing a lie when you believe that God is angry with you and that he rejects you. Remember, you stand on Christ's merits, "accepted in the Beloved," (Ephesians 1:6) Further on in that chapter he asks, "Who can accuse us?" Romans 8:33) It is God who justifies. Christ, who died for us, is the only one who has the right to accuse us, and he loves us. Therefore there is no separation. "Who can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus?" (Romans 8:35) Who can do this?

Now this does not mean that God puts his hand on the things we know are wrong in our lives and says, "Oh, well, these things do not matter. Don't worry about these." Of course not. But it means he sees them, and he says, "Oh, yes, but he hasn't learned yet all that I intend to teach him." And he deals with us as a father, in love and patient discipline -- as a father, not as a judge.

See how the Apostle Paul himself used this breastplate of righteousness when he was under pressure to be discouraged and defeated. Have you ever thought of the struggles he personally had in this realm? Here was a man who was small of stature, unimpressive, in his personal appearance. In fact, there is very good evidence to indicate that he was even repulsive to many. He had a disfiguring physical ailment which made him unpleasant to look at. The last thing he had was what is called a commanding presence. His background was anti-Christian and he could never get away from that completely. He had been the most hostile, brutal persecutor of the church they had known. He must constantly have run across families with loved ones whom he had put to death. He was often reminded by many people that he was not one of the original twelve apostles, that his calling was suspect, that perhaps he really was not an apostle at all. Writing to the Corinthians about these very matters, he says of himself in Chapter 15, "I am the least of the apostles, unfit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God." (1 Corinthians 15:9)
What a ground for discouragement! How easy it would have been for him to say to himself, "What's the use? Here I am working my head off, working my fingers to the bone, making tents and trying to preach the gospel to these people, and look at the blessing God has brought them, but they don't care. They hurl recriminations back into my face. Why try anymore?" But that is not what he does. The very next verse says, "By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain." (1 Corinthians 15:10) There he is using the breastplate of righteousness. I don't care, he says, what I have been, I don't defend what I am. I simply say to you, by the grace of God, I am what I am. What I am is what Christ has made me. I'm not standing on my righteousness, I'm standing on his, I am accepted by grace, and my personal situation does not make any difference at all. So his heart was kept from discouragement. He could say, "Sure, all these things are true, but that does not change the fact that I am Christ's man, and I have his power. He is in me and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," (Philippians 4:13). Thus he reminded himself that when he became a Christian he had put on the breastplate of righteousness and he never allowed himself to be discouraged, for he did not look to himself for anything at all. He looked to Christ.â€

[Raiden no Kishi]

I guess I just remember that I've already done whatever I'm hating myself for and I can't go back and try again (life needs save points and a reset button darnit) and I also remember how many people love me (why they love me is still a mystery, but I know that they do and that there must be SOME reason because they're all people who wouldn't waste the effort of loving me if there wasn't a good reason. And I try to figure out how not to do this again. ^_^

Rai