Can Guys And Gals Ever Really ALWAYS Just Be Friends With No Romantic Interest Ever?

[dragonshimmer]

Random thoughts:

Answering "no" does not always mean "I cannot be trusted around those of the opposite sex."
Placing boundaries on a relationship doesn't necessarily mean cutting it off.
Be honest with yourself and know your limitations or your lies will take you places you are not prepared to deal with.

Wise words from a wise guy. Especially that last part....how very true.

[Pent]

I put no, because guys (more my age) that I have seen really can't. But it's different for different people I guess. I noticed when I did have a girlfriend you sometimes just have to stop yourself from liking people. I'm friends with basicly everyone in my school who wants to be friends with me. I find my self crushing on almost every girl when I hangout with them. I know it probably is yes in more cases then no, but I saw that no was behind so I needed to help it out.

[Saint Kevin]

To the two questions that this thread offers up:

Can two people of the opposite sex be friends without at least on of them probably having romantic feelings for the other (even for a second)?

If it goes on long enough, probably not.

Does this mean that such a friendship is doomed to failure?

Absolutely not. These feelings don't have to be acted upon, and even when they are confessed and not reciprocated, that doesn't have to be the end of it. Not necessarily. This would take maturity on the part of both people, however, and a lot of times that just doesn't happen.

Also, some very wise thoughts along the lines of "Don't put a friend before your spouse", were given. I second this notion, and still idealistically cling to the idea that I want my wife to be my best friend. Period.

[dragonshimmer]

Termyt---personally, I didn't see anything in your posts to be offended about. I completely agree with you, and I also really believe that if we were to ask the same questions to an up to 20 yrs of age group and another group of 21 and older, we'd get completely different answers.

The original question was....can we be friends with the opposite sex with NO romantic interest at some point whatsoever? Even BRIEF interest? I didn't mean without one or the other pursuing it. Sometimes it's wiser to dismiss the idea.

Does this mean that such a friendship is doomed to failure?

Absolutely not. These feelings don't have to be acted upon, and even when they are confessed and not reciprocated, that doesn't have to be the end of it. Not necessarily. This would take maturity on the part of both people, however, and a lot of times that just doesn't happen

Sadly enough, no, most people aren't mature enough to keep being friends. I personally think that each person is put into our lives for a reason, and anyway, I think it's stupid to dismiss a friend for something such as that. It CAN be overcome. It takes time, patience, and a boundary line, but it can be done.

[K. Ayato]

I haven't voted yet. I for one am a very emotional person, and it's easy for me to get attached to someone quickly. However, I do have some guy friends around my age that I'm attached to, and I treat them as my brothers. Which is fitting, because I don't have a brother of my own. I believe you can have friends of both your own gender and the opposite gender. It's how much you disclose with them that can determine the outcome. Not the one and only factor, but it is an important one nonetheless.

[dragonshimmer]

I haven't voted yet. I for one am a very emotional person, and it's easy for me to get attached to someone quickly. However, I do have some guy friends around my age that I'm attached to, and I treat them as my brothers. Which is fitting, because I don't have a brother of my own. I believe you can have friends of both your own gender and the opposite gender. It's how much you disclose with them that can determine the outcome. Not the one and only factor, but it is an important one nonetheless.

Oh wow...that's something I hadn't though of....

Of COURSE if you share your deepest thoughts and feelings with someone, and they give you theirs in return, different bonds are going to be created....

You are so smart. S-M-R-T. ^_~

[K. Ayato]

An instructor I had last quarter in a death education class said this about emotions. Of course, she was speaking in the context of dealing with grief, but it applies to everything. She said, "If you suppress one emotion, you suppress them all."

[Siren of Lyrics]

My best friend is a guy. I've known him since pre-school. He lives at my house after school. Every day we have at least on person ask us:

"Are you brother and sister?"

When we reply no, they automatically say:

"Oh, then you're going out?"

We got SOOOO sick of it last year, that we screamed at a couple of kids. People asume that friends of opposite gender don't exist. Its a stereotype I'd like to avoid making.

[K. Ayato]

Unlike at the church I met. As far as most of the highschool youth is concerned, guy and girl together equals item. Gimme a break.

[dragonshimmer]

An instructor I had last quarter in a death education class said this about emotions. Of course, she was speaking in the context of dealing with grief, but it applies to everything. She said, "If you suppress one emotion, you suppress them all."

OT-Who knew when I started this thread that someone would come along and posted something I NEEDED to see. *looks up* Think it's funny, don't You?

[anime4christ]

I voted yes cuz I have some female friends (been friends for a long time) and it makes me sick to think about them as more than friends. But I would agree that once ur married, u shouldn't hang around them alone so ur spouse duzn't get suspicious.

Just for fun Volt's reply in Javascript:
function checkifpotentialmate(otherperson)
{
if (me.gender != otherperson.gender)
{ return true; }
else
{ return false; }
}
XD

[uc pseudonym]

Termyt---personally, I didn't see anything in your posts to be offended about. I completely agree with you, and I also really believe that if we were to ask the same questions to an up to 20 yrs of age group and another group of 21 and older, we'd get completely different answers.

I may be out of line here, but I did have something to do with his post, so I believe I have something to say: I know that some people misinterpreted his statement about ages as meaning that those who are experienced would never believe something like a "yes" answer. While I understand that he didn't mean that, there was the possibility of someone being offended.

But termyt addressed something else in his post as well, and I'm glad that he did. You stated "I completely agree with you" but the fact is that not everyone will. Everyone in this thread is talking as if there is only one possible response to close friends of the opposite gender, and it can be obnoxious or at worst harmful when people assume this (for example, Siren of Lyric's post).

The original question was....can we be friends with the opposite sex with NO romantic interest at some point whatsoever? Even BRIEF interest? I didn't mean without one or the other pursuing it. Sometimes it's wiser to dismiss the idea.

Well, define romantic interest (as you want the question answered, I mean).

[Sonicbomb77]

its possible, i found out that its like that especially online, i know some females through the internet and in real life [one i have known since i was about 6, but she is my friends sister ^_^ so that doesnt quite count] but i know some girls online, but more than likely sometime in the future things change to the point where you to stop seeing each other as friends and either: want to meet together to get a really close relationship, or just start to drift away from each other. since after all the internet is ussually just a hobby, and they say that you get busier as you get older until you retire, then that would mean that you would probably start loosing contact with her, so, um, yeah, its not really a yes/no question, but just something that COULD happen. [in other words, yes it is possible ^_^]

[dragonshimmer]

But termyt addressed something else in his post as well, and I'm glad that he did. You stated "I completely agree with you" but the fact is that not everyone will. Everyone in this thread is talking as if there is only one possible response to close friends of the opposite gender, and it can be obnoxious or at worst harmful when people assume this (for example, Siren of Lyric's post).

WHEE! Dragonshimmer feels like she's being picked on a little harshly, but is smart enough to get over it.

That's why I made it a poll thread. I realize that not everyone has the same opinions, ideas, experiences or beliefs as I do. I never stated anyone's opinion was wrong ^_^ There is NO possible correct response. I was merely stating that I agreed with someone else's opinion, that's all. I didn't mean to come off as a know it all jerk or as cocky, because frankly, I'm nothing like that.

Putting myself back on topic, to define "romantic" I just meant that I wondered if people thought it was possible for a guy and a gal to be friends without the thought of dating, holding hands, wanting a different relationship or kissing EVER EVER crossing their mind. I didn't mean pursuing the thoughts.

^_^

[anime4christ]

Well, the thoughts kinda depends on the person. Yeah, thoughts came to me, but made me sick, lol.

[Kaligraphic]

I just meant that I wondered if people thought it was possible for a guy and a gal to be friends without the thought of dating, holding hands, wanting a different relationship or kissing EVER EVER crossing their mind. I didn't mean pursuing the thoughts.

How about this: Think of all your friends, both male and female.

Read Rom. 16:16, 1 Cor. 16:20, 2 Cor. 13:12, or 1 Thess. 5:26. ("Greet one another with a holy kiss")
There, now I've "spoiled" all of your relationships.

In fact, where Paul advocates a "holy kiss", Peter says to greet one another with a "kiss of love" (1 Pet. 5:14) - so that kind of takes it to the next level, doesn't it?

Of course, not every kiss is romantic. ("do you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?" was said man-to-man - and Judas wasn't gay.)

Most parents kiss their children, and many grandparents kiss their grandchildren, yet this isn't a romantic thing at all. Parents tell their children to hold their hand while crossing the street, and various things like that. That isn't romantic, it's for safety.

I'm 23. If you were to suggest the possibility of my dating, say *thinks of a name* AngelSakura, I can guarantee that the thought would go through my mind - but only because of your suggestion. I can also guarantee that it would be dismissed out of hand. (She's, what, 13?) Just because a thought crosses your mind doesn't mean it's your idea, or that you necessarily have any inclination toward it at all - just that it has been suggested, implied, or otherwise evoked. Writing this paragraph, that thought crossed my mind - solely as an example of an outrageous suggestion, but it still crossed my mind.

It's like asking if it's possible to have never thought of pink elephants - it is possible until the question is asked.

[Stephen]

shatterheart's the only honest person on these forums" is quite true actually, he's very honest with his opinions.. harsh but honest

Shut up Volt.

*laughs* I kid, I kid. As for the question? I think its possible...but its only natural if you spend enough time around someone of the opposite sex to at least consider things romanticly...now, if either party acts on it...thats up in the air.I think it depends on the age, and how long the people have known each other.

[Nate]

How about this: Think of all your friends, both male and female.

Read Rom. 16:16, 1 Cor. 16:20, 2 Cor. 13:12, or 1 Thess. 5:26. ("Greet one another with a holy kiss")
There, now I've "spoiled" all of your relationships.

In fact, where Paul advocates a "holy kiss", Peter says to greet one another with a "kiss of love" (1 Pet. 5:14) - so that kind of takes it to the next level, doesn't it?

Of course, not every kiss is romantic. ("do you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?" was said man-to-man - and Judas wasn't gay.)

Most parents kiss their children, and many grandparents kiss their grandchildren, yet this isn't a romantic thing at all. Parents tell their children to hold their hand while crossing the street, and various things like that. That isn't romantic, it's for safety.

How did I know someone would bring this up?

There's a difference between kissing someone and ROMANTICALLY kissing someone.

Sigh. Can you be friends with a girl without EVER saying, "Gee, I wonder what it would be like to make out with her." Or, "I wonder what it would be like if we went on a date." Stuff like THAT. Want me to get nitpicky? Fine, I'll play your childish game.

Is it possible for a male and a female to be friends without one of them wanting to have a relationship that would be considered improper by Holy Scripture between two friends of the same gender?

Well, I realize someone's going to come along and nitpick that too, simply because some people have nothing better to do, but anyway...that's the question we're trying to ask. It doesn't matter if you think it for one second then immediately dismiss it. The point is, it happened. THAT'S what we're trying to ask.

EDIT: Sorry if this came off as a bit harsh, but it kinda irks me when people nitpick like that... ^^;;

[Stephen]

Easy folks...lets not kill each other over this.

[anime4christ]

YES! I belive you can, I know plenty of ppl who can. Note plenty doesn't mean majority.

Ooh, lets kill each other! JK XD

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="Sh

[Heed]

Guys and girls can be just friends w/o romantic interest. I am not putting anyone down when I say this but my opinion is that if you believe otherwise, that is a sign of immaturity. Don't take what I said personal now.

I have been friends with this one girl for 15 years and we might as well be brother and sister. Our parents even said that they could see us getting married some day. We actually halfseriously/half jokingly discussed that... and quickly decided on "No"

We have known each other so long that we ae like brother and sister. I also have many friends who have similar relationships.

Ayway, here is my reason for saying that you could be immature if you believe that you could not be just friends. You are immature in the fact that you can't see past the hormonal aspect of the matter.

Also, the world wants us to believe that any relationship with the opposite sex can't be just friends. We see it everywhere on T.V. and movies etc... I am not dissing anyone here in particular. This however is my opinion. I am entitled to it. So therefor, please don't take any of what I just said personally.

[Heed]

I disagree with the second response about the potential mate thing. It may be true in some instances but not always.

(I am not attacking you in any way Volt)

[uc pseudonym]

WHEE! Dragonshimmer feels like she's being picked on a little harshly, but is smart enough to get over it.

Hopefully this third-person statement will help Dragonshimmer realize uc pseudonym wasn't picking on her. [Hm, did that sound malicious in intent? It wasn't meant to be.]

That's why I made it a poll thread. I realize that not everyone has the same opinions, ideas, experiences or beliefs as I do. I never stated anyone's opinion was wrong ^_^

I didn't presume that you did. The statement wasn't about you at all, really]There is NO possible correct response. I was merely stating that I agreed with someone else's opinion, that's all. [/quote]

All I meant was that because you agree with him completely, of course you will find nothing offensive in his statement. People who disagree might be hurt.

Putting myself back on topic, to define "romantic" I just meant that I wondered if people thought it was possible for a guy and a gal to be friends without the thought of dating, holding hands, wanting a different relationship or kissing EVER EVER crossing their mind. I didn't mean pursuing the thoughts.

Thank you for clarifying. I hope you don't take offense when I say that, for me, I don't think the question has meaning; I mean that in the context of my previous post, not to degrade you for asking.

[kazekami]

Well i have a male friend I met while in college. I have no Romantic intrest in him. In fact he was dating a girl when I met him who he is now married to. I think they make a nice couple. =). She allows him to have female friends and he allows her to have male friends.

But the fact of the matter is I haven't had any kind intrest in anyone. Could be the OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in part. In fact i've never even dated haven't even shown an intrest in it. My parents think something is wrong with me.

[EireWolf]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

If your parents are Christians, show them Matthew 19:12.

[kazekami]

Thanks for the verse. I will definatly show them =)

[Sonicbomb77]

your niot strange, your just diferent, and that diference might be for the better as it will help you not get tempted and to stay sinless much easier. so look at the bright side. aslo it might just be that God hasn't let the person he wants you to marry shot up yet. so u just have to really consider that there is nothing wrong with you, your just special and blessed by God ^_^

[termyt]

Guys and girls can be just friends w/o romantic interest. I am not putting anyone down when I say this but my opinion is that if you believe otherwise, that is a sign of immaturity. Don't take what I said personal now.

I'm not taking it personally, but I couldn't disagree more. Those posting in this thread are undoubtedly speaking from personal experience. To say that because their experiences do not lead them to the same conclusion as yours is a sign of immaturity is, well, not very mature.

Your point, about the existence of such friendships, is valid but I believe you should refrain from making such assumptions.

[Kaligraphic]

I believe that if we say that each party has a finite, though not necessarily known, probability of considering the other for a romantic relationship, then it is mathematically and logically required for the possibility to exist that neither one ever considers the other in this way.

In modern societies, however, this is unlikely, as one's friends typically suggest all manner of combinations.