Can Guys And Gals Ever Really ALWAYS Just Be Friends With No Romantic Interest Ever?

[true_noir_chloe]

Is it possible:

Hypothetically-- yes.

Practically-- (almost always) no.

NO, however this must have a few stipulations.

I'll just share from my experience. I married at 26, and previously I had dated from the age of 15 on - safe dating - and had plenty of guy friends. I was the campus missionary and knew many of the kids on campus in college.

Now, I had guy friends and I easily never thought more of the guys as friends many times. I easily had many platonic friendships. However, if the guy was really kind, sweet, and a neat Christian it was very hard for me not to think, a little further - HM, FUTURE MATE.

Now, every single guy who was MY friend made a move for me. I mean, if a girl is sweet, attractive and a neat Christian, a guy is definitely going to think of her as more than a friend. Really, just be a little attractive in looks and personality and guys will flock.

Thus:

Me, not alway wonky.

The guy, always turned wonky. Guys are guys. The only guy friend I had who did not make a move for me after a few months of friendship, was my gay roommate. Seriously.

I marked no.

[Fsiphskilm]

Oh wait,Li

[Kura Ookami]

It's a difficult question.

Volt is correct in saying that we'll probably think of a girl in a romantic way soomewhere along the line, however, thoughts and actions are completely seperate. I've thought of several things i would never act on. Suicide for example.

We are sinners, therefore we are imperfect. Temptation will always be there. Jesus Himself was tempted. Does that mean He acted on the temptations? Nope. Thibking of someone in a romantic way, thinking of them as a potential future mate doesnt mean you'll act on those thoughts. If it was a sin to be tempted we'd all still be unsaved.

It's definately possible to have oppositte gender friends with no romantic interest between them or are you saying that every brother and sister will always have romantic feelings for one another? Brothers and sisters are closer than just friends so that is the logical progression of the conclusion that friends cannot be friends without romantic interest is it not?

[Mave]

Real Life Case Study

Guy A: Hey, I want to ask you something. Eh...how do you handle your Long Distance relationship? I know you guys aren't really that far apart but is it difficult?

Mave: Hmm? Well, yeah it's hard but we can deal with it. It's not really the distance, it's our schedules. We're both too busy to see each other. But apart from that, it's all good.

Guy A: Oh I see I see...I was just wondering coz I know this American friend of mine who was engaged to a Malaysian girl. But she had to go home to Malaysia and she couldn't return due to some visa problems.

Mave: ?? How come? What kind of problems?

Guy: I don't know she never said what.

Mave: What about the guy? Why doesn't he go visit her and help resolve it?

Guy: I don't know. I just know that they broke up.

Mave: Oh....ok

Guy A is in the same small group, Asian like me, gives me rides for various church activities and is 30 years old (I think) and single. He asked for my age yesterday and found out about my boyfriend for the first time. Today, he asked for my birthday, which I did not give.

Question
Ok, I want to see whether there are differences in the interpretation between the guys and girls of the same scenario. So what do you think are the intentions of the guy? Personally, I would like to see it as innocent and friendly but my female friends would tell me that the guy was checking me out even if I already have a boyfriend.

[true_noir_chloe]

Yeah, I'd say he's checking you out. Just don't sit alone on a couch with him (bad experience). :p Eh, I could also be wrong. LOL ^__^

[Joshua Christopher]

There's something we must not forget.

Say there are two people of the opposite gender. They like all of the same things. They get along well. However, they wish to remain friends. Just because the thought of romantic interest crosses their minds(and it will, no matter what), does NOT mean that they will ever be more than just friends. Thoughts cannot be controlled(to a point), but acting on something is different(in this circumstance).

[Mangafanatic]

Um, it's possible that he's just overtly friendly and curious about you. It's possible. . . but he's probably interested in you.

[Fsiphskilm]

lol, i guess i

[Bobtheduck]

I'm not going to comment

Anyhow, I voted yes because... Well, I think it is possible... I, however, almost never have female friends that are single and close to my age that I know in real life that I don't end up interested in at some point, even if only for a couple days. So, Yeah...

As for married girls or girls in long-term relationships, yeah... I don't usually have a problem... THe only exceptions are a girl who I didn't know had a boyfriend until I had allready sorta fallen for her (and she broke up with him soon after, actually, so I would have shut that off if it weren't for that) and a girl who was married but in the process of a divorce... Of course, the first one was wrong on my part and I haven't done that since, the second one... Yeah, taht was wrong too, even though they were getting divorced (he wasn't a christian, she was) besides that, she had a kid and that would have been REALLY hard for me to come into... All the married and "coupled" girls I know now I have no romantic feelings for. I don't let them form.

So, yes, it is possible... Just very hard.

Oh, darn, I commented...

[Roy Mustang]

I vote more to not really.

It can be a yes and no to the question. I'm around more ladies then guys as friends, because I think they are just neat to be around and understand them.

But there has been times that I have had thought of a few ladies as more then friends. If you remember, that was one of my threads here at the board about this one girl that I really like at college that was a friend.

But I got over it and just want to be friends with her now. But I will not lie and say that I never thought of her as more then a friend at one point.


So, it can go both ways at a yes or a no to this question.


Wingzero22

[dragonshimmer]

However, if the guy was really kind, sweet, and a neat Christian it was very hard for me not to think, as VOLT (the only honest guy on these forums) stated, to think a little further - HM, FUTURE MATE.

Now, every single guy who was MY friend made a move for me. I mean, if a girl is sweet, attractive and a neat Christian, a guy is definitely going to think of her as more than a friend. Really, just be a little attractive in looks and personality and guys will flock.

Yeah, this is what I find to be the case as well, especially people who desire Christian qualities in a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's hard to find in someone in the twenties, so when you DO see these qualities, it's like a magnet attraction sometimes for some people.

Thoughts cannot be controlled(to a point), but acting on something is different(in this circumstance)

How very true. Honestly, it's been my case that I've had at least a SMALL brief VERY fleeting interest in having more than friendship with a lot of my closest guy friends. But, as you've stated, acting on something is completely different. One can't always control thoughts, but we can always control actions.

Mave...it sounds to me like he might have a slight interest in you, although I'm generally not good with these type of subtle things.

[agasfas]

Just because the thought of romantic interest crosses their minds(and it will, no matter what), does NOT mean that they will ever be more than just friends. Thoughts cannot be controlled(to a point), but acting on something is different(in this circumstance).

How very true. Honestly, it's been my case that I've had at least a SMALL brief VERY fleeting interest in having more than friendship with a lot of my closest guy friends. But, as you've stated, acting on something is completely different. One can't always control thoughts, but we can always control actions.

I agree, acting is different then thoughts... but wasn't the question about if guys and girls cam ever really be just firends w/o the "romantic interest" involved, and not about the actual pursuance of a relationship?

[dragonshimmer]

I agree, acting is different then thoughts... but wasn't the question about guys and girls ever really be firends w/o the "romantic interest," and not actually about the actual pursuance of a relationship?

Hehe. Yes, but not like any thread ever really stays on topic anyway, but thanks for the reminder XD

[Azier the Swordsman]

Out of my female freinds Sarah, Megan, Melissa, Erica, Ashley W. They have all at some point had a funny feeling for me, and I for them. Although I can see myself living next to them and seeing them every day. I'm not going to denie the fact that the more I see them, the more I'll fall for them.

Ashley?

But anyways, I definately have to say no, as I can attest that I have always been attracted in some way or the other to most of the girls I've been around. It always happens sooner or later. It never fails.

Although.... I've never dated a single day in my life. It's never really been a top priority, I just simply plan my life as if I'm going to be single forever, but if God decides to drop someone in my lap, and things get "wonky", well, it's an added bonus.

(Not that kind of wonky you pervs )

[kaji]

Yes, you can be friends; but not the same kind of ‘friendship’ you would have with some one from the same gender. There is a point where so many emotions are invested in that friendship that ‘wonkyness’ is inevitable.

If you are close friends, who share important parts of your lives with one another, and begin to rely on one another for certain emotional needs, then the thoughts of a dating-relationship will ensue.

If the two of you (or one of you) already has a significant other, then you should not be seeking outlets for these needs with some one else in the first place. It’s only inviting disaster.

In the end, I said yes because you can still be friends, but it would realistically be more like acquaintances if you were to not have any ‘Wonkyness.’ (that would include both said and unsaid wonkyness)

-kaji

[TheSeaAndStars]

whether a person gets attracted to someone is based on whether or not the person wants to act upon those feelings.

it is true that close friends may think about the possibility of being closer. however, they don't always choose to pursue those thoughts.

basically a person can think about it then decide "nah.."

its all about choice i thinks so.

so i'm gonna say that it is possible for friends to stay just friends.

[Maledicte]

Even if it were so, what would that prove? My mind works on many different levels at (what I think is) a fairly high rate. Thoughts such as suicide, mass murdering and sorcerery (non-realistic, but that's irrelevant) occur to me on a regular basis. There isn't the slightest chance I'd do any of them, so do they truly matter?

Hear, hear. *is guilty of the exact same*

[Anna Mae]

My best friend is a guy, and there is absolutely zero chance that we would actually be romantically interested in eachother. I also think that uc has a good point. The thought popping into your head to be immediately dismissed, and seriously considering it are very different.

[CephasWhite]

I voted yes, because of my own personal experiences.

I feel the same way. I have male friends I've never considered in that way. I think they're beautiful and I love them, but never pictured them as anything other than a friend.

That's the same thing with me. You wouldn't believe how many friends of mine are girls and the few others are guys. I just happen to get along well with the opposite sex, because...well...I've pretty much grown up with my sister then any of my other siblings...I guess that's the reason.

But anyways, I do have many friends that are girls and I love them all because their nice to me and I care for them. It's not that kind of love for lust nor wanting to be married to one of them, it's again, caring about who they are, what they believe, how they act and what they do.

I respect them, and I don't bother with trying to find that exact female who will be my God given wife, no way...that's stalking. I would rather just wait for God to show her to me and see if that lady who's really kind to me, is a true, down-to-earth Christian, repects me for who I am, and is the one who will confirm by saying that God willing, she will want to be with me forever.

Sorry, but that thought almost brings tears to my eyes. I'll have to wait for her and of course, "In our patience, we possess our souls".

You wouldn't believe how many times actually how my friends being girls were neither kind to me, stayed true to being a Christian, didn't respect me for who I was...that really hurt...or thought that I was either stalking them or thought I wanted to have them. I just want to talk to them. I feel more comfortable talking to girls then I do guys. Thanks to society today, that perspective's been changed, but that's a different topic altogether.

Going back on topic, yes I can have girls as friends and not go "ga-ga" over them. Simple as that.

[livewire]

At one point I thought that they could...in fact, the majority of my friends have always been guys....
but, lately, I myself have been wondering about this as several of them have asked me out or at least told me that have/have had romantic interest in me. It is so weird....
however, many of these guys I have never thought of in that way. They are just friends and that is how I have always seen them...

[termyt]

I voted "No" and by the poll results I can see I am in the minority. That doesn't surprise me, though, being the old man that I am. I wonder what the results would be if we separated the poll by gender and age groups. That would be interesting.

Anyway, I surmise by the original post you are talking about people who are more than casual friends, but instead, friends who have some intimate knowledge and are comfortable sharing the kind of things you would not post in an open forum like this.

I think there is a possibility that such a relationship can exist between a man and a woman, but it is very unlikely. It would be the exception, not the rule. As we become close, we are naturally drawn to think about the romantic sides of a relationship.

I guess this bothers me most of all because I know that when I get married, or when my single male friends get married, we'll probably cut a few ties because it's not always appropriate for a married man or married woman to hang out with a single man or single woman. I just know I'm going to lose a lot of friends when the time comes, if it comes.

I think this is an import point worth looking at. Before marriage, I think you can enjoy a wide range of relationships with members of the opposite sex. But once you are married, as dragonshimmer stated, your relationships with the opposite sex must change. It is a lot to ask of your spouse to understand why you want to have a quite diner alone with this person of the opposite sex to catch up on old times. Don't put your spouses through that kind of angst. Your husband/wife needs to be secure in the knowledge that he/she is the only one for you.

And this isn't just a trust issue. It is not fair for you to say that he/she should just trust you. You know your own mind. Have you ever let an irrational fear build within you? Do not invite distrust into your marriage. If you think it would be awkward to invite your single friend over to spend time with you and your spouse, it is ten times more awkward for your spouse to know you are spending time alone with him or her.

It's important to allow those friendships to cool off. Only spend time with him/her while your spouse is there, too. If your spouse becomes comfortable with your friend, then great. If you, your friend, or your spouse becomes uncomfortable, then dissolve the friendship. Your spouse must be the most important person of the opposite sex in your life, and you can't leave any room for doubt in that. You owe your spouse that.

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote]for me nding.

[CephasWhite]

So whoever said that quote thinks I'm lying...that hurts That hurts alot actually.

[Oblivion]

well you know im kinda only 13 so this doesn't really apply to me but most of my friends are girls and ive only gone out with 2 of them so i really dont know(and know the 2 i went out with arent the only 2 there are a lot more

[Yojimbo]

So whoever said that quote thinks I'm lying...that hurts That hurts alot actually.

Dude I doubt Chloe is saying you're lying don't assume.

[CephasWhite]

OH! T_N_C said that! OOPS!

I'm very sorry Chloe! O_O

[Zane]

I said yes... but my yes is more of a "kinda yes".
What I think is intersting is the fact that we are all apart of Christs family. And so special friendship ties will arise between christian friends (guy & girl) because of christs love dwelling in us. Unlike say a christian and an non-christian, or two non-christians. Paul call it love for the saints (other christians, Collossians 1).

Random romantic thoughts will pop up, as previously stated, but if you set boundries and be honest with one another, and yourself!!, then that friendship can go the distance. And really christian girls and guys are as attractive because they are both strifing towards being christ-like. They both aim to be paitent, joyful, _____ (enter fruit of the spirit here) and who wouldn't wanna hang out with people like that?

At the moment there are 4 ladies at my church and I feel attracted to each one of them very strongly in fact, but I think that is just christ's love in me for them. I can't see myself married to any of them really, if I am honest with myself, so I guess I'm abit 'wonky', but thats just a phase and I am greatful that i actually really care for these women. Like a brother for his sisters.

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="CephasVII"]

[Cap'n Nick]

Random thoughts:

Answering "no" does not always mean "I cannot be trusted around those of the opposite sex."
Placing boundaries on a relationship doesn't necessarily mean cutting it off.
Be honest with yourself and know your limitations or your lies will take you places you are not prepared to deal with.

[termyt]

I’d like to offer an apology and try to explain myself a bit better. It’s come to my attention that my previous post was not written very well in that it was easy to misinterpret.

When I was speaking about relationships and what is likely or natural to happen, I was speaking in the most general terms. It is my opinion on how relationships between the sexes tend to operate. Without a doubt, there are relationships which do not fit within the boundaries I outlined. I do, however, believe that most relationships will. I also do not consider myself any kind of expert in relationships nor do I consider myself wiser or smarter than anyone because I am older. I just think that we would see a different trend in the responses if they were divided by age and gender.

It is never my intention to alienate anyone because they do not fit a generalization. No one fits the generalization exactly and often those who do not fit it closely enough by some unseen standard are made to feel that they are some how less valuable because of it. I am truly sorry for crafting a post that would make anyone feel like less than a whole and wonderfully made creation of our Father. I would like to offer my apologies to any I’ve offended.