I am officially freaked out...

[BigZam]

So there's this Christian girl at my school whom I really like alot. I just recently found out that she has a "pre-arranged" husband! She claims that she loves him and that they are "bound by love". She isn't part of any culture that condones this either. I am officially freaked out....

[AngelSakura]

You mean like her parents picked him out when she was little, and she can't decide to marry someone else? O.o

[PrincessZelda]

Whoa... That's freaky... o_O

[BigZam]

You mean like her parents picked him out when she was little, and she can't decide to marry someone else? O.o

no no no she decided along with her parents but she's jumpin the gun....she sez she likes this guy and now she sez they're prearranged for marriage.

[Mangafanatic]

Um, I wouldn't really freak out about it. She MIGHT really like this guy. Plus, if she's your age, there's plenty of time for her to change her mind, but if she doesn't, then she'll get married and could very possibly have a wonderful and happy marriage. Just because arranged marriages aren't common in our culture does't make them "freak out" material. Honestly, I wouldn't really even bring the matter up with her anymore (unless this guy is--say, 35 and her parents are going to marry her off at the tender age of fourteen or something.) First, it not really anyone's business but her's, her parent's, and her "fiancee's". Second, alot of people would probably react the way you did and I imagine that if every average Joe at your school (or where ever you met her) knew about it, she'd be harrassed about it endlessly.

[Doubleshadow]

Quirky, but I have known girls who felt that way. Of course, they were all 12 years old and boy crazy...

[BigZam]

The thing is she decided this as she was riding up to vegas with him, which from here is about a 2 hour drive. Things don't happen that fast. I mean she was with him for 2 hours and now they're arranged to be married? In my opinion something like that is not very substantial.

[PrincessZelda]

Yeah, that sounds like she barely knows the guy, and just has a crush on him... But is going to get married to him?!

[Debitt]

I agree with Osaka-chan. >> Just because prearranged marriages aren't common doesn't mean the relationship you can develop with your fiance is any different than if you and your fiance met later in life and decided by yourselves to be married. (ever seen Fiddler on the Roof?) And another reason to NOT worry: if this girl's parents had an active hand in it then of course there's something positive they see in the boy, and they've deemed him the type of person they want their daughter to be with.

[Hitokiri]

To me, she is pretty naive if she honestly thinks she can love a person and be with that person for thier entire life at a young age. I don't think she truly understands the meaning of love but that's just how I see it. I don't follow know the situation.

As for pre-arrnaged marriages, hardly any of them wind up in divorce or abuse. If you compare that with traditional pre-marriage procedures and the high divorce rate following that , maybe those who practice it have it right and we have it wrong.

[CobaltAngel]

I agree that it's possible it could work but... 2 hours? If that's as long as she's known the guy that does seem to be jumping the gun a bit. But who knows, perhaps it will blow over or maybe, like Osaka-chan said, it'll work out. I recommend praying for her without making too big a deal out of it.

How old is the guy? I knew of a girl is middle school that was engaged to a guy who was already out of school.

[faithfighter]

That is so weird. how oldis she?

[Yojimbo]

To me, she is pretty naive if she honestly thinks she can love a person and be with that person for thier entire life at a young age. I don't think she truly understands the meaning of love but that's just how I see it. I don't follow know the situation.

As for pre-arrnaged marriages, hardly any of them wind up in divorce or abuse. If you compare that with traditional pre-marriage procedures and the high divorce rate following that , maybe those who practice it have it right and we have it wrong.

Uh yeah two hours is jumping the gun just a...little bit. She's being immature about this she'll get over it in awhile and won't even remember the guy in a year or two.

And Hitokiri that's probably because the majority of arranged marriages now days are in places like Chad, Oman, India you get the idea. Where there aren't nearly as many divorces for obvious cultural and religious reasons. Why would you need to when a man can have 3 or 4 wives? Let's be honest women in those cultures aren't nearly as independent and are second class citizens overall.

[Yeshua-Knight]

well, i will say this on the topic of arranged marriages, if my parents were to arrange a marriage for me (for the record, i'm a 22 yr old guy), i don't think it would be that much of an issue for me, i do trust my parents, and trust that they know me well enough to pick out a christ-loving lady, that's all i can say on that

as far as this particular scenario goes, if i were you i'd pray specifically for the Lord's will to be done in this situation, i've known ppl that in high school made plans to get married after college, they ended up growing apart and are now married to other ppl, if it's the Lord's will for them to be together, then they will (provided they obey Him), and if it's not His will then chances are it won't last anyways

'nuff said

[Myoti]

There was this one girl I was really, really attracted to. However, she had been dating the same guy for years. Then all of a sudden, she got pregnant, married the jerk, dropped out of school, had a miscarriage, then got pregnant again. And she was only 15!!
:cries:
She was nice, Christian, beatiful, and fun. And then that had to happen.
The ironic thing is that me and her boyfriend were next to each other in band and had to use the same music folder. Go figure.

[emersongreen]

i don't agree with yojimbo....they are not second class citizens anymore...

acctually now...the imagrants from those countries have brought thier custom here
and it's having great succes.....i think also that in some regards... a mairriage picked out by your parents ( who acctually have mairrage exp. and u do not )
has more chances of coming out succesful rather than some lovestrck guy and gal just deciding to get married

on to bigZam's problem......
even though this might sound a little harsh.....
let her have her way....if the realationship doesn't turn out right...then go out with her

if it does turn out fine....then u have to face the fact that she must really be happy with who she is with now......then maybe this realtionship with this other guy could really be what's best for HER.....and if you truly love her ...than be comforted in the fact that she is happy.....

in answer to Myoti:
btw...is the guy christian.....and if so, then why is she pregnant? ( is it even with the same guy as she married? )
second of all..... he must not have a truly christian walk if that's what he does to gal's he wants to marry.......
what do her parent's think about it.....do they support what this guy is doing to thier daughter?
also Myoti....is she happy with what has happened to her......dropping out of school
etc. at only 15.....personally...i don't think that she has much of a future to look forward to if this is what kind of guy she marries

sry if i sound harsh etc... just my opinion...hope this helps

btw.....love isn't as easy as my sig shows

[Yojimbo]

i don't agree with yojimbo....they are not second class citizens anymore...

You mean the custom of arranged marriages? Yeah you can't honestly tell me that that's becoming a big thing here in America. And it's not an African, Middle Eastern custom anyway. It's an old world custom universal to every culture and it's outdated. You give me this and I'll give you my daughter for marriage to your son. You could probably count the number of arranged marriages in this country on one hand anyway. *cue somebody who's going to tell me about their brother's friend's aunt who knew somebody who might of had an arranged marriages and how great it was*:eyeroll:

And you might as well tell me the sun don't rise in the East if you think women are equal to men over there. And thats where most arranged marriages are these days. In cultures where a woman doesn't have a choice anyway and for obvious reasons never get divorces and there is alot domestic violence.

Arranged marriages are outdated your parents aren't going to be spending the rest of your life with that person you are. You can't force people to love eachother as husband and wife.

[enishi]

oi .. its hard to be to tackle this without knowing the person to give a soilid/accurate thought on the matter.

i do know this much. people don't seem to know much about love these days. they got the infatuation bit down just fine, but love? hardly.

[Yojimbo]

Really this girls' just being immature about it anyway. So she rides with this guy for two hours in a car and thinks he's really "cute" and all. Then she goes home and is all like "I wanna marry him when I'm older." And her parents are like "Sure honey...thats nice." I wouldn't worry about it she's at the age where she'll have a crush on anything. She'll see somebody else in a couple months and she won't even remember the guy.

[Ingemar]

"Free" marriages are a fairly recent phenomenon. Rarely in the world of yesteryear were marriages done "simply for love." This is why "simple peasant girl falls in love with the prince and marries him" is a FAIRY TALE, and the opposite, "simple peasant girl marries simple peasant boy and has twenty children, four of whom survive" is never told--it is fairly commonplace.

I once winced at the idea of arranged marriages, but given that people all over the world have been doing them for centuries, I figured, "If it ain't broke, why fix it?" Now, I wouldn't mind if my parents arranged my marriage. (They won't, btw).

And biblical ramifications? Remember that throughout biblical times, marriage was also arranged. A less flattering statement would be that there was a 'marriage market' out there. When Jesus/Peter/Paul/et al. command their followers to 'love their wives,' it is to give substance to what would otherwise be a mere transaction. Marriage should be a strong bond, not a political action. You would also note the emphasis placed on marriage in Genesis, when it says "a man will leave his father and mother and CLEAVE to his wife." People whine about how arranged marriages are 'loveless.' From a Biblical standpoint, this should not be the case (though in some cases it *is*. Keep in mind that whatever the Bible records, it doesn't necessarily condone). A marriage between two strangers can blossom into love, if both are willing to give it a try. Remember that the Church is married to God, and before that, we were estranged to him by sin. Remember that Hosea married a harlot, but he loved her anyway. The bible does not say "Marry someone you love." It does say "Because you are married, love one another!" Or something like that.


Whoops, I got carried away. Anyway BigZam, don't be freaked out. At fourteen, this very well may be just 'puppy love.' But who knows, I know quite a few high school sweethearts who have been married for decades.

[emersongreen]

my cousin lives in India and is a hindu...i know some stuff about what goes on there

they are not as backwards as u might think

[Nate]

The bible does not say "Marry someone you love." It does say "Because you are married, love one another!" Or something like that.

As the Rolling Stones once sang, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

[Syaoran]

Ya I can say that is freeky. I would not do a thing like that. I would tho date a thew people first then see how it would work out.

[Myoti]

btw...is the guy christian.....and if so, then why is she pregnant? ( is it even with the same guy as she married? )

He's supposedly Christian. Yes, it is with the same guy.

second of all..... he must not have a truly christian walk if that's what he does to gal's he wants to marry.......
what do her parent's think about it.....do they support what this guy is doing to thier daughter?

Strangely enough, their parents left the two alone in the house and said they could do "whatever". I don't think this is what they meant, though.

also Myoti....is she happy with what has happened to her......dropping out of school etc. at only 15.....personally...i don't think that she has much of a future to look forward to if this is what kind of guy she marries

I doubt she would be happy. The last I heard of her was form my parents. They went to Chik-fil-A and found her working there (likely, she'd be there for quite awhile).