comments please.

[ShiroiHikari]

here, have a semi-random piece of writing, because I'm bored.

if you read it, please leave a comment.

[sonichiro]

EDIT

[sonichiro]

wow, i really enjoyed this allot. im looking foward to reading the rest (that is if you post it.) it was very dipictive, full of expression and imagery. my favourite parts are: 'There was an eerie coldness in the flourescent lighting and oppressive silence, and I anxiously waited for someone to return to the front desk, somewhat comforted by the rhythm of my own foot tapping nervously against the salt-and-pepper tile' and 'He looked me over through wire-framed glasses, with dispassionate eyes that were a much lighter shade of green than my own, as if they, too, were beginning to fade with age. I almost flinched under his gaze.' those parts were exceedingly well written! ^__^ i do hope there will Be more? unless the story is already finished and thats the effect you wanted to impact upon the reader: leaving them wanting to know more?? ttyl!
-sonichiro fugiyama

[starwarsboy90]

Post more of the story, this story is great!

[ShiroiHikari]

thanks guys. it was meant to be a new introduction to my not-so-new story (I've been working on it 4 or 5 years now). I plan on working on it some more, so if I get more done I'll probably post it.

[Kaori]

This is a very interesting start; there is a clear sense of the narrator's uneasiness, and the tone is subtly sinister. I like how the opening sentence clues the reader in to the fact that there is something awry; it gives a clear defining focus, which is a definite strength. It left me intrigued--a good quality for an introduction to have. Also, the mechanics of the writing are fairly strong: there do not seem to be any errors, which is somewhat unusual for stories posted on the internet (in my experience), and there are some nice descriptive phrases, particularly those that sonichiro has already quoted.

[ShiroiHikari]

thanks Kaori :]

oi, I really need to get back to work on this.