The Quality and Quantity of Friendship...

[suteki-san]

I'm sure we've been down that road before when we started yearning to be one of the popular kids at school. We notice that they seem much happier having so many people that know them. But is one any "happier" knowing that he\she has so many friends, as opposed to having very few friends that you can actually trust?

The thing is, I have a seperate "school life" and "home life". I have "acquaintances" at school that I talk to and have conversations regularly. I only see them during the school hours and when school is over, I don't see them again until the day after. Rarely have I had the chance to actually do something with them outside of school.

When I graduate in a few months, I will simply say my goodbyes, reminesce on the good times, and move on.

Outside of school though, there are my "friends" that I are the people that have stood by me for a very long time and they are the ones I put my trust on. There are so very few of them that I know of, but the time spent with them has been a lot more meaningful then the ones I knew for only 3-4 years in HS. Alongside God and my family, they hold a very special place in my life.

Does anyone relate to this or have some sort of connection with this?

[shooraijin]

I've always divided up people that way. I have a great deal of acquaintances, but few I would call friends. Actually, as I sit down here, I can count them without even using all my fingers (not counting my family, of course).

That's why I think the term 'friend' should not be used flippantly, much like the word 'love.' To me, friendship implies something more concrete and well-fashioned than the casual daily interchanges we have with people in our environment. Being on good terms does not necessarily mean friendship.

[Ssjjvash]

I agree, Shooraijin.

I have a nice quantity of acquaintances, but I have less than five real friends and those are my family members or people in the church.

[Angel37]

Totally see it your way. There are the people I am friends with and then there are the people I couldn't live without. I love them all though and would do anything for each and every one. And I totally agree that it's not how many you have, but if any are worth having.
<3 Angel

[Mr. SmartyPants]

i agree with the statements shooey said. Yes at school i have "friends" you could say who have the same interests as me, etc. But i have only a number of true friends that will stick by me forever

[shooraijin]

Why would you call them friends at all, though? The fact you get along with them doesn't mean, per se, that they're your friends.

That's why I've always used the term acquaintances for those sorts of people. It's nothing pejorative, but they aren't in the same category.

[Debitt]

Because friends is shorter.

There are people I get along with, but I could see them leave and not be crushed. Then there are people I know and love dearly whom I couldn't bear to be seperated with. There's a difference, but I call them all friends simply for the sake of my poor tiny brain.

[Felix]

Well....being homeschooled I'm not exposed to other kids my age as much as normal. I do have about 4 friends who are more than just "aqcuaintances" yet...they still don't have that meaningful, special type of fulfilling relationship as it should. Therefore...the poeple I DO know (A.K.A. other homeschooled kids) are my friends, yet I don't feel super close to them.

[suteki-san]

Why would you call them friends at all, though? The fact you get along with them doesn't mean, per se, that they're your friends.

That's why I've always used the term acquaintances for those sorts of people. It's nothing pejorative, but they aren't in the same category.

Peer pressure is probably one of the reasons why some must define themselves as "friends" in school, even really you don't want to hang out with them in the long-run. I myself like to be by myself most of the time, but I usually get burned out when I'm with my acquaintances as they're the ones that want to talk to me and ask me to hang out with them. It gets annoying when I simply want to be myself at school.

[Joshua Christopher]

For me...

I have two really good friends. That's it.

Online, I have a lot of good friends. There are two other guys that I consider brothers to me, who unfortunately live in other states.

I don't need a lot of friends. I'm happy with at least one good one. : )

[Fsiphskilm]

I'd rather

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Why would you call them friends at all, though? The fact you get along with them doesn't mean, per se, that they're your friends.

That's why I've always used the term acquaintances for those sorts of people. It's nothing pejorative, but they aren't in the same category.

i mean like... well they are sorta like friends. I took one to church, like 1 is an atheist, 2 are computer techies, 1 is a crazy java and internet explorer fanatic (i think he just wants to root for the underdog stuff) and the others are like... just there

yeah they're practically acquaintances ^^]Peer pressure is probably one of the reasons why some must define themselves as "friends" in school, even really you don't want to hang out with them in the long-run. I myself like to be by myself most of the time, but I usually get burned out when I'm with my acquaintances as they're the ones that want to talk to me and ask me to hang out with them. It gets annoying when I simply want to be myself at school.[/QUOTE]

OH MY GOSH! I can TOTALLY relate! I was walking to homeroom, and my atheist "hang-out" friend comes to me, im like "oh, hi chad!" and yeah

many times, i wish to be alone. And just concentrate on God

[ShiroiHikari]

most of my good friends are online-only right now. I only have one hang-out "friend" offline right now, and she's hard to be with because she isn't Christian and her presence just drains me after a while.

in high school I had a small group of "hang-out friends". I guess you could say they weren't really friends since they didn't attempt to keep in touch with me at all. one of my few real friends from that time is married and has her own life now, so we don't really talk anymore. my boyfriend is a very good friend to me though, so I guess that's something, eh?

[Jeikobu]

My only real friends are my family and several people online. I've never had luck making friends IRL outside my family for some reason, I think one being that I don't get out nearly as much as most people my age. I've been homschooled most of my life. But a couple years ago I went to a Christian school for a semester and just didn't fit in. The people there were more loud and wild than I am, and they just didn't treat me the same as they treated each other, one reason being that they had known each other for a long time. But even recenly I tried going to Youth Group a few times, but I'm just not fitting in. They don't pay much attention to me. One hard part though is that they don't give you much time at all to socialize. I'm hoping I'll have more luck when I go to college. That at least sounds promising in terms of making friends. But to answer the queston, I'd much rather just have a few very good, loyal friends than have a bunch that don't really stand by you and aren't very good in general. My siblings and I argue and bicker a fair deal because we're siblings (plus they, my sister especially, are in a teenage hormone phase where they're tougher to deal with, but anyway), but they are great friends. They both have a great heart and would always stick with me in hard times. But I guess that's why this is my favorite board, because there are so many nice people here and that are more like me: a Christian anime fan. I really want to have good friends it's just that very good, loyal friends are hard to come by. Besides, I guess being naturally more quiet and shy than alot of people can add to my problems. I can be open and talkative online because it's just online, and I can be that way with my siblings because I know them so well and have known them since they've been alive, but outside of that...

[Mr. SmartyPants]

STICK TO THE YOUTH GROUP JEIKOBU!!!!

trust me, once i joined my friend's youth group to check it out. I continued to go because of the word, and i didn't know anybody there. Well now i am like part of them, and pretty well known there!

If you want others to notice you, and make friends. VOLUNTEER at a youth group! Help them out! That's how you could make friends! I started making a lot of friends there once i joined the Drama Team.

Definately give your youth group another chance

[Jeikobu]

How long did you have to go to make friends? I went a few times and have made no progress.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

ive hung around the youthgroup for over a year now it took me a LOT of time to make friends as well. But they are excellent friends whom i know i can trust and keep accountable with.

[Jeikobu]

Well, maybe I'll give it another shot then, who knows.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

definately give it another shot

[Jeikobu]

Do you think it'll matter that I don't have much experience in making friends and I'm generally more shy and quiet than most people?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

im sure it'll be harder. But it won't be impossible. Just ask like adult leaders if you could help out on days they meet, and such. And if they have stuff (like we have a drama team) you could join something like that!

my youth group has something called "z-teams" where you split up into little groups, so you get to know certain people better! And also going on retreats is awesome! Ours we stay at a hotel. And usually those you stay in the room with, you get to know them very well. (alas, i stayed in the room with friends i first met in these z-teams of ours. Now they are awesome friends i trust)

[suteki-san]

Do you think it'll matter that I don't have much experience in making friends and I'm generally more shy and quiet than most people?

You know, I've always asked that same question myself. It's definately good to have friends in life, especially those that have deeper connection with you. But for me, I am much happier being myself and doing God's work alone. Rarely do I feel lonely because I have God in my life and that I realize that I am more "myself" when I am not surrounded by other people.

If you think you need to have friends to be happy, then you should ask the Lord to open a path for you to find them. But there are some people (most of which of them who are Introverted) who don't really mind being alone and are still happy doing things in life and having hobbies with fewer people.

[EireWolf]

Hi Jeikobu. I know it's hard to make new friends, especially in a group where a lot of the people already know each other. Probably some of them are shy, too, at least with people they don't know. (I'm that way -- it's hard for me to approach a new person and say hi, but it's easy if they make the first move.) Mr. Smarty Pants had some good suggestions. See if you can get involved somehow. Give it some time, and make an effort to reach out to people, and you're bound to make friends.

As for the original question -- I've always had a hard time making close friends. I get along with people, but I'm a little shy around strangers and I'm not quick to trust people. So I've never had very many close friends. It seems the few really close ones that I have, though, are well worth enduring the usual loneliness for. No matter how much time goes by between meetings (or phone conversations), it seems like we were never apart.

I do wish I had a few more friends like that. But I'm happy with the few I have.

[termyt]

I'm rather introverted myself. My best friends besides my brother are ones who came to me and included me in their lives. I don't tend to seek them out. I've been fortunate in that way, though. Two very good friends of mine took the time to break through the walls I construct to get to know me. I am very blessed by that because with out the effort they were willing to expend on me, I wouldn't have those friends.

Anyway, suteki-san, it seems you already know what a lot of people don't figure out until after high school. Friends are rare. Most of your classmates and probably all of the people who you will work with in the same office are just acquaintances. When you graduate or when you change jobs, those people cease being a part of your life. And that’s OK. It’d be way too hard to maintain that many true friendships.