Why can't girl's just be HONEST?????

[Kura Ookami]

A breakup is already hard. Take it from someone who had to break it off with a girl. Sometimes you dont know the reasons or simply dont want to spend ages explaining why the relationship isnt going to work. You're hurting already from the breakup itself. You just don't want to think about it. At least not for a while.

If you keep on asking why all the time girls especially might just get angry and say something they really dont mean simply because they're hurting so much, which could end up hurting you both even more. I think guys should try to understand the pain their ex is going through.

Guys, would you like a girl to go on and on and on at you asking you why you broke up with her, her aim always being to get back with you immediately after the breakup? I, for one would hate that, so give the women a little space when you've been through a breakup. They'll probably tell you why later when you're not so desperate to go back out with her again. You might not be desperate to go back out with her again, but that is how it will likely be percieved. And that's what i have learned from observation too.

Guys, are you really too stupid to work through what happened in the relationship yourselves to find the answers to the whys? Ask your friends why they think the relationship didn't work. They'll probably be able to give you some answers and they'll be able to be alot more supportive to you in your grief. You probably want support because you're hurting more than answers to the questions you're asking the answers to which can do nothing but hurt you more. A person whos hurting isnt ready to be hurt even more. There's a better time to ask the whys and such when you've both recovered from the breakup itself then you'll both be able to think more clearly.

"Why are guys so stupid?" Maybe that should be the sequel thread to this one?

[shooraijin]

I think that the perspective changes considerably when you're the one -- guy or girl -- breaking it off, however (which was not ikimasu's case).

[uc pseudonym]

This has been quite a long thread; it took me several days to accumulate enough free time to finish reading it. At this point, I don't think I have a great deal to say on this subject that has not already been said. Speaking frankly, the "battle of the sexes" is extremely high on my justified pet peeve list, but that isn't really being discussed here.

Having no intention of ever being involved with another person in this sense, I don't have anything personal to share in this thread either. The numerous examples in this thread are one reason why. However, I do have a few things to say.

If she's crying and you ask "what's wrong", if she responds with "nothing", thats Code word for "Talk to me and confort my feelings, there is something VERY wrong".

I was somewhat surprised at the response to this statement. When I read it, I vaguely nodded and didn't give it another thought, but then everyone seemed so surprised. I mean no offense to Volt or anyone else, but isn't this fact mind-numbingly obvious?

Perhaps I am sheltered in this regard. Almost all of the explanatory posts in this thread (from men and women) are things I simply take for granted. I can't say that I've learned anything from reading this thread (excepting insights into individual persons).

For the record, I'll say that this statement goes the other way too: if one of my male friends was crying and told me nothing was wrong, I wouldn't let it sit at that (then again, some individuals I know truly would mean "I don't want to talk about it; give me some space"). Speaking in generalities, however, I think the majority of guys would not be crying, even if they were just as heartbroken.

Having said that, however, I would prefer that people (regardless of gender) be more honest about what they feel (that in no way removes the need for tact). Far outside of dating situations, people are dishonest in this manner. If you want to keep something to yourself that is certainly your right, but it saddens me when those people then become angry with others because of this.

[dragonshimmer]

I think I've watched this thread long enough without saying anything.

About two and a half months ago, I ended an almost 4 year long relationship. It was one of the hardest things I've ever, ever had to do, and in the process, it damaged a few friendships. However, I know it was the right thing to do, because he is not the person meant for me.

I told him that I wanted to be friends still. I don't see it as just a "Lets be friends" speech in anyway...that seems so harsh and impersonal. I truly meant that with all my heart when I told him that. In fact, we still hang out sometimes. It's a little awkward, but we're working through this together, and it's getting better.

I will admit, however, that at the beginning, I was the one not returning calls and giving him the cold shoulder. I did it because of guilt, but some large portion of it had to do with the fact that I thought not being around me was the best thing for HIM. I did it largely FOR HIM, not because I'm mean or horrible or some nasty girl monster. I knew that it must hurt to be around me and not be able to hug me, or take my hand when I was hurt or brush the tears from my face or to fight the words "I love you" to keep them from spilling out of his mouth. I didn't do it to be rude or selfish. I thought I was helping him because I cared. Eventually, he came up and told me "Hey...you know, if you want to be friends, you've got to stop pushing me away and being, frankly, a witch. This isn't helping." And he was right.

Things like this require communication on both parts.

I also agree with what someone else here has said. Don't beat why the relationship didn't work into the ground. I didn't give him a million reasons why...just the main one. When we last spoke about the matter, I had found that through his introspection, he knew every single thing on his part that he should or shouldn't have done, and he's learned from it. He has also grown up a LOT, and I know that his next relationship will probably be a success. I have learned in MY introspection every single thing that I should or shouldn't have done, and I know that it will help me in the relationship with the one God intended for me.

Anyway, my main point is this : Not every "Let's be friends" statement is uttered in vain. It's not always some cold, unfeeling statement. Some of us DO mean it. I am friends with all of my ex boyfriends, save one. So guys, don't be so hateful towards that statement. Girls, don't say it unless you really are going to try to work on it. Guys...if she DOES say that and pushes you away, if you get a chance, ask her about it and tell her it's making you feel crappy. She may just need someone to let her know she isn't going about it the right way.

Anyway....just my $.02, and as someone else has stated...it's not always worth much.

[The Doctor]

Uh....will this thread ever end?

LOL.

Well, I thought I might share something today. Last night was a literal spiritual WAR between me and Satan, as he used his tried and true tactics of loneliness and the like. Good news is that I chose to stand my ground and trust in God...and after awhile the attack subsided. Thanks be to God.

Ok...now off to do something contructive. I've been distracted by life far too long.

[Roy Mustang]

Uh....will this thread ever end?

*To the tune of "This is the song that never ends?*


This is the thread that never ends! It keeps going on and on, my friend! Some people started posting in it, not knowing what it was and they keep doing it because. This is the thread that never ends! It keeps going on and on, my friend!


Kiyone: Wing! that is enough!

*Keeps sing the song*

Kiyone: *Takes out a really big hammer* Everyone hears a loud bam!


Back topic.

Sometimes, people don't want to be honest, because they are fear that it will hurt that person. But in the long run, being honest is better and less painful not telling them the truth.


Wingzero22

[Kisa]

Hey not all of us are like that.....

[Roy Mustang]

Hey not all of us are like that.....

Didn't meant to say that that everyone is like that. But some men and women in relationship or trying to get out of one, have done this and that is one problem with communication. There needs to be communication on both parts and be open out your feelings.

In the long run, its better that way.


Wingzero22

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="uc pseu

[White Raven]

Rofl

[zelda]

Ether she's just very, very mean or you did somthing to her that you didn't mean to do.
Try to talk to her. If she won't keep trying!
My friend wont come over to my house, and I've bin trying and trying to get it out of her, but all she gives me is lies! difern't every time! But last week she did tell me something! She say's she doesn't know why but when she's in my house she gets Uncomfortable. I think it's God talking to her! She's not a christian.

[KiLaLaGuRl]

i don't do that because if i say that i'm goin gto do something...or say that i will be your friend...then i will. i have friends that do that, and they just ignore the X and go for any free guy they can get. as long as their: hot, good looking, etc...

so yea... don't feel too down because it happens to alot of guys and i feel very sorry for them all!