Why can't girl's just be HONEST?????

[Fsiphskilm]

Plus I'm, already taken...oh yea. Meet My girlfreind

[White Raven]

Lol

[Syaoran]

I will have to get back to you soon I can't think of any thing to say right now. be back after school.

T.B.C.

[Mave]

Secret Code Language...DUH!!!

In japan if a girl says "call me sometime" it means, "I'll probly NEVER see you again".

In stereotypical generality, Men say what they mean, women say what they feel. Which is why sometimes women get upset at what men say, and men are confused about what women say. Men need to listen to what a woman MEANS, not what she says. If she's crying and you ask "what's wrong", if she responds with "nothing", thats Code word for "Talk to me and confort my feelings, there is something VERY wrong".

My, I never expected........

*nods nods*

This Volt message is approved by Mave.

[Mangafanatic]

This is really starting to.......... make me very angry. (and I'm told that's hard to do). several months ago, when my Ex-girlfriend broke up with me, she said "Let's just be friends", giving no further explanation other than that she "felt we needed to take a step back". This would have been fine, If she would have responded to my E-mails, picked up her cell phone or even had the decency to have a conversation with me. She has made it extremely apparent that she in fact, DOES NOT want to be my friend. I have talked with some friends of mine who, as it turns out, had the same thing happen to them. The three of us are very tired of girl's not giving the real reasons for things. First off, did anyone else have this happen? And can someone please tell me why there is this dishonesty. I know that not all girls are like this, but I'm really starting to think that this is a common thing umong women.

/rant off

One question: Would you have rather she said "I'm breaking up with you and I honestly hope I never see you again. Just stay away from me."

I get the feeling that if she said that, you've be asking us why all females are so mean. As other have said, she was trying NOT to hurt you. Whether she accomplished her goal or went about it properly is debatable, but please give her a little credit for trying to be kind.

Furthermore, she may be staying away from you because she's afraid that she would hurt you. She can't know how you feel right now and if you still love her. For that reason, she might be avoiding you to try and keep from hurting you again. Personally, if I broke up with someone, I'd feel pretty lousy calling them and saying "So, just thought I'd see how you were. Oh. . . you're miserable. Well that's. . . um, bad. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, I'll just crawl under a rock and die now." I realize that's not how the conversation would probably go, but it's still possible, and I imagaine she knows that. If she calls you and finds out you're wallowing in despair, she's probably going to think that's her fault. She might not want to face that possibility.

I'm really sorry this whole situation has hurt you. I know it must be tough.

[Fsiphskilm]

Volt reads everything online also XD,

[The Doctor]

Mave.

I'm sorry, I neglected to mention that part of it. I was speaking from the perspective when guys are behaving "stalkerish", and usually this happends out of the desire of "I have to make this come about, maybe I can make her like me, if I don't do such and such then I could lose her" blah blah blah blah blah. And yes, women today DO have a right to be protective, especially when they don't know the guy (all women should carry an AK-47, study the lost Tibetan art of kicking, and study the ways of MacGyver of turning anything into a weapon).

However, my message was addressed to guys who had a similar experience as myself. Basically, I grew up VERY sheltered, and with little or no instruction from my parents as to how to interact with girls. I was never taught how I should make a relationship with girls, even just friendship. Most of my beliefs regarding the female race came from Tv and movies. Yah. Even the Disney flicks like Aladdin taught me that the only relationships possible between girls and boys that aren't related is romance.

So, when a guy who has only this kind of mindset, at the age of 17 goes into the real world, oh gosh you're asking for trouble when he likes a girl.

Thankfully, God brought into my life some Godly men who saw this problem and have been helping me improve and teaching me the Jedi arts of "cross gender relationships."

I know I'm not the only guy to have grown up this way and have these struggles, so I share this story to help those who have similar experiences and need to learn from me, so as NOT to make the same mistakes I have in life. But if they have, then to encourage them and let them know that they are not alone, and that by the grace of God, they can move on and be changed.

I'm certainly not a master of all of this yet. And I will still struggle with certain issues. Even most recently did I behave inappropriately. Thankfully though, God isn't concerned with perfection. He's concerned with direction, am I heading in the right direction? I'm trying to. And my apologies to all the girls that I've acted so poorly to.

Please review my previous posts in this thread regarding trust in God, etc.

[Mave]

Whoops....I just messed up majorly. I'm SO sorry, Doctor!! I was really referring to Pascal's response, not yours. >_<;;;;;; I got both your responses mixed up. Lesson learnt: Never post in a serious topic on CAA at 4 a.m.

What you've shared so far makes sense and I can understand your position. Thanks for your patience and humility in handling this topic...(and hopefully with my mistake). XD;;;

[Dante]

If she doesn't return your calls, then STOP calling and give both of you the chance to cool down a bit. Keep going and that's what gets a girl nervous. Start following her, and that gets scary. Follow her on a regular basis and not go away, then congratulations, you're a stalker.

Kokoro Daisaku, was this message for me, (it was reffering to my message) I don't have nor have I ever had a girlfreind, I'm physics major, it's almost as difficult to get a girlfreind in this major as it is for Catholic priests. not that I could afford to have one anyways (broke).

l4+3r
Pascal

[true_noir_chloe]

I'm really impressed by everything the Doctor has said on this thread. He seems to have some very good teachers and mentors helping him out. ^____^

You know just real quick, I know when I stopped thinking of a future mate and just settled in my mind that I would serve the Lord single, I moved to Texas for ministry and within the week I met my future husband. After talking to many other fellow Christians, it's funny but their stories are similar in this:

God wants us. He wants our whole hearts. He wants to know that we want Him more than anything else. In this way, then you are truly blessed with the real desires of your heart. There is a scripture for this, but I'm not going to look it up right now. ^__^ Keep the focus where it belongs and your life will run a whole lot smoother. And, I don't mean there will be no difficulties, I just mean for you (how you walk through life, and perceive things) this real run smoother.

[Jman]

Seeing as how I have yet to have gods grave shine on me in this area, I can safley say with seeing my friends that most girls are never honest with why the want to breakup.....I guess its just their nature *Quickly runs from all those CAA Girls*

[Debitt]

Kokoro Daisaku, was this message for me, (it was reffering to my message) I don't have nor have I ever had a girlfreind, I'm physics major, it's almost as difficult to get a girlfreind in this major as it is for Catholic priests. not that I could afford to have one anyways (broke).

l4+3r
Pascal

It wasn't a message to you in specific, I was just responding generally to your remark.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Volt reads everything online also XD, i enjoy sneeking into Girly forums and listening to people's problems. If you see a Voltina anywhere, it's probly me .

.....

what on earth.... you're not supposed to do that! Respect their privacy

[Jasdero]

In stereotypical generality, Men say what they mean, women say what they feel. Which is why sometimes women get upset at what men say, and men are confused about what women say. Men need to listen to what a woman MEANS, not what she says. If she's crying and you ask "what's wrong", if she responds with "nothing", thats Code word for "Talk to me and confort my feelings, there is something VERY wrong".

*cookie for zee genius* :3

Edit: <.<]Volt reads everything online also XD, i enjoy sneeking into Girly forums and listening to people's problems. If you see a Voltina anywhere, it's probly me .[/QUOTE]
>.> I'll keep an eye out for you...

[Fsiphskilm]

I said Girly f

[Roy Mustang]

I think I know why girls like to be mean to me.

Because I know their Secret Code Language a long time ago.


Wingzero22

[Jasdero]

I think I know why girls like to be mean to me.

not all girls do... there's just some really mean people out there....

[The Doctor]

TNC.

Yes, isn't it funny how it works out? :: I assume you read all the stories I posted about my friends and family.::

It's still a HARD lesson to learn though. Right now I found myself praying often for God to help me focus on the here and now, and to trust His plan for me. I'm on my way, and God is helping me.

I wish all had the friends I had. We call ourselves "Band of Brothers." Every Sunday we get together to study the Word and share and pray. We help each other. God has so used the men there to help me grow. I pray He uses me to do the same for others, and after seeing what's happened here, I can He is using me.

I'm honored.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

[quote="Sunako"]the reason why I usually give that answer ("nothing") is because I don't want to bug someone... just.. XD]

thats the thing. Girls think that they are bothering others. In reality when people ask "whats wrong" they're THERE to help... not just say "oh okay well can't help you there"

although qutie a number of guys do... i think

[David]

Wow!,Gender WarsII?The sequal is already out?*star wars anthem plays*First there was the "woe to the pretty ones"thread and now we bring to you the "Why can't girls just be honest?"thread. I can't wait for the next one!^^

[Bunny]

Same with Opera, they have a lot of Men vs. Woman shows, and when i was in high-school, opera came on at the same time as Pokemon re-runs... you can guess which one i watched. I also have a lot of freinds that are girls, they're more nice than the guys of course and a lot more freindly. So their instict and mentality rubbed off on me, then again growing up with my mom and being observant, that's the main thing that makes me so prone to understanding this... "Secret Code Language of the Sexes."

*highfive* I am my father's child, my brother's conscience, and like a sister to all my male friends. Being a girl raised on Star Wars and Star Trek, driving a 5-speed, kickin' chicken at video games yet owning too much clothing to fit in my closet, buying lip gloss just for the flavor, and loving flowers of nearly all kinds - I am a master of all that gets lost in the translation. Being so, I'll try to fork out some advice without slaying every shred of mystery surrounding the female species. I mean, how fun would that be?

Most of the problems I observe/experience run along the lines of communication. The best advice I know to give a guy is to listen.

Ladies aren't always literal. In fact, I think it would be safe to say they rarely are. For the most part, they'd much rather have you figure things out than to explain everything. Stinks for you.

Another thing I've seen cause some considerable damage is that men seem to like to fix things. It's not bad...until you have a girl that just wants to talk. NEVER try to make things all better unless she says in very express words, "can you help me?" or, "what should I do?" Talking=therapy.

Think I have time for one more. Ladies have a process. Now you think I'm crazy because we're all emotional beasts, right? Wrong. Every one of us has a system when dealing with our issues. Now for the most part, I've known guys to be pretty quick to get over things. Two guys get in an argument, the next day they come back, slap each other a highfive, suddenly it's all good. This is because men compartmentalize. (It's possible that I killed that spelling.) Girls...just don't. They want to talk things through. They have a moment where they think things over, and then they have to talk about it. I know that just kills you. Deal with it because otherwise she will become unbearable. Whatever you have to do, do not interupt the system.

Okay, now it's on to my English work. This is all in general and based on what I have seen time and time again. If I lied, let me know. XD

[Roy Mustang]

Wow!,Gender WarsII?The sequal is already out?*star wars anthem plays*First there was the "woe to the pretty ones"thread and now we bring to you the "Why can't girls just be honest?"thread. I can't wait for the next one!^^

I think the sequal after this one will be "Idiot men, strikes back!"


Wingzero22

[Maledicte]

Wow!,Gender WarsII?The sequal is already out?*star wars anthem plays*First there was the "woe to the pretty ones"thread and now we bring to you the "Why can't girls just be honest?"thread. I can't wait for the next one!^^

that was just what I was thinking when I saw the title.

well, let me just say that even if a girl DOES tell the guy the absolute truth with or without giving the "LJBF" speech, sometimes the guy does not take it very well. Take it from me I have (had? have?) a guy friend, and have had (oooh there I go again) him as such for a long time. Later he asked if I wanted him as a boyfriend. I was inclined to have a boyfriend, any boyfriend, at the time, and seriously considered it. However as time (goes by...heh heh) went by, I realized that a) I didn't need, nor did I really want a boyfriend and b) i had never truly had romantic feelings for him in the first place. so I told him, and he seemed to take it well. but LATER, a mutual friend told me that the guy was constantly asking (not me, of course) "Why?? Why didn't she say yes? Was it something I did? Does she hate me?" etc. etc.
NO I don't hate him, and NO it was not his fault. I only "like" him in the way "like" really means--as in anime, pizza, the color black, tRIPP pants, and such. no romantic strings attached. And it's not because he did something wrong in the past...it's simply because that is how I am, I just can't be burdened by a relationship right now, I simply don't have those feelings for him.

Just wanted to present the flip side of the coin..."Why can't guys just BELIEVE what I said???????"

[Waterlillee]

When girls get hurt (either intentionally or unintentionally), they tend to try to distance themselves from the person that hurt them. Any confrontation with said person they tend to run away from (or just blantantly ignore... )

although I think it is sometimes rude of the girl to do that~
but yes...it is true >_<
I try not to do that~ I mean, even though I've never really had a bf before
but I did have this one incident where my first "guy" friend tried to play with my feelings >_<

I guess it isn't quite the same^^;;

but I'm sorry if I can't give you better advice~

I suggest you try to understand that maybe she is having a hard time
or may need personal space^^;; I read that you already gave her a lot of time^^;; and I'm sorry sometimes we, girls can be a bit self-centered (not stereotyping >_< but some girls xp)

I hope everything will be okay~

[Arbre]

I absolutely hate that phrase. Unless it's followed by an explanation of why and what that new relationship is expected to be, I really don't think it has anything positive to offer. And you have to really think if staying friends is a good thing, too, not just assume that's what's best.

Guys do the "let's just be friends" thing too. It does go both ways. Sometimes you get an explanation, and sometimes you don't.

After breaking up with he guy I'd been in a realtionship with for like a year, I was the one still waiting for the person I was still attracted to, hoping he'd change his mind and things would be ok again.
Then once I finally accepted it was over, I tried to break off all contact with him except for if there was an emergency. Why? It's painful to have all those constant reminders. Maybe that's what happened in your case, and maybe it isn't.


Even if that phrase was meant genuinely at first, it can be really, really hard trying to be friends immediately after that.


I'm sorry that the break-up you went through has been rough and hasn't really had a resolution yet.

If one person doesn't want a relationship (friendship or otherwise), there's only so much you can do. :/

[Angel37]

Unfortunately my dear Everett-kun had his heart ripped to shreds by a girl who did the same exact thing to him that was done to you. Why do girls do this? Well, speaking from a girl's POV, I believe it has nothing to do with the gender but the maturity of the individual. Some girls(and guys) see relationships as more a game than an attempted joining of two souls. I mean look what the media and storie have made out of love? It's just 'something you do', a popularity contest, a 'fun time'. Love's not serious anymore. People marry as much if not more for lust and physical attraction than for actual love. I think she just doesn't see the depth of a relationship, even a friendly one, that we are suppossed to have. She hasn't grown up yet in that area. I'm sorry this had to happen to you. And I assure you, we're not all that way! ~_^ My prayers go with you.
<3 Angel

[Cognitive Gear]

O.o

This thread becam much more than I ever intended it too.... XD

Anyways, OT...

I think the whole e-mail, phone call thing was a little confusing from the way I stated it. I only e-amiled and/or called her as much as I would anyone else. I know of the potential there is for stalkerhood (I know someone who was stalked, it can be a little scarry) thusly, I did my best to avoid that appearance.

One question: Would you have rather she said "I'm breaking up with you and I honestly hope I never see you again. Just stay away from me."

Actually, yes. This would have resulted in a cleaner break, so to speak. Instead of hurting me once by just breaking up with me, she hurt me twice. First by breaking up with me, and second by denying me as a friend. The truth is, that second part hurt me more and for longer.

Although, I may just think that because my only experience with a "clean break" came from being denied when I first asked a girl out. I know It would hurt more had the relationship had time to devolope romantically.

With all the lessons that guys are learning here, I hope that you girls are learning things too. Especially that most guys prefer you to not be so mysterious when it comes to things that are so serious.

I for one, hope to use this knoledge practically so as to have a God glorifying relationship in the future.

[agasfas]

What ever to honesty? I've been feed that "lets be friends" line a million times, then they avoid me. It would hurt a lot less if both sides were completely honest. If you don't want to see the guy anymore, just tell him. It better then beating around the bush for months, making attachments harder to break. Also, it saves time for both sides. I think that people are too scared to be honest, and that in my opinion is a sign of immaturity (on either side).

Each person in the relationship has the right to know where they stand in the friendship/relationship. They deserve at least that much.

[EireWolf]

I once broke off a relationship, and when the guy asked why, I said, "Well... Um... Because you're a jerk."

Now, I'm not proud of that; I probably could have explained my reasons better than that. He wasn't really a jerk to me; he was a jerk in general, and probably belonged in jail for various reasons.

However, I did not give him the LJBF line.

So guys... Which would you rather hear? "Let's just be friends" or "I don't want to date you anymore because you're a jerk?" (not that the latter would apply to anyone here, right?)

From the perspective of the girl who said LJBF, I'd repeat that she was probably trying to let you down easy. Most girls don't understand that this is counterproductive and hurtful. And she may have meant it at the time, but it really is awkward to "be friends" with an ex.

[Yeshua-Knight]

personally, i think i would prefer the second to the first for reasons that were posted previously to this one and also because if i was being a jerk, i'd want to know so that i could change the way i'm living and/or treating people