I could really use some advice...

[Kewl Girl]

Ummm... I hope this is in the right area to post this... I apologize profusley if it isnt!!

Okay this is gonna be a long story, but its kinda complicated, so I guess I should explain the entire thing...

Alrighty then, When I was in about fifth grade My older brother and Myself were best friends with a boy my age. but in sixth grade his parents got divorced and he moved to a diffrent state with his mom. My brother was 'to busy' to write to the boy, but I exchanged letters with him for about three year, and saw him when he came back over the summer. In tenth grade the boy stopped writing and wouldnt talk to me over the summer, he wouldnt tell me why , but I know that year he had started getting in to drugs drining, smoking, and all that stuff. It made me really sad because he wouldnt even talk to me and I thought we were best friends...

This summer the guy moved back here. (I think he was having problems with his mom) (Oh and this would be eleventh grade.) I of course, didnt know that he moved back until I saw him in town with a group of people, smoking. (Yes, you can get away with that where I live. Nearly every teen here smokes, drinks, or does something illegal) When he saw me he threw the cigarette down on the side walk, quickly stood up, and ran over and tried to talk to me. I didnt recognize him at first, but when he came closer I realized it was him, I then turned around and walked away before he could even talk to me. Then I went home and cried (Im dont know why, but i couldnt help it.... I was really confused..)

I saw him a couple times after that over the summer, but I avoided him. I didnt want to talk to him, or even see him. I was very confused..I couldnt figure out if I was mad at him, or sad because we stopped talking, or what.

Anyways Im homescholled, so thankfully I didnt have to see him every day. Then the fall play started, and he decided to join. Neither of us knew the other was going to be in it. So on the first day when he saw me, he ran over and tried to talking to me (and of course not being able to just walk away this time I had to stay where I was)... He asked what I had been up to, and how my bro. was, and what I had done over the summer and such. I answered the questions with as few words as possible, then I walked over to a diffrent group of people, that I knew he didnt like. (I know that its not 'Christian-like but I tried as hard as I could to be nice and forgive him but I couldnt.. Im sorry if I sound like a jerk, but forgivness has always been really hard for me.) I think he figured out I didnt want to talk to him but that didnt stop him... He tried talking to me every chance he got, but everytime he would come near me I would just go talk to that same group of people (whom I didnt care to much for either)..

This went on for about three weeks, after that I quit the fall play (because the play they were doing was.. well...Dracula and not only was the play itself bad but the teens were designing the wardrobe so lets just say that we were going to be wearing 'non-modest' clothing...)
Anyways I only saw him a couple times since then, but didnt talk.. Yesterday I had to talk to someone out at the school and he was with them. So while I was talking to this person he kept trying to be included in the conversation...

Uhhhh!!! I am SOOO confused!!!!!! I dont understand him .. He knows Im a Christian and that I dont like the stuff he does (I even told him so, but he still wont lave me alone!!) but he wont leave me alone!! Plus I feel like a Jerk because Im not being the slightest bit nice to him!! I have invited him to Youth Group, but he wouldnt come...

I guess the whole reason Im writing this here is because I dont have anyone I know who I can talk to about it. The 'friends' that I have worship the ground the guy walks on (cause hes currently one of the 'hottest', 'most popular boys in school'..)) and the other would say that I shouldnt talk to him because hes a 'bad kid'. Im not sure what I should do... he acts like hes truly sorry, but I know he can be down right mean to people, but hes been nothing but really nice to me....Its very confusing. Ive prayed about it and everything but I still cant figure out what to do....

THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME TO READ THIS LONG CONFUSING POST OF MINE!!! ANY ADVICE OR WHATEVER WOULD BE EVER SO MUCH APPRECIATED!!!

KEWL GIRL 16

[Mr. SmartyPants]

i suppose I can relate. In elementary and middle school I was friends with this one girl, but in like 8th grade or so she smokes/drinked/did other bad stuff. All I can say is for you to keep praying for him and keep inviting him to your youth group. And I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to him, i feel uncomfortable talking to that girl i know on aim sometimes. So keep praying for him and inviting him and just witness to him because you're a Christian.

edit: is he christian? or atleast does he consider himself christian (aka content with where he is now, obviously he can become a WHOLE lot better)

[CobaltAngel]

I know this is easier said than done... but you have to forgive him and keep on loving him unconditionally. If he knows you're a Christian, he probably deep down inside has a kind of respect for you he would never let himself show. If you keep letting Jesus shine through you, you never know what you might be doing for him. Be careful, of course, but just because he's a 'bad kid' is no reason to stop talking to him. ^^ Hope I was helpful~

Edit: Re-reading this God has really put it on my heart to pray for you. *hug* I will do so.

[Kewl Girl]

"Yippe! Mr.SmartyPants and CobaltAnge!!l" *Kewl Girl hands CobaltAngel a rolex and Mr.SmrtyPants a muffin* "Oh wait thats wrong!!!" *Kewl girl takes them back and gives Cobalt Angel the muffin and Mr.SmartyPants the Rolex* "Yipee!! FRIENDS!!"

Okay now that thats done...

Thank you... Ill keep inviting him, and such. And about forgiving him... I'm trying... but it may take some time...

[dreamhacker]

Well, I see this may be confusing. It seems like he truly wanna be friends with you again, or at least wanna have you talking to him again. What I would have done, is to tell him to stop smoking and taking drugs, and come to your Youth Group. If he ain't willing to do that, just tell him you won't start talking with him again before he has done that. Then you see how sorry he really is :\
I can't say much about how to handle such a problem, as since my "best" friends stopped talking with me, they haven't talked to me a single time again later. Friends that just starts ignoring you like that, without any reason, ain't worth the name friend.
And the other advice is to continue praying for him. That always help

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Well, I see this may be confusing. It seems like he truly wanna be friends with you again, or at least wanna have you talking to him again. What I would have done, is to tell him to stop smoking and taking drugs, and come to your Youth Group. If he ain't willing to do that, just tell him you won't start talking with him again before he has done that. Then you see how sorry he really is :\
I can't say much about how to handle such a problem, as since my "best" friends stopped talking with me, they haven't talked to me a single time again later. Friends that just starts ignoring you like that, without any reason, ain't worth the name friend.
And the other advice is to continue praying for him. That always help

youi can't guarantee he will actually stop that way... there is a chance he will though, he may bring something like "Well its my choice and if you can't accept that then fine"

but yes, it does seem like he wants to be friends with you, so let him... but also witness to him

[CobaltAngel]

Well... you don't want to make him feel like he has to go to church to be your friend. Then he won't be doing it because he's really changed, just because he wants to hang with you.

Thanks for the muffin. ^^ *hug*

[dreamhacker]

Agree with you SmartyPants, let him be friends with you again. You should forgive him. At least give it a try.

[Sakura15]

I know this is easier said than done... but you have to forgive him and keep on loving him unconditionally. If he knows you're a Christian, he probably deep down inside has a kind of respect for you he would never let himself show. If you keep letting Jesus shine through you, you never know what you might be doing for him. Be careful, of course, but just because he's a 'bad kid' is no reason to stop talking to him. ^^ Hope I was helpful~

I agree. Just because he does those things dosnt mean you cant be his friend. Keep loving him, and forgiving him, it may be hard. But remember what Jesus did for us. ( i try to do that whenever i dont want to forgive someone)

Well... you don't want to make him feel like he has to go to church to be your friend. Then he won't be doing it because he's really changed, just because he wants to hang with you.

Exactly, he wont be going for the right reasons.

[Kewl Girl]

Well... you don't want to make him feel like he has to go to church to be your friend. Then he won't be doing it because he's really changed, just because he wants to hang with you.

..Well he doesnt do or say bad things around me (he even tries his best not to swear, and if he does he apologizes and all) hes always really nice, but Ive invited him to Youth Group and He just say 'I dont know' and then never comes.... and as fot the 'issues' he has Ive told him that I dont approve, and he know that i dont, but he has made no effort to stop.. It seems like he wants to be friends, but not enough to quit doing those things.

Agree with you SmartyPants, let him be friends with you again. You should forgive him. At least give it a try.

I think I agree too. I feel like a Jerk for ignoring him .... It seem really mean .

Keep loving him, and forgiving him, it may be hard. But remember what Jesus did for us. ( i try to do that whenever i dont want to forgive someone)

Yeah Ive tried that, and I think Ive partially forgiven him (if that makes sense) but I feel I havent entirley because Im still mad at him. I want to forgive though so I guess Ill just keep trying... Ill get there eventually!

Uhh.... I hope this isnt sounding like Im wallowing in sel-pity or anything... (I know I personally hate it when people do that... ) I understand that my problems arent half as bad as some peoples and all that stuff..

[kryptech]

Yeah, it is always hard when you've been close to someone and then they drift away and change so much...

From what you said it looks like you still mean quite a bit to him. Even though you don't have as much in common with him now since he's changed for the worse over the years you've been apart, you still share a lot of good memories. You can be a witness and a good example to him by being willing to still talk with him. He knows where you stand on things and in time maybe he will be ready to accept your invitation to attend your Youth Group or church. There is a saying "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." By showing that you do care enough to listen, he may be more open to your positive influence to change his direction in life. Of course, if he starts having a negative effect on you and starts leading you in the wrong way, then spending time with him wouldn't be wise.

But yeah, it is easy to say and not so easy to do. I pray that God will grant you wisdom to know how to handle this, and strength to do it. And that He'll soften this guy's heart too.

[Mangafanatic]

Oh, you have no idea how much I can associate iwth your feelings. My cousin, whom I love too much to convey with words, recently decided that the best way to live is to make himself as happy as he can. That includes, smoking, drinking, possibly drugs, and girls.

When I see him, I silumtaneously wanna hug him and rip his hair out. He made those choices, and they really hurt me. Sometimes he doesn't talk to any of his cousins (which is a big deal since we're sucha close knit little unit) for weeks or months. Then he'll call us and lie about what he's doing. It's heart breaking.

So I understand how made you must be.

But this guy obviously cares about you and about what you think. You have a great opportunity to witness to him.

Honestly, he might be search for stability. You may be alink to a more innocent part of his past, and it might just be he's reaching desperately out to those times again. Whether he realizes it or not. To forgive him is necessary. Show him who Jesus is by the way you live, and, when you think he really trusts you, maybe you could invite him to church.

[Fsiphskilm]

[b]OH M

[ShiroiHikari]

yes, I agree with Volt here. don't be cold toward him. be loving. but also keep your wits and faith about you...keep close to God. it's easier for non-believers to drag the Christians down than it is for the Christians to lift the non-believers up. be strong and don't let his bad choices influence you, but still be a friend to him. that will more than likely speak volumes to his heart. especially if he already cares about you, which he apparently does to some extent, considering his persistence.

you've got a great opportunity to be a witness here...don't pass it up.

[Angel37]

I agree with Volt as well. Hate the sin, not the sinner. You are probably placed in his life for a reason and that could be to guide him to Christ through both actions and words. But most of all, if you want him to know Christ, you must behave like Christ would, even if he doesn't stop doing what he does that is sinful. Christ loves him, you should too. I know it's hard but that's why there's prayer! I'll pray God gives you strength and wisdom and you pray that God opens your heart to love and guide your friend. You'd be surprised what praying can do if you have faith! God bless you, hun, and I do honestly pray this gets better.
Love and peace,
Angel

[termyt]

You will likely never get to totally forgiving him until you get to know him a little better. He obviously wants to be with you, perhaps to try and find something he's lost since he moved away.

I don't think you can give him what he's lost, but you can help him find the way. And, if you are willing to accept him as he is, it seems like you will be the only "good" friend/influence he has.

I encourage to speak with him again. Jesus accepts us the way we are and loves us, but He does not stop there. He is not willing to allow us to remain that way.

This boy already knows that certain behavior is not acceptable to you or he would not clean up his act around you. If you are willing to make this step, and you seem to be since you are obviously looking for encouragement from us to do just that, to accept him as he is, then set ground rules. When you are together, he is to behave in a certain way. Tell him you disapprove of his smoking, etc, and wish he would stop, but don't make that a condition of your friendship. Just make it a rule for when you are hanging out together.

But be wary. You may not be the only one with an ulterior motive. He may want something from you as well. Be careful of his motivations for seeking you out, they may not be all that honorable. I wouldn’t go into the friendship assuming that he is not honorable, but it is something that needs to be considered.

Good luck.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I agree with Volt as well. Hate the sin, not the sinner. You are probably placed in his life for a reason and that could be to guide him to Christ through both actions and words.

OH DEFINATELY! This did NOT happen by accident, there is a reason for this to have happened! Take that opportunity, because if you do, you're friend WILL be saved.

[Kewl Girl]

Sorry Ive been gone so long!! I had to get some things done.....Wow! alot of people have posted so this may be a bit long..

OH MY GOD!!!

How about we refrain form using the Lords name in Vain... OKay?

[YOU MUST BECOME HIS FREIND!!!]

Wow. It seems like thats what everyone is suggesting....

Don't you get it? YOU are his only hope, you're his hero/inspiration/salvation(u know what i mean)/good role-model.

uuummm....okay...Thats kinda creepy..... I really dont think that Im quite that important to him. I mean the guy does have other friends.

His soul craves to be moral, he wants to go back to the way things were, you are a good influence on him and you have to befreind him. He wants it, deep down inside. If you do, there's a good chance he'll quit doing all those things.

Now Im kinda confused....I dont understand... If he is that desperate to have things back to the way they were, why doesnt he quit doing the bad things he does, instead of making them worse. and why did he even start in the first place...

I agree with Volt as well. Hate the sin, not the sinner.

Oh!... Dont get me wrong I dont hate him I just dont understand what Im supposed to do...He said he didnt want to be friends anymore, but now he is trying to talk to me every chance he gets... Im afraid I dont understand why my friendship is that important to him (or even if it is )...He has other friends so I dont understand why it should matter if I am or not.

.........Its all sooo confusing!!

But this guy obviously cares about you and about what you think.

I think that he honestly does too, but I dont know if its because my opinion matters to people at school (I think I kinda became popular recently, because I had a welll... 'Incident' that became known all over school, but thats a whole diffrent story), or if it really means something to him personally.

OH DEFINATELY! This did NOT happen by accident, there is a reason for this to have happened!

I agree on that... I just dont understand what that reason is. Maybe with time though....

[Kisa]

Hmm I know where you are coming from... I have had some friends like that at one time and it is hard.... My advice is to be nice to him. I know it sounds hard and bad, but being nice is the best thing. He seems to want to be your friend still and if your nice and stay close to him one day you may be able to lead him to Christ. If your nice he will see that just becuase your a Christian doesn't mean you hate him. You may hate what he does but not him. You can get closer too and he will see you are a better friend than those he smokes and drinks with.
I hope this helps! I'll pray for you! ^^

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="Kewl

[Kewl Girl]

Thanks for the help everyone (and the prayers) I feel a lot better now, and I think I will try talking to him.....

How about we learn what "using the lord's name in vain" means...

Vain =
-In an irreverent or disrespectful manner
-Excessively proud of one's appearance or accomplishments]in angry or hatred like state[/b]

When a person says "Oh My God!" after they won the lottery, it just means they're surprized and excited.

Saying "God Da** It!!!" IS Using the lord's name in vain.
Saying "Oh My F***ing God" IS Using the lord's name in vain.
Saying "I swear to God" IS Using the lord's name in vain.

But most people don't even know what Swearing to God really means, it's just an expression to them. To swear to God means to say "Hey God, F*** You"


Wow. We just dont seem to be able to agree on anything do we.

But when people say "OH MY GOD" when they're in trouble, or excited, or surprized. They are celebrating with the lord / calling his name in time of need.

I understand what you are saying but I am kind of sick of Christians and Non-Chirstians alike who us Gods name when they arent talking to him or about him. When someone (even non-Christians) wins the lottery they say 'Oh My God!' because they are surprised and/or excited, not because they are praising, or thanking him, but because that is what people are supposed to say. And then there are those ditzy girls (no offense) who sit there exchanging, 'oh my god no way'

If you are prasing or thanking, or talking about God then I apologize, but it seemed like you werent..

Also you said you dont like it when people dont say what they mean,and that they shouldnt sugar-coat thing ..so Ill stop being polite and try this your way...
I really appreciate all the advice ( you trully have been very helpful)... However I dont appreciate you using language that offends me just because you can... Not to mention the snide comment about me not knowing what vain means, was rude and I really dont appreciate it. All I asked was if you could please not use that phrase in here, to me that doesnt seem like a big deal. I personally think that you believe it is okay for yourself to be blunt and rude, but you get angry when someone act the same as you and you begin to either insult them or you are upset with them....., but hey thats just my opinion...
Im not mad at you personally or anything, maybe I just read what you posted wrong. If I did I once again apologize...

I hope that you dont stop posting here just because I didnt agree with you though, I still really appreciate the advice and it reall does help.

(uh, if you would like to continue this conversation Youll have to PM me. I dont want to get on a debate on this thread....)

(and to everyone else I apologize. This is really off subject..)

Anyway--------------------------------
When he threw down the cigarete when he saw you, that's a sign that he knows what he's doing is wrong. He just needs a good role model.

Yeah.. maybe.. He does have another friend that is a Christian. (shes kinda new though) So wouldnt he already have a 'good role model'... I mean shes talked to him but he doesnt listen to her at all.... I dont really understand how talking to me about it, would be any diffrent..

Oh! I dont know if I mentioned this before but I think he does belive in the existence of God, but not that He really loves us... If that makes sense... Hes had a really tough life so I think hes developed a 'If God loves me why does he let bad things happen to me' perspective on things...

[Fsiphskilm]

I understand,

[Joshua Christopher]

I understand, but it's just a figure of speech, it's nothing bad. If hearing the phrase "oh my god" offends you, well you can't really do anything about it, a lot of people post that here. It's nothing bad. You shouldn't be offended by something that is harmless.


That's like telling CAA members not to say the Word "pickles" becuase it scares me. Actually, OMG is rather frequently used, It's kind of like me telling everyone on CAA not to use the word "The" becuase I find it blasphemous and offensive. I think they'd probly tell me to shut up and find another board, ROFL. It's silly, it's just a phrase, you shouldn't be offended, "Oh my god" is as bad as saying "Dang it" or "Sun of a gun".

Can't say I agree with you there.

What's any different from screaming "JESUS CHRIST!" when you hit your thumb with a hammer?

Other than the spelling.

[Kewl Girl]

I understand, but it's just a figure of speech, it's nothing bad. If hearing the phrase "oh my god" offends you, well you can't really do anything about it, a lot of people post that here. It's nothing bad. You shouldn't be offended by something that is harmless.


That's like telling CAA members not to say the Word "pickles" becuase it scares me. Actually, OMG is rather frequently used, It's kind of like me telling everyone on CAA not to use the word "The" becuase I find it blasphemous and offensive. I think they'd probly tell me to shut up and find another board, ROFL. It's silly, it's just a phrase, you shouldn't be offended, "Oh my god" is as bad as saying "Dang it" or "Sun of a gun".

(oh well... so much for th PM...*sighs*)

I apologize ahead of time if I sound a litlle irritated, but this is kind of getting annoying..

and

A) 'its nothing bad' and Is your opinioin, not a fact.

B)If you told me that those words offend you (and they truly did) I would try as hard as I could not to use them around you.

C)Yes it does offend be to hear people using God's name in that way. Perhaps it doesnt for you, but I dont like it when people (especailly Christians) using God's name in any other way than with absoulte respect.


D) Im not telling you not to use the phrase, I just am asking that you dont use it on this thread.

Also I dont think you have very much respect fot other peoples views. Im not saying that you have to agree with me or anything . All you would have to do is just refrain from using that phrase, I dont see the big deal. I mean I ask non-Christian people all the time to not use that phrase in front of me and they dont, so I dont see why youre really complaining about it ... its not all that difficult a thing to ask..

...Also I agree with Impact Alberto.

Can't say I agree with you there.

What's any different from screaming "JESUS CHRIST!" when you hit your thumb with a hammer?

Other than the spelling.

[true_noir_chloe]

Kewl Girl 16 this is the thread you started and you have every right to speak your opinion on it. I felt a tremendous breath of fresh air after reading how you stood up for our Lord.

I'm sorry Volt, but I am so greatly offended and I know God is offended when people continually throw His Name around like common trash, "OMG this and OMG that." I am getting way off the subject of this thread to say, Volt, if you can't contain your disrespect for our Holy God here then stay out of the thread at the least.

And, when I've seen OMG on this forum I always translate it to mean, "oh my goodness or oh my gosh." I speak to God every day and know that I could not in good conscience scream out His name the way it is thrown around here or on any other thread.

I put up with it, but I can't possibly tell each and everyone of you kids to get with God and gain some respect for Him in your daily walk. I can only teach my own kids this. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone would take a second and truly think of what they mean when they scream this obscenity flagrantly, as if God didn't know His own name?:eyeroll:

Now, back on subject: Kewl Girl 16 I have to agree with Osaka and Shiroi, you are the one which has possibly been chosen to share the Gospel with this boy. You don't know why, perhaps, but always be open and definitely pray about it. God has obviously not physically closed this door yet. However, as Termyt mentioned, be wary. As it says in Matthew 10:16, "Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; therefore, be shrewd as serpents, and innocent as doves."

[Sakura15]

Kewl Girl 16 this is the thread you started and you have every right to speak your opinion on it. I felt a tremendous breath of fresh air after reading how you stood up for our Lord.

I'm sorry Volt, but I am so greatly offended and I know God is offended when people continually throw His Name around like common trash, "OMG this and OMG that." I am getting way off the subject of this thread to say, Volt, if you can't contain your disrespect for our Holy God here then stay out of the thread at the least.

And, when I've seen OMG on this forum I always translate it to mean, "oh my goodness or oh my gosh." I speak to God every day and know that I could not in good conscience scream out His name the way it is thrown around here or on any other thread.

I put up with it, but I can't possibly tell each and everyone of you kids to get with God and gain some respect for Him in your daily walk. I can only teach my own kids this. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone would take a second and truly think of what they mean when they scream this obscenity flagrantly, as if God didn't know His own name?:eyeroll:

I agree I could never just throw His name around like that.

[termyt]

I would say I am rather annoyed by "OMG" and "gosh" as well as they are poor substitutes for the message that the person using them is trying to get across. But, I digress. I think Volt has been strongly chastised, so I would like to ask Kewl Girl 16 how things are going with this boy? That is if you’d like to say.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Don't you get it? YOU are his only hope, you're his hero/inspiration/salvation(u know what i mean)/good role-model.

His soul craves to be moral, he wants to go back to the way things were, you are a good influence on him and you have to befreind him. He wants it, deep down inside. If you do, there's a good chance he'll quit doing all those things.

what volt says there, is INCREDIBLY true... you are his only hope (or one of them atleast) and his soul craves to be moral, but his mind is deceiving him. You can help him so that God will save him.

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="true_noir_

[K. Ayato]

I personally believe this should be dealt with in PM, not where everyone can see and get clouded views on other members.